I SO Just Filled The Cup.

Morning peeps! Quick update today, as I have a pretty busy night planned and just wanted to give you guys a heads up. After some internalizing I am not gonna do the drinking rant. I had a talk with friend #6 (You are moving up with a certain someone leaving me voice mails about chicken and how much I love it. YOU KNOW IM SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT, ASSHOLE!) and I decided that I'm just being a punk ass bitch and need to be cool with myself. Like a walking afterschool special I am. So tomorrow I will try to have the Douche of The Week up by the afternoon (or early Sunday morning) and I must say, it was a LANDSLIDE. Anyway, stay tuned because the Passion of Chachi can only go down from here, baby!

So I have been tossing around some categories and I am up to 9. I want to do 20, solely so I can cover a wide range of genres (movies, music, video games, etc.) but that will be decided when the Council of Awesomeness (yes, the council has a name. You want to be a member send your resume to Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com and we will set up an interview. Again, The Passion of Chachi is an Equal Opportunity Employer except for the Irish and they know why.) We will discuss the categories and nominees over punch and pie and bring the results to you soon. I believe that this will the ass, peeps. All of the ass, not just the rump or tailbone.

So today I will see Superman Returns and the reviews are hit or miss. If people went to this to see X-Men they arent going to get it in my opinion. This movie is gonna be like Batman Begins but a little more focused on the story because Superman's villians suck it dry. Batman on the other hand has like 15 baddies they could put in that they havent even THOUGHT of using yet. You know, I think that Deathstroke the Terminator with some krytonite from Lex Lutor would have been a bad ass foe for the Boy Scout but that's just me. Slade Wilson is highly underrated seeing as he has handed every DC hero there shit to them on a platter numerous times and he only has ONE FUCKING EYE. And with a costume that gay you have to be a badass. Im just saying. Anyway, I'm gonna check that out so I will let you know how it is tomorrow.

Oh, and now for the greatest event to ever grace the silver screen. When I saw this trailer I came. HARD. I couldn't stop, it felt so good! Bweh heh, Grandma's Boy was funny. Anyway....here is the Spiderman 3 trailer:

My nipples are ROCK HARD after seeing that. Oh, and I saw the issue of Civil War where Peter Parker unmasked himself. Kind of underwhelming to say the least but still big for fanboys. Anyway, I am out. Review of Superman Returns and Douche of the Week tomorrow.

Chachi Out.

Yet Another Drunken Idea

Okay, just a quick update today. Sorry, peeps the bills gotta be paid. So after some great thought I have the next great, alcohol induced idea from your friends at The Passion of Chachi. I will give to you in August....

THE CHACHI AWARDS!!!

Yes, yet another award show. The difference? First off, the peeps choose the winners. Second off, there will be no Paris Hilton. Anywhere. She is SO not invited, I don't need syphilAIDS at my awards gala. I have a lot of the categories chosen and much like Douchebrawl I am open to suggestions from the readers. After all, this is all for the reader(s). Well, reader because let's face it only four people read this thing any-fucking-way.

That being said, stay tuned for more information on The Chachis! The next update will odds are be Saturday because I am going to see Superman Returns on Friday. I hear it kicks all 13 parts of the ass, but that must be seen. Until then, stay up peeps your leader shall return.

IT'S STILL PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!

You know, that never gets old to me.

Chachi out.

Down And Out In Denver

Morning peeps! First things first, the FREX can bite me. It left me stranded in Denver on Monday and I had to crash at some friends of mine. Big ups to them, and a super big ups to The Pavillion for the POWER HOUR! I’m cutting back on the drinking, but 2.50 drafts is tempting, even for a beer hater. Can’t beat a bargain, peeps.

So, as the regular readers know, I like Japanese (and to a lesser extent Korean. A REAL lesser extent because they are truly hit or miss with the good and the craptastic) popular music as much if not more than I like US music. Yet I get a lot of questions from some people who are close minded and all around jerkasses about what it sounds like. Well, it is hard to explain but I will try. So today is a special mid-week edition of…

Learnin’ With Master Chief Chachi!!: J-Tunes Edition!

Okay, let us start with a given. If you dig the sultry, border line slutty style of Christina Aguilera but like me think she is the best singer in her class and a kick ass performer then you will love...

Kumi Koda

I have been a fan for a while (never seeing her mind you) of Ms. Koda and then I saw the video for the FF-X2 signature song Real Emotion. By the way, FF-X2 is a very underrated game that if you love the FF series you should check out. Don’t let the ‘girlie’ look fool you, it kicks ass. Anyway, as you have seen from her live performances that I have posted on here she is a very good singer and a better dancer than most of her counterparts. You know the Chachi loves a good show. So if you love female pop with a R&B twist to it give Ms. Koda a listen, Keep in mind it’s in Japanese, but you can get past that after looking at how FINE she is.

Now for the people who want to rock we have two options that are popular. While there is Dir En Grey (who I have been kind of indifferent about) and L~Arc~En~Ciel (HYDE RULES!) they are more the icons of rock. If you are looking for something new school like Hoobastank or Incubus, I recommend

UVERworld

Anyone who reads this knows that I would punch a puppy for a chance to see these guys live just once. Even though they have several songs that are your modern rock tracks, they have a ska and punk mix tossed in there and even some not-so-shitty emo tracks for you My Chemical Romance/Fall Out Boy fans. If you are more of an Evanesence fan we have…

HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR


I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of HIGH and MIGHTY but they aren’t bad. They sound a little TOO MUCH like Evanessence but that is just me. Aside from that, Pride for the Gundam opening is worth becoming a fan by itself and makes up for a lot of average tracks they have. Now if you are more a fan of Linkin Park or the Beastie Boys we have my personal fave….

Orange Range


The good thing about Orange Range is that they are kind of all over the place. From Asterisk to Locolotion, their songs are all so far away from eachother musically that it is easy to not get bored with their style, In my opinion, anyway. Also, having a three member singing corps is something that I had never thought would work but the three different voices mixed with a very eclectic song selection make them well worth a listen. For those hip hop fans out there that dig ‘Skateboard P’ and the Neptunes you will love…

M-Flo

If you love beats, you will love M-Flo. If you want to hear good rapping…you may wanna go get some Rip Slyme or Soul’d Out because Verbal is no Jay-Z. Even still, their original work with Lisa has a great vibe (I’m listening to Come Again as I post this. I love that song!) while their whole ‘M-Flo love Everybody’ style reminds me how Ja Rule was everywhere in 2003-2004 but a lot less annoying. Check out ‘Love Bug’ with BoA and ‘Taste Your Stuff (Happy Drive)’ with Bennie K. Both are good stuff. Well, Chachi hopes you have learned from this post. Your homework. Listen to the music at the bottom of the Blog. You won’t be disappointed.

Well, aside from the World Cup it has been a slow week. Oh, except for the flooding in DC. If this isn’t a sign that Uncle Ruckus was right and God really is Ronald Reagan I don’t know what is.

New Orleans AND Washington D.C. within a calendar year hit with floods that were poorly planned for? Not a coincidence. I’m just waiting for Detroit and Oakland to get hit with hurricanes because then we will truly know it is a conspiracy.

Oh, and it has finally come to pass. The Chachi has purchased the greatest instrument since the bass guitar. Which I DON’T OWN…anymore. All I can say to you is MORE COWBELL, PEEPS! Pictures will be up soon.

Well, I am gonna head back to the grind. I will try to put something up either Thursday or Saturday. It depends on how the weekend goes. Be sure to celebrate the biggest birthday of the year this coming Tuesday. No not Santa’s, AMERICAS! Go America, it’s yo birf’day soon! Stay up, peeps.

Oh, hell yes. I have been trying to find this video for years. P-P-P-P-P-UNIT!!

Okay, now Chachi's out.

Case of The Mondays.

First off, there is someone out there that I truly need to apologize to. Sorry I missed your birthday, kiddo. I know this doesn't make up for it, but it is a start. That and Bulldog Mansion rules.

Now that I have made amends, good morning, peeps. First things first: did you hear that Kevin is leaving the Backstreet Boys?! NO KEVIN, NOOOOOO!! Which one was he? The old one? Oh yeah, the one with the goatee. No that was AJ. Man, there are no good boy bands left. Even the second rate ones like 98 Degrees and B2K have broken up, and all they did was create filler until we heard what we REALLY wanted to hear, which was 'Bye Bye Bye' because hate all you want, that song kicked ass.

Speaking of kicking ass, as you readers (all five of you) know I have a love/hate relationship with the opposite sex. I believe that I understand the thought process of women, but I don't understand WHY they have that thought process. I don't like it when men say women arent logical because that's not a completely statement. Women DO use logic, they just don't always FOLLOW it. Which is why I have noticed something really interesting: does anyone notice that the amount of derogatory (mainly) hip hop songs about women have not changed? Not only have they not changed, they are TWICE AS PATRONIZING and women love them twice as much.

I remember having this conversation in college with a female student in my Ethnic Studies class about 'Hot In Herre' and how that song was fucking stupid and if I was a woman I would be offended. Yet she defended it by saying it was just a song and she liked to dance to it. First off, I have been to the club and no dancing ever happens. Second off, it is obvious that no one listens to rap music anymore because if they did, they would realize that it just plays to stereotypes and is overall a shity song.

The thing is, most rap songs that are directed toward females are actually condesending and fucking stupid. Yet, much like Blacks and spinning rims (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, MAN! LET THOSE THINGS GO! THEY SPINNING NIGGA, WE GET IT!) no matter how pointless they still have an audience. Now I understand rappers get away with a lot of shit because to an extent they are celebrities and celebrities are better than us. Even still, there are just sometimes where you have to say 'I think I respect myself a little to much to even humor this song' just on principal. Just like that Paris Hilton song. I respect myself (and respect her so little) to listen to that song. I think women should take that route on most songs, but no woman has EVER taken my advice up front only to say that they SHOULD have taken my advice and I can't pull an 'I Told You So.' Learning from mistakes is a novel concept that is lost. Keep in mind that I just learned to do this and I am better for it. Took some slapping around but it was worth it.

Now I just want to say something: I don't have anything against women. I have some things against their actions and decisions but we all do dumb stuff. I know a lot of my rants are rather pointed and can be seen as insulting but it is just tough love. We all need it at some point and it would be better to hear it from me now then after something really bad happens. So ladies, the Chachi loves all of you, he just wants you to be safe and smart and for Christ Sake take care of yourselves. As a matter of fact, here is some Aaron Kwok for the ladies. He's hawt.

Oh, and he's 40 something. You know, I think I'm gonna rant about drinking on my next post. I think it's about time to conquer my demons (I call him Mojito-tron and he is a minty monster that must be tamed! Then enjoyed with a Cuban cigar) and give everyone a little insight to what I have learned over the last few weeks about alcohol and people. Anyway, until then I am so out. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

It's Been A Long Time....

Alright, peeps. I know it has been a while since I updated but I had a busy week. I haven't hit ya'll up with anything for about a week and for that I say 'my bad'. I will try to get more updates now on a schedule at least, perhaps 4 times a week or something like that. Can't have a following without a set schedule.

With that being said, how has everyone been? Like I said this has been a busy and awkward week, but that is just to be expected now days for me. Homer Simpson was right, alcohol is the source of and solution to all of lifes problems. Aside from the weirdness, things have been pretty good. Still have all my limbs and I'm learning that sometimes its better to let shit go. Big ups to a certain someone that laid that down to me. Actually three people but hey, I respect anonymity.

Now it is time for the Douche of the Week! Now, I really didn't want to do this. I really felt like I may have been going too far with this rant, but you know what some times shit needs to be said. I am living proof. Two words: 'obsess much?' The answer is yes, and although it took me a LONG ASS TIME to get it through my skull, I understood it was my own mind that was doing the stupid shit and I had to get over it. Here I am a better and wiser (and less drunk) person. That being said, the Douche of the Week is....

PEOPLE WHO LACK COMMON SENSE!!!

Okay, I just read about this article this morning because....well I didn't believe it when I heard about it earlier. I saw it on Save Manny so it must be true and I had to say something. Okay, I know that sexual assault is WRONG, especially on a minor (some needs to explain that to R. Kelly, but that's neither here nor there) and that there is a certain naivete to teenagers that just EXISTS because they don't know about some things. That being said, how can you sue MySpace because you are an idiot? Homer Simpson once said 'It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen'. On the internet, for the most part, there is an accepted truth that people are lying about something. There is an anonymity to your personal attributes that can be fabricated to suit a goal. This dude lied about being 18 (that's the age of High School seniors unless you are Doogie Howser or a fucking dumbass) when he was 19 to attempt to meet a girl that was 14. Now you see, this is where lying ends and common sense begins.

When a man lies to a woman in the club (which is all I see MySpace being, an internet club with no age restrictions), buys a woman a few drinks and says he's the Duke of Fucking Earl A#1 solely for the purpose of getting in her pants that woman has a decision to make. She can either:

1. Call that dude on his bullshit.

or

2. She can say 'Hey, maybe he IS the Duke of Fucking Earl A#1 and I think coming to the conclusion to fuck him is a COMPLETELY rational thought process'

If you as a female do the latter then you are a FUCKING IDIOT WITH NO COMMON SENSE and everything I have ever said on this blog about irresponsibility and women is true. If you do the previous, you rule and I love you because you aren't a complete idiot. We should go to a play or the theater sometime because you appreciate the intricacies of a great show rather than having a prowess to 'drop it like it's hot' or 'getting your eagle on' or whatever new dance moves strippers have created that club-hoppers have made there own.

Now back to the MySpace situation. this becomes a little more difficult because there are teenagers involved. You know what, I am going to level with you. I have six friends (Welcome to the friend list, Jen! I'm hoping to be up to ten by the end of the year!) and one is only a teenager. Despite that, she may be the most brilliant person I fucking know because she GETS IT. She understands where being naive about not knowing ends and where common sense begins. She is rather alert about her own personal safety and unless I am missing something, she knows the difference between having fun and putting herself in danger. The lies men tell (or boys in her case) don't effect her because she CAN TELL THEY ARE LIES and responds accordingly! Quite simply, at five to ten (and more in some cases) years younger than some women I know, she is about twice as smart and is leaps and bounds ahead of them in the common sense department. Why did I say that? Because I honestly believe that we should give more credit to kids and teenagers than we do. They don't need to be sheltered and protected as much as they need leadership. If you give your kids a concept of right and wrong and safety and danger, there is a high probability that situations like this will be avoided.

Now odds are I am wrong and she is the EXCEPTION and high schoolers really do need to be put in a bubble away from the outside world until 16 and then all of a sudden receive a culture shock. Well, that is fine but where do we place the blame? We as Americans love to have a target for our anger from Blacks to Arabs to The Dixie Chicks. It makes us feel like nothing is really our fault even when it is. That is what makes America the greatest country in the world, all the power and none of the blame...from ourselves anyway except for hippies and they aren't real people. Think about it, can we really blame MySpace? In the late 90's and early 2000's the same thing was happening on Yahoo, AOL, ICQ and other messaging and online community site of teenagers meeting with adults and unfortunately getting sexually assaulted. What was done to regulate them? Jack shit. People need to understand that there are just somethings that are gonna happen, and sadly predators on the internet is one of them. It is not like putting restrictions are going to stop older people from getting into the younger sections of the site because its like Griff always says 'If some one REALLY wants something, no matter what you do or how hard you make it they will find a way to get to it because they want it'

I am not saying to not protect kids on the internet. I AM saying that the best protection for a teenager (except for guns because I believe that we all need one. NRA, FOOL! WHAT!) is knowledge. Yes, I am a thinker. Telling your kids what to do if they feel uncomfortable with one someone is doing or saying while on the internet is the first step to preventing situations like this. Second off, I have said this a THOUSAND TIMES. Never give your address or phone number over the internet to people because you don't know them from Adam or Eve. My BILL COLLECTORS don't know my address and phone number! Let alone random people on the internet! Fuck trust, that's just stupid. In closing, you can't blame MySpace for creating a service that people abuse because its like blaming highways for drivers than cause accidents. They are an unforeseen variable that fuck up things for the rest of us. It's just easier to teach people how to be more conscious drivers so they can avoid the idiots. We should teach children to be better internet uses to avoid the perverts. See, I'm not all complaining and hate. I love the kids. JUST NOT IN THAT WAY!!

So...in sadder news Paris Hilton has a new single and video out. Great job, America. First Kevin Federline now this shit. I never thought I would pray for a new Nelly album but I think that is what I have been reduced to. IZ U IZ OR IZ U AIN'T?! No, that man SUCKS. You know who doesn't suck? Sowelu.

Man, that woman is so damn fine I cannot fucking concentrate. You know who she reminds me of? A Japanese Mandy Moore. Just so impossibly cute like a damn kitten. Except you don't want to rub her head. This video makes me wanna rub something if you get my drift. Oh, my sexual innuendo is priceless.


(O_o) Yep, That was GOOOOOOOOOD.

So I can't stand Tyler Perry. I just can't. Oh, and about meeting directly with North Korea? How about NOOOOOO. Find me one person that can look at Kim Gong Il and not laugh at that afro and I will show you someone with no concept of funny. Oh, that and he is BATSHIT CRAZY. I still say we just let Trey and Matt of South Park make fun of him until he finally loses it and threatens us and then we give him the business. Jersey Style.

Well, that's all for now. I will have something in the middle of the week (I PROMISE!!) for the peeps. Gotta keep on track. Well, stay up peeps. De arimasu!

Chachi out.

An Apple a Day, Keeps Me Away.

Early morning update today, peeps. Sorry about yesterday, I was just dead tired and a little wigged. And I woke up late this morning to boot. Eh, that's the way things go sometimes.

So yesterday I helped a friend with their iPod (who will remain nameless since I only have like six friends and aside from Zach everyone else wants to be disassociated with this blog and I respect that) and he was just befuddled by it. At first I was just giving a tutorial when I realized: iTunes SUCKS. For an experienced user its cool (although rather basic and all around worthless unless you have an iPod) but for a beginner they might as well attempt to put their thumb up a bears ass because it's just as pointless. I love how they link an iPod to a set of iTunes and PC to discourage piracy, yet in the grand scheme of things Apple has encouraged more piracy than Napster and Lars Ulrich COMBINED by creating the #1 mp3 player out there. Oh, the irony and the hypocracy.

To top it off, Z and I had the discussion about the dumbass Apple commercials. You have seen them. They make the PC look like some stuffy business machine (which is true, seeing as between 90-95% of businesses run on PC's and Windows) while the Mac is a hip, Abercrombie and Fitch reject (yeah, that motherfucker makes me want to buy a Mac. Assholes). The commercials act like PC's are crash prone, virus catching, lame boxes that have no redeeming qualities while the Mac is the greatest thing since feeding the goddamn geese.

Well, let's use a little bit of logic here. I know how most people don't believe in that but fuck them it is my blog. The Mac fits a niche market: video editing (which PC's have caught up to in the last two years but I will give them that), music (which it is a badass in) and graphic design (which PC's do if you get a workstation but the price of those gets WAAAAY up there because I have sold them and the sticker shock is warranted). Aside from that, the Mac is a rather bad investment. Why? Because if you get one, you will be the only one that has it. I love how people say 'it is so easy to use!' Well, if all the software is proprietary of course it's fucking easy to use! It's like the opposite of a Honda, which you can fix with popcorn and boogers rather than, you know, real fucking parts.

The Market. I'm gonna be honest, unless you are a total mouthbreather, you can use a PC. My PC has it's problems, but mainly because of programs that I put on and hardware that I add into it. Seeing as how the third party market is nearly 4 times (if not more, I am basing this of 2004 when I was heavy into tech) larger for the PC as it is for the Mac, compatibility problems are more common with a system that people actually fucking USE.

Crashing and Slowdown. Well, I'm not gonna defend this. It's true that PC's crash a lot. However, put it all into perspective. EVERYTHING CRASHES. It's not a PC problem with crashes (usually), it is a software problem. I used to do tech work and there are a lot of stupid people out there. If you have 18 programs running in the background plus five main programs up some bad things are gonna happen. Like I always say, it comes down to common sense. Computers don't crash for 'no reason' because there has to be a fucking cause for each effect. I learned that in the fifth grade, dammit. If you switch to a Mac because of crashing good luck because you will see that gay ass pinwheel just as often as your CPU slows down and crashes. Oh, and I am sick of Apple users talking about the 'blue screen of death'. You know how many times I have seen that screen? Twice. In 25 years, twice. So shut the fuck up,

Viruses. You know what, this has always been funny. Seeing as how a virus is a malicious (or drug induced if my college days are any indication) attack on a PC's software or code to destroy or disable its abilities, these are created by people. Why? Because people use PC's. A LOT of people. Think of it like this: North Korea is building missles that can hit the United States. Those missles can also hit Canada, right? Does anyone give a shit? No, because no one gives a shit about Canada. Same with viruses. No one gives a shit about a Mac. Maybe if the Mac had actual importance in the business (and consumer) world people would create viruses for it. It's lonely being the only kid without a cold because you don't have friends, isnt it? Now take your sorry ass to class while the PC's stay home and play Earthworm Jim all day, you fucking pussy.
What's even worse is the reaching that Apple is doing.

These commercials are almost as fucking bad as the Truth commercials (and I hate those fucking commercials so much that on June 30th I am going to smoke in every bar in Denver. WHO IS COMING WITH ME?!) In the latest ad, they hype how you can put Windows on the Mac platform. Why put Windows...on a Mac? To make it just like a PC? That is your whole pitch is that you ARE NOT LIKE A FUCKING PC!! You have just screwed up your whole campaign! Great job, Apple. And does every fucking Mac user have that gay ass goatee? The answer is yes, even the females. They are like hippies and you KNOW how I feel about fucking hippies. So in closing, Macs are cool but they are not better than PC's unless you use them for a specific purpose. And if you use a Mac because PC's are 'difficult' then you are a fucking mouth breather and we didn't need you any-damn-way. Oh, and for those asking what a mouth breather is, here is an example:

I think this spoof puts it all into perspective, doesn't it?

Well, it's about time for me to head out. I will try to be back tomorrow, seeing as yesterday I had the most visitors to the blog ever (30 people?! Hells yeah, welcome to the Passion!) and I want to keep the peeps entertained. Till then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

I Have Been Dishonored....

Sorry peeps, no real update today. Just got home and I am just flat out tired. I will try to drop something for you all tomorrow if I get home earlier, though. I also seem to have misplaced my pants. That itself isn't so bad, but you kind of want to know the whereabouts of your pants. Anyway, I'm off to bed. Stay up peeps and be patient: I will return to you soon.

Chachi out.

The Days Are Just Packed

Okay, I am aware there hasn't been an update in a few days. For that peeps, I apologize. Friday was a tad hectic (and on the awkward end of the spectrum but that is to be expected in the Life and Times of Chachi) and Saturday was an all day event. I am hoping that the updates stay rather frequent (once a day) after things get rolling. Gotta keep the peeps satisfied.

Well, first things first. Time for the Douche of the Week! Now one guy had a lock on this honor as of Friday, but luckily I didn't update it then because someone else deserved this A HELL OF A LOT MORE than him. Meanwhile, there was another idiot that I wanted to award Douche of the Week to but I figure there are multiple more times for this dipshit to win this so I passed for now. Here we are, the runners up for Douche of the Week!

#3 Ben Roethlisberger

Tragic fact that he almost died aside (did you see that pool of blood where his his head reportedly landed? Hachi-machi!), the man is a dipshit. I will always feel that if you ride a motorcycle without a helmet that you are helping the natural order of things. The fact that your ass ill likely die really helps out those of us smart enough to wear helmets or just not ride period. I remember him talking about how he is 'oh, so safe' and didn't wear a helmet because he was such a great rider. PISS OFF. Do you think his dumb ass would refuse to wear a helmet on the field? Hell no (because I think it's a rule, for one) because that is fucking stupid. Running into a linebacker is not a dangerous or deadly as being tossed off a motorcycle going 45MPH. I don't have any science to back that statement up, but it doesn't matter. Both are dangerous and both require protection. Thanks, Ben. You just made your state proud, you backward fucker. Oh, and about being saved by the grace of god: fuck him too. If he is willing to save dipshits like you and Kellen Winslow but let John Ritter die then god is an asshat.

#2 Britney Spears

Yeah, she will be on this list A-FUCKING-LOT. Aside from the fact that she has been reduced to a baby factory (albeit wealthy baby factory) to the most worthless human being in the history of the world, she seems to be lacking standard skills for a mother (which is a touchy subject for me because I try to never judge people's parenting skills because I am not one. Yet, I feel like she is one more dumb ass move from having that kid taken away) and has a husband that just doesn't fucking get how to not be a fucktard, Britney is still a fucking idiot. Now that she is 'reportedly' going to head to Namibia to birth the second 'Spawn of Stupid' (which is being debated about on the validity of the claim) I can officially say that she deserves to be up here. First off, be original. With Brad Pitt and Angelina Whorelie (yeah, a friend of mine pointed out she is a huge ass hypocrite and I have to agree with her about it) going to another country to escape the paparazzi because...well Brad was a fucking tool and Angelina is insane (Cambodian immigrants? Bitch, please! Humanitarian or not, like Carlos Mencia said there are good old American orphans than need homes you uppity bitch! We are at fucking war, TRAITOR!). Britney is (supposedly) going to Namibia because quite simply with wild animals, insane heat and lack of child labor laws until 2007 she won't look like an utter and complete dipshit as a parent. I really wanted to give her the first Douche of the Week award, even if the Namibia shit was false because she should have beat Heather Graham in Douchebrawl. I know its up to the peeps, but I really don't see Heather Graham being worse than Britney. Anyway, after a week like that, someone REALLY had to be a Douche to top that. So who is the first Douche of the Week?

#1 Jack Black

So, I went to see Nacho Libre this weekend. And...um...I wanted to punch a kitten. Dead in the face. That was the only way I could get that movie out of my mind. I should have known when I saw the movie poster:

That I was in for a shitty experience. This movie had only ONE funny scene, and it involved and ugly Latino (btw, Jared Hess must hate Mexicans because every one in this movie was borderline retarded. That was NOT COOL. That and he is a member of Church of Latter Day Saints which makes him a tard and worthy of a beatdown), a buttery corn cob and an orifice. Yeah, and the shit wasn't even that funny. You know what? Jack Black isn't really all that funny either. I mean he's funnier than Carrot Top but so is sodomy. The guy had one good movie (School of Rock had it's moments and Saving Silverman was BAD ASS, mainly because of Steve Zahn and the military dude) and riding that bitch 'till the wheels fall off. He wasn't even on the radar until this shitfest, and sadly it's the #2 movie in America. Which proves that we NEED the electoral college because Donald Duck or Spongebob Squarepants would be President right now if people really voted. In closing, Jack Black, you are the first Douche of the Week for 2006! Congratulations and I want my $9.50 back, you fucker.

Now, for pointless fun. This has nothing to do with anything. It's just funny as hell.

I can't wait for season three of Drawn Together. People who hate that show don't know funny. Especially the Ling-Ling getting surgery episode. Oh, and the lost episode when they were erasing racist cartoons? Fucking SWEET.

Okay, I never thought I would say this. I prayed for the day it would happen and now that it has I am just getting irritated with it.

ENOUGH WITH THE ATL!!

Being a native of Georgia, I was happy to see Atlanta make it big with Lil Jon, Outkast, Goodie Mobb and Ludacris all becoming stars. Now...it's just getting redundant. All the songs sound the same, which has ALWAYS been a problem and now artists are beginning to overlap. Why in the fuck is Sean Paul from the Youngbloodz in three songs?! He SUCKS IT HARD compared to other MC's from Georgia. To top it off, those three songs sound like the SAME FUCKING SONG! I mean Jeebus! All of these things need to go:

Snapping (Fucking stupid now. I was down for it in the beginning, now it just looks like spastic fits)
Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It (Yeah, liked the song hated the dance. It's not really a dance as much as its a survival technique on a capsizing vessel)
Anything Lil' Jon Has Said. EVER (It's over. It was over when Dave Chappelle PARODIED IT, assholes. The next person that says 'crunk' gets slapped across the face with a T.I. CD)
That Dumb Ass Motorcycle Dance (Not sure who invented it or why, but let it the fuck go. It may be the most asinine dance since 'Da Dip'. Well, maybe not because that dance was FUCKING SHIT)
USHER IS NOT A GENRE OF MUSIC!!! God dammit if have to tell your fool asses one more time. Sammie, Chris Brown, Mario (that guy fell off the face of the planet AGAIN) Lloyd (Him too. I liked Southside) and Ne-Yo really are the same guy. It's like Usher has created dopplegangers of himself with less talent to tide people over until they miss him and he comes to save us from their crapitude. Well I am not falling for it, Usher. I am on to your little game and IT WILL NOT WORK! I see through you like your sincerity. You are officially on THE LIST, Usher. Your evil must be stopped!
Grillz I know that they are not really an Atlanta thing, but I hate those shits. You know, people may question my 'Niggaploma' because I was raised in the suburbs and am thoroughly against ignorance (which is now about 70% of what being Black is all about) but the thought that there are people willing to put metal in their mouth on purpose for the sake of fashion shows that maybe we haven't come as far as we thought as a people. If not wanting to be weighed down with enough metal to be beaten by Homeland Security at DIA (because I am waiting for the day that some Black dude gets his shit kicked in because he has a Grill on by the crack airport security) makes me a punk then fuck it. I will be the punk without a glove up my ass and a billy club around my neck. Besides, like Stephen Colbert says: I didn't sell out to America, America bought in to the Chachi.

Man, now I am all pissed off. So, about my statement Usher not being a genre of music. Se7en seems to have figured it out. If you mix enough styles, you get one that is so convoluted that people just stop trying to create one for you. Besides, Se7en kicks ass.

You know, it's a shame that he looks like a hippie now. He's going through that Justin Timberlake 'jew-fro' thing he had going on for about 4 months. Hopefully he will grow out of it because he looks like he needs a Vietnam to thin out his ranks if you know what I mean. Get a haircut, hippie!

Well, I gotta enjoy the rest of my weekend because this next week is gonna be a bitch. Ya'll stay up and I will try to have better updates during the week for you guys.

Chachi out.

I Filled The Cup. Again.

Okay, peeps. There will be no update this evening. I am writing this because I have just purchased the greatest book in the history of man. The sight of Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Walken punching the hell out of Tom Cruise while a ninja pirate (yes, there are two on the planet) slices his skull open while roundhouse kicking a puppy would pale in comparison to the greatness of this book. That means it is good. I have just finished The Alphabet of Manliness and I must say it has changed my life. I will let YOU read it and not review it, as my words could not do Maddox’s greatness justice.

I will try to update and unveil the Douche of the Week tomorrow, but it may be on Saturday afternoon if I go with my insane ass plans. Oh, and dare I say that this is the greatest day ever. First Maddox’s book, and an hour and a half of new Bleach in the last two days? Oh yeah, this is day is gonna be BAD ASS. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

My Camera Has A Wizard.

Man, that commercial is funny as hell. Anyway, good early ass morning peeps. As most of my friends are college grads, high schoolers out on vacation or just bums I am sure that you arent even awake right now. You are the smart ones.

As you all know, Steven Colbert has been one step ahead of me for about ten months now. I began my fight to end the Bear Revolution in college but Mr. Colbert beat me to the punch of bringing it nationwide. That and people actually like/listen to him. It's hard to start a movement when you are threatening to beat people with a cactus on a stick every five minutes. Also, he has 'On Notice' while in college I had 'The List' which I want to bring back to the blog but that would just be redundant at this point. Damn you, Stephen Colbert and your quick mind. No alcohol mean me no correctly function. With that being said, I would like to give advice to the peeps. A lot of peeps have given me help over the last few weeks and I would like to return the favor to the world, minus Canada. So send your questions in a comment or in an e-mail to Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com and I will give you a little bit of advice. I was gonna do 'Ask A Pirate' post once a week, but I gotta be totally ripped to do that.

I WILL however add a new weekly post to the blog. In accordinance with Douchebrawl (because it RULED) I will have the Douche of the Week every Friday or Saturday morning (depending on whether it is party time on Friday night) so keep your eyes out.

Alright, it's rant time. Yesterday there was a spirited discussion with a few friends and I about this report. It was stated that although Hitler's douchebaggery is well documented (not according to Iran, but to the rest of the SANE WORLD it's known) that he actually did a lot to rebuild Germany and was one drunken stupor in a bunker from ruling the world. Well, I wont go THAT FAR but I will agree with one point: its not logical to place someone in a box forever for one action, though his action was a fucking DOO-ZY. Now keep in mind, Hitler ended up trying to wipe out a whole race of people and made it impossible to wear that mustache anymore (behind the porn star and the handle bar it IS the collest 'stache out there) so like I said; his track record for douchebaggery is well defined. The example of Abe Lincoln was brought up. Now I knew that Abe was considered borderline nuts and used the press to bash his enemies (like Eminem in a crappy hat. Seriously, Abe was SUCH a fashion disaster). The fact that he was challenged to a duel? Priceless. Even though he became a 'great' president after the fact, mainly due to necussity because his as was GRASS if he didnt change his ways, he was still a jerk in the previous years. Does that knock out what he did later? Not in the eyes of America. I remember Chris Rock bringing up the fact that Rudy Guiliani was still the dude that wanted to launch the homeless into space after everyone was jangling his balls after 9/11. Did the fact that he was a below par mayor (Although he really did launch the homeless into outerspace. Really cleaned up the place, know what I mean?) prior to 9/11 overshadow his leadership? No, although Harrison Ford would have done a better job. The man has been on the Millenium Falcon AND Air Force One. AND he melted Nazis! BEAT THAT, GIULIANI!

Well, times are different now. As Rob Lowe, Terrell Owens, Robert Downey Jr. and the King of R&Pee (R. Kelly for the new readers) have proven, you can be have past indescretions looked over if you...make the Ignition Remix.

Well, that's all for now. That was less a rant, more a commentary and observation. Well, I am out for now. I will try to post something tomorrow morning for you all. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Dont forget, Silly Hat Day on Friday!!

(Update: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Oh yeah, I'm gonna rant about this shit today or tomorrow morning. It is FRIED CHICKEN, people. FRIED. People are so fucking stupid. Chachi out again.)

One Of These Days, Alice...

Hey, peeps. All of you are probably sleeping as I write this, so good morning to you. Brush your damn teeth, too. Morning breath is fun for no one.

First off, good news on the bear front. It seems that there is dissension in the ranks of the polar bear, or as I all them the 'Artic Marines of the Bear Kingdom'. As good as this news may seem to be, lets not forget that the polar bears arent the ones we need to be worried about. Pandas are the real leaders of the Bear Revolution. Quasi-thumbs and the ability to talk (albeit in broken english) make them the biggest threat. Oh, and for those that keep on saying that koalas arent really bears: does it matter when they are ripping off your face? Hells the no, peeps. Remember, cute and cuddly is a disguise. A koala bear can tear your arms off without breaking a sweat.

Now, time for a recurring segement on the blog that has been gone for a while. Here is...

OVERRATED/UNDERRATED

Overrated: Wal-Mart

That's right, I went there. I am really beginning to strongly dislike the Mart. Aside from the fact that the prices are no longer that low, the corporate structure of that company is jacked. They mainly live under the credo of....FUCK THE EMPLOYEE. I have had three friends work for the Mart and say nothing but bad things about the experience. From shitty leadership to even worse co-workers I have heard it all. To top it off, by opening the high end stores in Texas they officially are on 'The List'. Why in the fuck would you buy sushi from WAL-MART?! SUSHI?! I'm sure that's exactly what the NASCAR crowd is looking for when they go to The Mart: a Dale Jr. hat, some Bud and a Dragon Roll and unagi. Yeah the fuck right. Wal-Mart can go to hell and take that freaky smiling, bouncing head with you.

Underrated: Silly Hats

Silly hats rule. Nuff' Said.

Chachi decrees this Friday (6/16/2006) as SILLY HAT DAY!!! Everyone wear your silly hat no matter where you work. Everyone needs a day to just wear a silly hat and let it all go. I think that everyone should put on a silly hat, get in a line and dance to this groovy ditty right here:

CHACHI WA SILLY HAT-O! Three days until Silly Hat Day! Let's get silly!

Well, that is it for now. I always talk about 'The List' so I think I'm gonna do a 'Threatdown' type of segment on the blog once a week. I'll think about it. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Monday Sucks.

Morning, peeps. I just noticed that yesterday was my 125th post! Hooray for...hell I dunno this thing is kind of all over the place. Just wanted to thank the readers because without you, I'm just writing to vent and entertain myself. Seeing as how things are not as crappy as they were a few weeks back, the blog can only go up from here. Although I said the same thing about hip hop after Grillz yet here we are.

So while hanging out with Zach, I had a huge case of deja vu. Just sitting there, I asked 'What ever happened to Usher? He used to be everywhere like two years ago!' He said 'You know, I had this same conversation with someone else in 2003, man.' It was odd, because I had the same coversation with Griff in 2003 AND 2001 AND 1998. If there was ever a man that makes a comeback after a hiatus, it is Usher. I mean seriously, he falls off the face of the universe and just shows up out of nowhere, captures our attention and then disappears again. Then, as soon as he hears someone say 'Remember Usher? I loved 'U Make Me Wanna' or 'Man, 'Yeah!' was tight banging!' he comes back with a hit. With this being said, I am sure Usher's new single will be out in time for the summer season. It's just fate. YEAH!!

Speaking of Usher, I said the other day that Se7en could dance Usher (and Justin Timberlake) under the table.

I stand by my statement, peeps. Now you know I love the J-pop (and to a lesser extent K-Pop because Se7en is Korean. I prefer Bulldog Mansion but thats just me) despite all its flaws (Hyori Lee I am looking right at you) the biggest being the robotic dancing (Namie Amuro, I love you but after that crapfest you put on at the MTV Japan VMA pre-show you are officially on the LIST). Yet Se7en really cut it up on the VMA's and I am say this right n ow: he should issue the challenge.When was the last time we had a TRUE dance-off? Not that Britney vs. Justin THING, I mean a You Got Served dance battle. I would pay to see a three way battle with Usher, Se7en and Justin for supremeacy. Hell, toss in Omarion for fun and it could be a fatal four way! It would be the greatest dance battle since Breakin' II: Electric Boogaloo! Thank me later, peeps. It's on, now!

I have come to a decision. I want to be a pop star. Being a rapper means getting shot at (and wearing jewelry which isn't my thing) while being a rock star means at some point having to be shot in the arm with a flaming arrow from Ted Nugent. Don't get me wrong, he rules but I like my internal organ where the fuck they are at. Like Dave Chappelle said, I don't want to be the first n***a to die via crossbow. Being a pop star allows you to dance without a care, sing songs that would get you beat up in any other walk of life and most importantly will put me one step closer to finally being able to take down the evil that is Nick Cannon. Yes, his reign of craptatorship will end soon, peeps.

Well, I am out for now. A word of warning: this video clip you are about to see...is AWESOME.

Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Time To Get Some Ed-you-mah-cation!

Morning, peeps! I missed the update yesterday, mainly because I was out all day and didn't get back until about 2ish. Even still, I came back for you. Time for another mind numbing installment of:

LEARNING WITH MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI!!!

You know, it has been an interesting two months and I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned that I am:

Mean
Rude
Immature
Egotistical
Nerdy
Possessive
Not Funny
Petty
Out of touch with my emotions
and Uncompromising

Hmm. That's interesting. You know what else I have been called? Anti-social. Moi, ANTI-SOCIAL? All of the above fall under the 'anti-social' umbrella but I really had to think about it: am I anti-social or do people just not know what the fucking word means when they toss it out?

Well, let's see. The definition of anti-social is:

1. Shunning the society of others; not sociable.
2. Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores: gangs engaging in vandalism and other antisocial behavior.
3. Antagonistic toward or disrespectful of others; rude.

Now that we know the definition, let us take a closer look. First off, shunning society. I will be the first to admit that a lot of what people do pisses me off. However, at the end of the day, to err is human. To commit the SAME errors repeatedly is fucking retarded but that's not the point of this rant. Quite simply, those that know me will tell you that I am the first to talk to someone who is being quiet for feeling shunned because I was not always the outgoing, popular guy the peeps know as Chachi today. I once was the guy that was scared to talk to girls and people in general because I thought I was uncool. Now I don't talk to women because many are batshit crazy and the rest have no idea of the stupidity that is Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong Il and that is what I like to talk about. Even still, there isn't a person that knows me that will say I shun society. Shunning of the stupid is different.

Hostile or disruptive? Now that is all about perspective. I can understand how certain people can see me as stand-offish or hostile because I believe strongly in nothing, I just have simple, logical views (except for bears, because them bastards are dangerous). If you are going to argue about religion with me, I can see your side but I couldn't (for the most part) give a fuck about it if you are trying to convince me of its truth. I make it a point to understand and acknowledge both sides of an argument (no matter how wrong the other party is or even I am) but at the end of the day, if one side is not willing to understand my point (ESPECIALLY if I am right) I will become hostile to a point because it would be like talking to a puppy about the tuck rule. Not only do they not know, they refuse to understand. I may not agree, but I will always listen and understand the stance of the other party. So why even make the fucking attempt to discuss with someone that has their own set ideas and belief sets and REFUSES to acknowledge yours no matter how correct? That can be seen as being hostile because I don't compromise on things that I am right on. That shit ain't gonna happen. Now if I am wrong I will admit it and if it is a discussion based on belief I will attempt to come to a shared agreement. I'm not going to say I'm wrong when I am right, and it seems that is what people want me to do. Fuck that, I'm hostile then.

Antagonistic and rude. Ahhhh, rude. I will come back to that fucker. As for being antagonistic, there is nothing better than a spirited debate IMHO. Not an ARGUMENT, a discussion about something with two viewpoints that are debated between two knowledgeable people is fun and insightful. I will admit that I do start debates, but not to argue. Case in point, I have been told by some women I have dated (or was attempting to) that I started arguments for no reason. Well, a discussion about politics isn't 'starting an argument' in my eyes, it's a discussion about politics. Now if SHE sees it that way, well not much I can do about that. The last thing I want to do is start an argument with a women because a good percentage (I will go with 25-35%) of them:

1. Don't know HOW to debate, they just know how to argue. (there is a difference. A debate is backed by logic and is a dynamic. An argument is just irrational bickering. I don't do well in those)
2. Don't understand what the discussion or debate is about. (Which I am guilty of. I have gotten into arguments with Zach that I am in over my head in and I will just say 'Yeah, dude we are out of my element.' Know your battles and concede when you are over your head. There is nothing wrong with not knowing about a subject in a discussion, but there is something wrong with discussing a subject while knowing nothing.)
3. Will do anything just to WIN. (Arguing via bullshit will only get you so far. If you don't know it, you don't know it. Using circular reasoning, slippery slopes and just plain WTF tactics (crying, screaming, changing the subject to an argument that isn't pertinent to the discussion) isn't debating, it's being fucking stupid. Have a stance and back it, right or wrong.

Anyway, back to my point. I like to discuss topics because I like women who are quick on their feet. Not ones that love to argue because arguing accomplishes nothing. Now back to this rude thing. You know what, I know the internet is vast and bad news travels fast. Anyone out there who has ever called me rude has usually been put in a situation where they didn't get my humor or they had to be told something that they didn't want to hear. You see, I don't have the thickest skin (I still have feelings and yes, even the Chachi has been hurt and heartbroken) but I know what the fuck my faults are and will admit them. Can I be abrasive? Depending on the situation definitely. A spaz? It's my middle name, sometimes I freak out when I can't get through to people (which is happening a WHOLE LOT lately). A tad Buddha-esqe? Well, let's just say I partake in a few festive food items...En masse. An egotist with megalomanical tendencies? I have four monikers and refer to myself in the third person, you tell me. With all that being said, I know my faults, but I know I have good points. Very FEW (I'm KICK ASS with a cowbell!), but I still have some. I believe that my honesty and humor is confused with being rude.

The thing with the blog (and it kind of worries me) is that there are a lot of jokes that are inside that I try to make sure everyone gets. A lot of times, my humor goes over (or under) peoples heads and they cannot tell if I am seriously being mean to them or not. Well, if I don't like you and am being mean to you maliciously I will fucking tell you. Although I don't like a lot of people (Tom Cruise, I am looking at you) I understand that life is short and you can't be an asshat to someone forever. I have no problems with being cordial to someone that hates me or I can't stand because it's pointless to hold a grudge unless its a REALLY bad situation. With that being said, being rude is in the ears of the listener. There have been times that I felt someone is being rude TO ME and since I don't know where their head is at I cannot fairly make that assumption. To call me rude after only a few circumstances is actually rather immature. What do I know? I know that I'm NOT rude, mean or possessive. You know what I am? I'M AN A-SS-HO-LE!

Ah, that song makes me feel good. So, peeps. What did we learn on God's Day? We learned:

1. I'm an asshole.
2. Im cool with it.
3. Dennis Leary needs a comedy special.

Your homework, peeps? See Cars. That movie kicked the ass! Larry the Cable Guy is funny to me in small doses. HE DID WHAT IN A CUP?! Suprisingly, the music was pretty good (Except Randy Newman wrote and composed the soundtrack. That man really needs to go) .

Okay, enough for my pity party. There is only one thing that can make me feel better right now. yeah, you know it. Give some of that Ms. Koda.

Hells yeah, now I feel better.

Okay, I have been bitching about the lack of kick ass musicals over the last few years until the release of The Producers (and by default RENT) last year. Well, I have a confession. I REALLY LIKE High School Musical. I have the soundtrack and I try to catch it on Disney Channel when I am home. It's not GREAT, but it's better than the MTV Hip Hopera Carmen shitfest. That and Breaking Free is actually a good song. While this musical will never top Grease or West Side Story (which has stood up through time IMHO) it is still worth a watch if like me you are desperate for a time to just randomly break out in song and dance without being ridiculed or arrested. Check it out:

Well, I got errands to run and laundry to do. I will try to drop something for tomorrow morning or night that is a LOT less bitchy. Until then, maybe I can sum up the last few weeks in a timeless song...

I couldn't have said it better. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Freedom Isn't Free, But It Sure Does ROCK!

Morning peeps! Another early update, as I am not sure when I will be getting home and I have GRANDTASTIC IDEA. As we all know, Douchebrawl 2006 was a rousing success (thanks again, peeps!) while the Darth Vader Badass Battle of Villianny was a testicle smashing failure (although that name kicks utter and complete ass, you gotta admit). I have another grand idea! I believe that it is time for a new national anthem. C'mon, as Ron Burgandy said, the 'star spangled yawner' has worn out its welcome. So what should we do, you ask? Well, I believe that since this is a blog for the peeps, the PEOPLE should choose the new national anthem!

Yes, that's right. We here at the Passion of Chachi are going to let you choose the new national anthem of the greatest country in the world, nay, the UNIVERSE in the good old U-S of FRICKIN-A. What are the options you ask? Well, I have narrowed it down to five choices that I belive capture the American spirit in song. I will also add any write-ins onto the radio poll, but until then, here are the choices:

Don't Stop Believin by Journey

Funkytown by Lipps Inc.

America, F**k Yeah! by Team America

All three kick ass, but only YOU can make the decision of the NEW National Anthem. Keep in mind the odds are it won't be OFFICIALLY recognized as the anthem, but when they sing the Star Spangled Bore-a-thon, we will belt out Journey as loud as we can! Leave a comment for another song for our national anthem and I will add it to the poll and give you a shout out for the other....seven or eight readers. Or cast your vote for one of the kick ass anthem wannabes that are already up! The poll is now up, so let freedom RAWK!!

Stay up, peeps. Chachi is OUT!

VOTE OR DIE, FOOLS!!!!

USA is Fabulous!

What is up, peeps?! It's early as hell, but I didnt give the knowledge to ya'll last night so it's the least I can do. Like I said, it's about the peeps. And they say I am anti-social.

First off, big ups to the gays! Gays can settle down (for now) and I must say, I am all for it. I got really sick of this 'marriage is between a man and a woman' bullshit. Marriage is about love, not the sex of the couple. Plain and simple. And if marriage is a religious union, get rid of all the tax breaks for being married. Debates like this are what happens when you mix religion and government. I love how we attack countries like Iraq, Iran and Syria for using religious doctorine in their working government (or China's lack thereof) but we attempt to keep people from being married due to a religious stance on what marriage means. That is hypocritical for your ASS. And I should know because I am a hypocrite myself. Quite simply, I am glad to see that Amendment not pass. Any time stupidity loses, an angel gets it's wings. Remember that, peeps.

Also in the news (almost a fucking coincidence) is that a US airstrike killed Iraq's Al-Queda head Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in a 'precision' airstrike (as if the ones that missed and killed civilians were 'fucking practice') yesterday. Well ain't that just grand. I really want to say about time but that would discount the work the US (and 4 UK troops) have done so far. You know what? I would be happy never having to see anything else about the war until Bush finds a legit link between Iraq, Al-Queda and you-know-what. You know what is eerie? In my summer class in August of 2001 my group and I decided to do a report on the Taliban (a female group memeber was all against their stand on women and I hated terrorists so it worked for all of us) and had a small section about a radical subset (how do you have a radical subset of a radical faction?) called Al-Queda and how it had carried out attacks on American sites around the world and was attempting to strike America but failed. Almost a month later...yeah. It was fucking WEIRD. It freaks me out a little when I think about it.

Sorry to get all deep on you. Anyway, I downloaded the MTV Video Music Awards Japan last night (day late and a dollar short, as usual) and here is a rundown:

Koda Kumi is fine. DAMN FINE. And she won video of the year to boot. Did I mention she looked good?
Se7en can dance Usher and Justin Timberlake under the table. Seriously. I was suprised on how well this dude did in a live setting. I gotta take back my rant on the guy because he has SKILLS. And I won't lie, I like Passion.
Ken Hirai beat out Kanye West. And that my friends is how it would be in a perfect world. Because Pop Star kicks ASS.

John Legend has a chance to be the next big R&B star. With the closest thing to an R&B superstar being Usher (O_o) I think we need to hop on the bandwagon before Marvin Gaye becomes a zombie and starts eating brains. Wait, that would rule. Oh, and Ken Hirai and John Legend on the same stage we pretty bad ass.
No UVERworld, Bennie K. or BoA. WHAT THE HELL MAN?! Three of the biggest names in Japanese pop in the last 6 months to a year and not even a clip?! Man, I wanted to see some Yuki so bad, too. Mmmm, Yuki.
Kelly Rowland is still alive? Who knew? I am willing to wager that Beyonce will have all the surviving members of Destiny's Child offed pretty soon. Mark my words. Oh, and the song she did SUCKED.

Aside from that, go ahead and check it out. No worse than the Grammys. And no one cares about those, I have three and no one remembers. Best Contemporary Folk Rap Sung Album in 1996, 1997 and 1999, fools! Hell, I don't even put them on my resume anymore.

Well, thats all for now. Depending on what I do Friday either I will update tomorrow night or Saturday. I will make the Suday post worth the while for the new Monday readers. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Oh my god! They killed Keigo!

Morning peeps! Damn, early as hell, too. Anyway, Bleach no longer is sucking the ass. Two deaths (maybe, Renji gets his shit handed to him a lot so he may not be dead) and the return of Hollow Ichigo (HELL YEAH!!) means good times ahead! Unfortunatly, next week is a filler episode so we will see how that goes down.

So I just finished the last 20 minutes of Fearless, the last Jet Li martial arts movie. It kicked the ass I must say. First off, who knew Jet Li could act? I mean the dialog was mainly in the middle section of the movie but it was still well done for a Mandarin action film. Also, Li Woo Ping officially rules all. The fight scenes are kick ass (especially the one with Nathan Jones. Anyone who watched the guy wrestle knows he couldnt find right hand if it was shoved up his ass) and while not up to par with Hero or Iron Monkey (FUCK YEAH!) it was still well choreographed. Not only that, the plot didnt take a backseat to the fighting (usually the case in these movies) and even though they cut out about 20% of the movie it didnt lose any characther development. The only bad part? No Michelle Yeoh. Too bad that was one of the scenes pulled. Yeah, Jet Li vs. Michelle Yeoh is a fight I would like to see. Actually, Ms. Yeoh vs. myself in a nice dinner situation would be nice as well. Yeah, I digs the Yeoh. Hell Yeoh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's damn funny, peeps. All being said, it was better than Seven Swords and Promise (which was actually kinda cheesy aside from the love story) but a little behind Shinobi: Heart Under Blade. I need a region free DVD player NOW.

So the world didnt end yesterday. Hell, it wasnt even that hot! Needless to say, I am disappointed about that. I really wanted a Hellmouth to open or something, Buffy style. I mean come the hell on, if on 6/6/06 nothing even SLIGHTLY demonic happens what is the hope of it ever happening? I mean come on Lucifer, get on the ball.

So now that I am getting visitors again, this blog is gonna be more about the peeps. If you look at the bottom, you will see that the streaming music is back. I have some UVERworld (including the KICK ASS Colors of the Heart which I am listening to right now) and BoA up for your listening pleasure. I am back to taking requests. Seeing as I only got one request previously (for Afro Gunso, but the code crashed and File Lodge went all Dave Chappelle and freaked out) I am hoping for more people to request more stuff now that I have both the music player and the file share working. If you have any J-Pop, J-Urban, J-Rock or just generic requests of obscure songs you may have heard me mention just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com and I will put it up ASAP. Hey, I'm for the people. Except the Irish. Just kidding, just kidding,

Well, I am out for now. I will be back tomorrow I think. If not, until then stay up. And Walk On.

Man, Orange Range rules.

Chachi out.

If the world ends today, FUCK NICK CANNON!

Morning, peeps! Well it is another awesome Tuesday for the Chachi and I must say it is better than most. Usually I am ready to threaten violence on someone but something is different today. I dunno, just not as mad as usual. Almost…copasetic if you will. Something big is gonna happen. I’m talking bear attack big, I just know it.

So I would like to comment on the Blog’s traffic as of late. I told you all a few weeks ago that my counter was jacked up after changing my background like seven times in two days and I guess the code was missing some strings and wouldn’t link to the counter. Long story short, I had no idea who was coming here. Odds are it was no one because…well this thing sucks. I mean blogs are usually lame in general and mine is no different. So I decided to put a new counter on my blog (StatCounter, fool! What!) and I was shocked to see something. Since Tuesday, I have had 104 visitors as of last night. That’s like 20 people a day! I’m bigger than…nothing but I still feel good about myself. It means people are interested in my rants, although for the most part they wont get them. Even still, it is good to have more peeps on the site. A big thanks to the regular readers (All four of you! You keep me updating, you and my crappy life anyway) and a howdy to the new readers. It’s great to have you. Pull up a chair, grab a nice cup of coffee and be utterly and completely confused and offended by the journey that is The Passion of Chachi.

Okay, back to what this blog is all about: Randomness. So long time readers know that I haven’t talked much about Bleach as of late. There is a good reason for that, it has begun to really get bad. This new Bountu arc is kind of stupid and is moving way too slow. Not slow in a good way like the Soul Society build-up, more like slow in the DBZ way where they would just stand around and grunt and scream for 17 minutes an episode and fight for 2 minutes. That is why DBZ will always be teh suck no matter what those nerds say. Bleach better pick it up fast, especially with Blood+ kicking ass and Prince of Tennis next on my watch list. Hopefully with more Soul Society coming to Earth it will pick up.

Let’s see, what else is going on in the world of Chachi? Oh, so Promiscuous may be the greatest song ever written. First off, Nelly Furtado is looking damn good and Timbaland actually didn’t use the same beat again. Combine that with a legit conversation between two consenting adults (and Justin Timberlake in the video! Can it get any better?) and it’s like a bar scene musical. And there aren’t enough musicals out there. Aside from High School Musical (which only really had two good songs and yes I watched it. It’s not BAD, either) and The Producers (HELL YEAH!) the musical scene has been rather lacking. It’s kind of a downer because singing and dancing at random is what makes America (and India) the greatest country in the world. Hell, if song and dance broke out at random like in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off the world would be a better place! Imagine Palestinians and Israelis dancing in the street to ‘A Night To Remember’ by Shalamar or ‘Rhythm of the Night’ by El Debarge. Musicals are the route to world peace, peeps.

And where in the HELL is St Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley?! I have been unable to find that album for a week, yet it came out on the 9th of May! And where is Lupe Fiasco?! Kick Push is my jam!

Geez, now that I can actually STAND hip hop again, I can't even find the CD's I want. Sad. Oh, and Common's new album is supposed to be out 8/1/2006. You know who else has a new album that day? Bennie-fricking-K! It's actually another EP (The Bennie K Show 2) but hey, anything with Yuki and Cico is enough to make me giddy like a schoolgirl. August 1st will be the greatest day in the history of the damn world! Even better than the day that Britney Spears fell on stage:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is damn funny.

Oh yeah, happy 6-6-6 Day! If I hear another person talk about today is the end of the world I will smack the shit out of them. Seriously. If Hell was really gonna run amok on Earth, it would have done so on a day alot more hellish than this. Like when Get Rich Or Die Tryin was released. The world isn't going to end today, so quit your bitching. If the world didn't end with the release of Paris Hilton's new single it's not gonna end today. If it does, I owe you readers a Pepsi. If it DOESN'T, I get anal. I'm dead serious no matter how bad it gets you will clean my room exactly how I want it.

Well, the Chachi is out for the day. I may be back this evening to comment on the end of the world. Or to say 'na-na-na-na-na-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha'. Until then, LING LING INTO BATTLE GO!

Chachi out.

Yeah, it's a filler day.

What is up, peeps? I was going to update the blog this morning, but I was...you know...working. Putting a kink in my style, man. Anyway, this Monday didn't suck so bad. Unlike most Monday's which usually are like walking into a hungry bear's den, today was okay. Things are coming up Milhouse.

Today's update is gonna be short, but I do want to comment on something real quick. As many of you know, I am not an uber-patriot. I will say it once, I will say it again: I don't hate America, I just can't stand AMERICANS. With that being said, I think we need a new Axis of Evil. Well, I am not a fan of that name because that sybolizes some threat to the world. Quite simply, Iraq wasn't a threat and had no weapons they were just first on the list. Sad that we HAD a list that didnt include China or Canada (those bastards are plotting) but that is neither here nor there. So now, brought to you by the good people of The Passion of Chachi, I give you the new threats to free thinking, oil guzzling, border defending countries everywhere. I give you the

NEW Legion of Dumb!

Leader: Kim Jong Il (North Korea)

Sidekick/Comic Relief: Hugo Chavez (Venezuela)

Whiny Dude: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran)

Also, you can toss in Ali Khamenei as the old man that always talks about the time he almost beat the good guys and how villians now a days don't respect their elders or the golden age of villainy. Hell, even have Saddam Hussein as the wacky buddy who got tossed in jail. I'm telling you, this could be a kick ass reality show. Put all these guys up in a house and have their lives taped. All they would have to do is bitch about the Evil Empire for 24 minutes. Comedic gold, especially listening to Hugo talk crazy about how the US is trying to kill him. Have a confessional with Mahmoud talking about how America doesn't call him anymore. And Kim Jong Il...just needs to stand there because he is fucking funny looking. I mean just a show looking at his face in different situations with the Benny Hill Theme playing in the background is ratings gold. The Legion of Dumb, Thursday nights only on FOX! Because they will play ANYTHING.

So The Omen...I may just go and see it. I dont know WHY, but this is the closest I am going to get to the complete opposite of Passion of Christ. Unless you count The Hebrew Hammer, which RULED ALL but just isnt the same as a movie about the spawn of Satan. So peeps, if you decide you want to see this movie, I won't be pissed at you. Even though it has Julia Stiles not in eyeshot of a black man. That's gonna be a new one for me.

Well, I am hella tired. I'm about to head out for a bit and then hit the hay. I will have an update tomorrow, hopefully better than this. After the massive updates this weekend I have earned a little filler. I won't let it happen too often. Until tomorrow, KORRIKI FOOLS! WHAT!

You know I am THIS close to saying screw it and going to Nan Desu Kan as Korikki. It would scare the kids, but it would be worth it.

Chachi out.

Oh boy! A double header!!

Alrighty, peeps. I would like to get to the second half of Chachi's Top 20 Ladies, but first I must get something off my chest. I forgot to rant about this yesterday and this morning (mainly because I was fricking tired) but meter maids can officially lick my taint. I am sick and tired of getting parking tickets at the most asinine times. The first one I got was last year when I went to Rumbay (ooohhhh, the fucking fun!) at 9:45pm and I received a ticket. AT 9:45 PM! How in the hell does that happen? It was a 25 dollar ticket at a time I had no idea they gave them! Then yesterday at lunch I got one in the middle of the afternoon (around 12:30). ON A SATURDAY. First off, why would you charge to park in a second-rate (hell, third rate) city on a weekend? Dicks. To make it even worse, I got there at about 11:45 and there was 40 minutes in the meter. I was shocked someone paid on a weekend and left it at that. That means the officer WAITED by my car until the meter ran out. Catch rapist or a terrorist, asshat. Just fucking stupid.

Anyway, back to the Top 20. We have entered the Top 10, which means that I think all these women are beautiful. Now you will notice some omissions. Here are some that are not (and will not) ever be on any list of mine:

Eva Longoria
Angelina Jolie
Charlize Theron
Jennifer Lopez (P. Diddy AND Ben Affleck? Aw, hell naw!)
Anyone else that Maxim, AskMen or FHM had in their Top 100

Why? Because being attractive and being beautiful (IMHO) are two different things. Being attractive is one thing, usually visual. Some people have an attractive personality or attitude, but being attractive is a singe trait. To me, being beautiful is a combination of several traits that make up a perfect person. Like I have stated before, I have never met any of these women so I don't know them enough to judge their character or say 'that's wife material' (except #1. I'd marry that woman HELLA QUICK). With that being said I do believe, from what I have seen from them in all points that they are great people (and not too shabby, either) and deserve my respect. And to be stack ranked like the BCS Rankings. Anyway, back to the countdown. We start at number ten with a no-brainer.

#10 Halle Berry

Now this is the biggest AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH moment in the history of the world. It doesn't matter where she is at on this little post, she is the ultimate. Even when she played a crack head in Jungle Fever, she was still beautiful. I also think her performance in Losing Isiah was a VERY underrated performance, and sure as HELL better than Monster's Ball. If was a fucking shame Halle had to show her jubblies and Denzel had to just show the hell out to get Oscars. Disturbing. Even still, she made Gothika worth watching. GOTHIKA. She was even sexy in Catwoman (which I have seen 8 minutes. The worst 8 minutes of my life), and we know how hard that would be. All in all, this is a given because I don't care what anyone says, Halle is just an all-round beauty and SEEMS to be a nice person. I mean who HASNT committed a hit and run? Oh, and she had the sense to leave Eric Benet. I will NEVER understand that brainfart. Anyway, she's awesome. Next is someone I debated for a while putting above Halle. Next we have...

# 9 Jessica Biel

You know, Jessica Biel has always been very attractive in my eyes. Even more so than some of the other actresses in her era (Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen, Kirsten Dunst, etc), but what I really dig about her is...you guessed it. Her eyes are stunning. Not as deep as Nelly Furtado but still, they are just great. Secondly, she is suprisingly funny. Not Tina Fey funny but quick on her toes. That to me is hella sexy. A woman that can ad lib or come up with a joke/comeback at the drop of a dime makes for great conversation. I have always said that you can have an intelligent conversation with a significant other, you are in some deep trouble. She seems like a good talker and I likes that. Like I said, I am a weird dude. Combine that with...well she is hot, and you have a very beautiful lady that I would like to take for a nice walk and maybe to a coffee shop. Yeah, I'm a geek. Now, time for the shocker.

#8 Jackie Guerrido

You know what. I just want you to watch this:

I will be the first to tell you: I like that boo-twah. Jackie Guerrido has a BOOOOOO-TWAAAH. I don't believe in objectifying women (although, in its purist form, isn't ranking them objectifying them? The more you know...) but C'MON! Jackie is damn fine! To top it off, she speaks SPANISH, the language of 'hell yeah'! Every evening is a good evening when Jackie is giving the weather. Man, this is getting intense. Next we have...

#6 Mandy Moore

Okay, this is where the names get either unfamiliar or receive a 'bwaaaaah?' Let me first say this. Mandy Moore has a gorgeous smile. Just goddamn perfect. It is weird because I am not a fan of the Barbie doll, 'pop tart' (not my words) look but she pulls it off. I have only heard a few of her songs (I will admit, I like Crush and I Want To Be With You from Center Stage, which didn't completely suck it hard) but I am SO a fan of her acting. If you have not seen Saved! or American Dreamz, you are missing out on to of the best comedic performances in a long time, especially Saved! which sticks it to Christians. We all know how much I love to see that. What is really cool is that she is naturally funny (you can tell when she does Mad TV, which isn't funny at ALL) and seems to be a genuinely nice person. Just so nice you want to wrap her up and give her to yourself like Master Shake did with the mail order bride. Quite simply, Mandy Moore is just wonderful. Sigh, I'm all a flutter.

Time for a commercial break!

CROSS-FIY-AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Yeah!

Well, back to our show.

#5 Vida Guerra

Okay, you knew she was coming it was just a matter of when. There is nothing to explain. NOTHING. It's Vida. I have a real issue with her being reportedly as dumb as a brick, but that has yet to be verified. If it is true, that moves her down A LOT because she already has Chalice tattoo and enhanced jubblies and those are usually no no's for me (especially having a tattoo near your hoo-hah. That is ground zero). However, in true Duece fashion, she has a boo-twah. Frr the Duece that trumps a lot of stuff. For the Chachi, that means jack shit if she is a fucking mouth-breather. Either way, she is up here and she stays for now. Besides....look at that. Just...YES. Okay, I have a LOT of explaining to do with this one.

#4 BoA

Okay, first off she is 19 years old so leave those thoughts at the door. Second off, she is the only person other than Sowelu that makes me say kawaii without wanting to beat myself a la Silas in The Da Vinci Code. the weird think is much like Sowelu, I heard her voice before I saw her and I only saw her by accident. Anime fans know of the theme for Serial Experiments Lain (which I have still yet to see after the first 12 minutes of the first episode. I gotta get on that) Duvet was recorded by a group named Boa:

That song kicks ass. Anyway, I began looking for 'Boa' on LimeWire and ended up with BoA (Kwon) songs. They sounded nothing like the group but they had a pop feel to it and that was back during my anti-rap phase so I stuck with it. Then I actually saw her and yes I thought she was beautiful. She could sing, dance and speak four languages (Korean, Japanese, English and Chinese dialects). Dude, that is a geeks DREAM right there. Then I found La La Love Song with Soul'd Out and it was fricking over. It was full fledged smittenness (not a word, I know). I am honestly indifferent with the way people think about her (Griff, I am looking at you) she is beautiful and talented. Oh, and she can WORK a skirt.

Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. She is awesome. Down to three, peeps!

#3 Bennie K (Cico & Yuki)

Aw, hells yeah! Cico and Yuki make me want to become a Mormon! Not really, but these two ladies are teh awesome. Talented, beautiful and most importantly humble. After reading the translation of the Bennie K Show DVD, they are really down to earth about being (arguably) the biggest group in Japan right now. I'm talking bigger than Funkytown, peeps. FUNKYTOWN. That's real big. Yuki has a great voice (check out the live PV's posted from YouTube and her voice is just as impeccable on stage as it is on CD and Cico's rapping (not really GREAT, but still better than the majority of female rappers out now) meshes well to create a wonderful mix. Also add in the fact that they are very attractive young ladies (Especially Yuki. My god) and you have...well my Oasis. Yuki and Cico share number 3 and they share my heart. Wow, that is fucking cheesy. Eh, who cares. That's Bennie-frickin-K.

And then, there were two. And this is gonna be a shocker. Here we go, peeps.

#2 Shakira

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Before you flip out, I love Shakira. I love her voice and her music as a whole. She is a beautiful woman and she is FRICKING COLOMBIAN. You couldn't beat that if you wanted to. Even more than that, Shakira is an artist and she is bloody great songwriter to boot. Especially Estoy Aqui, one of my favorite songs of all time. And yet, there is something else about her...I can't quite put my finger on it...

Wow, that puts a stamp on it. Well, we are down to #1. Who is it? Well, here is Chachi's Most Beautiful Lady!

#1 Kate Winslet

Okay, why does Kate Winslet top Shakira? Well, first off she made Titanic watchable. That in itself shows that she is a team player because that movie was BAAAAAAAAAA-AD. Also, she looks so...real. Kate Winslet looks like a real woman, whether made up for a movie or in paparazzi photos. Just a natural looking beauty that really radiates. Also, she has a killer voice:

Congratulations, Kate. That concludes the Top 20. I'll do more random stuff every now and again when I have time. Oh, look at the bottom of the screen. I have some UVERworld and BoA for streaming. Take a listen, they kick the ass. Today's posts were pretty long, so I may not post tomorrow. Or I may. You gotta stay tuned! Must See Chachi, peeps. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Update: Do Americans butcher Japanese songs just to piss me off? I used to love Ike Ike. Until they translated into English.

Magic night, mini skirt, pretty girl?! What the fuck, man?! How dare you butcher a Para Para classic, you asshats! Man. Some things just need to be left alone.

Oh, and Nick Cannon is endorsing Boost Mobile. I guess the prophecy was right, I do have to eliminate him. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!

Get Ready, This One Is A Doozy.

What is up, peeps? Good morning to all! Finally got over four hours of sleep in one day...I got four and A HALF! I'm a regular damn Rip Van Winkle. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I know I wasn't for a while. But things are all good and I hope the blog will show it.

First off, to my two readers in Japan: Konichiwa! To my one reader in Austrailia: Goodday, mate! To my one reader in the Netherlands...um...hey, whats up? To everyone else, thanks for visiting. This blog is for the people, and you keep me doing it. It sucked balls to be doing this and have no one reading. I was in a hella groove in late-Feb and March. Feel free to take a look, especially at the Confederate Flag, female leads in cinema and Common Sense (probably my favorite) rants. And let's not forget Douchbrawl 2006! I want to thank everyone for voting for that, btw.

So I am boycotting Sprite again. It was bad enough that they took it upon themselves to use that racist ass Thirst doll (much like the PSP squirrels, just a really fucking ignorant campaign) which made me want to go Michael Douglas in Falling Down on the whole Coca Cola Corp. Now they have these stupid ass Apex Twin/Tool creepy video feel commercials that make no sense. As a captive audience in the theater yesterday (btw, The Break Up was not AS BAD as the critics made it out to be) I stat through one of these mindrape commercials and I must say that I will NEVER buy a Sprite again. You know, I can honestly say that very rarely has a commercial ever swayed me TO buy anything, but they quite often sway me to NOT buy something. I think that is how people are; as long as your product is good and you don't do something completely asinine in a commercial to piss off the consumer, they will buy your product. Advertisers need to take note on that little gem of advice.

With that said, I think I'm gonna start the Top 20 today! What can I say, I'm a giver. Okay, for the readers that look at this instead of working (and you know who you are) I will try to keep the pictures as clean as possible. No need for a Diversity issue because people can't accept a beautiful woman. Also, a disclaimer:

This is in no way shape or form meant to degrade, objectify or belittle women. This is just a list of women that I find attractive and I am putting them up here in an order that is actually rather open. Aside from the #1, they are all winners in my book. Some of these women you may have heard of, some (well, the majority) you may not. I find them to be beautiful, talented and all around nice people. Which is why Jessica Alba ain't on here. Get caught ONE time trying to mail yourself to her and she gets all wigged out. Geez. Let's get started at #20:

#20 Aishwarya Rai

Not gonna lie, I STILL know very little about her. The only body of work I know her from is Bride and Prejudice, and Jane Austen SUCKS. That's right I said it. The movie itself was rather 'bleh' but her acting was okay. I won't lie, I had no idea what the rest of her looked like for about two years (a friend of mine in college had her face as his wallpaper and I didnt know her name) because those eyes...wow. I love eyes. Beautiful eyes can trump out the fact you keyed my car because you were totally drunk and couldnt stand up to put the key in the door. Ooohh, did I say that out loud? Anyway, she is a very stunning woman and has maybe the more striking eyes I have ever see. Nope, someone else on here does. You gotta stay tuned! Next up, at #19 is...

#19 Tina Fey

Alright, I am sick of explaining this one. There is very little on this planet that is sexier than a socially concious and funny woman. A sense of humor, whether it be generic or topical is very appealing to me. I mean if you are a funny lady, you have my heart unless you do something like LITERALLY rip out my liver and eat it. Even still, if you make a good joke out of it it could still work. I think that Tina is very funny and has a presence of beauty that is different from a lot of other women in comedy. I won't lie to you, I thought she was damn fine in Mean Girls. I will stand by that and strike you down with my anger and love for her if you disagree. Next on the list is someone that you know of if you read the blog. A great singer and an all-round great lady.

#18 Sowelu

For the non-readers, Sowelu is a Japanese singer that has done many of my favorite songs (I Will and Dear Friend for starters). For starters, and the first thing I noticed was her voice. Not seeing her untill late 2004, I fell in love with that voice hella quick back when I was downloading Full Metal Alchemist (where I first heard I Will) when I finally saw the PV for it, all I could say was WOW. I will tell you something. CHECK OUT THAT SMILE.

I would fight a bear covered in honey for that woman. That smile is just so...warm and inviting. Not sexually, you assholes. Like genuinely kind and inviting. Just damn sexy. Combine that with her eyes and the fact she is like 5'2" in heels (KAWAII!! Shit, now I have to kill myself) and she is damn near perfect. I have heard (and poorly translated) interviews and she just sounds like such a sweetheart. Man, I'm getting misty eyed. Talk amoungst yourselves....here is number 17....

#17 Adriana Lima

Um....yeah. Watch this. Not safe for work at all. It will melt your computer.

Nuff Said. Next!

#16 Winona Ryder

Okay, this came out of left field. Very few people know that I have a soft spot in my heart for Winona. Ever since Edward Scissorhands and Mermaids (yes, I watched Mermaids and I loved it. Fuck you if you can't adjust) I have been like 'Wooooooooooow' about the former Miss Depp. She kind of has an elf thing going, which i guess appeals to the geek in me. Also, the whole shoplifting thing was awesome. Just like women and their dumbass 'bad boy complex' I have a bad girl complex. I will be the first to admit, she needs a damn tan. Aside from that, she is beautiful in my eyes. Next is no suprise to anyone, except maybe the position.

#15 Natalie Portman

Mmmmm....Padme. I love Natalie Portman. I don't know what it is, I cannot explain it. Something about her makes me smile, just like kittens do. Yet, as you read yesterday, she is dating (supposedly) Jake Gylldenhall. And I just cannot deal with that. That cost her about 10 spots, literally. Sometimes I can be hella petty. Next!

#14 Nelly Furtado

YES. The most beautiful eyes on the PLANET (aside Cillian Murphy. Yes, CILLIAN MURPHY. Creepy eyes but my GOD if I was a chick I would SO HIT THAT) belong to this woman. I remember the day I heard I'm Like Bird and hating it. I mean really just couldn't stand it. After a while (and a certain woman playing it every FUCKING DAY FIVE TIMES A DAY) the song grew on me and I bought the album from the campus store. All I could say was WOW. Just RADIANT. Yep, I am a walking thesaurus when it comes to eye descriptions, I love them. Anyway, ever since I have been a fan of the music and a fan of her period. She has a natural (and like Jessica Alba, racially ambigous) look to her that is just awesome. And FTW, her voice is awesome. Next on the list...

#13 Scarlett Johansen

Okay, this is where the list gets weird. You see, I find Scarlett very attractive (WELL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!) but at the same time, I have heard reports that she is an utter and complete bitch, which is a BIG NO NO for me. However, I have heard reports that she is a totally kick-ass chick so I am not sure on which way to go with that one. All of that aside, you saw the Golden Globes. The girl is damn fine. The whole raspy voice thing works in her favor, too. Only bad thing about her is she is blonde (I fucking can't stand blondes, ask my why and I will tell you with a few drinks in me) and she is kind of a mouth-breather. Think Napolean Dynamite. Even still, she is hella hot and on here. Tsugi!

#12 Christina Milian

Okay, I have learned from experience that you can't hold the past against a woman. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to yourself because you could be missing out on a good thing because of your prejudices. Now, with that being said.....

NICK CANNON HIT DAT!!

I'm sorry, I know I don't like to hold the past of a woman against them. But Nick Cannon? Man, FUCK NICK CANNON! That nigga ain't even funny! *Sigh* Even still, discounting that Christina is actually a very smart young lady (she told reportedly Ja Rule and 50 Cent to fuck off so she isnt a complete nitwit) and if interviews are any indication (and anyone who has done an interview knows that they could be utter and complete bullshit) she is actually very funny and down to earth. Now that phrase is tossed around a lot. Here is how I define it: not being Paris Hilton. Get it? Got It? Good. Next!

#11 Kumi Koda

Okay, I figured she would be higher too. Anyone that reads this knows that Kumi Koda and I need to be together like PB&J. That woman is on POINT. This is probably the ONLY time (and it bugs me to say it) that I can say that even if she had NO redeeming qualities whatsoever I would still date this woman. She could sell puppies to the black market and I would still want to be with this woman. She is that damn fine. I honestly can say that no other woman on the planet has that effect on me. Hell, LOOK AT HER!

Hell, listen to her! Check out Meaning Of Peace and Love. That song rules. Anyway, we have made the Top Ten, peeps! I will be the first to admit. What you see may shock and suprise you. Keep in mind that these are MY OWN PERSONAL OPINIONS. These are women that I find special in their own way. I am going to give the peeps a break because this post has been hellishly long. So get some juice, run around outside and enjoy the day. I will be back with the rest of the Top 20 either this evening or tomorrow night. Stay tuned! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi out.