Two Snaps Up With A Twirl and a Shake!

What is up peeps! It is the beginning of the work week (BOOOOO!) and it has been a scary one so far (personal reasons) but it is looking up! Did everyone enjoy their extended weekend? Is the underage crowd enjoying summer vacation? Relish your youth, because if you think your life sucks now wait until you become an adult. Just deferred dreams and crushed hopes as far as the eye can see! I’m joking.

So Nolan and I went to the Chapel Hills Mall yesterday (because traffic to Denver was totally fucked and I was not putting up with that shit) looking at clothes when I realized something: as much as White people complain about how Blacks dress they should just keep their fool mouths shut. What is with the lack of fashion sense these days? I mean I am no fashion plate but I believe that I have some style. That being said, there are some things that just are NOT ‘teh fashion’ and I am here to call it out. So today, I give you a new segment of Passion of Chachi…

CHACHI FAB-YOU-LOUS!!

Today I will look at what is hot and what is so not in the fashion today. Let’s start off with something that has really just created a series of fashion misfits out there…

NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Technicolor Polo Shirts

Okay, I understand it is hard to sometimes pick a color that fits you. With that being said, you CANNOT just toss a bunch of colors in a shirt and call it faboo. I mean look at that shirt! It looks like H.R. Pufnstuf fucking threw up and someone made a polo out of it. Just not good fashion. I mean, you want to draw attention to yourself, not cause Pokemon-like seizures from looking at your eyesore of a shirt! Put it away! Next, some thing that is totally hot…

TOTALLY FAB-YOU-LOUS: Women in Suits

Okay, now this is a trend that has sadly not taken off. In a business or a casual setting, the black dress may be what is expected but you CLAIM to be individuals, right ladies? Well, what is more trendsetting than a woman wearing a suit to an event? Not only are they not the norm but they are totally HAWT when pulled off right! It screams ‘look at me, I’m different yet faboo’ and has the ability to be worn in any setting. Hell, if you have the attitude you could even pull off the Avril Lavigne tie thing, too! That takes a LOT of panache though. Not for everyone, like men and spring tones. Besides, aint a damn thing hotter than slacks and heels. Just….damn that’s HOT! Now for a trend that I don’t know why even got started…

NOT FAB-YOU-LOUS: Whale Tail

God…this is just nasty. I for one have never been a fan of the thong. First off because Sisqo made it popular and that nigga sucks. Except for ‘Enchantment Passing Through’ because that song is bad ass. Second off it is just poor fashion sense. Underwear are called ‘underwear’ because they are SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU WEAR! Just like sagging of the pants in the mid-90’s, your underwear is to not be seen by everyone. Ladies, if you think that is what men want you are a fucking idiot to show it because you know what else men want to see? Lo Pan in every fucking movie. You don’t see that and you know why? It would be too much of a good thing, that’s why! The simple fact is it has nothing to do with you being skanky by showing your underwear. It is just bad fashion. Underwear aren’t an accessory, they are a necessity. Show some fashion sense and keep them under wraps, ladies. Mystery is a good thing. I guess women are at least WEARING underwear so it’s a start.

I will have the Chachi Summer Faboo Fashion Preview soon (June timeframe) so stay tuned! Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up before Friday for another rant of some sort. Until then, BOUNCE WITH ME!!



DJ Ozma may have passed Dance*man as my new idol. Funky fresh dancing and afro’s? Now THAT is faboo! Stay up, peeps. Maybe some classic Chachi tomorrow. Until then stay up peeps.

Chachi Out!

Cuz I STAYS Droppin' Knowledge!

WHOO-HOO! THREE DAY WEEKEND! What is up peeps?! Pretty action packed first third of the weekend, an afternoon-special like middle and a rather relaxed ending so far. I mean, I can’t be ballin’ 24/7. That is just damn near impossible. I’m not Diddy!

So as you know, I went to see Wicked last week after TWO FUCKING YEARS of ditching the idea due to being poor or getting shitty ass tickets and all I can say is that I was NOT DISAPPOINTED! It was everything I ever dreamed of and more! Seeing as how I haven’t read the book in a few years and my iPod got wiped (because Apple sucks it dry) so my Wicked playlist got lost I was up on the story and was able to still sing along with three songs (All I can say is that I hope a certain someone wasn’t annoyed by my mouthing along to ‘Popular’) and it was a good adaptation (Zach pointed out something I totally missed but hey, reading is NOT ballin’).

So this has to be said: Glenda the Good Witch is HAWT:

I mean god damn I am not a fan of blonds but…I would so LOVE that. Keep in mind we were in box seats and I could see down her gowns (Cleavage at a 75 degree angle? It’s BOOB-TASTIC! They weren't even big either. They were oh so right...) so it was all visual glory. Give me a woman that can sing AND dance and you have my future wife. We could have our arguments in song! How bad ass would that be?! So if you are out there, Christina DeCicco I want to tell you how I feel. Because tonight, baby…I WANNA GET FREAKY WITH YOOOOOOOOOOU!!!

Hells yeah. If you get the chance, go see Wicked. It is great stuff! So now it is time for what is the third most anticipated movie on this blog (behind Spiderman 3 and Transformers) of 2007. Last years ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ was awesome if not riot inducing because of the ending and on Friday came the end of the trilogy. So I give you a Sunday Edition of…

MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!

This Weeks Movie: Pirates of the Caribeean: At World’s End!

Okay, there were good and bad about this movie….

GOOD:

The Action: My god, if you thought Spiderman 3 and 300 were action packed those movies moved like fucking ‘Contact’ compared to Pirates 3. I can honestly say that this movie is the most ACTION PACKED film ever. From the opening sequence with Chow Yung Fat (Is there a movie where he ISN’T a bad ass? My fucking god the man RULES) to the pirate ship battles (Shades of Pirates! And Skies of Arcadia, fools! If you don’t know, fucking play them because they rock) to the non-stop running the film was a mile a minute. There were a shit load of minutes (more on that later) but the dead spots were minimal unlike Spiderman 3 and the action was fast paced unlike 300.

Johnny Depp: SNOOGLES! Although he wasn’t in the movie for the first 1/5th of the running time, when he DID come in it was awesome. Won’t ruin it, but I will just say that his introduction is the exact same as a lot of my dreams. Just Depp by the ship full! He actually carried the movie because Orlando Bloom is only believable as an elf and Keira Knightley is only believable as an 11 year old boy. Them kissing must send Michael Jackson over the fucking edge (more on that later as well) because their parts were a drag. Luckily it became the Jack Sparrow Show after his arrival because Johnny Depp was as aloof as ever. This performance was better than ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ and on par with ‘Black Pearl’. Oh, and did I mention that Johnny Depp is hot? If I didn’t….he’s hot.

The Effects: $300 MILLION DOLLARS WELL SPENT! This movie is what MC Chris meant when he said ‘epic in scope’ about God of War. Everything about this movie screamed over-the-top from Calypso, to the whirlpool scene to the opening Singapore battle. Pirates was a visual masterpiece. Spiderman had crisper fights and 300 had more epic battles but Pirates was the happy medium. The swashbuckling was well choreographed and the sheer presence of Davy Jones looked like he was real rather than a mish-mash of CGI and animatronics. The movie itself visually was impressive and well worth the watch based on that alone.

HOWEVER…there is some bad news…

BAD:

The Length: Holy fucking shit. 2 hours and 47 minutes was a LONG TIME. Now I will admit that it passed rather quickly, but the time was excessive. 20 minutes could have been cut from this film because although there was a lot of action, there was a bit TOO MUCH action. Even though scenes really didn’t drag and the dead spots were comedic it doesn’t fix the fact that this movie tried to be Lord of the Rings (and that is a can of worms I don’t have time to rant about right now). The only good thing about the length being so long was that it gave more time for action and plot development. Which brings me to my next problem…

The Plot: Okay, I know Spiderman 3 had three conflicts at one time and jumped back and forth but at the end of the day it was linear in scope from beginning to end and nothing was left hanging except for the Sandman and he sucks and was a plot device so it wasn’t that big a deal. As for Pirates 3…

WHAT IN THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!

There were no less than SEVEN plot twists and SIX betrayals in this movie and that is a low ball because after a while I stopped fucking caring and just waited for Jack Sparrow to be funny again and see shit blow up. Seriously, the plot was ALL OVER THE PLACE and not in a good way. I’m not going to sit here and say it is hard to get past that but it explains the length of the movie and was a DAMN GOOD REASON TO CUT IT SHORT BY THIRTY MINUTES! First off, any dialog about Keira’s plot twists could have been removed because it was pointless and could have easily been written out if for nothing else to give Chow some more screen time. It was obvious they tried to fit as much as they could in to this movie and all of that wasn’t even needed. Even though I kept up with the plot twists, a plot twist is like ice cream. If you keep on having them, they lose their appeal. By the time the fifth one happened I no longer cared and it turned me off from the plot. May not be the same for others but I just got annoyed by the ‘What a twist!’ feel of the movie.

The Little Boy Love Story: I could have done without Will Turner and Elizabeth whatever-the-fuck-her-name-was. Keira is not a convincing heroine and as for Orlando Bloom he needs to just fucking stop trying to be Johnny Depp. Their love story is tacked on for one and for two pirates don’t fall in love, they plunder the booty! In more ways than one, if you catch my drift. The only pirate love story was ‘Pirates of Penzance’ and that is more of a loose interpretation of pirate love. If there was EVER a more unconvincing pirate than Orlando Bloom, I’d like to see one. There were other story lines (Davy Jones/Calypso, Jack Sparrow and his father) that could have taken up the 25+ minutes their shitty ass story took up. Besides, you know Jack Sparrow totally wrecked that.

Okay, long story short this movie is a true summer blockbuster. True to form, it is heavy on action and adventure but is surprisingly heavy on plot. Sometimes less is more in the plot department for movies like this but it doesn’t take away from the viewing experience. It’s long and action packed, and if you let the action override the time you would take trying to decipher the plot then you will truly enjoy yourself. If not, you will still like it but nowhere near as much. So because of all these factors, I give this movie…

8 out of 10 Stars!!
(A fun, big budget summer movie. Long like the LOTR and Harry Potter but sadly with the plot ideas of the last two Matrix movies and The Hulk. Luckily, the plot doesn’t drag the overall film near as much as they did. Check it out if you have a free 2 days or so.)

Ladies and gentlemen…I give you the downfall of two sets of people. First, teenage girls:

What in the fuck? A movie based on a toy?! Before you run your mouth about Transformers, that toy has a legend to it and is part of nostalgia for more people than whatever in the fuck Bratz are. Secondly, Transformers gave us ‘You Got The Touch’ by Rick Derringer while the Bratz have given us nothing but the Dumbening of Teenage Girls and the rise of internet speak in the real world. LAWL! OH EM GEE! EN BEE DEE! How about Dee Oh Ay?! Because you r-tards need to die. Yes, I know I said a form of ‘leet speak’ but at least it stays within the community and for the most part isn’t mass marketed. We like our basements and comic book/gamer shops. The makers of this movie obviously wanted to make ‘Mean Girls 2’ but couldn’t get Lindsay Lohan off the white horse long enough to read the fucking script. This movie sucks and if you are a female and you watch it congratulations, you are well on your way to being the next Paris Hilton. Enjoy jail and herpes. The next part of the downfall of society is ‘Lip Gloss’:

Okay, I have ranted on this before because young girls should not want any attention to their fucking mouths. Lip gloss is for…shit I don’t know is it like Chap-Stick? Then USE FUCKING CHAP-STICK! Men aren’t looking at your lips, they are either looking at your tits or like me they aren’t looking at you at all because you are wearing fucking lip gloss and YOU ARE TRYING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR LIPS AND I AINT FALLING FOR THAT SHIT! That aint my issue at this point in time.

Shucking and jiving! SHUCKING AND JIVING! God-tittyfucking-dammit-Christ-of-all-that-is-fucking-holy! Black people….just stop. I can’t stand this shit. Might as well just shackle myself and take the first fucking bus to Alabama and start picking cotton. It’s times like this where I really believe that deep down, Black people WANT to be caricatures because if you didn’t this shit wouldn’t exist. God, if Obama doesn’t win, Blacks will be back in the fields by 2009. I guarantee it. I can’t be no slave, Silky!

Well, now that I have gotten it out of my system that is all for now. If you look to the side (left on MySpace, right on Blogger) you will see the Countdown play list is updated and SHOULD be running. If not let me know because I spent all day trying to fix that shit. I will be back up at some point this week because I am sure something will piss me off. If not, I will be back on Friday for sure. Until then, stay up peeps and enjoy Monday if you have it off!

Chachi Out!

Jeweled Shoes, Flying Monkeys and Bubbles? BALLIN!

Yeah, you know it. So Wicked has come and gone and just like Undercover Brother's tryst with a white woman, it was everything I ever dreamed of. If you haven’t seen that movie, it is good stereotyping fun. Aaaaaaanyway I am sure you are wondering how it was. Well, I will tell you Sunday because I am off to see Pirates 3 at 4:15pm (leaving work early, fools!) and tomorrow…I’m thinking D&B? Anyone?

Well, it is time for another edition of….

I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY!

Here is what I learned last night…

1) I am totally…Dangeresque when I dress to the nines. Plus…cool, cool, glasses!

Yes, and I have a length of pipe in my car.
2) I got totally “fashion served” once again by my date. And once again, I really didn’t mind. Got to be humble in the face of fashion defeat.
3) Duran Duran is one of the…nay…THE greatest pop group of all time. Those who disagree are a-holes. GIRLS ON FILM!
4) Rum is good drinking. That’s all really. No deep reason or anything like that. It just gets you drunk. Combine that with honey shrimp and that is some good action!
5) The amaretto! Oh my god…THE AMARETTO! How I missed thee, baby. Did you miss me? I know you did…mmmm. Fuck yeah.
6) People should have conversation in song. Seriously. There is no reason not to. Really think about it, dance offs rather than wars. Musical numbers in the Senate. Who ISN’T waiting for the Obama/Hillary rendition of ‘Somewhere Out There’? I know I am!
7) Snow globe, fishes! WHAT! Hey, had to get something to remember the trip. Couldn’t take one of those flying monkeys home. I’m sure the cat would LOVE that shit.
8) I am a creature of habit. And my car found out the hard way. I’M SORRY, BABY! I DIDN’T KNOW! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
9) Emerald City is the next Atlanta. I guarantee, that city is blingin’! It was like a party at Diddy’s house! Little do people know, Diddy had flying monkeys in 1998. He also has a unicorn with wings that sings the songs from the movie ‘Dirty Dancing’. What can I say, Dirty Dancing was ‘Didderific’. Which brings me to my next point…
10) …jeweled shoes?

BALLIN!

Aint NOTHING more ballin’ than jeweled shoes! I am shocked and appalled that rappers haven’t thought of this! What is more ballerific than shining in your mouth, wrist, pinkie, belt AND shoes! Rappers…I am disappointed.

You know what, peeps. I am going to share something with you all. I hope you are sitting down because I came up with the most BALLIN’ IDEA EVER on Wednesday! It is going to make Zach and I GIGA-NAIRES (that word is so damn fresh!), so I hope you are ready to see me shining like Mr. Sparkle because when this blows up like Whitney’s nose you KNOW its on! Peeps….I give you:

PANDA FUR SUITS

Here is a bib; you are dribbling because that idea is so damn BALLIN’! Peeps, how fly would it be to have a suit made of PANDA FUR! Fashionable, exclusive and just straight up bad-ass! All I can say…is ‘Now That’s Ballin’. You know, if I made a song called that, it would so be a platinum hit. You know what?! I’m going to make a rap album! Hell, Deion Sanders did it:

Yeah, it’s time the Deuce put his ballerific lyrics on wax! Track listing coming soon! Don’t worry A2B fans, we haven’t broken up! Reunion tour as soon as Nick comes back! Coming to a Target parking lot near you soon!

Well, that is all for now. More up this weekend on Wicked, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and whatever in the hell I decide to do on Saturday and Sunday. Memorial Day Extravaganza post! Stay ballin’ peeps!

Chachi Out!

No Rest For The 'Wicked'. No Shit, I Woke Up At 5:45 This Morning.

What is up peeps? It is Thursday and you know what that means. Nothing. Just kidding, ya’ll! Even though it is Thursday, I am giving a gift for the holiday weekend! The Countdown a full day early!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We start with a classing j-rock band making a long awaited comeback!

20. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (New Entry)

WELL IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! If there was ever a band that needed a new video (not named Maximum The Hormone) it was Hyde and the crew! Well they are back and avant-garde with this video! It is…interesting to say the least. Despite its weirdness, it is still good stuff and great to have The Arc back on the scene!
19. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #16, two weeks at #1)
Daughtry has been hanging on to the Top 20 for a while but it looks like this may be his last week on here. Don’t worry, he has a new video for ‘Home’ and supposedly is making one for ‘What I Want’ featuring Slash so prepare to see the REAL king of American Idol back soon! He could be bigger than Kelly Clarkson when it is all said and done. And she has some backyard to tend to if you know what I mean. Good stuff!
18. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (New Entry)
DAMN YOU MANNIE FRESH! You and your bangin beats had me at hello! Once again, I go back to the abusive relationship that is T.I. and his damn hooks. I am not going to lie…I jam to this a lot. Just like ‘Top Back’ I cant get this song out of my damn head now. Here is to hoping that T.I. FINALLY kicks Fiddy out of the top spot in hip hop. Anyone but MIMS at this point. Can’t stand that dude. The King is back!
17. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #15)
K-OS has a good run, but it looks like his run may be coming to an end. Not like I have a one hip hop video rule or anything. Is K-OS related to will.i.am in any way shape or form? Just wondering.
16. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #12)
Another video on the downswing. Here is to the hope of some new stuff from these guys soon. Pretty good for Canadians. No Bryan Adams, but still.
15. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #19)
Yummy. This video moves up four big spots this week because it is THAT DAMN HOT. Yeah, I have a thing for Japanese women who can sing and dance, sue me. If you play guitar…hell yeah. You know, why cant a woman write ME a song? That isn’t about staying 100 feet away from her. That was nice of Mandy Moore to put my restraining order into song for me. That’s why I love her…and send her letters three times a day. POST OFFICE DELIVERS RAIN OR SHINE, MANDY!
14. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #7, Plunge of the Week)

UVERworld has been (arguably) the most successful act on the Countdown (Three #1 videos and another peaking at #2) since its inception and I cant really argue that. This video falls a MASSIVE seven spots which is the biggest drop in a long time. However, ‘endscape’ has really grown on my I must say and may be on here soon.
13. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #14)
Crystal Kay shakes up one more spot this week. Did I mention that Crystal Kay is HAWT? If I haven’t, she is so damn fine it hurts. I mean really. Looking at her is like watching the Trasnformers trailer over and over again in HD on a 50 inch LCD. Just thinking….OH MY GOD!!! Couldn’t…hold it in.
12. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #10, four weeks at #1)
So Mr. Legend falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since February. After a dominant run including a full month at #1 (longest reign of 2007 so far!) this year may be just as big as last year was for John. Here is for ‘Again’ being the next single and video!
11. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #13)
Wow. Fall Out Boy is taking emo to strange new places. Maybe the Top 10. Hard to believe but much like I do in a suit; they clean up pretty well when they need to.
10. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)

Hell yes! Abingdon Boys School makes a huge leap into the Top 10 this week! This song rocks way past Pluto. Not only that, I had no idea this was the side project of the lead singer of TM Revolution! I need to read up a little more. Man, that explains a whole hell of a lot!
9. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #11)
Well Yui is alone in history. She has had two videos in the Top 10 on TWO separate occasions. That is good work if I say so myself. I was watching this while chatting the other day (when I went to sleep…that is the ultimate badge of lameness right there) and it has grown on me a lot. Oh, and I love acoustic guitar and Japanese women. Yeah…you know it.
8. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #6)
My lady love doesn’t make it to the Top Five this time out, falling two spots this week with this saucy…saucy video. She has a new single next month which means there will be a new video ANY DAY NOW.
7. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #9)
Orange Range hasn’t been up this high in a LONG TIME. You know, they were one of the groups that got me back into J-pop (along with Hikaru Utada, M-Flo, BoA, Bonnie Pink and Kumi Koda) while I was in college and aside from their last album, these guys always give me entertainment. Here is to another kick ass album!
6. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #4, one week at #1)
NOOOOO! You falls out of the Top Five for the first time in two months! Don’t get me wrong, I still love this video. However, it is no longer my favorite ring tone (you know what it is. 3, 2, 1 MAKE SOME NOISE!) and sadly no longer my favorite song. With all that being said….Yui is still hot and plays guitar. Hell yeah. 5. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #8)

We are into the Top Five and look who is here! Yeah, Rascal Flats. I still like this song, but don’t think I’m going to go all country on you now. The rest of it is still not my cup of tea but this video and song are cool.
4. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #5)
DAAAH! Maroon 5 inches ever so close to the Top Spot this week with this 80’s-esque video. I forgot to pick up their album on Tuesday, I will grab it on Saturday and tell the peeps how it is. Give it up for Duran Duran 2K7!
3. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #2)

So after two weeks as the runner up, Avril falls back a spot to the #3 position. It’s hard to knock off the champ, I will give her that. Oh, and the ‘Keep Holding On’ song from the Ergon (BOOOOOO!) soundtrack is not a bad song. Even with that, all of Avril’s surprisingly sexy dancing couldn’t take the throne. We are down to two…
2. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #3)

Yuna Ito is one step away! After a lengthy trek, the longest running video is ONE STEP AWAY from her first #1 video! I STILL cannot find a subbed copy of the second episode of ‘Unfair’ (although I have seen the first five with very little idea of what is going on) which is kind of annoying. Good show from what I can tell. Well, with Yuna falling just short, you know who is #1 this week yet again…
1. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #1, four weeks at #1)

EVERYBODY STAND UP! It is a full month at #1 for nobodyknows+ as they tie John Legend for the longest reign at #1 of 2007! I actually got some props for the ring tone this week, too! Albeit in the manga section of borders but still. For a first time out, these guys are truly dominating! Much like Naruto is now that it you know…follows the manga kind of. I need to start reading that again. Ichiban, fishes!

Well, that is all for this week! Can nobodyknows+ hold on to #1 for a one two, tree, fo, FIF WEEK! Or will Yuna Ito finally take her place on the top after a three month journey? Don’t forget Avril, Maroon 5 and even a fast moving Orange Range! Tune in next Friday for that!

WICKED IN T-MINUS TWELVE HOURS! CAN I GET A FUCK YEAH?!

Yeah…just a tad bit excited. Add in ‘Pirates of the Caribean: At Worlds End’ on Friday and dare I say this is the best May EVER! I will try to be back either Saturday morning or some time on Sunday for a wrap-up. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out!

Kids Jump Up To Get Beat Down!

What is up peeps! The Chachi has a little bit of stress going on (those that know me know why) but he is getting along. There should be good news soon. As you know, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End comes out this Friday (HELLS YEAH!) and I go to Wicked on Thursday (FUCK YEAH!) so this is a pretty action packed week! Problem is I have $13.88 until I get paid. Dine and dash, baby! Too bad Rick’s idea for ‘Pay and Dash’ never took off; it was actually a pretty good idea.

So now it is time for a new segment of Passion of Chachi! This is something I call…

THAT’S FUNNY TO ME!

The place for news and stories that are funny to me and I couldn’t give a donkey fuck if anyone else finds it hilarious or not. Which isn’t different from usual but now it has a title. First off…

FUNNY TO ME: Akon Is An Old Ass African!

So I have been saying that much like LeBron James (BULLSHIT he is under 30) and Greg Oden (who was playing when there was no shot clock) there is no way Akon is how old he claims to be. Everywhere said he was 25, which would make him one of the fugliest 25 year old in the world. I’m 26 now, so I’m in a new unattractive bracket. Then I began to investigate. How could a man with three wives only be 25? He spent time in prison AND moved back and forth from America to Senegal. As I know from being friends with Mormons, polygamy is illegal in America so he had to do it in the second A-Town (The original A-Town is Athens, fool! Greece in the mother-fucking house!) of Africa. I figured he had to be AT LEAST 30, and that is being generous.

Well, boy was I off. It turns out that our friend Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam (I don’t care how racist it sounds. That shit is FUNNY! Sounds like a sound effect from Winslow from Police Academy!) is well past 30. Akon is reportedly 35 years old! Why is that funny to me? First off I can’t stand him. I always said that Keith Sweat should take him out because he is taking his style. Akon sucks, and I know I say that a lot but if you really listen to his words what the fuck does he bring? I mean they all can’t be Marvin Gaye or Curtis Mayfield (god…I sound old as hell) but at least try to not sound like an idiot. Between Akon, R.Kelly and T-Pain we can officially say that R&B is dead.

Second off, it puts his dry-hump-a-thon with the minor in a (sadly) hilarious new light. Now I am personally through with this story. Just charge him with some sort of impropriety with a minor and call it a day. As dumb as she was, she is still a minor and he is an adult. If simulating sexual acts with a minor is illegal in Trinidad then he should be charged and tried. The end. It goes back to my theory on minors:

“Everything you do to a minor is cool…as long as you pee on them”

Tell me I’m wrong. Is it a coincidence that R.Kelly’s album comes out the week before his trial? I think not, peeps. The simple fact is that Akon is no Robert Kelly…and that aint saying much. It is funny that he is lying about his age to acquire a younger audience, when Nolan and I are living proof that the older you are, the more the younger crowd wants you. And I am an asshole with NO money! Akon is (conceivably) rich AND has a Lamborghini Gallardo! He said so in a song so it must be true! Combine that with being older than R.Kelly (To which any woman that wants to even be close to that woman is a stupid whore and needs to be shot. He is a pedophile and a pisser. That is coming from someone with the Hinoi Team collection so you KNOW he has problems) and he doesn’t need to lie about his age! Girls going to the club in Trinidad do. Oh, snap! I SO went there!

FUNNY TO ME: Kids Getting Whooped In Public (AKA Giving Them ‘The Business’)

This will always be funny to me; I don’t care what anyone says. I am not old school, I am not a comedian and I am not an old black man quite yet. However, I do believe that their aint nothing an ass-whoopin’ can’t fix. I always say nothing makes a kid act right better than a right…followed by a LEFT. So when I see kids now acting like fools with their parents around (or more increasingly when they AREN’T around but that is a different rant) I expect them to lay down the law, or at least lay them down to the fullest extent of the law. I sure hope that kid catches a beatin’. THEN NOTHING HAPPENS! That kid throws a tantrum or cusses his/her parents a new one (when I heard that girl call her mother an ‘old bitch’ TO HER FACE at Park Meadows I almost kicked her ass myself) and all I can do is look in disgust.

Which is why when a kid gets the business for being a little shit…it is sweet. Now I don’t mean abuse. Abuse draws blood. Discipline draws respect for rules and regulations. Plus it puts the fear in that little bastard. Now, I have had the privilege to see beatings from their fruition and I sometimes just want to say ‘Kid, you are treading on ground zero!’ to help them out. But they got to learn. That kid must fight this battle. Well, not fight that gets the beat down worse.

So why is seeing a kid getting whooped on funny to me? First off because it IS NOT ME. I have been there…that shit aint fun. Especially when it wasn’t your fault. I learned to not show my ass (Not literally. It’s a figure of speech for acting like a damn fool) in public and it never happened again. You see, The Business (Oh yeah I just coined a phrase!) isn’t something that should be done all the time. Then it becomes abuse. It is like a Bankai, you use it because there is no other recourse in battle to defeat your opponent. The Business is for a kid that just aint acting right. It is the last form or discipline because it is the most severe. Should someone ever have to deliver The Business you know (in a perfect world of not horrible parents) that kid crossed the point of no return. Trust me, I have seen kids cross that line and man…they needed some discipline then because if they didn’t get it in some way shape or form, they were going to get it in prison. The health inspector doesn’t give the business in the joint, he/she doles out the HARSHNESS. And you know what I mean.

I know a lot of you are against child abuse and so am I. However, I am all about discipline. If there are rules and regulations and you break them, then you should be punished for those actions in a form that makes you sure that you will not break that rule again. The punishment should fit the crime; kids shouldn’t be given The Business for being kids. Whooping an 8 year old for running around like an 8 year old is ignorant. Whooping an 8 year old for setting something on fire or dressing like a 21 year old is just the right thing to do. I am not saying beat your kids but just punish them for being r-tards…and my entertainment. Or beat them with a bag of Valencia oranges. They don’t leave a mark and you have cool glass of OJ for the morning. I’m kidding for fucks’ sake.

Well, that is all for now. The Countdown will be up Friday and I will have my review of Pirates up odds are Sunday. It is starting with 10 stars and working down from there, just so you know. Two days till ‘Wicked’ fool!

Chachi Out

It's Raining Men!

What is up peeps! It is Sunday and you know what that means! It’s….the beginning of the week. Yeah, nothing special happened this weekend. Saw Shrek 3 with Zach, hung out with Nolan but that was about it. Hard to do anything when you don’t get paid for four more days.

So on Wednesday I did my 20 Hawtest Video Game Ladies and to show that this blog isn’t all about the men, I have something for the ladies. Oh yeah, you know it. The ladies went first, now it’s time for the men to STRUT THEIR STUFF! I give you the…

20 Bishie Hawt Male Video Game Characters

We start with someone that we have never seen before, but we SO KNOW he’s hawt!

20. Master Chief (Halo Series)

This man has looked the Covenant dead in their beady little eyes and said ‘Not on my watch, bitches!’ Nothing says hawt like saving the planet from an alien invasion. All while never seeing his face. Just like Batman, minus the money, the brooding and the weird young boy fetish. Loves me some Batman, but there is something wrong with that.
19. Link (Legend of Zelda Series)

Straight up elven hawtie right here! Link was one of the first video game characters to save the princess from peril. There is nothing hawter than a hero, people! Although his fashion left a little to be desired (green is so NOT the new black) he pulled off the look well. Not only that, he was handy with a sword, boomerang, hook-shot, ocarina AND a bow and arrow. A renaissance man if there ever was one!
18. Kyo Kusanagi (King of Fighter Series)

Okay, secret time. This was my first video game bishie! Kyo is my favorite player in the King of Fighters series and for good reason. The man is HAWT in more ways than one if you get my drift. And I think you do. He used his hawtness to actually create fire to kick the asses of his opponents! Beat that!
17. Squall Leonheart (Final Fantasy VIII)

As you all know, I liked FFVIII, one of the six people that did. The love story between Squall and Rinoa really made the game for me and created (IMHO) the best ending of all the Final Fantasy games I have played (Final Fantasy VII…I am so looking at your ass!). Not only does he have a kick ass Gunsword, he has some funky fresh ballroom dance moves and impeccable fashion sense! Two belts? It takes work to pull that style off, and he does!
16. Vega (Street Fighter Series)

Muy es bueno! One of the original of the ‘handsome’ characters, you can’t look at Vega and not say he is on fire! So damn fine he has to cover his face with a mask so that the ugly people don’t harm his moneymaker. If you have seen ‘Street Fighter II V’ (the V is foe Vega!) then you saw his HAWT fight with another character that may be on here. Trust me, if you haven’t seen it, it is one of the better fights in anime.
15. Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell Series)

He may not have invented stealth, but Sam Fisher made it SEXY. Something about night-vision goggles, clmbing on ceilings and that Wentworth bald head look (someone tell me that Prison Break doesn’t have some Splinter Cell tones then you’re nuts) make him the mega-hawt stealth hawtie!
14. Ken (Street Fighter Series)

The Dragon Punching blonde ass-kicker from the SF series makes it on here! Not only is he hawt, he is also a family man! He has been with Eliza for what, ten different SF games? Now THAT’S love!
13. Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VIII)

Now I am just going to say it: Final Fantasy VII may be the sexiest game of all time. The brooding, Gackt-like Vincent is one of the characters that turn the temperature UP on that game! He mutates into monsters (Which….to each their own I guess. Not my thing, though) and is also part vampire, which we ALL KNOW are hot. More on that later.
12. Marcus Fenix (Gears of War)

A newer character, but just as hot as the rest! Marcus is true 100% pure, world saving, monster killing, chainsaw using dude-stuff!
11. Liu Kang (Mortal Kombat)

MORTAL KOMBAT!! Maybe Mortal HAWT-BAT! Eh, it’s a reach. But something about a man that will kill another man to win a tournament with a spotty and questionable plot…is sexy. Not to me personally, but you know.
10. Simon Belmont (Castlevania Series)

What is sexier than a vampire? Someone that HUNTS vampires. Long before Buffy and her weird ass nose, there was Simon Belmont, the first of the Belmont clan to have his own game! Oh, and that whip can be seen as hot to some. Anything involving pain and sex…aint my thing. Hell, sex is painful enough for me because….it’s going to be bad.
9. Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)

W00t! Now I know you are probably shocked that Cloud is down here so low. As am I, but first off he was a fashion DISASTER in the video game. Purple jumpsuit? I mean NON-flattering! Now in Advent Children he was a SUPER-HAWTIE! That black leather and his gravity-abiding hair was just sexy!
8. Mario (Super Mario Brothers Series)

Mama mia! The man that started it all! Mario proved that big dudes could save the world too! And that magic mushrooms and fire flowers get you FUCKED UP! I mean you straight trip balls on that shit!
7. Kratos (God of War)

Nothing says sexy like a God, peeps. Kratos made being a murderous, violent Spartan with blades attached to your forearms the new black! Just rippling, 100% Spartan hawtness. Oh, and showed self control by not just wrecking the HELL out of the Oracle despite having one titty just hanging out for no reason.
6. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid Series)

Okay, I had this discussion with Zach on Friday and I wanted to put Snake higher. Hell, his name is Solid Snake…which just SCREAMS manly. And I think you know why. The problem with Snake is…well…he has a mullet. Mullets may work with Irocs, but not with hawtness. And for that, he loses some ground.
5. Alucard (Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)

Vampire slaying PAR-TEEEEEEE! As one who owns Castlevania: SOTN I must say this it may be the best side scrolling game of all time. Yes, even up there with Super Mario Brothers. Oh, I went there. Not only that, but Alucard is a TOTAL hawtie! We are talking Gackt levels of hot, here.
4. Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil 2 & 4)

I will admit, there is something hot about fighting zombies. I said it about Jill Valentine and I am saying it about Leon. He filled out a police uniform quite nicely in RE2 and in RE4…lets just say next-gen did Mr. Kennedy right. Not only that, he saved the President’s daughter! Press A! Press ! Heh, had to work that in.
3. Toshiro Hitsugaya (Bleach/Jump All-Stars)

Oooooohhhhhhh! I just want to eat him up he is so CUUUUUUTE! Look at that face and just TRY to resist him! I frickin dare you! He has the baddest Bankai (aside from that asshole Aizen), is straight up Han Solo in his young mack game (check out Episode 126) and he is so DAMN cute! I just wanna eat him up! Snoogles! Seriously….I’m straight.
2. Dante (Devil May Cry Series)

Yes. YES. YES! Is there anything on the PLANET hotter than fighting demons in leather? Anything? YOU ARE A BOLD FACED LIAR! There are very few things in this world hotter than Dante from Devil May Cry. Despite the fact that fighting a mountain lion covered in steaks is easier than beating the series of games (especially the damn original DMC3, not the special edition) his hawtness made up for the eventual violation of your ass via controller.
1. Sephiroth

Is there anyone hawter? The answer is no. Sephiroth is more brooding than Cloud, exudes more sexiness than Leon, is more manly than Snake, just as brutal as Kratos (Aeris, anyone? I cried too but has there ever been a hotter death not involving Carbonite and Han Solo?) and looks better in leather than Dante. Yes, he tried to destroy the world but he looked SO GOOD while doing it! The baddest man in videogames is also the hottest!

Wow, that was hawt. Now it is time to cool things down with a new summer film that I wasn’t planning on seeing but seeing as how I have no life or other friends…yeah I went. So now, another weekend edition of…

MASTER CHIEF CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!
This Weeks Movie: Shrek 3

I’m going to try something different for this installment. We are going to play Hit or Miss!

Hit: Puss and Donkey
Donkey stole the first movie, Puss N’ Boots stole the second. This time, the combination of the two was one of the bright points of the movie. Eddie Murphy, when not knocking up former Spice Girls does good young adult comedy for the most part. As for Puss…Antonio Banderas is too hot for words so yeah, good stuff. The switching was funny (and not ran into the ground) while they really provided the majority of the humor for the movie. Which leads me to something.

Miss: Shrek
You know, I watched the first Shrek and really…didn’t like Shrek. The character or Shrek is rather limited. I have never watched the movie for the lead, rather for the supporting characters. He is a boring character and has almost no funny parts to this film. It was almost like he was there solely because the movie was named after him. Like Lil Jon on his own albums, but at least he has some catchphrases. Shrek has nothing going for it.

Hit: Pop Culture References, or ½ of the Jokes
Okay, the fact that only Zach, the people in the chairs behind us and I understood half the jokes in this movie kind of bugged me. From the slide in jokes from Puss and Donkey to the musical and TV references (I wont ruin it, but lets just say that the Gingerbread Man was build stronger, faster and better!) there were so many jokes that not only went over the kids heads but adults, too. I always say this but I am not the smartest person out there. However, if you don’t see the humor in a all girl team fighting and Heart’s “Barracuda” playing then maybe you need to know more. I mean some may see that as worthless trivia knowledge but how can you truly understand a movie if half of it goes above you….

Miss: Poopy Humor, or the OTHER ½ of the Jokes
….or go below you. I am just as low-brow and crass as the next guy but the rest of the movie was boring, stupid or flat out tasteless. The poop and vomit jokes stopped being funny…well I don’t think they were ever funny. Ha ha, babies crap and puke. We know that, don’t run it into the ground. Oh, and singing “Let Live and Let Die” during the King’s funeral. Whose bright idea was that? Only half the audience got it, and no one laughed. It was like that through the whole movie. Half would laugh at some jokes while the other half was silent and vice versa. They all cant be Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters.

Hit: The Animation
Wow, I was totally blown away. I mean this movie was almost as good animation wise as the Aqua Teen movie. ALMOST. Hell, Fiona looked JUST LIKE Cameron Diaz. Hell, it probably WAS her seeing as how she has the depth of a pudding cup. All the characters looked fantastic, even though for some reason the movie was dark as hell in the beginning. It lit up after that, though. Detail was awesome and the Prince’s hair had body and bounce. It was visually great….

Miss: The Voice Work
Aside from Puss, Donkey….hell all the SUPPORTING CHARACTERS the voice work was crap. What accent does Shrek have anyway? Iritoish? Cameron Diaz sounded like she acts: bad. As for Justin…at LEAST TRY to sound different. I so expected him to break out in ‘SexyBack’ he sounded like himself so much. Eddie has several characters and Antonio Banderas plays a typecast role, albeit hilarious. There were some really bad voiceover jobs in this movie and it made it rather annoying. I sat just hoping to have some characters shut the hell up. That shouldn’t happen, especially for the STARS OF THE MOVIE.

Overall, this movie wasn’t bad. There was very little focus on the villain subplot and too much on J-Tim (Who is officially crowned the King of Pop in this movie, no lie. He breaks out into ‘My Love’ with an animated crow T.I.) and the unfunny jokes. There is enough funny and Puss & Donkey (I am SO amped for a Puss ‘N’ Boots movie!) and funny jokes to go around but it is obvious that this movie got lost in itself a lot. Like Spiderman, there was very little fluidity to the film. Then again, since this is aimed for kids and all kids have ADD nowadays it works I guess. A good summertime watch with kids, but depending on your level of intelligence and expectations you will love it or be ‘meh.’ I am in the latter category. Shrek 3 gets…

7 Out Of 10 Stars!
(An okay movie, great big budget summer family movie if you don’t mind only laughing 50% of the time. There are enough laughs for everyone and most bad is outweighed by some hilarious voice work and an overall awesome scope of animation. BTW, the Gingerbread Man saved it from 6 out of 10. You’ll see why.)

Oh, and lastly I had a video on here the other day by Nami Uehara. She is a saucy lady that I figured to be in Yuna Ito or Yui’s class of age and hawtness. Albeit she isn’t the best singer out there, she is better than Rhianna and Kellie Pickler. Here is the problem I have. Look at this video:

First off, she is wearing Playboy clothing. I place that in the same category as ‘Porn Star’ clothing. If I wear a throwback jersey, I sadly expected to be looked at a certain way and that is just how people are. If you wear clothing with Playboy on it, you know what they are known for. They aren’t known for selling cookies or mutual funds, they are known for selling an image of sex, flat out. Not a LIFESTYLE, an image of sexuality. Here is my issue. Which is fine for adult females because adult females are free to make their own decisions. Also fine for18-24 year olds because they are REAL STUPID and you know it. Here is my issue:

2/26/1991

That is Nami Uehara’s birth date. That makes her 16 now. The videos were made LAST YEAR (and there are others made before that!) which makes her 15. At 15 years old…and dancing like that? Well that just promotes healthy behavior. I know I am all about Hinoi Team and all. That is HELLA WRONG and I will admit that. But you know what? They were not this bad. With ‘Ike Ike’ although the skirts were short all they were doing was Para Para which rules. The way she was dancing in ‘Real Me’ was just NAUGHTY AND WRONG! So wrong I must show you again!

Look at that! She is ten years younger than me! And dancing like that! Just wrong! So wrong as a matter of fact, here is ANOTHER VIDEO FROM HER!

Just….naughty. Not cool, Nami. Not cool at all. Playing with my emotions like that. Damn you, Nami Uehara! Damn you and your uber-naughty underage dancing! DAMN YOU!

Well, there are five more days until ‘Wicked’ (four day weekend, fools!) counting today and dare I say, I am excited! Then we got some Pirates of the Caribbean 3 on Friday and that is more than enough to tide me over until Transformers:

OH MY GOD! IT FEELS SO GOOD! Wow…I need to clean myself up. I will be back later on in the week, odds are Tuesday or Wednesday. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Now It Is Time For A Commercial Break...

Well, six days until "Wicked" and I am pumped! Blog (hopefully) tomorrow about Shrek 3, which I did end up seeing and also the Top 20 Bishe Hawt Video Game Guys Ever! What can I say, I'm a renegade gamer, its how I do things.

Got some things to do, but first some things to grow on....

1) Ladies...do not wear lotion with glitter. It screams 'stripper'. I know because I have (sadly) been to the strip club. And strippers wear it. So yeah...it's science. While I am on the subject no more Britney Spears, J-Lo or any other celeb perfumes because you guessed it. Strippers have it on lockdown. If liking operas, plays and musicals makes me gay, smelling like Britney Spears makes you a stripper. Only fair. Oh, and strippers have the lockdown on ALL clear shoes, not just heels. That goes for flip flops, sneakers, boots, Crocs and all other forms of footwear.

2) Just because you have a spoiler doesnt make you a racer or your car any faster. It just makes you a fucktard with a spoiler. Putting one on a Neon doesnt do anything. At all.

3) After some listening, Rhianna sucks. She is trying to be Beyonce and SHE sucks. My god, pop princesses are the new fucking rap/rock fusion. Just because Public Enemy/Anthrax effectivly rocked our faces doesnt mean you can. Just because Janet merged sexy with whore well doesnt mean you can. You see where she is now? Getting done by the asshole that gave us Kriss Kross and 'If I buy you a drink and you drink it up, you're going home with me'. Is that what you want out of your life?

4) Speaking of rap/rock (which I will never do again, mind you) Linkin Park's new album doesnt completely suck balls. It is actually...pretty damn good. I was suprised. What I like isnt for everyone but its cool. With the advent of the internet, it doesnt hurt to give 'Minutes To Midnight' a whirl. If you dont like it, cool.

5) Transformers the Movie may not suck ass. After my multiple orgasm last night at Shrek 3 during the trailer (You may have heard it, the cup was FILLED), I am kind of psyched to see Optimus Prime (Reports are they got Peter Cullen to do his voice! YOU'VE GOT THE POW-URRRR! YEAH!) transform and roll out in live action. Plus, you cant beat a My Little Pony cameo.

6) That 'Lip Gloss' song is so fucking stupid. Way to breed fast behavior early. At that age, if you want guys focused on your mouth when you arent answering a question or saying no, you are a fucking idiot.

7) 50 Cent needs to fucking die. I dont like to say that, but it is true:

"Got more whips than a runaway slave"

That nigga has to DIE. I cant even BEGIN to explain how ignorant that is. Rat toothed, mush-mouthed, monkey. Fuck Curtis Jackson.

8) Fuck Comcast. I hope you get cancer in your stupid head. 'Comcastic' must be a new form of internet failure and anal rape involving a network card, a modem and copy of 'Corky Romano'. Die slow.

Aaaaaaaaaaand that is all.

Six Days Till Sunrise! But First....We Must Dance!

It’s Friday so you know what that means! Once again it is time for….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get things rolling!

20. Bennie K – 1001 Nights (Last Week #17)
Can I just say next week could be the greatest week ever? Bennie K’s album is released on the 23rd, I go to see ‘Wicked’ with an awesome lady on the 24th and on the 25th PIRATES 3 WITH JOHNNY DEPP! IT FEELS SO GOOD! My god...three days of pure kick-ass is more awesome than I have had in the last six years COMBINED. Oh, and Bennie K’s video falls three spots.
19. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (New Entry)

Speaking of hot, it’s summer time and that means a roll the windows down jam. This song fits that bill. The video has been played non-stop on my laptop and (as Kandice can attest to) I am a fan of the Foxxi MisQ. They are quite the saucy. Also, it’s good to see Zeebra back! Sexy video time for sure. I miss the shorts from ‘Ultimate Girls’ though.
18. Namie Amuro – Funky Town (Last Week #14)
The funk…may officially be over. This video falls four big spots this week and is on the verge of falling off the Countdown. Not that I don’t like this video (it has the Namie, which makes it cool) but…it is kind of a letdown after ‘Baby Don’t Cry’. You know, I wonder when her album is coming. Isn’t this like her third damn single in three years? Get a move on, lady I NEED THIS!
17. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #19)
YES. OH GOD YES. I just got this single and OH MY GOD YES! This video moves up two spots, but that is not indicative of its ability to rawk your face off. Here is to (hopefully) an album coming soon! I think they are running away with the Best New Artist Chachi Award…
16. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #13, two weeks at #1)

If not for this man right here! Although this video is falling, he has TWO new singles. One with Slash from Guns N Roses on guitar! Now I really thought GNR was overrated but Slash has been pretty good since the breakup. Mix in Daughtry and you have a bonafide good tune there.
15. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #11)
K-OS falls four big spots this week after peaking in the Top 10. On an update….WE WILL HAVE SOME NEW COMMON IN JULY! ‘Finding Forever’ will be released July 13th (I think) and I have never been more ready for an album in a LONG TIME. We got some T.I., some Common and Outkast (Oh yeah, I went there) coming this summer and all I can say is that hip hop may be making some moves out of suckitude! Wait…50 Cent and Nelly have albums this summer, too…
14. M-Flo feat. Crystal Kay – Love Don’t Cry (Last Week #16)
After a bit of stalling, the combo of the hot (Crystal Kay) and the hip (M-Flo) move up two spots this week. This video is growing on me again…mainly because I love Crystal Kay. Oh, and she was playing the Wii on Music Fighter last week. HAWT. I think it was Music Figher. Doesn’t matter, she made Wii baseball look sexy.
13. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)

So emo has finally found a niche on the Countdown. Fall Out Boy moves up five big spots this week with this video and needless to say I likes it. I feel weird though. I really DESPISE EMO but…I like their new album. It’s…a conundrum.
12. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #9)
After making it to the Top Five, TDG falls three spot and out of the Top 10. It is a rough go for these guys with nothing on the horizon. I wonder when they are coming out to Colorado? Anyone have a heads up?
11. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #15)
So Yui is reaching into rare ground with this video. Only Bi, UVERworld, M-Flo and John Legend have had two videos occupy the Top Ten at the same time. With this video (which is pretty damn bad ass) Yui has a chance to join that elite club! I finally have a non crappy version of this song (a PV rip rather than a radio rip) and the video grows on you after a few views. Now, onto the Top Ten!
10. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #6, four weeks at #1)
After a dominant 8 week run in the Top Three, John Legend is on the verge of falling out of the Top Ten for the first time since February. Here is to hoping for ‘Again’ or ‘Where Did My Baby Go’ as being the next videos. I would TOTALLY dig that.
9. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #12)

Um…Isn’t ‘Ika’ squid? Maybe my Japanese sucks (which it does, HARD) but that doesn’t make…sense? Even still, I am loving this video and this song makes me feel peppy as hell. Great comeback from some lackluster work over the last six months or so.
8. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #10)
Yes…it is Rascal Flats. I like them a little. This video (which I just downloaded) is pretty damn good and their songs are less Big and Rich (who suck ass) and more The Wreckers (Both of whom I would love to wreck. Play on word, fishes!) which always rules. Good stuff, albeit country.
7. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #5)
UVERworld begins their slow descent down, dropping two spots this week with this video. They do have a new video, ‘endscape’ and it actually isn’t bad. The song….eh. It is hard to follow up ‘Chance!’ but they had been doing a good job of it. Even still, it is The World so it is all good.
6. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #7)
Mmm...Miss Koda is closing in on another Top Five with this video. It has been a while since she and I have been on good terms (after the crapfest that was the Black Cherry movie and the annoying crap that was the ‘Cherry Girl’ video) but we are cool now. We decided to be friends. Meaning she returns my calls and I gave her back her puppy. What can I say, I’m a softie.
5. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #8)

Say hello to Maroon 5! After six weeks, this video takes a hold in the Top Five! I am totally liking this song (mainly because it is an angry song and I am an ANGRY DUDE) and the video SCREAMS 80’s pop! Girls on film! She’s more than a model!
4. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #3, one week at #1)
It seems that Yui isn’t ready to leave the upper echelon with this video. She slips only one spot this week from the Top Three with another video knocking on the door to the Top Ten. Battling it out with M-Flo and John Legend for the Chachi for Artist of the year! Not gonna lie, I still love this song and the video, despite the woodland animals. Here is to another movie from Yui!
3. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #4)

Welcome to the Top Three! We start with Yuna Ito, with her first trip this high ever! I an in love this video (along with her, but that is a different story) and am (NOT) patiently waiting for a new album from Miss Ito. Oh, and ‘Stuck on You’ is so stuck in my head right now. Yes….she’s quite the awesome.
2. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #2)

So the ‘Best Damn Thing’ provides us with the SECOND best video this week for the SECOND straight week. I actually have her album and it isn’t half bad. It is no BUGRIGHT or ‘Minutes To Midnight’ (I will get into that in a later post, but Linkin Park blew me a way with this one) but it’s very good. Now as for this video...Avril is sexy. Check out the Blender. Eat a sandwich, then we can hang out. Now, to #1!
1. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (Last Week #1, three weeks at #1)

Yeah, you know it! For the third straight week nobodyknows+ holds on to the top spot with this video. As you know, it is the ringtone and if I could I would make it the ringback. That would ASSURE I have no friends but it is so worth it. They rule the Countdown for another week!

That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if nobodyknows+ can make it a full month at #1! Or see if Avril can finally be the Best Damn Thing on the Countdown! Don’t rule out Yuna Ito who is right here in the mix of things! Due to being in Denver on Thursday and Pirates 3 on Friday I may have the Countdown up a little early. Odds are it will be its regular date. Stay up, peeps!

SEVEN DAYS UNTIL “WICKED!” CAN I GET A WHOOP-WHOOP?!

Chachi Out.

Oh, It's Ladies Night, And The Gamings Right!

What is up, peeps! I’m home, baby. I hope you all missed me! Sorry I wasn’t up over the last three days, but xbox360 and American Idol had me distracted. Still do, actually.

I don’t care what anyone says, Rumble Roses XX is a marvel of technology. I know I bashed this game a while back and everything I said was true: great eye candy that glosses over an average fighting game with very little reward. I have to take that last part back because I got Rowdy Reiko and Becky yesterday and….yummy. For Reiko anyway (that is one hot set of polygons), I don’t like cheerleaders but Becky’s intro kicks ass:

Now I know this game is perverted. You know what? Fuck off, I NEED THIS! After giving up porn and stopping with the ‘One Person Sexy Time’ this is the only interaction with a woman I can get. Let’s face it, who hasn’t wanted to deliver a brain buster suplex to a woman that broke your heart? I know I have. Besides, I don’t expect women to really dress like this, it’s a VIDEO GAME and an entertaining one at that. Just don’t expect Soul Caliber III or Street Fighter III 3rd Impact. Oh, and can I say that Miss Spencer is frickin’ HAWT in her Superstar outfit?

My god, if teachers looked like that when I was still in school I so would have learned more. Can I get a whoop-whoop?! You know…I haven’t done a Top Ten in a while, so it is about that time! So today I give you the…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Game Hawties of All Time!

Yeah, you know it. First off, let it be known that this is just me and who I think is a video game hawtie. I couldn’t fit every lady on here and some I don’t find all that hot some honorable mentions!

Paine (Final Fantasy X-2, one goth chick I am totally digging.)
Sarah (Virtua Fighter Series, have you SEEN Virtua Fighter 5? DAAAAAAMN!)
Ivy (Soul Caliber 2, mainly because I won an online tournament with her once.)
Blaze (Streets of Rage, shorts skirts + kicking high = Genesis greatness!)
Lulu (Final Fantasy X, not even the boobs, it’s the voice. Just….hells yeah)
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark, the N64 one not the X-Box 360 mindfuck)
Christy (Tekken 4, what can I say I like Brazilians. Sans the AIDS, of course)
Alis Landale (Phantasy Star, one of the pioneers of leading ladies in video games)
Rayne (Bloodrayne, I hate this game but the masses like it so she gets a mention)
Miss Spencer (Oh yeah…I am definitely “hot for teacher”)

And AWAAAAAAAY we go!

20. Mai Shiranui (King of Fighters Series)

I’m not sure of this, but she may have been the first game character to have pixels specifically for her bouncing breasts. SAD. But a kick ass character. Fell some spots because of that shitty ass anime movie though. Then they made like 3 more or something, but she got naked in them if you are into that kind of thing.
19. Aya Brea (Parasite Eve)

You know, no one knows about this game. Back when Squaresoft could release ‘shit in a box’ (or as I called it SaGa Frontier. OH, NO I DI-ENT!) and it sell, this game featured a hottie in the lead role that had the SuperAIDS or something. Plot was meh, game was actually cool and Aya was hot. REAL hot. For an animated character, I mean.
18. Taki (Soul Caliber)

Female ninjas are hot. Hell, I may have been sexed up by one. You would never know if you had, they are that fast and that good. Sadly, her jubblies jiggle in the game. You know, technology rules yet pushes us back. Did I mention female ninjas are HAWT?
17. Quistis Trepe (Final Fantasy VIII)

A hot tottie not many people know about. I LOVED FFVIII (except the shitty card game) and Quistis was one of the main reasons I played it. She was smart, hot and was the only character I got up to level 99 when I beat the game. I wish she wasn’t blond but you cant win them all. Besides, ladies + glasses = hawt. Simple math.
16. Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)

This is a game I am having trouble finding. But from what I have seen, she is nice. She isn’t half dressed (shows some tummy but that is about it) and she uses a camera as her weapon. I know a use for that camera, baby. We can go take pictures of woodland animals. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
15. Elise (SSX)

News flash: SSX is the greatest snowboarding game ever. I wanted to put Kaori here but I am trying to but the Kandice theory that I am obsessed with Japanese women. Elise is Canadian. Best thing that came from there since Bryan Adams.
14. Chun Li (Street Fighter Alpha 2)

The original fighting game babe. I for one HATED Chun Li in the arcade mainly because she had no fireball and I was all about winning. It wasn’t until Alpha when she got a fireball (albeit LAME) and that skin-tight outfit that she became my SF lady.
13. Rikku (FFX-2)

Aaaahhhh, yeah! Gimme that J-A-I-L-B-A-I-T! Rikku is hella hot and yes I know how old she is and I don’t care. She is animated for one and if she didn’t want my attention she wouldn’t call to me wearing that skirt and those braids. Oh, and to the Rikku at NDK….I love you. I love you more than I love pie. Cherry, not pecan.
12. Katsumi (Dead or Alive series)

She kicks high, she bounces and she is a ninja. Nuff’ fucking said.
11. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider Legends Version)

Okay, first off I have hated every Tomb Raider game including the first one. They were never fun until Tomb Raider Legends. Oh, and did I mention that Lara looked hella fine in this? Nothing that the X-Box 360 processing power cant fix. Like smooth, milky skin. That I wanna touch…KIDDING!
10. Yuna (Final Fantasy X-2)

Okay, I am going to hear some shit about this. You tell me that she aint hot in that songstress outfit and I will call you a damned dirty liar. If you were at NDK and you saw the cosplay Yuna…hells yeah. Too bad she was like 17 if that. And she was with the worlds gayest Luigi which is hard to do because Luigi is already the ass-pounding king of the Mushroom Kingdom. Even still, Yuna is hot.
9. Kurenai (Red Ninja: End of Honor)

I already told you! Female ninjas are hot! Especially ones that can behead your ass with the swiftness. And wear only the top half of a kimono. You know how I feel about the kimono. And I don’t mean the dragon. Insert lame penis joke here. I’m not going to.
8. Yuffie Kisaragi (FFVII)

Oy vey, another hawt Japanese lady that is assuring me jail time. God damn you, Squaresoft! Man, I am LUCKY she is a video game character because if she wasn’t and she dressed like she did in Advent Children MY GOD. My life officially sucks. Oh, and to the Yuffie at NDK…I’d so wreck that.
7. Princess Peach (Super Mario Brothers)

The original! Something about a woman in a gown kind of….does it for me. Although I wasn’t about saving her every damn level (pick a castle, stay in it), she made it worth it. Oh, and the digs big dudes. Hells yeah.
6. Samus (Metroid Series)

Who knew that underneath that cold, metal battle armor was a beautiful lady that wanted to save us all? Samus is on point and can pilot a battle armor like no ones business. To me, piloting battle armor is hot. Says a lot about a woman that she can destroy a giant brain. Too bad the kids will be FREAKS.
5. Sakura (Street Fighter 2 Alpha)

Okay….alright. I have finally joined the club. I am NOT a fan of the Catholic schoolgirl outfit (Because I don’t like Catholics) but the Japanese schoolgirl/sailor outfit has finally made a fan out of me. Add in the fact that women that throw projectiles and Dragon Punch make me a little happy and that is why Sakura is up here. Oh, and she is Japanese so yeah I do have a LITTLE bit of a preference. Sue me.
4. Aeris (FFVII)

Now for the shocker. How come Aeris isn’t #1 you say? She’s dead, dude. And I aint into that. I am a Doctor of Necromancies, not a Doctor of Necrophilia. I will admit that when Aeris was ALIVE she was quite the hawtie. She gave her life for the planet but in the end…she kind of played Cloud like a sap. That is not cool! Oh, and something about that outfit of hers screams ‘You know you want this’. It’s be cause I do.
3. Reiko Hinamoto (Rumble Roses)

God….DAMN. She is the only reason I play Rumble Roses (Yes, I own BOTH games. I NEED THIS!). I mean look at the outfit. It is functional, fashionable and whoa Nellie is it saucy! With the top that just says “I’m ready for business, and business is BOOMING” and the shorts unzipped ever so slightly that show the ‘Zero’ on the undies (Because that is the chance I would have of ever getting a date with her because I ain’t got no flava!) she is hot and ready to hurt! To top it off, those shorts are on the tight end, but STILL cover more than what I have seen in the club. Oh, and she is actually a very balanced character, too. Overall….I love you, Reiko. In all your polygonal rendered glory.
2. Tifa (FFVII)

WHAT?! Tifa is at #2?! How in the hell?! I will tell you how in the hell: I am not a fan of the over-the-top ta-ta’s. Now I know Reiko is packing the heat but they aint over-the-counter if you get my drift (unlike Aisha’s and Dixie’s which are the size of a fucking Mini Cooper and twice as disgusting looking). Tifa in the original FFVII was just….I was not a fan. It was a reason I was such a fan of Aeris for a while (Who may not be packing, but was Mandy Moore before Mandy Moore was Mandy Moore. Holy shit, I have found the actress for the eventual live-action movie!). Until I saw Final Fantasy: Advent Children and saw the new and improved Tifa. All I can say is damn. After getting hit on by two at NDK (Albeit their COMBINED age didn’t equal mine) I must say…yes. Even with all the video game hotness that is Tifa…she is not my #1…
1. Jill Valentine (Resident Evil 3)

Mmmm….I know I am referring to Jill in the tube top and skirt in RE3 (the second best RE game in my opinion behind RE4 and slightly ahead with Code Veronica, IMHO) but Jill was hot in EVERY GAME. Something about a woman shooting the heads off of zombies, kicking undead dogs in the face and firing a rocket launcher are H-O-T to me. She has the ‘girl next door that will fire an acid grenade at a giant spider for you’ look going on. Nothing says love like a woman that will kill a giant spider for you. Beauty, brains (Picking locks and solving crank puzzles? Can she get any hotter?!) and blowing up Nemesis put her as the Hawtest Video Game Lady…..EVER!

Now I am not leaving the ladies out. I will do the Top 20 Bishie Hawt Game Characters Ever either Thursday or Sunday! You can guarantee Hitsugaya is going be there. Fuck you, he has only been in Japanese games but he’s a cutie!

American Idol Update!!

Lastly, I think Blake’s sorry ass is going to win American Idol. People have asked why I despise Blake so much. Well, first off he looks like a mouth-breather. Second off, sorry old schoolers but beat-boxing has always be dumb. The fact he is doing it is STILL dumb because he is trying to bring back something that was never really all that cool to start off with. Lastly, he really can’t sing. He butchered Robin Thicke’s “Can I Get You Alone” and let’s just leave his vocal rape of “This Love” by Maroon 5 out of this. The fact is that over the last few weeks, his performances have always been better than someone not as good or having an off day. Aside from the Phil and Chris fiasco (in which America fucked up BIG TIME) he has been the best of the worst. None of these people are original (Jordan = Kimberly Locke, Melinda = Kimberly Locke, Blake = Retarded flipper baby/Clay Aiken hybrid) but he is the least original of the bunch. Remember when Justin did beat boxing? He stopped after one song. Why? IT SUCKS! So does he. Jordin is gone, it will be Melinda vs. J-Tim Vista Basic. Sigh, democracy DOESN’T WORK.

Well, that is all for now peeps. I will either be back tomorrow or Friday for the Countdown. Will nobodyknows+ hold on to #1 for a third week? Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.