It’s me, bitches! I am back again for my fourth post in three days! What can I say…I love the peeps. This week, some people have been all up in arms about how the death toll in Iraq has hit over 4,000 casualties. I don’t believe that is covering actual…IRAQIS but as we all know they don’t really count. Also, earlier in the week during a rousing session of Aqua Teen Hunger Force watching I was IM’d by Zach asking me “It has been five years, why are people STILL protesting the Iraq War?” With no real answer to that question I began to wonder. After 5 years in Iraq, why ARE people still bitching about it? It is a focal point of this election (which in a way it SHOULD be but seriously…is that ALL you have?) and when Sarah Jessica Parker’s ugly (but beautiful on the inside!) grill piece or Skank Watch/Nigga Watch 2008 isn’t on (See www.MediaTakeout.com to see what I mean) it seems to be all the news will talk about. Yet, hasn’t anyone had enough of this yet? Since I am sure the majority of you are ALREADY pissy about where I am going with this, I am just going to jump into this arms out like Jesus on the cross. So here is the blog that probably ends this bad boy.
Passion of Chachi Presents: Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Lesson: War Is Hell…..So Shut The Hell Up.
Yeah….this is going to get worse before it EVER gets better.
Now you see, the media is all about semantics. Since most of America has no idea what that is, let me explain:
World War II = WAR
Definition: A conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air (Mostly land because…Iraq has three planes and two of them are Go-Bots).
Vietnam War = Police Action
Definition: A relatively localized military action undertaken by regular armed forces, without a formal declaration of war, against guerrillas, insurgents (They ate my baby’s cereal!), or other forces held to be violating international peace and order.
Now looking at those two definitions, you can see two different words and two different actions. Yet, people use them interchangeably which is poor grammar and puts everything in the wrong light. We are not at WAR with Iraq. There is NO Iraqi Army (Or so they say. I thought they were on our side?!), Air Force, Marines, Navy or Power Rangers. It would be hell to fight in all that clothing anyway. You see, because Lil’ Bush is a moron he is getting his ideas mixed up. We as America are at “WAR” with terrorism. About 10 years too late give or take from the time of the first bombing we did but you cant win them all. Besides, Bill was too busy getting minger love to be concerned about our safety against terrorism. Okay, that was a low blow….and so was Monica. ZING!
What is going on in Iraq right now isn’t a “war” as much as it is a very poorly executed police action against a state America claimed to be rogue by having weapons of mass destruction and having a very smelly character as their leader. This COULD have worked had they gone after a country that was a threat FIRST but that is just wishful thinking. Instead of getting the world to agree that Iraq was a threat and declaring a warring action to have them adhere to demands (Which is WAR) we went in without declaring war (which some would call a hostile invasion but we are America and manifest destiny is where it is at, bitches!) as a unilateral Police Academy squad complete with the full cast of idiots:
Anyone else see Donald Rumsfeld as Tackleberry? Either way, by calling this whole debacle a war it takes away from everything good about war. After a war spending goes up, citizen moral improves, the sale of flags goes up and we eat the hell out of apple pie and watch baseball all fucking day because the season never fucking ends. Instead we are in a economic shitfall, people are pissier than ever, I don’t even OWN an American flag (And don’t need one to prove my patriotism, thank you very much) and people care about baseball and the most American thing out right now is “America’s Best Dance Crew.” A war has always been America triumphing with the help of all our homies over an obvious evil that has to be defeated in a manner that is somewhat like the closing of Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo complete with dance number and happy ending of saving the youth center and getting the girl which in the case of WWII was Japan’s technical savy and crazy gameshows:
See, that’s what it feels like to pay taxes. The simple fact is that we are at “war” with an ideology, not a people.
Which brings me to my next real big issue with protestors. Do you not understand that the war has already started? Protesting something that has already started and has been going on for 5 fucking years is pointless. POINTLESS. What do you expect to really accomplish? You hope to end the war NOW? Well, doing that is like stopping a child from drawing on the walls with a crayon…after it has already Picasso’d half the rooms in the house. Yes you stopped it and people will say that one life that is no longer lost is worth it but at the end of the day, protests haven’t stopped shit since the 60’s with the Civil Rights Movement. And remember what happened to them? They got bit by dogs and blasted with hoses. Sure it sounds like good old fashioned fun at the fishing hole but people aint built for that kind of struggle to create change anymore. Hell, there are people here that leave a restaurant after waiting for over 5 minutes. You think those mother fuckers could take a billyclub to the ribs or a boot in the ass? That’s how change is made, hippies: taking a beatdown or a bullet for what you believe in. As Kent State proved, hippies are adept at NEITHER. We are not at war; our troops are glorified citizens on patrol.
Now before you get sand in your vaginas and say that I am making light of a tragic situation let me tell you I am not. I am using humor to explain a point that people are either too hepped up on patriotism or too fucking hepped up on goofballs to see: during war, people die. And compared to other modern “wars” (and “police actions”) the casualties are low:
• World War I: 116,708 US Military Casualties (Wikipedia)
• World War II (Mo’ Betta Battles!): 416,800 US Military Casualties (Wikipedia)
• Korean War: 36,516 US Military Casualties (Wikipedia)
• Vietnam War: 58,217 US Military Casualties (Wikipedia)
• First Gulf War: 148 US Military Casualties (Another 145 non-combat casualties) [Wikipedia]
Taking away the first Gulf War, or as I call it “George Bush’s Day Off,” the 4,000 casualties in this war are lower than any other war we have been involved in. And aside from the 20 British troops and that one guy from Poland (He’s drunk) we are the only country with troops there to begin with. Taking into account that life is precious (Gawd….lame) and the amount of troops actually on the ground, it sounds rough to say but the casualty number is rather low. People haven’t had to live through war so they are unaware of the numbers that usually are killed in battle for various reasons. Protesters up in arms about that need to realize that death is a part of war and a part of war is being in the military. You can’t have life without death, it’s the duplicitous edge of which we live.
Another reason people need to stop complaining is because war is never glamorous or joyous. It is an act of violence and ends in tragedy for all involved. Despite there being a victory to the battle and the temporary end of tyranny (Germany anyone? Although to their credit they have kept their nose clean) war is a horrible event. People die during conflict, whether it be Star Wars or the Cola Wars. Poor Jolt Cola…never had a chance. So understand when I say this I speak from logic not emotion.
• When people enter the US military, there is a chance they become soldiers.
• Soldiers fight on the frontlines during battle.
• Several battles are commonplace during a war.
• In war, people die.
• US soldiers are people.
• Soldiers die in war.
It is that simple. When you enlist in the Armed Services, there is a probability that you will have to fight in combat and one result of fighting in combat is death. These statements are not to belittle what they do (more on that later) but to give people, especially protesters the sobering truth. People are going to die, whether it is from a disease or on the battlefield. To say that we should send them home because soldiers are dying defeats the purpose of the military. First and foremost the military’s job is to protect the citizens of where they originally reside. They have been sent there to “protect” America from terrorism. Guess what? THAT IS THEIR JOB. They knew what they were getting into from the get go, all you are doing is making their job more difficult. Now I personally believe that Lil’ Bush was playing Risk with our troops and forgot that no one holds Asia for a whole game but that is beyond the point. They have been sent there to do a job by their bosses and that is that. Looking at it that logically, it all makes sense and the emotional aspect is pushed to the side. Oh, and yes I DO have friends over in Iraq and all the men in my family (aside from myself and my gay uncle) have served in the military in some way shape or form. Albeit in the Air Force and Navy but still. So I am not heartless, I am just saying the facts.
Speaking of facts…let’s be brutally honest here. War is hell anyway, sending people into battle with no sense is just a recipe for trouble. We all know that the Army is lowering standards to hit recruiting quotas. When you lower the standards or your workers, you lower the quality of their output. That is a proven fact. So when you are sending people who barely got through high school into battle with only playing Halo and Call of Duty 3 on the Xbox 360 as their war experience (Although they totally pwned their bro at the last kegger) you kind of end up with the results we have where troops are ill prepared for the rigors of war and the heated intensity of battle. I live in a pretty heavy military area and a great majority of the soldiers returning from Iraq are gang members looking for a way out or farm boys from Nebraska who just want to shoot "sand monkeys” (Zach’s words…not mine. Okay, I fully agree with that statement). Gone are the times when celebrities and athletes were pulled away from their jobs to go to war. Gone are the days when the best students went to the service academies. Now they go to Pepperdine, or to a lesser extent Yuckla (That’s UCLA…jackass). In the famous words of The New Radicals, you get what you give:
Still love that song. In the end, I cannot knock what they do because I sure as hell aint going to war for no one. I support this country by paying my taxes and funneling money back into the economy via student loans and credit cards. I KEEP AMERICA RUNNING!
In the end, the war is five years in. It is time to not complain about bringing the boys home. It is time to figure out how to not fuck Iraq up even more and get the hell out of dodge without causing a giant nuclear cloud over 60% of the Eurasian continent. I still say we invest in some Gundam’s or EVA’s from Japan. If they had those, I would be the first to sign up! Who is more angst-ridden than me?! You’ve read this thing! I’m one more broken heart away from being Shinji! So protesters need to stop bitching and come up with a real SOLUTION. Don’t look at me; I haven’t been right since the Lunar War.
So that is all for now. I just really hate hippies. I will be back tomorrow most def. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
