Well, I saw The Golden Compass on Friday night before the weather turned to shit and I all can say is AWESOME.! Let’s have a rundown:
Sam Elliott (The Stranger from “The Big Lebowski) being FUCKING AWESOME?: CHECK
Ian McKellan voicing a polar bear?: CHECK
A ferret getting its shit OWNED by the funny looking pilot monkey from Star Wars?: CHECK
A bear getting its lower mandible WRECKED by another bear in MORTAL KOMBAT?!: CHECK (What can I say, the best bear violence is bear on bear violence).
Ugly, UGLY British children?: CHECK. I swear; the Brits raise some fugly children. You saw Harry Potter and Narnia. Look like they fly the Ugly Jack, not the Union Jack.
Spunky young heroine?: CHECK. Normally I am not for women doing something action based unless it involves achieving Bankai or wrecking the shit of the Injustice Gang but Dakota Blue Richards was awesome in this movie.
Implied Muslim and Catholic unity to take down the free thinking normal people?: CHECK. You tell me that the soldiers with the wolf daemons weren’t Arabs and I will call you a moron. That is where the world is heading. I mean both Catholics and Muslims believe in some dumb ass shit so you know them teaming up and forming a stupidest team-up that no one gives a fuck about since the shitty Lord Magmar joined sides with the equally shitty Cy-Kill in GoBots: Battle of the Rock Lords:
Anyone who remembers this movie is probably pissed at me for bringing it up. I apologize but that is how much Catholics and Islamic extremists piss me off.
Meeting party members like Final Fantasy?: CHECK. They even had an airship! All they need now is a black mage and some chocobos and we are in business.
Nicole Kidman officially creeping me the fuck out?: CHECK. I just don’t see how people find her hot. If little redheaded ginger boy bodies are your thing then go for it. I will stick with Sowelu:
Yeah, I was just looking for an excuse to put my baby boo on a blog.
Overall, I have to say that The Golden Compass will not do the numbers of (ugh) Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter because people in America love the Jebus and hate things that rule. Think about it: why do we have 50 Cent and Carrie Underwood (who both suck sweaty camel balls) all over the place while I have to dig for an Abingdon Boys School video even though they kick more ass than the previous fucktards combined. This movie had EVERYTHING in it, including a sweeping score and pretty good acting. Better than Harry Potter, anyway. Overall, I liked this movie more than any holiday film I have seen and is easily the best film of the holiday season. Besides….it has bears fighting! Get off your ass and go see it! I give The Golden Compass...
10 Out of 10 Stars!
Now you know what time it is. It is rant time! Yes, it has been a while but it is about that time. Boy, am I pissed the hell off about a lot of shit. So rather than rant on ONE thing, I will rant on MANY THINGS! The weather outside is frightful, but the Chachi is rather delightful because it is time for…
CHACHI’S RANT OMNIBUS III: 2007 Year In Review!
Let’s get this bus a-movin!
Question 1: Do You Believe That Chivalry Is Still Dead?
Well, after my experiences with the female persuasion of 2006 I thought that all women were evil succubae that lived to destroy and suck all the life out of men, and not in the good way. The women I dealt with (which weren’t many, like four) were either all about “grrl power” to a fault or felt a man should do EVERYTHING and I am all about neither. Either I was to NEVER hold open a door or I was to do everything for her and take her stupidity and male bashing in stride because she had been “wronged”. After 2007, I must say that I learned a lot about how women view chivalry and while my view hasn’t totally changed it had expanded. After this year I realized that I still believe it is dying but it being dead varies by the man and the woman. It’s like this. You can write this down, use it on your significant other or say you said it. But you heard it here first:
“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”
Like I said, this is from my own experience and observation but after conferring with others I have realized that this is actually a very true statement. Women view men doing tasks for them as taking away from their independence (Not my words, three separate women who were talking about opening doors and pulling out chairs which I do and have been stared at like a fucking weirdo each time except for once) while men feel that if they do the simple things for women (buy dinner, open doors, treat them like human-fucking-beings) that she “owe him something”. Now I think that in the few times a woman actually either got drunk enough or desperate enough to agree to go out with me (not a date, just as a dyad in a place at the same time) I have not paid only….twice? Never have I felt that a woman owed me anything for doing what as a man I believe I should do any-fucking-way. I pay because I want to and I should. Is it old-fashioned and out-dated? Yes, but so is two back set in the running game but people do it because it works. If a woman wants to pay I usually say no unless it is agreed upon before hand and usually they get al skittish because THEY are expecting me to owe them something because that was taught to you by bitch-ass niggas and your dumb ass mother. Blame them for being stupid not me for having manners.
Which all that being said, chivalry is a two way street. A woman has to understand that chivalry is about manners and kindness, not about ownership and quid por quo. A MAN NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE SAME FUCKING THING! You buy her dinner if you two go out, she owes you jack shit but a thank you. And if you are a dick about it, she doesn’t owe you THAT. Do your fucking job and if she is a real woman, she will be appreciative. That doesn’t mean mouth love (although mouth love on a first date would make me suspicious about a woman ANYWAY) but along the line, if she sees you aren’t a total fucktard and you see she isn’t a total headcase bitch, good things will happen. Long story short, chivalry as a whole, much like hip hop, is dying. Every once in a while you find a diamond in the rough that appreciates what you do or will treat you how you deserve so it’s not all a loss.
Alright, peeps! Keep your hands inside the window because we are rolling on!
Question 2: Do Black Woman Still Not Like You?
You know what? I think this has been a misunderstanding. Its not that black women don’t LIKE me as much as I don’t relate to what is perceived as being “black” in America. Let’s add it all up:
1. I like to go to musicals
2. I listen to Japanese pop
3. I play video games
4. I watch anime
5. I really don’t like rap or r&b for the most part
6. I LOVE THE 80’s! If you don’t, you are a dumbass
7. I watch Adult Swim (Aqua Teens, Venture Brothers, etc.)
8. I use words and phrases that are above everyone’s heads but Nolan and Zach’s. Women hate that shit I have learned. Gotta keep it at an MTV level.
9. I think Bi is HAWT. But in my defense….he's fucking HAWT!
10. I don’t want to get shot, so I stay away from places Blacks frequent (Eden, I am looking squarely at you. Great establishment but I don’t want to dodge bullets on Friday nights)
Combine that with some other factors (no longer live by myself, I’m kind of a prick, no one gets my jokes except for three or four people, I am incapable of love, I’m not all that sexy) and I am not attractive to ANY WOMAN, let alone black women. When you look at my interests and where I frequent, I only attract two kinds of woman: divorced non-black women over the age of 35 and peppy non-black women under the age of 21. It’s….a conundrum. So it’s not that they don’t like me, it’s that what I do isn’t very appealing. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe Nolan is right: I will have to change myself to find a lady. Never, I keeps it real! Real lonely!
Buckle up, people! We are taking a road trip to another question!
Question 3: Do You Still Think That Rape and Abuse Can Be Funny?
Okay, I will be the first to admit that the amount of people that read my blog on Blogger has dropped off (from about 100 a day to about 70ish but I hardly update so it is understandable) recently but my “rape can be funny” comment drew some ire from the internet and from people I knew that heard me say it after the “Handbanana” episode of ATHF. Now I never said that rape was “funny” as a whole as much as the concept and act of it can be used in a situation for humor. Like how Uncle Ruckus jokes about lynching on The Boondocks. I mean I enjoy a good lynch party as much as the next guy but the act of lynching isn’t funny. Talking about it as punishment for fouling a white girl? That is humor. Same with rape and domestic violence.
Now as many (or like…two) of you know I joke about abusing women a lot. The reason is because literally 2 out of every 5 of my female friends has been in a relationship where they were abused (verbally, physically and mentally) by a boyfriend or husband for an extended amount of time and ended up BEING DUMPED by the fucker after staying with his trifling ass for long ass times. Now that is the ultimate in irony in my honest opinion but I am broken inside. I’m not going to say that I was mentally abused by a woman but she did fuck me up a tad back in the day so I know the symptoms and I know WHY they stayed and that is why it is funny. It is tragic that it happens but at the same time if you let it happen over and over then you can’t blame anyone but your fool self. Seriously, is a man is kicking your ass or calling you a whore every ten minutes then you need to leave. If you are scared, call the cops. It is what they are there for. I am not blaming the victim; I am asking them to take accountability because an abuser will not because they are fucked up in the head. As the sane one it is up to you to handle the leaving part. If you don’t, then you really can’t complain about jack shit and in the end it become a tad bit ridiculous that you stay because “we have so much history.” Yes and that history is of him kicking your ass like Vader did Sting in the early 90’s:
Now THAT is a beating. When it comes to abuse I joke to make people think. When it comes to rape, it is never funny. Unless it is done by a fictional dog shaped like a banana:
It is time for the last stop of the Chachi Omnibus! Make sure you grab all of your things because this one is a doozy!
Question 4: Compared to 2006, Was 2007 Better?
You know what? In all honesty when I compare last year to this year…2006 was better. Wait, you say? I said 2006 was the year of my discontent? Yes it was but you know what? I learned a lot last year. I met new friends (WHO HAVENT TALKED TO ME IN TWO WEEKS NAMED RICK!), had a pretty good job (Kind of, better than Comcast I tell you what) and I had a lot of fun hanging out in Denver and not remembering what I did. In comparison, the first half of 2007 (January to June) were awesome as hell. I saw Wicked and A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, went to some kick ass places (Sushi Den rocked the box and Cru was wine drinking goodness. I’m definitely going back) and overall had a fun job. Then there was the drinking sake at lunch which always rules. The next month (July) sucked and if you get a few Tuaca Bombs and Blue Moons in me I will tell you about it. From August until October my life SUCKED THE BALLS. I had three jobs, my wife left me, my crankshaft got depressed, ladies stopped calling (like they ever DID) and other stuff that I will go over in my Year In Review post on December 30th. Aside from The Little Mermaid and NDK, it SUCKED. In October I started at Westwood which even though I didn’t stay long, I had the most fun in a while. I liked the people (I still hang out with most of the people I met there) and the job wasn’t bad, albeit repetitive. Then I got the call from HP and since then it has been good times. Overall, 2006 was still better in terms of life lessons. I learned:
1. Never waste money on tickets for “Pirates of Penzance” on a woman because they don’t appreciate shit.
2. 5 vodka tonics, 5 Malibu & Cokes and 6 beers in an two hours means you forget a lot of stuff.
3. Always have a drinking buddy. Between Rick, Zach, Nicole and Jen I learned that I will never be an alcoholic because I never drink alone. Thanks for keeping my delusions real!
4. Driving alone at 3am opens you up to reflection and gives you an appreciation for slow jams.
5. All horrible things will happen in my car.
Most importantly, until I see a midget bouncer and a one armed homeless man in the same day nothing will ever top 2006. But 9 out of 12 months ain’t bad.
Well, the bus has come to a stop for today! I will try to be up more often now with a new job that opens up about an hour for me to rant about things. I like talking to the peeps. Come back more, your dogs are barking.
Now you know what time it is. It is rant time! Yes, it has been a while but it is about that time. Boy, am I pissed the hell off about a lot of shit. So rather than rant on ONE thing, I will rant on MANY THINGS! The weather outside is frightful, but the Chachi is rather delightful because it is time for…
CHACHI’S RANT OMNIBUS III: 2007 Year In Review!
Let’s get this bus a-movin!
Question 1: Do You Believe That Chivalry Is Still Dead?
Well, after my experiences with the female persuasion of 2006 I thought that all women were evil succubae that lived to destroy and suck all the life out of men, and not in the good way. The women I dealt with (which weren’t many, like four) were either all about “grrl power” to a fault or felt a man should do EVERYTHING and I am all about neither. Either I was to NEVER hold open a door or I was to do everything for her and take her stupidity and male bashing in stride because she had been “wronged”. After 2007, I must say that I learned a lot about how women view chivalry and while my view hasn’t totally changed it had expanded. After this year I realized that I still believe it is dying but it being dead varies by the man and the woman. It’s like this. You can write this down, use it on your significant other or say you said it. But you heard it here first:
“The reason chivalry is dead is because women see chivalry as dependence while men see chivalry as ownership.”
Like I said, this is from my own experience and observation but after conferring with others I have realized that this is actually a very true statement. Women view men doing tasks for them as taking away from their independence (Not my words, three separate women who were talking about opening doors and pulling out chairs which I do and have been stared at like a fucking weirdo each time except for once) while men feel that if they do the simple things for women (buy dinner, open doors, treat them like human-fucking-beings) that she “owe him something”. Now I think that in the few times a woman actually either got drunk enough or desperate enough to agree to go out with me (not a date, just as a dyad in a place at the same time) I have not paid only….twice? Never have I felt that a woman owed me anything for doing what as a man I believe I should do any-fucking-way. I pay because I want to and I should. Is it old-fashioned and out-dated? Yes, but so is two back set in the running game but people do it because it works. If a woman wants to pay I usually say no unless it is agreed upon before hand and usually they get al skittish because THEY are expecting me to owe them something because that was taught to you by bitch-ass niggas and your dumb ass mother. Blame them for being stupid not me for having manners.
Which all that being said, chivalry is a two way street. A woman has to understand that chivalry is about manners and kindness, not about ownership and quid por quo. A MAN NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE SAME FUCKING THING! You buy her dinner if you two go out, she owes you jack shit but a thank you. And if you are a dick about it, she doesn’t owe you THAT. Do your fucking job and if she is a real woman, she will be appreciative. That doesn’t mean mouth love (although mouth love on a first date would make me suspicious about a woman ANYWAY) but along the line, if she sees you aren’t a total fucktard and you see she isn’t a total headcase bitch, good things will happen. Long story short, chivalry as a whole, much like hip hop, is dying. Every once in a while you find a diamond in the rough that appreciates what you do or will treat you how you deserve so it’s not all a loss.
Alright, peeps! Keep your hands inside the window because we are rolling on!
Question 2: Do Black Woman Still Not Like You?
You know what? I think this has been a misunderstanding. Its not that black women don’t LIKE me as much as I don’t relate to what is perceived as being “black” in America. Let’s add it all up:
1. I like to go to musicals
2. I listen to Japanese pop
3. I play video games
4. I watch anime
5. I really don’t like rap or r&b for the most part
6. I LOVE THE 80’s! If you don’t, you are a dumbass
7. I watch Adult Swim (Aqua Teens, Venture Brothers, etc.)
8. I use words and phrases that are above everyone’s heads but Nolan and Zach’s. Women hate that shit I have learned. Gotta keep it at an MTV level.
9. I think Bi is HAWT. But in my defense….he's fucking HAWT!
10. I don’t want to get shot, so I stay away from places Blacks frequent (Eden, I am looking squarely at you. Great establishment but I don’t want to dodge bullets on Friday nights)
Combine that with some other factors (no longer live by myself, I’m kind of a prick, no one gets my jokes except for three or four people, I am incapable of love, I’m not all that sexy) and I am not attractive to ANY WOMAN, let alone black women. When you look at my interests and where I frequent, I only attract two kinds of woman: divorced non-black women over the age of 35 and peppy non-black women under the age of 21. It’s….a conundrum. So it’s not that they don’t like me, it’s that what I do isn’t very appealing. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe Nolan is right: I will have to change myself to find a lady. Never, I keeps it real! Real lonely!
Buckle up, people! We are taking a road trip to another question!
Question 3: Do You Still Think That Rape and Abuse Can Be Funny?
Okay, I will be the first to admit that the amount of people that read my blog on Blogger has dropped off (from about 100 a day to about 70ish but I hardly update so it is understandable) recently but my “rape can be funny” comment drew some ire from the internet and from people I knew that heard me say it after the “Handbanana” episode of ATHF. Now I never said that rape was “funny” as a whole as much as the concept and act of it can be used in a situation for humor. Like how Uncle Ruckus jokes about lynching on The Boondocks. I mean I enjoy a good lynch party as much as the next guy but the act of lynching isn’t funny. Talking about it as punishment for fouling a white girl? That is humor. Same with rape and domestic violence.
Now as many (or like…two) of you know I joke about abusing women a lot. The reason is because literally 2 out of every 5 of my female friends has been in a relationship where they were abused (verbally, physically and mentally) by a boyfriend or husband for an extended amount of time and ended up BEING DUMPED by the fucker after staying with his trifling ass for long ass times. Now that is the ultimate in irony in my honest opinion but I am broken inside. I’m not going to say that I was mentally abused by a woman but she did fuck me up a tad back in the day so I know the symptoms and I know WHY they stayed and that is why it is funny. It is tragic that it happens but at the same time if you let it happen over and over then you can’t blame anyone but your fool self. Seriously, is a man is kicking your ass or calling you a whore every ten minutes then you need to leave. If you are scared, call the cops. It is what they are there for. I am not blaming the victim; I am asking them to take accountability because an abuser will not because they are fucked up in the head. As the sane one it is up to you to handle the leaving part. If you don’t, then you really can’t complain about jack shit and in the end it become a tad bit ridiculous that you stay because “we have so much history.” Yes and that history is of him kicking your ass like Vader did Sting in the early 90’s:
Now THAT is a beating. When it comes to abuse I joke to make people think. When it comes to rape, it is never funny. Unless it is done by a fictional dog shaped like a banana:
It is time for the last stop of the Chachi Omnibus! Make sure you grab all of your things because this one is a doozy!
Question 4: Compared to 2006, Was 2007 Better?
You know what? In all honesty when I compare last year to this year…2006 was better. Wait, you say? I said 2006 was the year of my discontent? Yes it was but you know what? I learned a lot last year. I met new friends (WHO HAVENT TALKED TO ME IN TWO WEEKS NAMED RICK!), had a pretty good job (Kind of, better than Comcast I tell you what) and I had a lot of fun hanging out in Denver and not remembering what I did. In comparison, the first half of 2007 (January to June) were awesome as hell. I saw Wicked and A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, went to some kick ass places (Sushi Den rocked the box and Cru was wine drinking goodness. I’m definitely going back) and overall had a fun job. Then there was the drinking sake at lunch which always rules. The next month (July) sucked and if you get a few Tuaca Bombs and Blue Moons in me I will tell you about it. From August until October my life SUCKED THE BALLS. I had three jobs, my wife left me, my crankshaft got depressed, ladies stopped calling (like they ever DID) and other stuff that I will go over in my Year In Review post on December 30th. Aside from The Little Mermaid and NDK, it SUCKED. In October I started at Westwood which even though I didn’t stay long, I had the most fun in a while. I liked the people (I still hang out with most of the people I met there) and the job wasn’t bad, albeit repetitive. Then I got the call from HP and since then it has been good times. Overall, 2006 was still better in terms of life lessons. I learned:
1. Never waste money on tickets for “Pirates of Penzance” on a woman because they don’t appreciate shit.
2. 5 vodka tonics, 5 Malibu & Cokes and 6 beers in an two hours means you forget a lot of stuff.
3. Always have a drinking buddy. Between Rick, Zach, Nicole and Jen I learned that I will never be an alcoholic because I never drink alone. Thanks for keeping my delusions real!
4. Driving alone at 3am opens you up to reflection and gives you an appreciation for slow jams.
5. All horrible things will happen in my car.
Most importantly, until I see a midget bouncer and a one armed homeless man in the same day nothing will ever top 2006. But 9 out of 12 months ain’t bad.
Well, the bus has come to a stop for today! I will try to be up more often now with a new job that opens up about an hour for me to rant about things. I like talking to the peeps. Come back more, your dogs are barking.
A few announcements about the upcoming Passion of Chachi blog!
12/30/2007 – The Chachi Year In Review!
I will go over the year that was 2007 with a fine toothed comb with the biggest Omnibus of the year!
12/31/2007 – The Chachi Year End Music Video Extravaganza!
I will countdown the Top 100 videos of 2007! Stay tuned for it!
1/13/2008 – 3rd Annual Douchebrawl Begins!
The first edition of Doucheology for the 3rd Annual 2008 Douchebrawl! I need help to decide if I should bring back Tom and Lindsey!
You know the future dates so stay tuned! Until next time, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
