What is up, fishes?! It has been a while since I have just done a regular post (almost two weeks!) and I figure now is just as good as any. It is in the 40’s outside and I am SO READY FOR SOME FUCKING FOOTBALL! I love the fall. The ladies wear clothes (the smart ones, anyway), the Jews fly south and and Blacks hibernate for the winter. At least that’s what the bible taught me.
So it is time for a couple of housekeeping announcements. Consuela will be with you shortly, but until then, here is an update on the greatest even to hit the internet since the Great Porn/Chili Cookoff of 1998!
THE CHACHI’S!
Now last year, it was all one award show for TV, Movies and Music. This year, I will actually break it into three separate shows! The Passion of Chachi Music Awards nominees will be announced on October Monday, 29th and will air on the blog on Sunday, November 4th! Your votes will be encouraged during that time frame and your votes for the nominees are appreciated as well! Secondly, the Passion of Chachi TV Awards nominees will be announced on Monday, November 19th and will air on Sunday, November 26th! This gives time for the new season to impress me (Which aside from “Chuck” and “Prison Break” it really hasn’t) and have more relevant nominees. Odds are, Death Note will fucking sweep. Just a thought. Lastly, the Passion of Chachi Movie Awards nominees will be announced on Monday, December 10th and will air on this very blog on Sunday, December 16th! Oh, and 300 WILL BE NOMINATED! Just too hot for words. Once again, your input is encouraged!
Now as most of you know, I reside in Colorado Springs which has four (five if you count Schreiver AFB) military installations in a 9 foot fucking radius. Combine that with the Cadets at the Air Force Academy and you pretty much have to live “Full Metal Jacket” and “Iron Eagle” everyday, minus the coolness of Louis Gossett Jr. He has an Oscar, you know? Anyway, I have noticed something that is a disturbing trend in the military over the last six or so years. Is it just me….or is our military getting stupider?
Now before you throw a bitch fit and call me un-American, fuck you. My blog, my opinion. Over the last few months, I have met a few people that are one brain cell failure of being a total mouth breather. Much to my surprise, these people were in the AIR FORCE. I thought to myself “either the Air Force is desparate or they really don’t want coloreds in there.” I believe it is an amalgam of the two. However, if I had to choose (which for the time being I do) I guess I would go Air Force, too. If I were to rank the Branches of Military to go to right now, I guess this would be the order.
1. Air Force: Why the Air Force? Because all they do is launch missles and stay as far away from the enemy as possible. Sure they fly a few planes but I can do that shit. I OWN the Ace Combat series. Also the laziest branch as they seem to use computers for EVERYTHING, including wiping their own ass. However, the Air Force is pretty damn ballin. I mean, they have their own shoe:
I mean, you can’t go wrong with Nelly as your spokesman for your branch of service. And letus not forget about Harrison Ford in AIR FORCE One. Harrison Ford trumps out Richard Gere and Tom Cruise. Add in Louis Gossett Jr. and the Air Force is the place to be. Like a Diddy White Party.
2. Navy: Now the Navy should be number one (At the lowest 1A) being as they attack from the sea and Arabs and Krauts can’t swim. That and they have their own kickass DDR song:
What does the Air Force have? That song from “Greatest American Hero?” Cool, but not DDR cool. However, Top Gun” kind of kills the momentum that song (And “An Officer And A Gentleman”) creates. I’m sorry, that movie is GAY and if you like that movie you are “TEH GAY” because that movie is the gayest gay that ever gayed a gay in Gaytown, Gayvania. Take it from a guy that digs showtunes, I KNOW gay. And Navy, you gay boy!
3. GI Joe: Yes, the body massage machines (Fensler Film, fools! WHAT?!) are third. Albeit fictional, they had a ninja, a Black, an eskimo (I think. He wore the uniform of an eskimo), an asian, like three women (They can do stuff now!) a dog and a parrot. A fucking parrot! How many parrots do you see in the Navy? ! NONE! Which is lame, because if the Navy just knuckled up became pirates I would join right now. Singing and dancing while pilliageing and looting? I was BORN FOR THAT. However, GI Joe ranks #3 because….did they ever hit ANYONE? I mean these fuckers were the biggest waste of government funding ever. Their ammo bill was astronomical.
4. Army: Yeah, I went there. Have you seen the new crop of our “Army of One?” They look like bros that only experience with guns is playing Halo 2 on multi-player. I’m not hating, I am just telling the truth. The army has a few good things going for it like…exotic locals the first five months you are enlisted. I mean, if you like sand and lots of it. Hell, the best recruitment video they have is actually a NAVY recruitment video:
Well, I guess the Army does most of the prisoner beating and that’s always cool. Oh, Liquid and Solid Snake were both Green Berets! That’s pretty bad ass! But….M*A*S*H sucked. But Hogan’s Heroes ruled! See, it’s quite the dilemma. However, if you have your choice go with one of the other three. If not, be sure to get locked in a Nazi camp. Laughs and adventure await you at Stalag 13!
5. Marines: First off, I don’t mean the Space Marines like in the Halo Series. If that really existed…I would join in an instant and be Master Chief’s BITCH because he may be the baddest mofo on the planet not named Samuel L. Jackson. However, the real Marines get put in fucked up situations. Usually with only a McGyver kit sans the cool 80’s soundtrack. It takes a certain kind of person to be a Marine. Usually a few knives short of a cutlery set if you get my drift.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the Armed Forces. I grew up a fricking Military Brat so you know how I roll. But the next generation of troops look like Bro Fest ’07. Don’t ask don’t tell works, but not if your troops are drinking scotch in the foxholes and blaring Jack Johnson on the way through Baghdad. At least hip hop can be threatening. No insurgent is going to be afraid of “The Space Between”. Which is where the Bro Troops will invade. I’m sorry, I tried to fight it but I couldn’t. I’m sorry. Needless to say, the Air Force (and Navy as long as you don’t call yourself “Goose” or “Maverick”) is the way to go. Too bad it has become like a Colorado Springs club and they let just anyone in for the most part. PULL UP YOUR GOD DAMN PANTS, BLACK PEOPLE! Oh, and white dudes…IRON YOUR FUCKING SHIRT! Women…you know how I feel.
I will try to have a post up the middle of this week (odds are Wednesday, maybe Tuesday if I get my head straight) as I know I have been neglecting the peeps. Especially the Blogger peeps, because you guys have been down with the Chachi since day one in 2006. Until next time, I will be chasing sunsets. Because one of lifes simple joys…
…is playing with the boys.
Chachi out, sailor!
