What is up, people! I am back on the scene and I want to talk about two things in one. One is something that until this year I really shied away from because I didn’t care and that is politics. I was completely disillusioned and a registered Independent (W00T!) due to the ineptitude of the Democrats and the utter and complete worthlessness (And unadulterated evil and blatant Jesus cocksucking) of the Republicans. That was until I saw Barack Obama’s keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention. I remember watching (And fearing John Kerry’s speech because I knew it would be teh suck)Obama on TV after knowing a good bit about him (My mom’s family is from the southside of Chicago and always talked about him so I knew a lot of his record and stances) and saying “You know, we don’t agree on a lot but if he ran I would vote for him” but I knew that Blacks running for President never ended well if you was “Deep Impact” or “24.” But here we are four years or so later and Barack Obama is on track to maybe be the first Black (Or 43rd White, which no one wants to look at but White people are fucktards and Black people are asshats so I have gotten used to both fucking shit up) President and I give a shit about politics again.
The second part of today’s blog is going to be abortion. As you all know, I LOVE me some abortions. I think they should be given out to women like extra honey packets at Popeye’s Chicken because for me it is the best of both worlds. It pisses of the religious right (You know every time Jesus cries from a woman having an abortion, I have an orgasm. It’s totally true! The tears of Jesus are delicious and taste GREAT in a White Russian!) because they think that God is still relevant in these days and times when I can get porn on my CELL PHONE and of course it pisses off women because they can’t agree on what makes a whore (Hint: The answer usually involves or is completely “Not me!”) let alone when life begins. I may say a lot of things on this blog that may make it look like I am against everyone and everything that isn’t Pedo Bear approved (Unlike Bristol Palin. PEDO BEAR DO WANT….if she hadn’t already been had). However, I believe that abortion ISN’T murder even though I can’t have one and haven’t had to make the decision. With that being said, it seems the news is all over Sarah Palin right now and while I knew VERY LITTLE about her because Alaska is only one inbred child away from being the South (No time to fuck our own family! There are moose everywhere just waiting for a hot Alaska dicking!) so I really don’t care. However, people are making a big deal about how her daughter is pregnant and while I personally think that she should listen to my advice to the Africans (STOP FUCKING) I must say that this is neither a political talking point (Although I am not letting go of the fact it is her SECOND daughter because Sarah faked the first one as hers but that is neither here nor there) nor is it “brave” as the Bible sodomizing Evangelicals would lead you to believe. It is just a teenager being stupid and despite knowing where babies come from decided to roll the dice and have sex anyway and got the worst STD around: KID.
However, this did give me a good reason to go ahead and do a post about my favorite offending topic: how much I love abortions. So, it is time to bring back something old school! It is time for…
Chachi’s Reasons Why…..Abortions Are Awesome!
Reason #1: Abortions Are Awesome Because….It Pisses Everyone But Me Off
Now if you read this blog with any frequency you know that I pretty much will say anything and everything that is on my mind at all points and times. So you KNOW that about 75% of what I say will offend someone because:
1. People are sensitive fuckwits that don’t understand it is the WORLD WIDE FUCKING WEB and they can find something else to look at.
2. I really don’t fall in line with others on my views on issues.
So with that being said, when I was in college I was (And still am) totally pro-choice. Not because I necessarily believe it should be a woman’s right as much as I believe that it is your gullyhole and what goes in or comes out (Repeat as needed depending on your level of whoredom) is your fool ass business. Now I never used to care about it in terms of the actual “religious” argument until I got to Colorado because Colorado loves Jesus more than I hate his hippie Jew ass. The first time I heard that abortion was murder in my first Women’s Studies class. I laughed for about half a minute. Then I looked at her and that bitch was dead serious and I responded with “Abortions are like throwing out clay. Yes it is a waste but it hasn’t become anything yet so it is a wash.” Needless to say, she freaked. Now the pro-choice females in class were offended while Jon (My best friend and quasi-roommate at the time) laughed his ASS OFF. Now I have never been about the argument “It’s my body!” because it is your body when you want to kill a baby but when you get drunk and spread like the West Virginia option and come to and say “your body” was violated you honestly can’t have it both ways and not be a dumbass for both scenarios. Think about it, it makes sense. Or not, I am in dire need of some soju. Now people want you to be for abortion because it is a woman’s right or against it because it is murder. Well, I am for it because I hate babies and Jesus. As for baby Jesus….I’m neutral.
Reason #2: Abortions Are Awesome Because….It Stops Loveless Marriages And Traumatized Children
You see, I have known several people that have only gotten married because of the accidental creation of a child. You know how often those marriages have lasted? I know of only one. Now you have a child traumatized because the mother now hates men and the father now hates the mother and so that kid is fucked up and will either end up stripping on the pole or trying to mug an old lady. Slippery slope I will admit but for the sake of this post I will go there because it is totally against my stance that 75% of people are worthless anyway with or without a two parent home. Understand this; I am not saying that abortion should be used as a birth control for women that can’t stop fucking or men that can’t stop fucking said women. Let’s be honest here. How many of you have played Prince of Persia: Sands of Time? Remember the rewind button when you fell off a wall or did…anything in that fucking game?:
I am not saying that abortion is the Prince of Persia rewind button. But should you lose out on a speed run because decided to have sex with a random person or just know that you aren’t mentally fit to be a parent? Call me cruel….but I don’t think so.
More reasons to come later, I needs me some of that stuff they call the sleep. Until next time (Odds are Thursday unless it is Nerd-Out night again in which Saturday will be it not counting the Countdown) stay up ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
