What is up, peeps?! I am back and I am saddened because due to the fuckery of Sony (I OWN ALL THREE PLAYSTATIONS! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!) I pulled a certian someone off the Countdown with much sadness because I love her SO MUCH!
:(
With that, there is MUCH MOVEMENT in the Top 30 including a record SIX new entries, a record breaking move and a new number one!
30. BIG BANG - Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #25, One Week at #1)
29. Taegoon - Betrayed (New Entry)
28. JAYED - Everybody (New Entry)
27. YA-KYIM - HAPPY FACE (Last Week #21)
26. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (New Entry)
25. HAM T.T. Dance (New Entry)
24. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #20)
23. A.I. Story (New Entry)
22. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #18)
21. Ikimonogakari - YELL (New Entry)
20. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #29)
19. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
18. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #22)
17. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #27)
16. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #12)
15. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #14)
14. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
13. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #17)
12. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #10)
11. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
10. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #13)
9. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #6)
8. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #11)
7. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #2)
6. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #9)
5. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #4)
4. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #23) [Biggest Mover]
3. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #5)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
Okay, first off with YUI dropping TWO videos out we got some new stuff from Goto Maki, Ikimonogakari (Their fourth video to chart this year! That is tied with YA-KYIM for the most I believe!), Mihimaru GT and the return of AI for the first time since March of 2007! Taegoon, HAM and Jay'ed also make debuts this week.
EPIK HIGH moves a record NINETEEN SPOTS THIS WEEK, which was going to happen even without the situation which breaks the record set by Super Junior last week. Also, Inoue Joe holds on for his 13th week on the Countdown, giving him the fourth longest reign of the year behind:
Tsuji Shion - Sky Chord (27 WEEKS!)
Inoue Joe - Closer (20 weeks)
RSP x Bubble Gum Brothers - La La La Love Song (16 weeks)
Yep, he is on there TWICE. Also, we have a new number one this week as Miho Fukahara takes the top spot in the biggest upset since LM.C knocked off 2NE1 this summer. Totally in love with that song (And oddly enough, FMA: Brotherhood which is kind of kicking ass right now). Much respect to Abingdon Boys School who was able to hold off UVERworld, G-Dragon, Brown Eyed Girls AND Drunken Tiger in their three weeks on top.
Well, I will see you all in seven! Make sure to look at the nominees for the 3rd Annual Chachi Music Video Awards!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Kicking It Old School...Because I Ain't Cool Enough To Be New School.
Okay, I am bummed out and tired as shit so I am reposting a blog from about a year ago that I re-edited then from about six months prior. It was one of the first blogs Copper read and I feel bad because it was one of the blogs that GOT ME A FAN BASE and then I got all emo and stopped updating because I decided not to compromise, not even in the face of armageddon.
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Say What You Will About Bobby Brown, At Least He Only Peed In A Cop Car.
Alright, I guess I am back again. It has been about a week and the hangover from NDK is over (Got my ticket for next year and looking at going to Anime Nebraskon if anyone is interested) and I have finally gotten my bearings back…for more bullshit.
WHY IN THE FUCK ISN’T R.KELLY IN JAIL?! THAT NIGGA IS STILL MAKING MUSIC!
With Keri Hilson of all people. Now any woman that will work with R. Kelly AND Chris Brown has something wrong with her on all points but that is my personal opinion and this is my blog so if you don’t like it you can eat a dick and find something else on the web. Now I am not trying to JUSTIFY what anyone has done as a crime. Let’s look at this logically. R. Kelly peed on someone. Yes, Michael Vick punished dogs that lost their fight (Although I would say to you that if we killed the losers of sports more often, we would get a better product but I digress) and Plaxico Burress went to jail FOR SHOOTING HIS OWN DUMB ASS IN THE LEG FOR TWO GOD DAMN YEARS (A blog on that in a few days, actually. It is one reason I am boycotting New York because that is some dipshittery right there) but R. Kelly is documented ON TAPE in the ANNALS OF TIME PISSING ON SOMEONE! Even if that girl was a minor, that aint my concern. My concern is that a grown ass man peed on someone. What is wrong with your head that makes you pee on someone, on camera, that is underage and then have the nerve to say that it wasn’t you. It sure as hell wasn’t Avant, nigga!
He don’t even look like R. Kelly! Now I know Black people have some sort of issue with admitting the guilt of their “heroes” and I will agree. I defend Mike Vick from the logical aspect that once you pay a debt to society that you should have the right to ATTEMPT (I repeat to all you animal fags, ATTEMPT) to go back to work without people who think they are above reproach complain about his actions which in the grand scheme of things effect you in no way whatsoever. Yeah, I said it. I also sympathized with Rick James because…cocaine is a hell of a drug. Same with Ol’ Dirty Bastard. One love to Dirt Dog…
Kanye, THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT! Now I am sure if you have read this blog that my hatred of all things goes in line like this:
1. Jesus (He knows why)
2. Black People (If niggas read, they would know why. But since you don’t IT IS BECAUSE YOU DON’T READ! And didn’t support “Reading Rainbow.” LEVAR BURTON IS BLIND, YOU ASSHOLES)
3. Bros (Faux-hawk = you are gay. If you have one, wore one or are thinking of getting one you are gayer that a dick-sucking train at Kanye West’s house)
4. Conservatives (You cling to guns and religion because you can no longer cling to your cousin. Damn laws can’t stop my West Virginia lovin!)
5. R. KELLY (Okay, I like the “Ignition” remix because it is scandal proof but…HE IS NOT A TARGET! That child’s FACE was a target)
6. Christians/Catholics…fuck it, all of people that read a book with a fake ass deity that made shit from Play-Doh and a bottle of tequila
7. 50 Cent (He falls because I aint even seen his gorilla looking ass in like a year)
8. Turks (Swarthy bastards! Like Persians in hammerpants!)
9. Liberals (I hate hippies, so fucking much)
10. Women (Remember when I said being a woman was the new nigger? You are now at the back of the bus. DAMN, I KEEPS IT OFFENSIVE. Wow…that was NOT COOL)
So with all that said, my anger with R. Kelly really isn’t pointed at him because he didn’t pee on me (Now Keith Sweat on the other hand…) per se, but he did pee on the law and basic common sense. Now every persons defense of this nasty ass man is that is if…
Now that is a logical argument. I don’t see piss very often that isn’t coming from me, but if I saw it you best believe I am getting out of the stream and I am swinging on someone. The common sense aspect of this argument is…
WHY IN THE FUCK IS HE PEEING ON SOMEONE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!
Seriously, I am as open as the next person. However, if you engage in water sports, furrism (Is that how they say it? Who cares, furries shouldn’t be reading this anyway, they should be fucking each other in their hoppy bunny suits) or interspecies erotica (Sans collies, because they are the Angelina Jolie of the animal kingdom) then there is something wrong with your brain piece. Each their own, but that shit is gross. Ask anyone that saw my porn collection in the mid-2000’s, I was one freak of a dude but even I can’t condone another grown person pissing on a minor and say that shit is okay. Now two consenting adults peeing on each other…I’m cool with that. It’s not the first idea I would have for a good time but I also fantasize about a five-way with Kristen Chenoweth, Hyori Lee, Zac Efron and Princess Peach in a vat of applesauce so…what do I know?
Mmmm…can you imagine that with the Eff in a big tub of Mott’s Apple-Cinnamon applesauce? I can…and that shit is HOT. Anyway, back on the deviant (IRONY, it is priceless). At the end of the day, it’s the blatant denial of the fact that he doesn’t have a problem with young women that is shocking. I mean I like a loli as much as the next woodland animal but I would never pee on one. We all know about the Aaliyah situation (Rest her soul, I need me a resolution) and have heard rumors about others and he just acts like that shit is normal. Having young friends CAN be normal but…I think that peeing on them crosses a line of SOME SORT. Not sure which line, but it’s there.
Sorry, I just heard an R. Kelly song on the radio and I just felt like as bad as people have treated Chris Brown despite the fact Rihanna has a dome-piece that could kill a tyrannosaurs rex like Bonk from “Bonk’s Adventure” so odds are he was defending himself because she found the meat power-up…he never peed on her. I think, and if she did SHE IS GROWN AND KNOWS TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. Children are stupid and slow; it’s why they have their own zones and we have to drive slow in them. So we need to protect them from R. Kelly because piss comes faster than a car ever will.
And with that…I think I just jumped the shark. Almost 800 posts, I thought it would take a hell of a lot longer. Well, that is all for now. Countdown on Friday and maybe a post on Sunday depending on whether or not I go to D-Town or not. Until then, stay up.
AND NO PISSING ON MINORS!
Chachi Out
WHY IN THE FUCK ISN’T R.KELLY IN JAIL?! THAT NIGGA IS STILL MAKING MUSIC!
With Keri Hilson of all people. Now any woman that will work with R. Kelly AND Chris Brown has something wrong with her on all points but that is my personal opinion and this is my blog so if you don’t like it you can eat a dick and find something else on the web. Now I am not trying to JUSTIFY what anyone has done as a crime. Let’s look at this logically. R. Kelly peed on someone. Yes, Michael Vick punished dogs that lost their fight (Although I would say to you that if we killed the losers of sports more often, we would get a better product but I digress) and Plaxico Burress went to jail FOR SHOOTING HIS OWN DUMB ASS IN THE LEG FOR TWO GOD DAMN YEARS (A blog on that in a few days, actually. It is one reason I am boycotting New York because that is some dipshittery right there) but R. Kelly is documented ON TAPE in the ANNALS OF TIME PISSING ON SOMEONE! Even if that girl was a minor, that aint my concern. My concern is that a grown ass man peed on someone. What is wrong with your head that makes you pee on someone, on camera, that is underage and then have the nerve to say that it wasn’t you. It sure as hell wasn’t Avant, nigga!
He don’t even look like R. Kelly! Now I know Black people have some sort of issue with admitting the guilt of their “heroes” and I will agree. I defend Mike Vick from the logical aspect that once you pay a debt to society that you should have the right to ATTEMPT (I repeat to all you animal fags, ATTEMPT) to go back to work without people who think they are above reproach complain about his actions which in the grand scheme of things effect you in no way whatsoever. Yeah, I said it. I also sympathized with Rick James because…cocaine is a hell of a drug. Same with Ol’ Dirty Bastard. One love to Dirt Dog…
Kanye, THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT! Now I am sure if you have read this blog that my hatred of all things goes in line like this:
1. Jesus (He knows why)
2. Black People (If niggas read, they would know why. But since you don’t IT IS BECAUSE YOU DON’T READ! And didn’t support “Reading Rainbow.” LEVAR BURTON IS BLIND, YOU ASSHOLES)
3. Bros (Faux-hawk = you are gay. If you have one, wore one or are thinking of getting one you are gayer that a dick-sucking train at Kanye West’s house)
4. Conservatives (You cling to guns and religion because you can no longer cling to your cousin. Damn laws can’t stop my West Virginia lovin!)
5. R. KELLY (Okay, I like the “Ignition” remix because it is scandal proof but…HE IS NOT A TARGET! That child’s FACE was a target)
6. Christians/Catholics…fuck it, all of people that read a book with a fake ass deity that made shit from Play-Doh and a bottle of tequila
7. 50 Cent (He falls because I aint even seen his gorilla looking ass in like a year)
8. Turks (Swarthy bastards! Like Persians in hammerpants!)
9. Liberals (I hate hippies, so fucking much)
10. Women (Remember when I said being a woman was the new nigger? You are now at the back of the bus. DAMN, I KEEPS IT OFFENSIVE. Wow…that was NOT COOL)
So with all that said, my anger with R. Kelly really isn’t pointed at him because he didn’t pee on me (Now Keith Sweat on the other hand…) per se, but he did pee on the law and basic common sense. Now every persons defense of this nasty ass man is that is if…
Now that is a logical argument. I don’t see piss very often that isn’t coming from me, but if I saw it you best believe I am getting out of the stream and I am swinging on someone. The common sense aspect of this argument is…
WHY IN THE FUCK IS HE PEEING ON SOMEONE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!
Seriously, I am as open as the next person. However, if you engage in water sports, furrism (Is that how they say it? Who cares, furries shouldn’t be reading this anyway, they should be fucking each other in their hoppy bunny suits) or interspecies erotica (Sans collies, because they are the Angelina Jolie of the animal kingdom) then there is something wrong with your brain piece. Each their own, but that shit is gross. Ask anyone that saw my porn collection in the mid-2000’s, I was one freak of a dude but even I can’t condone another grown person pissing on a minor and say that shit is okay. Now two consenting adults peeing on each other…I’m cool with that. It’s not the first idea I would have for a good time but I also fantasize about a five-way with Kristen Chenoweth, Hyori Lee, Zac Efron and Princess Peach in a vat of applesauce so…what do I know?
Mmmm…can you imagine that with the Eff in a big tub of Mott’s Apple-Cinnamon applesauce? I can…and that shit is HOT. Anyway, back on the deviant (IRONY, it is priceless). At the end of the day, it’s the blatant denial of the fact that he doesn’t have a problem with young women that is shocking. I mean I like a loli as much as the next woodland animal but I would never pee on one. We all know about the Aaliyah situation (Rest her soul, I need me a resolution) and have heard rumors about others and he just acts like that shit is normal. Having young friends CAN be normal but…I think that peeing on them crosses a line of SOME SORT. Not sure which line, but it’s there.
Sorry, I just heard an R. Kelly song on the radio and I just felt like as bad as people have treated Chris Brown despite the fact Rihanna has a dome-piece that could kill a tyrannosaurs rex like Bonk from “Bonk’s Adventure” so odds are he was defending himself because she found the meat power-up…he never peed on her. I think, and if she did SHE IS GROWN AND KNOWS TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. Children are stupid and slow; it’s why they have their own zones and we have to drive slow in them. So we need to protect them from R. Kelly because piss comes faster than a car ever will.
And with that…I think I just jumped the shark. Almost 800 posts, I thought it would take a hell of a lot longer. Well, that is all for now. Countdown on Friday and maybe a post on Sunday depending on whether or not I go to D-Town or not. Until then, stay up.
AND NO PISSING ON MINORS!
Chachi Out
Monday, September 14, 2009
Much Like She, Life Is Like The Wind.
Aw shit, I am back again! It has been almost a month since I last blogged and quite simply, I promise the gaps won’t be nearly as long as that anymore. However, I am going to honestly say that I am not going to be updating once a day like I was during the Spring. Blogging is harder than it looks…well, blogging without being a mouthy Twitter is harder than it looks.
Quick updates: I just got back from NDK 2009 and I am fricking exhausted. From the soju and the suffering bastards on Friday (Which I don’t remember a lot of after about…8pm. If anyone knows or if anyone is pregnant, you may just want to drop me a line. I’m just saying. Either way, fun was had and odds are this is the last time I will be Chef for the whole convention. Stop crying, children! Chef may return but I want to try something new for next year’s NDK (PRE-REG, FOOL!) so after Anime Wasabi of 2010, Chef will be officially retired. Or will he…? We’ll see, children!
Anyway, enough of the formalities. Now it is time for some people to shut the fuck up. Mostly, people who are upset at the Kanye West incident at the VMA’s yesterday or something. First off, there are some things YOU need to hold yourself to task on:
1. Why In The Fuck Where You Watching The VMA’s?: Let’s be honest here; the last video I saw on MTV was either Backstreet Boys or N’SYNC. Because boy bands were the last time people gave a shit about a music video on MTV. Honestly, there is a major reason why the Countdown has gone from being about 70/30 J-Pop & K-Pop/American music to 100% Asian. The medium of music video is DEAD and the fact that MTV acts like they still play them is utter and complete bullshit. Besides, don’t they have another shitty reality show to play?
2. It’s Kanye West, What Where You Expecting?: Now I for one am a fan of about…20-25% of Kanye’s work. Mostly just “808’s & Heartbreak” and of course the FUCKING AWESOME “Us Placers”:
But for the most part, the dude has gone nuts. So why did you expect anything less from a crazy person? Remember the Patton Oswalt joke about America being the retarded trustfund child fucking up the rest of the world with are special ed demands? America…Kanye is your parallel. Which also means you are a closet homosexual. Yeah, I said it.
3. It Is All Bullshit Anyway: Now some will say that it is her award and it was rude to interrupt her speech and you won’t get an argument from me because I could care less about either one unless Kanye decided to Chris Brown her. Let’s look at this…I mean REALLY look at this. I decided to go to MediaTakeOut (Or as I so affectionately call it, “The Nigger News” and if anyone can remember who I got that from you get a free Shasta) and see the winner list and I say to myself..
“In this day and age, if you believe that any awards show that gives anything but a punch to the cunt to Lady GaGa or Katy Perry is reputable then you need to be eliminated. You are fucking up the gene pool.”
Winning an MTV Award is like winning the award for being the smartest person from West Virginia; you are still dumber than a drunken ferret.
Long story short, you knew this shit was bound to happen and it occurred someplace where I am shocked people gave a shit. I guess it was the most important thing that happened last night because I didn’t even know (Or care) it was on until I realized I was missing America’s Best Dance Crew. Long story short, Kanye West is nuts and a douche. We all knew that, so why in the fuck are people shocked about this shit? If anything, I am more upset he had the nerve to wear that gay-ass vest and said that Beyonce deserved that award. A solitary shot of three women dancing isn’t a music video, it’s just cheap editing. “Single Ladies” ranks up there with DJ Taz’s “That’s Right” as the worst video and song EVER. Don’t believe me? Go watch it and tell me it doesn’t suck. I’ll wait.
You back? Told you it sucked and sadly it was better than that trifling ass Beyonce song. MTV sucks, Kanye West is a douche, Beyonce is an average at best…whatever she is and Talor Swift…I don’t really know much about her so…she’s better than Miley Cyrus. Again, not saying much. Where in the hell was BoA in that category, anyway?!:
Now THAT’S how you make a video, ladies. Start of by being Korean, learning to dance, looking good soaking wet and getting Keith Sweat’s nephew to make you a track. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On a serious note, as I was writing this I found out that Patrick Swayze passed away after over a year of fighting with cancer. Cancer is an asshole. As most of you know, I have pretty much patterned my life around three movies:
1. Big Trouble In Little China
2. Grosse Point Blank (POPCORN!)
3. Dirty Dancing
I also follow the words of Pootie Tang, but I just can’t always understand him. It is a damn shame that he is gone because there are few movies he did that I didn’t like. I mean come on, HE WAS IN FUCKING ROAD HOUSE! Let us not forget about “Ghost” with all of his pasty white hotness. I mean, if you are in to that kind of thing.
Patrick Swayze will forever be missed, and we can only hope that the dreamy Hugh Jackman WILL FINALLY STEP HIS GAME UP AND FILL THE VOID IN OUR HEARTS FOR A RUGGED MAN WITH A HEART OF PURE GOLD!
That is all for now. I will try to be up Friday for the Countdown. I didn’t post it on the blog last week due to NDK and the Hilton’s internet connection being SHIT. So here is the Countdown for last week:
30. (f)x - Lachata (New Entry)
29. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
28. Dream - Perfect Girls (Last Week #30)
27. 4Minute – Musik (New Entry)
26. YUI – It’s All Too Much (New Entry)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #28)
24. DNT – Crazily Pretty (Last Week #20)
23. Ayuse Kozue – Don’t Let You Down (Last Week #25)
22. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #19)
21. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR - Good Bye (Last Week #22)
20. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #16, One Week at #1)
19. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #15)
18. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #24)
17. Gackt – The Next Decade (Last Week #17)
16. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
15. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #18)
14. JAY’ED – Cry For You (Last Week #12)
13. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #21) [Biggest Mover]
12. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #7)
11. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #14)
10. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #6)
9. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #10)
8. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #11)
7. Miho Fukuhara – LET IT OUT (Last Week #9)
6. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #4)
5. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (Last Week #8)
4. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
3. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
2. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #3)
1. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Yes, Abingdon Boys School is back at #1 for the first time since 2007! Anyway, I will be up again soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Quick updates: I just got back from NDK 2009 and I am fricking exhausted. From the soju and the suffering bastards on Friday (Which I don’t remember a lot of after about…8pm. If anyone knows or if anyone is pregnant, you may just want to drop me a line. I’m just saying. Either way, fun was had and odds are this is the last time I will be Chef for the whole convention. Stop crying, children! Chef may return but I want to try something new for next year’s NDK (PRE-REG, FOOL!) so after Anime Wasabi of 2010, Chef will be officially retired. Or will he…? We’ll see, children!
Anyway, enough of the formalities. Now it is time for some people to shut the fuck up. Mostly, people who are upset at the Kanye West incident at the VMA’s yesterday or something. First off, there are some things YOU need to hold yourself to task on:
1. Why In The Fuck Where You Watching The VMA’s?: Let’s be honest here; the last video I saw on MTV was either Backstreet Boys or N’SYNC. Because boy bands were the last time people gave a shit about a music video on MTV. Honestly, there is a major reason why the Countdown has gone from being about 70/30 J-Pop & K-Pop/American music to 100% Asian. The medium of music video is DEAD and the fact that MTV acts like they still play them is utter and complete bullshit. Besides, don’t they have another shitty reality show to play?
2. It’s Kanye West, What Where You Expecting?: Now I for one am a fan of about…20-25% of Kanye’s work. Mostly just “808’s & Heartbreak” and of course the FUCKING AWESOME “Us Placers”:
But for the most part, the dude has gone nuts. So why did you expect anything less from a crazy person? Remember the Patton Oswalt joke about America being the retarded trustfund child fucking up the rest of the world with are special ed demands? America…Kanye is your parallel. Which also means you are a closet homosexual. Yeah, I said it.
3. It Is All Bullshit Anyway: Now some will say that it is her award and it was rude to interrupt her speech and you won’t get an argument from me because I could care less about either one unless Kanye decided to Chris Brown her. Let’s look at this…I mean REALLY look at this. I decided to go to MediaTakeOut (Or as I so affectionately call it, “The Nigger News” and if anyone can remember who I got that from you get a free Shasta) and see the winner list and I say to myself..
“In this day and age, if you believe that any awards show that gives anything but a punch to the cunt to Lady GaGa or Katy Perry is reputable then you need to be eliminated. You are fucking up the gene pool.”
Winning an MTV Award is like winning the award for being the smartest person from West Virginia; you are still dumber than a drunken ferret.
Long story short, you knew this shit was bound to happen and it occurred someplace where I am shocked people gave a shit. I guess it was the most important thing that happened last night because I didn’t even know (Or care) it was on until I realized I was missing America’s Best Dance Crew. Long story short, Kanye West is nuts and a douche. We all knew that, so why in the fuck are people shocked about this shit? If anything, I am more upset he had the nerve to wear that gay-ass vest and said that Beyonce deserved that award. A solitary shot of three women dancing isn’t a music video, it’s just cheap editing. “Single Ladies” ranks up there with DJ Taz’s “That’s Right” as the worst video and song EVER. Don’t believe me? Go watch it and tell me it doesn’t suck. I’ll wait.
You back? Told you it sucked and sadly it was better than that trifling ass Beyonce song. MTV sucks, Kanye West is a douche, Beyonce is an average at best…whatever she is and Talor Swift…I don’t really know much about her so…she’s better than Miley Cyrus. Again, not saying much. Where in the hell was BoA in that category, anyway?!:
Now THAT’S how you make a video, ladies. Start of by being Korean, learning to dance, looking good soaking wet and getting Keith Sweat’s nephew to make you a track. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On a serious note, as I was writing this I found out that Patrick Swayze passed away after over a year of fighting with cancer. Cancer is an asshole. As most of you know, I have pretty much patterned my life around three movies:
1. Big Trouble In Little China
2. Grosse Point Blank (POPCORN!)
3. Dirty Dancing
I also follow the words of Pootie Tang, but I just can’t always understand him. It is a damn shame that he is gone because there are few movies he did that I didn’t like. I mean come on, HE WAS IN FUCKING ROAD HOUSE! Let us not forget about “Ghost” with all of his pasty white hotness. I mean, if you are in to that kind of thing.
Patrick Swayze will forever be missed, and we can only hope that the dreamy Hugh Jackman WILL FINALLY STEP HIS GAME UP AND FILL THE VOID IN OUR HEARTS FOR A RUGGED MAN WITH A HEART OF PURE GOLD!
That is all for now. I will try to be up Friday for the Countdown. I didn’t post it on the blog last week due to NDK and the Hilton’s internet connection being SHIT. So here is the Countdown for last week:
30. (f)x - Lachata (New Entry)
29. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
28. Dream - Perfect Girls (Last Week #30)
27. 4Minute – Musik (New Entry)
26. YUI – It’s All Too Much (New Entry)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #28)
24. DNT – Crazily Pretty (Last Week #20)
23. Ayuse Kozue – Don’t Let You Down (Last Week #25)
22. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #19)
21. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR - Good Bye (Last Week #22)
20. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #16, One Week at #1)
19. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #15)
18. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #24)
17. Gackt – The Next Decade (Last Week #17)
16. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
15. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #18)
14. JAY’ED – Cry For You (Last Week #12)
13. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #21) [Biggest Mover]
12. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #7)
11. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #14)
10. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #6)
9. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #10)
8. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #11)
7. Miho Fukuhara – LET IT OUT (Last Week #9)
6. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #4)
5. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (Last Week #8)
4. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
3. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
2. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #3)
1. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Yes, Abingdon Boys School is back at #1 for the first time since 2007! Anyway, I will be up again soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
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