Even I Have My Secrets. Like I Use Secret Deodorant. It's Strong Enough For Me Too!

What is up, peeps?! Yes, I am back for the third straight day for the first time since April. Don’t getting used to that shit, though. So today, I thought I would try something a little bit different and level with the peeps. I am pretty open about myself and the only real guard I have up is one of rage and scathing humor because my self-esteem and pride were taken in small pieces by several women over the last 5 years or so. Rarely do I let the peeps in and see…the real me. Reason being is that inside me lies a evil that is yet to be unleashed on this world…and applesauce. I loves the applesauce. That and it is easy to have SOME kind of seperation from the persona that is Chachi and the man that is me. However, sometimes I do break the “4th Wall” and let you in to see a little bit about who I am and what makes me they way I am. There are some things I keep hidden from the world, only known by a select few people and animals. Today, I have decided to let you in and show you a little more about what makes me tick. Show you some of the things that I keep personal or hidden from you all for a myriad of reasons. Today, I break that wall down and let you know a few of…

Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!

Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”

Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…

Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee

Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…

Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads

Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:

• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)

• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)

Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.

More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU?! Good, That's Nice To Hear :)

My Blogger peeps have been bugging me about putting the new Countdown up and I totally spaced on it last Friday (So you three MySpace readers get a treat, I guess). I have been posting them on YouTube but I promised I would start posting it on the Passion again a few weeks ago, so here we are...I spoil you.

Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!

30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]

To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!

The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!

AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.

Chachi Out

Alcohol: The Great Stupifier

Okay, this is somewhat of a repeat from 2008, solely because I need to get back into the groove of writing posts. If you have never blogged everyday (Which I did in 2008) it is actually like another job. Only in this job I can completely kick it old school every now and then. Some of this is new, most of it is old and it is ALL OFFENSIVE. You know you love it and you love me. Now suck it up, mutha!

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.

So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:

• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat

Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?

Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.

What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.

Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere

You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:

1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:

A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…

Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.

Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:

"I am not for the war."

This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.

When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:

I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.

Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!

Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:

• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)

However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.

Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.

Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!

Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!

Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!

It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.

Chachi Out.