Break Or No Break Part II: The Re-Breakening!
Is that even a word? I don’t know…but I think it isn’t. Anyway, let’s get started. Yesterday was the rational aspects of dating (Religion, baby killing, tattoos) so now it is time for a few things I am on the fence about.
Kind Of A Deal Breaker: Fake Breasts
Okay, understand something right now: if you have them that is fine. I cant take them out and if you are happy with forgien objects in your chest than more power to you. However, I have always believed that there is a lot of undue stress put on the titty, not just by men but by women themselves. I would say that one in every three women I know (You know who you are and if we haven’t had this conversation…I thank you because your funbags are not a topic I want to have as a discussion piece) hate their breast size. First off, why are you telling me this shit? I don’t care! Your breasts aren’t paying my student loans or driving me to work! If they are too small, SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy with what you have because if someone is judging you for your boobs then they are kind of a cockwad anyway. Cockwad….priceless. If they are too big….SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy you have something others don’t have the luxury of having. You think I get all pissy about being fat? Hell no, I rub it in to homeless and Africans all the damn time! I send pictures of myself to hungry Ethiopians once a week eating at a buffet. Fuck them skinny, hungry bastards! Stop fucking and start farming!
Anyway, the fact that you are willing to modify your body cosmetically for something that is in essence is just there to produce milk and help you learn how to master soccer when you are older (I will give you time to get that one) is to ME (Again dumbfucks, TO ME) is a waste of time and is the ultimate in insecurity. I understand that they give you self-esteem and they make you feel “symmetrical” (I say that because a girl said that to me when I was at Denver Tech and I literally laughed in her face. I….am not a sensitive man) but seriously. Unless one was stolen by pirates….which would be the coolest band of pirates ever….there is no need for fake breasts. To get fake breasts is like niggas with platinum grillz in their mouth: you want the attention but in the end you just look like you don’t want to be. A whore, which I personally believe isn’t fair (I know a lot of flat-chested whores out there that aren’t getting their due) but much like me still being a nigger although I can read and have no felonies it is life. Here is a news flash for you. Both fake breasts and platinum teeth are:
• Gaudy. Fake breasts don’t look attractive. I am sorry, they don’t. It is just like Napolean invading Russia in the winter. A good idea at the time but after the alcohol and dumbfuckery wear off, you realize that is a pretty stupid-ass idea. Except now they are locked into place like Voltron lions. Gotta keep it nerd!
• Not-Functional. Now this is kind of a non-truth because breasts DO serve a purpose: to distract the stupid. Oh, and give milk but we also have Safeway and it is cheaper. ZING! From babies to bros, a breast serves its purpose as a weapon of mass distraction. But aside from that, they are just like niggas: they just lay there…taking up space. Besides, all women do is complain about them in terms of them either hurting them physically (Back aches and whatnot) or my all-time favorite that no one takes them seriously. Well, think of it like this: if you surgically give yourself a third eye, people will look. It is the exact same aspect: breasts that stick out and up like an Kobe Bryant in Japan are out of the norm and people will stare. It is SIMPLE FUCKING LOGIC! Gawd, why is that so hard to comprehend?!
• Self-Defeating. This goes along with non-functional but I think that non-functional is too far. Like I stated before, women feel they have a negative connotation from men AND other women (Because women are the ultimate haters. Talk to one for ten minutes and see what I mean. JUST LIKE NIGGAS! Man, I need to turn this shit into a book) when they get fake breasts. Yet….they still get them and then they complain.
At the end of the day, I am not against them altogether because like I said people do things that I think are unnecessary but I am one man with one opinion. Getting them doesn’t make you a horrible person just like getting a tattoo or an abortion don’t make you a horrible person. Hell, chicks that get abortions are awesome because odds are they will cut a nigga for you. THEY KILLED A BABY, MAN! That is stone cold! I kid, I kid. However, I believe that you should at least ATTEMPT to be happy with what you have whether it is in excess or lacking. Besides, having fake breasts doesn’t mean you should be devoid in…what’s that thing people lack so often…oh a FUCKING PERSONALITY. Just like men need to learn that nice cars don’t mean you can have the brain capacity of a retarded bat, women need to understand that while I fake breasts are okay you have to have more personality than them. I am just saying. I don’t want none of this:
Give me some of this:
Better yet….
DAMN, TOO MUCH BOOTY IN THE PANTS!!
I likes the backyard…I admits it.
Not Really A Deal Breaker: Kids (Unless They Bad. Then We Gots To Have A Talk)
Okay, I have had this conversation with some of homies and they always say “Oh, I will never date or marry a woman with kids! That is ground zero!” and I understand that statement. Kids are a responsibility that I do not want and I have a high amount of respect for women doing it on their own because someone has to. Don’t want to have to beat a kid with a bat because he tried to rob me because daddy wasn’t there to put a foot in his ass. Oh, and for those of you who have stripper daughters because daddy wasn’t there to tell her that he loved her….you can’t win them all:
Doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. You did good. Restecpa. At the end of the day, only Muslims have 70 female virgins lying around because….they is all in those burkas and shit. No man wants a sweaty bitch. This is Colorado Springs and the dude to chick ratio rivals the fucking Smurfs so odds are a woman has had “teh sex” with another man and since people here are dumb from the lack of oxygen they don’t protect themselves. In other words, there are rugrats running around and like Bruce Lee did his demons in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story you to must confront a woman’s children. Which is fine because children are the future and there is nothing more vindicating than warping someone else’s children like I would do mine. Children absorb your knowledge like the sponge a woman wasn’t smart enough to use that would have kept her from getting pregnant in the first place. Or with at least more accuracy than not.
There is nothing wrong with a woman with kids…unless they are bad. Now there is a CERTAIN PERSON who will remain nameless that has two hellions that are THIS CLOSE to catching a brain-ah-bustah:
Now all kids are rambunctional. Hell, I had my destructive day. Yes, DAY because my mom was the master of a little something called “Killanigga-Fu” that kept me from doing a lot of shit. At the end of the day, a woman with kids is a fact of life just like a man with kids. Yes, it is rarer than usual but it happens and that shouldn’t stop you from getting to know that person. Unless that kid is in need of a serious chairshot:
God, The Rock nearly killed like seven people with chairshots. It’s what made him The People’s Champ!
A TOTAL Deal Breaker: A Penis
Yeah…..um….ew. Now understand one thing here. VERY CLEARLY. I am very open in my sexuality but one thing I will not tolerate from a mate is a penis. Little known fact: dispite my love of the theater, Wham! And disco I am totally straight. I don’t care who’s it is….that shit is gross. The human wang is NOT a beautiful thing when it is supposed to be in or on me and it is not my own. Yes I have an affinity for Zac Efron and Bi but at the end of the day we are not having the sex. I mean, maybe some cuddling but sex is OUT. I KID, I KID. I would totally go legs akimbo for Johnny Depp.
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, I AM JOKING!
I’m cereal right now. No more dudes buying me drinks. I feel bad about not giving it up at the end of the night. I don’t want to be a “roadrunner” as Nicole put it. I swear I’m not a whore!
Well, that is enough of that for a while. I am surprised you all liked the first one but hey, to each their own. So I bought my first CD’s since I bought The Little Mermaid Broadway Production (Seriously…I am straight) and I am one of the reportedly over 423,000 people that bought Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III” ON ITS FIRST DAY OF RELEASE. Those are some sick numbers right there. I mean like Kanye or Eminem numbers! I mean….it’s Lil Wayne! Now I have never bought a Lil Wayne album and think his best song never even got a damn video:
That is some bad ass notes right there. However, I decided to give the album a chance in hopes he would improve over the ball of shit that was “Lollipop” because that itself made me NOT want to buy it. So now, let me give you the first (I believe) ever album review on the Passion of Chachi! So now, since everyone else has already reviewed it or downloaded the bootleg I give you…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Presents: Turn My Headphones Up!
Today’s Album: Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III”
Okay, let’s get this out of the way. “A Milli” and “Lollipop” suck ass. “Feel Like Dying” should be on there (there is a hidden track that iTunes won’t play and I hope that is it) as it really branches out, giving us something that is more Andre 3000 than Lil Wayne. With that out of the way, the album is full of average songs for the hype given and in comparison to the work he put in on mixtapes and remixes in the last 12 months (For a while, he had me at “I am the beast. Feed me rappers or feed me beats”. I expected nothing from “Mr. Carter” as Jay-Z has been phoning it in since The Blueprint IMHO while “Tie My Hands” with Robin Thicke doesn’t recapture the awesomeness that was “Shooter” but it is a good groove. I will say this about his album: the producers brought it for him. From Kanye West to Swizz Beats (Who actually made a beat that didn’t reloop an annoying ass sample! Branching out!) the beats on this album are worth the $9.99 price I paid for it. Lil Wayne’s lyricism is unparallel on guest verses and mixtapes but I don’t believe he has EVER brought it like Common, Kanye and even T.I. on a FULL ALBUM. A great album isn’t three great songs (Let The Beat Build, Playing With Fire and Shoot Me Down I really like) and a slew of average songs. Oh, and Lollipop which sucks ass, I don’t care what anyone says. You know, the songs he left off or had on UK or iTunes exclusive versions were better than some of the songs left on for the mass release (I HATE the hook for “Whip It” but that fucker is catchy as hell).
Overall, this album is on par with his first albums (I said I never BOUGHT a Lil Wayne album) but nowhere near as good as his first album. I miss Mannie Fresh. In closing, it was more of the same from Weezy which is a letdown as I was really expecting him to really jump that threshold concept-wise when putting together an album. I don’t know what it is, but the creativity and freedom he gives us on guest spots and street mixes are not heard on his albums and that is disheartening. If KG doesn’t win the NBA Finals this year, he really COULD BE raps Kevin Garnett. I give "Tha Carter III" Three Platinum Chains out of Five!
Well, that is all for now. I will odds are not be up tomorrow as I will be in Denver for work but I will have the Countdown up on either LAAAAAATE Friday night or Saturday for the first time in a year or so. I try to keep a schedule on this thing. Oh, and I don’t post before it comes out….I never thought I would say this…but GO SEE “THE INCREDIBLE HULK!”
I am officially sold on this movie. I will be there! Oh....and Mandy Moore is the most beautiful woman on the planet.
I love you, Mandy!
Chachi Out.
