It is Friday so you know what that means! It’s time for the…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a big debut video!
20. Kid Sister feat. Kanye West – Pro Nails (New Entry)
Okay…I am ashamed I like this video. But I just can’t help it! The hook is bananas and dammit this beat is tits! Plus when Kanye aint talking, he is alright.
19. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #17)
ABS looks like they are spending their last week on the Countdown. I am still looking for the news on the new TM Revolution album but once again I have been thwarted.
18. James Morrison – You Give Me Something (Last Week #19)
James Morrison moves up only one spot this week as he slowly works his way up the chart. Has anyone heard an album from him that I can pick up?
17. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #15, One Week at #1)
NOOOOOOO! I needs me some more May J! She also needs herself a damn sandwich. I am sick of the skinny women lately.
16. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #14)
Snoop Dogg falls another two spots this week as his new video should be out soon. Oh, and his reality show sucks I’ve heard. I will take your word for it.
15. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #18)
Foxxi is back and they are moving up three big spaces this week! These ladies are looking a tad bit older this time around but just as damn fine. Especially Dem. Just damn sexy. Tastes gooooood!
14. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #12, One Week at #1)
So….when am I going to get a new video, Alicia?! Oh, and her album is STILL dominating the charts after five months or so. Now that’s big pimpin.
13. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #16)
Miss Badu is moving on up! I hear her album comes out next week and I am a bit excited. Her last two albums have been “meh” so I am looking forward to this one.
12. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #9)
Sowelu falls out of the Top 10! It’s a shame, I was glad to have her back up there again. Needless to say, she heats up everything when she is around. Like an Asian Mandy Moore.
11. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #13)
Hearts Grow is one step away from their second Top 10 video! Where in the hell is the album, people?!
10. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #7, Two Weeks at #1)
So NaNa holds on to the Top 10 for another week, albeit at the end. I have yet to hear of anything new from the hottest lady to be on the Countdown and I am really jonesin right now.
9. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #11)
Yui is BACK! Her latest video gives her five in the Top 10! I am really looking forward to her next album with it having “My Generation”, “Love & Truth” and now this one. It may be lacking of rocking songs like “Rolling Star” but that is life I guess.
8. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #10)
Mihimaru GT is moving up with this ballad! I am watching this video more and more mainly because Hiroko looks great and….that’s actually all I need to like this video. Any word of a new album yet? Anyone?
7. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #4)
After coming SO CLOSE to knocking off CRS, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR falls from the Top Five. They have a new video out and it isn’t bad if I say so myself. Not up to par with their old stuff but it is still good.
6. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #6)
UVERworld seems to have stalled this week as they stand pat at the number six spot and right outside of the Top Five. Can they continue their previous upward mobility next week? Onto the Top Five!
5. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #8)
RBD IS BACK! Just not back in Colorado as they once again aren’t coming to Denver like a bunch of hot jerks. That is not cool! I am THIS CLOSE to starting a petition! Even still, they move into the Top Five for the first time since 2007!
4. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #5)
Bennie K moves one step closer to their second number one video! This is about to become the ringtone if it doesn’t stop, I tell you what. This gets me hella excited because that means another Bennie K album is on the way! On another note, has anyone found a subbed version of “Binbo Danshi?” I have NO IDEA what is going on but it rules!
3. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #3)
Nelly Furtado stands pat at number three this week. Can she overtake John Legend or will she once again be held back?
2. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #2)
John Legend is STILL looking for that elusive fourth number one video. He holds on to number two for the second straight week as he looks to unseat the current champ. With that being said…
1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
THE CHAMPS ARE STILL HERE! CRS and Thom Yorke have officially held on to the top spot for a full month, and join the ever elusive Full Month Club! Here is hoping that they actually do a full album or at least a mixtape. Congrats guys!
That is all for this week! Can CRS make it five weeks at number one? Or will John Legend become a total legend with his fourth number one video? Or can Nelly Furtado finally defeat John and take over the top spot? We will see next week!
Well, I am out. Hopefully it will be sushi and sake tonight but even if not, stay up peeps.
Diddy Out.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Whoo Whoo! Pain Bus Coming! Whoo Whoo!
What is up, peeps! It is another Wednesday and of course I feel like total shit. I swear, over the last eight months or so I have gone from blinding rage to sniveling pussy boy. I have said since college that as much as I hate emo, the only thing keeping me from going that way is the bad fashion sense. If I am going to brood, I want to look FAB-YOU-LOUS doing it. You know, sometimes I like to take this knife and just cut myself and see how deep I can go before I just…pass out, man. Oh, don’t act so shocked. You knew I was fucking crazy.
So a lot of people have been reading my blog lately (On the Blogger side, anyway. People drop me from MySpace all the time…and you know who you fucking are) and shockingly enough, people have been asking me questions. Seeing as how my friends go (and pretty much in order)
1. Griff (My dog for life. RIDE OR DIE, NUKKA! Like a Black Buddha, minus the halcyon days. Griff is an angry ass dude. And it has NOTHING to do with him being a Muslim, you racist bastards! It’s because he’s Black)
2a. Zach (Would be number one…but he hits me)
2b. Rick (I don’t see him often enough for him to be number one but a man that will let you sleep on his couch when you are about to yuke….that’s true friendship)
2c. Nolan (Because of all four, we would make the best buddy cop movie. A Morman and a Black man fighting crime? Smell the ratings!)
3. Nicole (Because at the end of the day….you are still a woman. And women are the fucking devil)
4. Amberly (See above. More on this later)
5. Ted (Because he has helped me hide many a hookers dead body over the last 8 years)
After that I have pretty much no one to talk to so I talk to myself, Christopher Williams style:
So the fact that people that I don’t really know are interested in why I am such an emotional wreck is touching. Almost makes me happy to be alive. ALMOST. So in keeping up with the theme of this blog, it always has and will be about the peeps. So to show you all that I care….okay I cant keep a straight face. To show you all that I am LISTENING but don’t care I have a special edition of a little something that I call the bus. So grab your bags, get your PBJ and orange slices and keep your hands inside the windows because we are going on a field trip, bitches! I give to you….
The Passion of Chachi Omnibus: The People’s Champ Edition!
Man….that dude was FUCKING AWESOME. So lets get this bus a rollin!
Question #1: Why Do You Think People Suck, Guy?
It has been told to my by several (Read: TWO and I only have five or so people that visit) readers that I have become increasingly dark and more pissed off than usual. Well, I would have to agree with that because my life has become increasingly full of crushing defeats and it is my own fault. I put way too much stock in people and their ability to not be fucktards which in the end gets to be a lesson in ME being a fucktard for thinking people are worth more than the air they breathe. Which they aren’t. So from this point on, I am running under a new frame of mind. Getting upset is rather counter-productive to what I naturally believe in so I am going to change that. How you ask?
UTTER AND COMPLETE APATHY.
Nolan had a pretty good idea about the people suck theory. Seeing as how I would LIKE a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex but that shit aint gonna happen because I am kind of a spaz, it seems like a pretty good recourse. When it all breaks down, the less emotional stock I put into caring about people and what they think, the less I have to worry about being shocked when people disappoint me or piss me off. Rather than get upset or bitch to Griff and listen to Yuna Ito songs all night while I watch Korean dramas (I likes me a good cry, okay?!) and eat Pocky to the point I am too depressed to even masturbate (Which means I am REALLY DEPRESSED) I am just going to say “eh.” No more emotion, no more caring, no more being jaded. Although….this is the ULTIMATE in being jaded but let me have this. I am having a breakthrough here, no matter how fucked up it is.
The way I look at it, with the way my life has been going on the emotional front it is a hell of a lot easier to stop caring than to get mad. Logically, being apathetic about relationships with people means that I may miss out on some earth-shattering highs and possible some wonderful moments. But seeing as how my life has been a series of “HOW IN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!” moments that end in days (read: months) of confusion and melancholy MP3 mixes with the eventual breakthrough and having the “I’m Beautiful, Dammit!” moments only to get stabbed in the chest like Steve Irwin in a tank full of stingrays (It has been long enough. Take a fucking joke), apathy doesn’t seem like a bad idea. To me it seems like a fair tradeoff to avoid the pride-destroying lows even though I sacrifice the one or two moments of uninhibited elation that comes to me a year. Yeah….I am kind of a mess. Everyone back on the bus! Let me make a stop before I plow this bad boy into a river…
Question #2: Seriously….Are You Gay? C’mon, It’s Cool If You Are!
You know what? I have been asked this question twice this year (You will remain nameless, you dumb bitches) and I decided a long time ago that this didn’t bug me but the fact that this has come up AGAIN means people obviously didn’t listen the first fucking time. Even better to revisit because my stance has changed about the subject, too. My answer will be and will always be that I am not sexually attracted to men. Or animals so don’t even think about getting smart…except collies. Lassie was damn hot. Yes, collies are the new Asians when it comes to fetishes. Anyway, I am making no allegiances to women because one has never really made one to me. I mean as of right now, I am leaving my options open to anything that isn’t something I would eat in a pinch sans dudes. And you know what? The only reason that dudes are off this list isn’t because it is immoral (Which it isn’t) but because I don’t want to have sex. Especially gay sex. I mean, I am not a cock tease here and I don’t want to give off the wrong vibe because I aint down for the reach around on either end. For the most part it is easier to be long term friends with a man because there is no real emotional attachment there. Rick has bought me drinks; I don’t see a need to offer him a handjob. It’s because we boys. For some reason when I buy drinks for a woman they believe that I want to fuck them and that is just the ultimate in ego right there. Seriously, get over yourself. You may not read this but you know who you are.
Secondly, I know that I can say what I need to say to any MALE friend that might piss them off because in the end it is either for humor or because they need to hear it. You know how many times my male friends have railed into me for old women?! A FUCKING LOT! Now tell a female friend (Or even better your GIRLFRIEND) that she is being petty about something or ask her to take a look at something in a different way. You may as well try to fuck a lion because both are painful and about if pointless. Being friends with men may be hard because what I like (musicals, disco, dancing, disco dancing, musicals about disco dancing) is almost inherently female sans football but it is a lot easier than being friends with women because you pretty much become Dr. Phil and they don’t listen and after a while I stop caring. Case in point, this was a dialog after telling a female friend about how she was wrong about something last Thursday (I believe):
Friend: I can’t believe you said something so mean! I thought we were friends….
Me: We are. Unless or friendship is solely based on me telling you what you want to hear all the time. I don’t see how that is beneficial especially in a situation like this.
Friend: Are you going to help me and give me advice or are you going to insult me?
Me: ….I am going to give the advice of what you SHOULD do, you will do what you WANT to do and then you will get upset. It’s clockwork. I can set my damn watch to it. So let’s just say this conversation happened and you do what you need to do while I drive because it’s snowing.
Friend: You’re a fucking dick.
Me: Nolan would laugh.
Friend: What’s a Nolan?
I will stop there. This is how a conversation with a male friend would go:
Friend: Stop being a candyass.
Me: Fine, fucky.
Friend: Fuck you too, fucky.
Me: We getting drinks? (Replace with Mario Kart or Devil May Cry for my non-drinkers)
Friend: Hells yeah, bitch.
See how easy that is?! Now imagine dating that woman from above. I have and it was not pretty at all. In the end, I could (and would) never date a man because that is not my thing. Since there is no viable third option (C’mon, Japan! Gimmie a Persocon!) I guess loneliness is my calling card. I’m a Manosexual. Two hands on the wheel!
Question #3: Hey, Man! You Have Been Easy On Religion! WTF!
Okay, I will admit to that and take ownership. I have laid off religion a great deal over the last few months. Mainly because religion is fucking lame and I am tired are arguing with people about shit that didn’t happen. You believe a hippie Jew walked on water? Knock yourself out. I no longer give a fuck about you or your long haired leader. To argue about religion is to argue about belief and I no longer have the time or the passion to do so. You believe in the word, I believe its all bullshit. It is a code to live your life by, not shit that really happened. But if you believe, go ahead with your bad self. Answer this: if life begins at conception, why don’t we celebrate birthdays from that date rather than when they fire out of a vagina like a snap in a shotgun formation? Because you would have to rely on science to find out when it was conceived and then science wins and once again religion loses. There is your sign: religion can still eat a dick but it can do it on its own time. I have video games and bros to rant about. With that being said, the bus is back on the road!
Question #4: What Is With All The Politics On The Blog Lately? WTF!
First off, people really say that and I despise internet speak. So fucking stop it. Second of all, I have always been political, even since high school. Living overseas I honestly believe gives you a new insight about America. Now I left Italy in 1992 but up until then I had spent more time overseas than I had stateside. I began to look at America from another perspective and I realized that…the status quo kind of sucks. Have you noticed that we are two primaries away from having Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton? I really sat back and thought about it and….I don’t want that. That is the chance for 24 years of two types of politics: fucked up and REALLY fucked up. I will leave it up to you which one is which. I don’t know about you, but I believe that it is time for a change. I am really sick of the way this country has been run and how we have either looked like pussies or bullies. I am sick of the two party system with both candidates saying the same thing except for the standard party line bullshit (abortion, the war, immigration, etc). I am sick of Jesus being held over my government. In the famous words of the late Owen Hart…
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE!!
This is the first time that I can remember that there have been two viable candidates running for President. Oh, and Hillary. I believe that if it becomes an Obama/McCain election for President, we could see a major change in the way not only this country is run but how the world views us. McCain is like Ronald Reagan minus the asshatery of trying to eliminate Black people. Yes, we sold drugs to each other but it got there some how. The shit didn’t grow on trees. McCain is a President NO ONE wants to fuck with because he will say he will kick your ass and then he will do it, thug style like only McInsane can do it. However, no one will ever….and I mean EVER want to be our ally again. He may not be a war monger but he wont repair ties with other countries and to some that may be fine but to me that is scary. Unless he forces them and even then that’s not how I prefer we do business.
Then you have Obama. No experience whatsoever. I played SimCity, I could be President! I believe that he could be a JFK. Hell, I believe that if he gets voted in that he will have a Bay of Pigs type of situation. I believe that he will be able to fix our relationships with our former allies and give America a fresh face of non-Imperialistic douchery. He could help rebuild NATO and even bring other countries into the fold and create a global force against asshatery and even terrorism. Hell, he may even give the UN an Army. About damn time, too. You know what else, he better rebuild NATO because with no military clout (Unless he gets a kick ass cabinet, unlike Bush) he will get fucked with EVERYDAY. If you win, get ready because you will be tested.
At the end of the day, the reason I am talking about politics is because for the first time in my history I am excited about it. There is a chance that no matter who is voted into office that the United States has a chance to change for the better. Neither is a fucktard (Clinton & Clinton) and neither is an asshat (Bush and Bush) and despite their faults, and they each have several, they are both going to do well in changing the course of America for the better. That is why this blog has politics now. VOTE OR DIE! But first, the last stop for the Omnibus!
Question #5: I Thought You Were Going To Do A State Of The Black Union?!
Ah, the great oxymoron: Black Union. Well, I will put it to you in one simple compound word:
CROSSROADS
Black people, understand that Obama is half-White so no matter what we have a white President. People seem to forget that. With that being said, we are seeing the De-Niggerfucation of Blacks in America at a surprising rate. It’s weird, I never thought we would see the day. The first people to revolt against the “Crank Dat” phenomenon? Black people. The first people to actually boycott BET? Black people. The first people to defend Don Imus? Black people. I really believe that a lot of us (And there aint that many of us now with the Hispanic population blowing up like a chili enema) realize that it is time to say “we need to fix this” because no one is going to do it for us. However, there is still a die-hard group of people that just REFUSE to let being ignorant go. They need to be dealt with quickly because they are the only ones the media listen to. Initially the thought was if we ignore them that hopefully everyone else would. No such luck as Jesse Jackson has gotten just as much screen time as Obama and CNN even asked him a question about Farrakhan last night. Why is that even pertinent to him running for the Democratic nomination?! Because he is Black. The fact is that getting respect is not going to be easy. We have made it half-way up the mountain to re-respectability in a very short time after the Kobe Incident and all we need is a little more effort. Problem is…niggas are lazy. They are like albacores around our necks. Facetious, people.
Long story short, the Black Union is at a point where either we are going to move into a brighter light and shine….or Crank Dat Batman. It’s up to ya’ll, I personally aint in the mood to crank nothing. And the bus has stopped for now!
That was LOOOOOOOONG! Well, I am sure the peeps need a rest so I am out. I will try to be back up tomorrow before the Countdown. Also, don’t forget to vote in Douchebrawl!
Diddy Out
So a lot of people have been reading my blog lately (On the Blogger side, anyway. People drop me from MySpace all the time…and you know who you fucking are) and shockingly enough, people have been asking me questions. Seeing as how my friends go (and pretty much in order)
1. Griff (My dog for life. RIDE OR DIE, NUKKA! Like a Black Buddha, minus the halcyon days. Griff is an angry ass dude. And it has NOTHING to do with him being a Muslim, you racist bastards! It’s because he’s Black)
2a. Zach (Would be number one…but he hits me)
2b. Rick (I don’t see him often enough for him to be number one but a man that will let you sleep on his couch when you are about to yuke….that’s true friendship)
2c. Nolan (Because of all four, we would make the best buddy cop movie. A Morman and a Black man fighting crime? Smell the ratings!)
3. Nicole (Because at the end of the day….you are still a woman. And women are the fucking devil)
4. Amberly (See above. More on this later)
5. Ted (Because he has helped me hide many a hookers dead body over the last 8 years)
After that I have pretty much no one to talk to so I talk to myself, Christopher Williams style:
So the fact that people that I don’t really know are interested in why I am such an emotional wreck is touching. Almost makes me happy to be alive. ALMOST. So in keeping up with the theme of this blog, it always has and will be about the peeps. So to show you all that I care….okay I cant keep a straight face. To show you all that I am LISTENING but don’t care I have a special edition of a little something that I call the bus. So grab your bags, get your PBJ and orange slices and keep your hands inside the windows because we are going on a field trip, bitches! I give to you….
The Passion of Chachi Omnibus: The People’s Champ Edition!
Man….that dude was FUCKING AWESOME. So lets get this bus a rollin!
Question #1: Why Do You Think People Suck, Guy?
It has been told to my by several (Read: TWO and I only have five or so people that visit) readers that I have become increasingly dark and more pissed off than usual. Well, I would have to agree with that because my life has become increasingly full of crushing defeats and it is my own fault. I put way too much stock in people and their ability to not be fucktards which in the end gets to be a lesson in ME being a fucktard for thinking people are worth more than the air they breathe. Which they aren’t. So from this point on, I am running under a new frame of mind. Getting upset is rather counter-productive to what I naturally believe in so I am going to change that. How you ask?
UTTER AND COMPLETE APATHY.
Nolan had a pretty good idea about the people suck theory. Seeing as how I would LIKE a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex but that shit aint gonna happen because I am kind of a spaz, it seems like a pretty good recourse. When it all breaks down, the less emotional stock I put into caring about people and what they think, the less I have to worry about being shocked when people disappoint me or piss me off. Rather than get upset or bitch to Griff and listen to Yuna Ito songs all night while I watch Korean dramas (I likes me a good cry, okay?!) and eat Pocky to the point I am too depressed to even masturbate (Which means I am REALLY DEPRESSED) I am just going to say “eh.” No more emotion, no more caring, no more being jaded. Although….this is the ULTIMATE in being jaded but let me have this. I am having a breakthrough here, no matter how fucked up it is.
The way I look at it, with the way my life has been going on the emotional front it is a hell of a lot easier to stop caring than to get mad. Logically, being apathetic about relationships with people means that I may miss out on some earth-shattering highs and possible some wonderful moments. But seeing as how my life has been a series of “HOW IN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!” moments that end in days (read: months) of confusion and melancholy MP3 mixes with the eventual breakthrough and having the “I’m Beautiful, Dammit!” moments only to get stabbed in the chest like Steve Irwin in a tank full of stingrays (It has been long enough. Take a fucking joke), apathy doesn’t seem like a bad idea. To me it seems like a fair tradeoff to avoid the pride-destroying lows even though I sacrifice the one or two moments of uninhibited elation that comes to me a year. Yeah….I am kind of a mess. Everyone back on the bus! Let me make a stop before I plow this bad boy into a river…
Question #2: Seriously….Are You Gay? C’mon, It’s Cool If You Are!
You know what? I have been asked this question twice this year (You will remain nameless, you dumb bitches) and I decided a long time ago that this didn’t bug me but the fact that this has come up AGAIN means people obviously didn’t listen the first fucking time. Even better to revisit because my stance has changed about the subject, too. My answer will be and will always be that I am not sexually attracted to men. Or animals so don’t even think about getting smart…except collies. Lassie was damn hot. Yes, collies are the new Asians when it comes to fetishes. Anyway, I am making no allegiances to women because one has never really made one to me. I mean as of right now, I am leaving my options open to anything that isn’t something I would eat in a pinch sans dudes. And you know what? The only reason that dudes are off this list isn’t because it is immoral (Which it isn’t) but because I don’t want to have sex. Especially gay sex. I mean, I am not a cock tease here and I don’t want to give off the wrong vibe because I aint down for the reach around on either end. For the most part it is easier to be long term friends with a man because there is no real emotional attachment there. Rick has bought me drinks; I don’t see a need to offer him a handjob. It’s because we boys. For some reason when I buy drinks for a woman they believe that I want to fuck them and that is just the ultimate in ego right there. Seriously, get over yourself. You may not read this but you know who you are.
Secondly, I know that I can say what I need to say to any MALE friend that might piss them off because in the end it is either for humor or because they need to hear it. You know how many times my male friends have railed into me for old women?! A FUCKING LOT! Now tell a female friend (Or even better your GIRLFRIEND) that she is being petty about something or ask her to take a look at something in a different way. You may as well try to fuck a lion because both are painful and about if pointless. Being friends with men may be hard because what I like (musicals, disco, dancing, disco dancing, musicals about disco dancing) is almost inherently female sans football but it is a lot easier than being friends with women because you pretty much become Dr. Phil and they don’t listen and after a while I stop caring. Case in point, this was a dialog after telling a female friend about how she was wrong about something last Thursday (I believe):
Friend: I can’t believe you said something so mean! I thought we were friends….
Me: We are. Unless or friendship is solely based on me telling you what you want to hear all the time. I don’t see how that is beneficial especially in a situation like this.
Friend: Are you going to help me and give me advice or are you going to insult me?
Me: ….I am going to give the advice of what you SHOULD do, you will do what you WANT to do and then you will get upset. It’s clockwork. I can set my damn watch to it. So let’s just say this conversation happened and you do what you need to do while I drive because it’s snowing.
Friend: You’re a fucking dick.
Me: Nolan would laugh.
Friend: What’s a Nolan?
I will stop there. This is how a conversation with a male friend would go:
Friend: Stop being a candyass.
Me: Fine, fucky.
Friend: Fuck you too, fucky.
Me: We getting drinks? (Replace with Mario Kart or Devil May Cry for my non-drinkers)
Friend: Hells yeah, bitch.
See how easy that is?! Now imagine dating that woman from above. I have and it was not pretty at all. In the end, I could (and would) never date a man because that is not my thing. Since there is no viable third option (C’mon, Japan! Gimmie a Persocon!) I guess loneliness is my calling card. I’m a Manosexual. Two hands on the wheel!
Question #3: Hey, Man! You Have Been Easy On Religion! WTF!
Okay, I will admit to that and take ownership. I have laid off religion a great deal over the last few months. Mainly because religion is fucking lame and I am tired are arguing with people about shit that didn’t happen. You believe a hippie Jew walked on water? Knock yourself out. I no longer give a fuck about you or your long haired leader. To argue about religion is to argue about belief and I no longer have the time or the passion to do so. You believe in the word, I believe its all bullshit. It is a code to live your life by, not shit that really happened. But if you believe, go ahead with your bad self. Answer this: if life begins at conception, why don’t we celebrate birthdays from that date rather than when they fire out of a vagina like a snap in a shotgun formation? Because you would have to rely on science to find out when it was conceived and then science wins and once again religion loses. There is your sign: religion can still eat a dick but it can do it on its own time. I have video games and bros to rant about. With that being said, the bus is back on the road!
Question #4: What Is With All The Politics On The Blog Lately? WTF!
First off, people really say that and I despise internet speak. So fucking stop it. Second of all, I have always been political, even since high school. Living overseas I honestly believe gives you a new insight about America. Now I left Italy in 1992 but up until then I had spent more time overseas than I had stateside. I began to look at America from another perspective and I realized that…the status quo kind of sucks. Have you noticed that we are two primaries away from having Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton? I really sat back and thought about it and….I don’t want that. That is the chance for 24 years of two types of politics: fucked up and REALLY fucked up. I will leave it up to you which one is which. I don’t know about you, but I believe that it is time for a change. I am really sick of the way this country has been run and how we have either looked like pussies or bullies. I am sick of the two party system with both candidates saying the same thing except for the standard party line bullshit (abortion, the war, immigration, etc). I am sick of Jesus being held over my government. In the famous words of the late Owen Hart…
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE!!
This is the first time that I can remember that there have been two viable candidates running for President. Oh, and Hillary. I believe that if it becomes an Obama/McCain election for President, we could see a major change in the way not only this country is run but how the world views us. McCain is like Ronald Reagan minus the asshatery of trying to eliminate Black people. Yes, we sold drugs to each other but it got there some how. The shit didn’t grow on trees. McCain is a President NO ONE wants to fuck with because he will say he will kick your ass and then he will do it, thug style like only McInsane can do it. However, no one will ever….and I mean EVER want to be our ally again. He may not be a war monger but he wont repair ties with other countries and to some that may be fine but to me that is scary. Unless he forces them and even then that’s not how I prefer we do business.
Then you have Obama. No experience whatsoever. I played SimCity, I could be President! I believe that he could be a JFK. Hell, I believe that if he gets voted in that he will have a Bay of Pigs type of situation. I believe that he will be able to fix our relationships with our former allies and give America a fresh face of non-Imperialistic douchery. He could help rebuild NATO and even bring other countries into the fold and create a global force against asshatery and even terrorism. Hell, he may even give the UN an Army. About damn time, too. You know what else, he better rebuild NATO because with no military clout (Unless he gets a kick ass cabinet, unlike Bush) he will get fucked with EVERYDAY. If you win, get ready because you will be tested.
At the end of the day, the reason I am talking about politics is because for the first time in my history I am excited about it. There is a chance that no matter who is voted into office that the United States has a chance to change for the better. Neither is a fucktard (Clinton & Clinton) and neither is an asshat (Bush and Bush) and despite their faults, and they each have several, they are both going to do well in changing the course of America for the better. That is why this blog has politics now. VOTE OR DIE! But first, the last stop for the Omnibus!
Question #5: I Thought You Were Going To Do A State Of The Black Union?!
Ah, the great oxymoron: Black Union. Well, I will put it to you in one simple compound word:
CROSSROADS
Black people, understand that Obama is half-White so no matter what we have a white President. People seem to forget that. With that being said, we are seeing the De-Niggerfucation of Blacks in America at a surprising rate. It’s weird, I never thought we would see the day. The first people to revolt against the “Crank Dat” phenomenon? Black people. The first people to actually boycott BET? Black people. The first people to defend Don Imus? Black people. I really believe that a lot of us (And there aint that many of us now with the Hispanic population blowing up like a chili enema) realize that it is time to say “we need to fix this” because no one is going to do it for us. However, there is still a die-hard group of people that just REFUSE to let being ignorant go. They need to be dealt with quickly because they are the only ones the media listen to. Initially the thought was if we ignore them that hopefully everyone else would. No such luck as Jesse Jackson has gotten just as much screen time as Obama and CNN even asked him a question about Farrakhan last night. Why is that even pertinent to him running for the Democratic nomination?! Because he is Black. The fact is that getting respect is not going to be easy. We have made it half-way up the mountain to re-respectability in a very short time after the Kobe Incident and all we need is a little more effort. Problem is…niggas are lazy. They are like albacores around our necks. Facetious, people.
Long story short, the Black Union is at a point where either we are going to move into a brighter light and shine….or Crank Dat Batman. It’s up to ya’ll, I personally aint in the mood to crank nothing. And the bus has stopped for now!
That was LOOOOOOOONG! Well, I am sure the peeps need a rest so I am out. I will try to be back up tomorrow before the Countdown. Also, don’t forget to vote in Douchebrawl!
Diddy Out
Debate This!
What is up, peeps! Late night blog update as I realize that the service at Old Chicago’s…not so good. Downright shitty actually. First things first, Douchebrawl is off and running and the votes as usual are low for the first round. Same as last year but I figure it to pick up as the buzz goes around again.
With that being said, I am beginning to notice as the updates are coming more frequently, the readers grow so I guess posting everyday would help. Seeing as how no woman will ever love me for who I am (and rightfully so) I will never have a real fucking social life so updating everyday doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Hell, you guys are the closest I will ever get to a date and I appreciate that. Except for dude, we are just cool. I aint down for the reach around. With that being said, I missed the debates earlier tonight (I am watching the replay now and….this shit is whack) and as many of you know I really just wish that Hillary Clinton would do nothing but shut the fuck up. I am really….and I mean REALLY sick and tired of how people (read: WOMEN) are behind her SOLELY because she is female. And I am REALLY FUCKING SICK of how Black people are behind Obama solely because he is Black. Now I have said it before and I will say it again that voting is a right and you are free and able to make your own choice. If you want to vote for fucking Harrison Ford then by all means do so. Odds are he would do a better job than all of the candidates combined. He piloted the Millennium Falcon, you know.
With that being said, you know I voted for Barack Obama for the Caucus (or the dumbest meeting with no punch and pie ever) of Colorado but I am still undecided about my Presidential choice. Here are a few things to take to heart:
Hillary Clinton: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RUN YOUR RACE.
Seriously. You are losing votes because you are beginning to look like a desperate candidate. As much as I don’t want to vote for you, it isn’t all lost. One thing about politics that the American people (now I am generalizing here so correct me if I am wrong) don’t want to hear about what the other candidate CANT DO. They want to hear what you CAN DO. From what I can tell and heard, you have barely done that. You have spent time getting in an “Oh no you di-ent!” battle with Obama. You can talk about your non-existent record (I don’t care if you were married to a President. It takes ideas to lead and you don’t have any. No offense, just speaking my mind) about being ready to be President the consensus view is that you are running off your husband’s name and they whole first woman president thing. I know that because you mention it all the damn time. That should not be your fucking focus! Obama RARELY talks about being the first Black President (because his ass WILL get shot, sadly) and talks about how he is different and how he is the face of change from the status quo that not only reigned in Bush’s Presidency but Bill Clinton’s final four years as well. You need to show that you aren’t like everyone else. Not only because you are a woman but because you are a breath of fresh air with new ways to make this country the superpower it was before. Focusing of the negative of your candidate and sticking to points that aren’t relevant to the election itself makes you look petty and weak. Focus on your gameplan and then implement it on your opponent.
Barack Obama: WHAT DO YOU DO?!
Obama, you are a great speaker. I mean JFK meets Bill Clinton meets Rick James speaker. You have taken an obvious strike against you (Your dumb ass health care plan. Helllllloooooo socialism!) and made it look like it was (almost) a good idea. At least better than Hillary’s even dumber ass idea. You are literally a fresh face into politics with new ideas about how we should focus our actions in America to make us not only better here but abroad as well. You have great ideas to reward college students and make the workforce strong that should create a boost in the economy. You have a plan (albeit tried and FAILED) about how to bring the troops home. You have ideas on how to create a united front in the war on terrorism by re-building the ties with our allies to relieve the stress of our military. You have a great plan and you position it well against Hillary which is why you are leading in delegates and have a head of steam going into next week’s primaries. There is one big ass problem with you…
HOW?
You have not ONCE said how we are going to fulfill all these ideas you have. You know who Obama reminds me of? A coach with an awesome gameplan and no players to make it work. What you want to do with America is great an you have the Democratic fanbase (as well as some independents and jaded Republicans) buying into it. Has anyone heard a HOW he is going to make all of this work? Before you secure a vote for President you have to give insight on how your ideas are going to come to fruition. We need progress, not promises. You have a comfy lead but we don’t know how you are going to follow through. Give me SOMETHING and you have my vote. You sound too good to be true, and that is not good to take against McInsane (MY MAN!)
John McCain: DON’T PULL A HOWARD DEAN!
John, you HAVE THIS ON LOCKDOWN! America is NOT going to vote for a female President (At least not THIS ONE) and there is no way IN HELL America is going to vote for a colored. This is the US of A, not BET. I just don’t think they are ready for that (Surprisingly, the world is. Look at the world news and they are all OVER Obama for the next President. Shocking) for a Black President. Even though you have alienated a lot of Republicans, it doesn’t matter because they aren’t going to vote for a darkie. You HAVE THIS. Lets also not forget that Huckabee is a fucking moron who makes George Bush look like MacGyver. There is only one thing you need to do. DO NOT FLIP OUT! We do not need a Howard Dean moment from you because if you do that you will LOSE.
BYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Got you all in check! Save the flip outs for when you are in office and you want to bomb the fuck out of Burkina Faso for looking at you funny or invading Ivory Coast because Lever 2000 is THE SHIT. You have the military experience (Which I PERSONALLY believe isn’t necessary because this isn’t medieval England where the king went into battle first. The Commander in Chief is as much a commander as I am Duke of New York A Number One) and aint gonna take shit from nobody. You have this won, even if I am not convinced yet.
At the end of the day, voting isn’t a responsibility or even really a right. It is a privilege and I believe we as Americans should research the candidates and understand that privilege. At the same time, it is a privilege to RUN for President. Candidates need to do their due diligence and respect that they need to let us know where they stand completely and how they intend to usher in their initiatives (Only McCain has done that so far). That is all we can ask for.
And White people:
STOP ASKING JESSE JACKSON ABOUT SHIT!
If you stop asking he will go away! He is not the Fuhrer of Black America so quit treating him like he is! GOD DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I am just waiting for a report about Obama talking about “yellow rice” and alienating the Asian vote. Or better yet, McCain saying that but in his defense I would be pretty pissy at Vietnamese people if I was locked in a room for half a decade with no Bleach. Just saying. And I am so off to bed.
*Sigh* People suck. :(
With that being said, I am beginning to notice as the updates are coming more frequently, the readers grow so I guess posting everyday would help. Seeing as how no woman will ever love me for who I am (and rightfully so) I will never have a real fucking social life so updating everyday doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Hell, you guys are the closest I will ever get to a date and I appreciate that. Except for dude, we are just cool. I aint down for the reach around. With that being said, I missed the debates earlier tonight (I am watching the replay now and….this shit is whack) and as many of you know I really just wish that Hillary Clinton would do nothing but shut the fuck up. I am really….and I mean REALLY sick and tired of how people (read: WOMEN) are behind her SOLELY because she is female. And I am REALLY FUCKING SICK of how Black people are behind Obama solely because he is Black. Now I have said it before and I will say it again that voting is a right and you are free and able to make your own choice. If you want to vote for fucking Harrison Ford then by all means do so. Odds are he would do a better job than all of the candidates combined. He piloted the Millennium Falcon, you know.
With that being said, you know I voted for Barack Obama for the Caucus (or the dumbest meeting with no punch and pie ever) of Colorado but I am still undecided about my Presidential choice. Here are a few things to take to heart:
Hillary Clinton: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RUN YOUR RACE.
Seriously. You are losing votes because you are beginning to look like a desperate candidate. As much as I don’t want to vote for you, it isn’t all lost. One thing about politics that the American people (now I am generalizing here so correct me if I am wrong) don’t want to hear about what the other candidate CANT DO. They want to hear what you CAN DO. From what I can tell and heard, you have barely done that. You have spent time getting in an “Oh no you di-ent!” battle with Obama. You can talk about your non-existent record (I don’t care if you were married to a President. It takes ideas to lead and you don’t have any. No offense, just speaking my mind) about being ready to be President the consensus view is that you are running off your husband’s name and they whole first woman president thing. I know that because you mention it all the damn time. That should not be your fucking focus! Obama RARELY talks about being the first Black President (because his ass WILL get shot, sadly) and talks about how he is different and how he is the face of change from the status quo that not only reigned in Bush’s Presidency but Bill Clinton’s final four years as well. You need to show that you aren’t like everyone else. Not only because you are a woman but because you are a breath of fresh air with new ways to make this country the superpower it was before. Focusing of the negative of your candidate and sticking to points that aren’t relevant to the election itself makes you look petty and weak. Focus on your gameplan and then implement it on your opponent.
Barack Obama: WHAT DO YOU DO?!
Obama, you are a great speaker. I mean JFK meets Bill Clinton meets Rick James speaker. You have taken an obvious strike against you (Your dumb ass health care plan. Helllllloooooo socialism!) and made it look like it was (almost) a good idea. At least better than Hillary’s even dumber ass idea. You are literally a fresh face into politics with new ideas about how we should focus our actions in America to make us not only better here but abroad as well. You have great ideas to reward college students and make the workforce strong that should create a boost in the economy. You have a plan (albeit tried and FAILED) about how to bring the troops home. You have ideas on how to create a united front in the war on terrorism by re-building the ties with our allies to relieve the stress of our military. You have a great plan and you position it well against Hillary which is why you are leading in delegates and have a head of steam going into next week’s primaries. There is one big ass problem with you…
HOW?
You have not ONCE said how we are going to fulfill all these ideas you have. You know who Obama reminds me of? A coach with an awesome gameplan and no players to make it work. What you want to do with America is great an you have the Democratic fanbase (as well as some independents and jaded Republicans) buying into it. Has anyone heard a HOW he is going to make all of this work? Before you secure a vote for President you have to give insight on how your ideas are going to come to fruition. We need progress, not promises. You have a comfy lead but we don’t know how you are going to follow through. Give me SOMETHING and you have my vote. You sound too good to be true, and that is not good to take against McInsane (MY MAN!)
John McCain: DON’T PULL A HOWARD DEAN!
John, you HAVE THIS ON LOCKDOWN! America is NOT going to vote for a female President (At least not THIS ONE) and there is no way IN HELL America is going to vote for a colored. This is the US of A, not BET. I just don’t think they are ready for that (Surprisingly, the world is. Look at the world news and they are all OVER Obama for the next President. Shocking) for a Black President. Even though you have alienated a lot of Republicans, it doesn’t matter because they aren’t going to vote for a darkie. You HAVE THIS. Lets also not forget that Huckabee is a fucking moron who makes George Bush look like MacGyver. There is only one thing you need to do. DO NOT FLIP OUT! We do not need a Howard Dean moment from you because if you do that you will LOSE.
BYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Got you all in check! Save the flip outs for when you are in office and you want to bomb the fuck out of Burkina Faso for looking at you funny or invading Ivory Coast because Lever 2000 is THE SHIT. You have the military experience (Which I PERSONALLY believe isn’t necessary because this isn’t medieval England where the king went into battle first. The Commander in Chief is as much a commander as I am Duke of New York A Number One) and aint gonna take shit from nobody. You have this won, even if I am not convinced yet.
At the end of the day, voting isn’t a responsibility or even really a right. It is a privilege and I believe we as Americans should research the candidates and understand that privilege. At the same time, it is a privilege to RUN for President. Candidates need to do their due diligence and respect that they need to let us know where they stand completely and how they intend to usher in their initiatives (Only McCain has done that so far). That is all we can ask for.
And White people:
STOP ASKING JESSE JACKSON ABOUT SHIT!
If you stop asking he will go away! He is not the Fuhrer of Black America so quit treating him like he is! GOD DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I am just waiting for a report about Obama talking about “yellow rice” and alienating the Asian vote. Or better yet, McCain saying that but in his defense I would be pretty pissy at Vietnamese people if I was locked in a room for half a decade with no Bleach. Just saying. And I am so off to bed.
*Sigh* People suck. :(
Sunday, February 24, 2008
For Once, I Didn't Want To Be Right.
So…it looks like I was right.
So after five years of saying it, a woman finally validates it in print. USA! USA! USA! I don’t want to be right about this but if I know about anything, it’s about jerks because women can be them to. If I love anything….it’s the merry go round of a bad woman:
Sing it Keith! 1990 all up in this bitch!
I digress. Women like jerks for two reasons:
1. The initial attention. I mean, if Ike caught Tina with an uppercut to the gut in that first scene of “What’s Love Got To Do With It” I am sure their first date would have been a LITTLE bit different. Jerks will lie and do anything to build up your confidence in hopes of getting your guard down and WHAM! Spike to the skull called a mentally abusive relationship. I have seen it and had it done to me. I tell you, it sucks ass. Yes, there are women jerks too.
2. The seeking of validation. This is also called the “daddy issue” which is another rant altogether but I will touch on here. Nolan and I had this discussion yesterday (working retail, you gotta love it) about how prostitutes have been scientifically shown to be able to have sex with multiple partners because they feel they have an emotional attachment to all their “johns.” So in essence (follow me here because this is where it gets rather deep) when a woman has multiple partners or dates multiple jerks (Yet isn’t a “whore” because they only fuck INDIRECTLY for money) they develop an emotional attachment to said person via sex rather than…actually getting to know the person. I mean that shit is difficult to do, actually TALKING TO PEOPLE AND FINDING OUT THE KIND OF PERSON THEY ARE. While sober, I mean. Men (all three of you that read this) do you ever talk to a woman that you may meet in a club or bar (Bad move already!) and wonder how she can breathe and walk at the same time? You listen to them talk and their social knowledge doesn’t rise above reality TV and Gilmore Girls (Or if they are over 30, Desperate Housewives or Sex In The City)? Congratulations, you have met the woman that woman.
I had this argument in my Women’s Studies classes all the time and everyone would get upset until I proved that they were one of those women. And then we would never speak again. There is a large segment of women out there (I have to go with 35%-40%) that believe that sex equals love. That validates how escorts can do what they do. It also validates women that give it up a lot to no avail. Just because you have sex with a man doesn’t me he loves you. Transition time!
Now on the OTHER hand, now it is time for the men. Men are idiots for the most part and women are REALLY STUPID by giving them way too much credit. Think about it, if men had an emotional attachment to sex as much as women, how could so many of them pay for it and go back to their wives at the end of the night? Men are emotionally inept for the most part which is why jerks are so appealing because like bros they are the norm. A man completely vapid and devoid of any social or emotional charm (But is able to recite rap lyrics or a Jack Johnson song) is a lot easier to attain because he isn’t going to ask you a lot of questions about you because most ladies looking to find a man in a club are EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP ANYWAY. Men know that and that is why they go and invest in buying you drinks. You think he is interested in YOU while he is interested in what being INSIDE OF YOU. Yes, you heard me. I am giving NEITHER SEX credit because both of us are fucking stupid and dont understand each other and that is why we don’t get along.
In the end, the “spell of the jerk” is just them telling you what you want to hear for long enough to get in your pants. At that point, YOU want to start a relationship while HE gets too deep in the game and doesn’t want to seem like a dick completely to your friends. Not because cares, but because he may (OR HAS) want to fuck your hotter, even more emotionally broken friend. So then either he cheats on you and you leave (Or in most cases stay which once again…another rant altogether. Yeah, I’ve been there) or he leaves because he “needs his space” which means he wants to fill another woman space if you know what I mean. And I think you do: coitus. Then you whine to your friends (Or to me which gets annoying because usually I have told you what to do about twelve times before and you didn’t FUCKING DO IT or you are interrupting precious Devil may Cry 4 time) about how “You couldn’t believe you stayed so long!” and “I can’t believe he did this to me! I gave him everything!” when at the end of the day you knew what you were getting into from the start. You can say you didn’t know (Trust me, I know the symptoms because I had them) but at the end of the day, the majority of men are not hard to read. If they are, they are usually single because men that are hard to read means that a woman actually has to work at a conversation or an interaction and why strike up a good conversation when you could just give up the yak because juicy gets the jerks crazy:
To wrap it up in a nutshell, women want jerks because jerks are emotionally inept which means they don’t have to work to build a relationship until AFTER they are together. That is slamming down the outside of a house and then building a frame from the inside. It could work but more often than not, the house ends up falling on top of you and the damage to your head is so severe that you can never build a house correctly again. This breeds insane behavior because at THAT point you try to start relationships the same way with the same type of guys and then it NEVER works because you expect this time to be different and it never is. *Sigh* I am really telling all of this to myself. DRU HILL, HELP ME SING IT!
Everything I say to you I mean about me! – Master Shake
Tis’ all in good fun.
Diddy Out.
So after five years of saying it, a woman finally validates it in print. USA! USA! USA! I don’t want to be right about this but if I know about anything, it’s about jerks because women can be them to. If I love anything….it’s the merry go round of a bad woman:
Sing it Keith! 1990 all up in this bitch!
I digress. Women like jerks for two reasons:
1. The initial attention. I mean, if Ike caught Tina with an uppercut to the gut in that first scene of “What’s Love Got To Do With It” I am sure their first date would have been a LITTLE bit different. Jerks will lie and do anything to build up your confidence in hopes of getting your guard down and WHAM! Spike to the skull called a mentally abusive relationship. I have seen it and had it done to me. I tell you, it sucks ass. Yes, there are women jerks too.
2. The seeking of validation. This is also called the “daddy issue” which is another rant altogether but I will touch on here. Nolan and I had this discussion yesterday (working retail, you gotta love it) about how prostitutes have been scientifically shown to be able to have sex with multiple partners because they feel they have an emotional attachment to all their “johns.” So in essence (follow me here because this is where it gets rather deep) when a woman has multiple partners or dates multiple jerks (Yet isn’t a “whore” because they only fuck INDIRECTLY for money) they develop an emotional attachment to said person via sex rather than…actually getting to know the person. I mean that shit is difficult to do, actually TALKING TO PEOPLE AND FINDING OUT THE KIND OF PERSON THEY ARE. While sober, I mean. Men (all three of you that read this) do you ever talk to a woman that you may meet in a club or bar (Bad move already!) and wonder how she can breathe and walk at the same time? You listen to them talk and their social knowledge doesn’t rise above reality TV and Gilmore Girls (Or if they are over 30, Desperate Housewives or Sex In The City)? Congratulations, you have met the woman that woman.
I had this argument in my Women’s Studies classes all the time and everyone would get upset until I proved that they were one of those women. And then we would never speak again. There is a large segment of women out there (I have to go with 35%-40%) that believe that sex equals love. That validates how escorts can do what they do. It also validates women that give it up a lot to no avail. Just because you have sex with a man doesn’t me he loves you. Transition time!
Now on the OTHER hand, now it is time for the men. Men are idiots for the most part and women are REALLY STUPID by giving them way too much credit. Think about it, if men had an emotional attachment to sex as much as women, how could so many of them pay for it and go back to their wives at the end of the night? Men are emotionally inept for the most part which is why jerks are so appealing because like bros they are the norm. A man completely vapid and devoid of any social or emotional charm (But is able to recite rap lyrics or a Jack Johnson song) is a lot easier to attain because he isn’t going to ask you a lot of questions about you because most ladies looking to find a man in a club are EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP ANYWAY. Men know that and that is why they go and invest in buying you drinks. You think he is interested in YOU while he is interested in what being INSIDE OF YOU. Yes, you heard me. I am giving NEITHER SEX credit because both of us are fucking stupid and dont understand each other and that is why we don’t get along.
In the end, the “spell of the jerk” is just them telling you what you want to hear for long enough to get in your pants. At that point, YOU want to start a relationship while HE gets too deep in the game and doesn’t want to seem like a dick completely to your friends. Not because cares, but because he may (OR HAS) want to fuck your hotter, even more emotionally broken friend. So then either he cheats on you and you leave (Or in most cases stay which once again…another rant altogether. Yeah, I’ve been there) or he leaves because he “needs his space” which means he wants to fill another woman space if you know what I mean. And I think you do: coitus. Then you whine to your friends (Or to me which gets annoying because usually I have told you what to do about twelve times before and you didn’t FUCKING DO IT or you are interrupting precious Devil may Cry 4 time) about how “You couldn’t believe you stayed so long!” and “I can’t believe he did this to me! I gave him everything!” when at the end of the day you knew what you were getting into from the start. You can say you didn’t know (Trust me, I know the symptoms because I had them) but at the end of the day, the majority of men are not hard to read. If they are, they are usually single because men that are hard to read means that a woman actually has to work at a conversation or an interaction and why strike up a good conversation when you could just give up the yak because juicy gets the jerks crazy:
To wrap it up in a nutshell, women want jerks because jerks are emotionally inept which means they don’t have to work to build a relationship until AFTER they are together. That is slamming down the outside of a house and then building a frame from the inside. It could work but more often than not, the house ends up falling on top of you and the damage to your head is so severe that you can never build a house correctly again. This breeds insane behavior because at THAT point you try to start relationships the same way with the same type of guys and then it NEVER works because you expect this time to be different and it never is. *Sigh* I am really telling all of this to myself. DRU HILL, HELP ME SING IT!
Everything I say to you I mean about me! – Master Shake
Tis’ all in good fun.
Diddy Out.
Well, At Least The Trains Run On Time.
Okay, I have had e-fucking-nough. It is time for me to lay down the fucking law to you fuckers. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKING CITY. Not just this city, the entire country but I have to handle one issue at a time. The idiots, bros, whores and fucktards have ran this city long enough and now they need to be told what is wrong and shot in the fucking balls so they can’t reproduce. I am FINISHED PLAYING. Niggas get slapped for breathing from this day forward.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in access is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the indigence that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes!Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Diddy Out.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in access is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the indigence that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes!Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Diddy Out.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Saturday Morning Madness!!!
What is up, people! First order of business: I am going to try to get the Douchebrawl polls set up tomorrow. It is over a month late and I need to get on it. The kick off will be next Sunday but I will try to get all the code done tomorrow. I apologize for the lateness but I will get it fixed.
Secondly, time for what makes this blog what it is: randomness. If you have been reading this you know of my love-hate relationship with Naruto. I loved the first episodes that I got on MiRC and then all of a sudden after Sasuke left it started to suck and I didn’t know why. After it was explained to me that the last….120+ episodes were FUCKING FILLER AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT I said “fuck this” and took up Zach’s offer to copy his Bleach folder and the rest is history (I fought that for months until he just said to stop masturbating and watch it. That line is also how I got him to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I guess it's why we boys). So I guess I have to thank the sucking of Naruto for making me give Bleach a second chance because I thought it was boring for the first three episodes. Too bad I invested like 40 episodes into that shitball before I realized Bleach ruled its face.
However, I have taken up to reading the manga of Naruto after the “Naruto v. Orochimaru” arc on the show and all I can say is that Naruto may just be the most bad-ass thing I ever read . Seriously, I am just as shocked as you are! I was totally expecting the manga to suck like it had the show had last year or so (I was not feeling the Naruto vs. Orochimaru fight anyway) but I was dead wrong. This shit gets GOOD! I mean real good! I am reading Bleach and Naruto at the same time now and I am almost caught up on Naruto (I am about 11 volumes behind, about 379 I believe) and I have a few spoilers that I am not going to say but I will let you know a few things:
· Sasuke = Sephiroth. Yes, I said it and I am shocked. Just know that he goes from emo-bitch boy crying about how much his life is pain and suffering to one evil motherfucker. I mean a Puppy punting, kitten eating, midget raping asshole in the vein of Bowser and Dark Force. From…the Phantasy Star series. Yes…I am a nerd. Sue me.
· Naruto is no longer a punk bitch, either: Okay, most of this has to do with his American voice actor. The Japanese voice actor is AWESOME and the fight between Sasuke and Naruto was enhanced by their work. However, in the manga Naruto is not the whiney tennage her was in the original. He is a tad too emo for my tastes but better to be emo than a fucking pussy. Yes, I know they are pretty much the same thing. Oh, I went there.
· Brother vs. Brother! Yes, Sasuke and Itachi FINALLY get it on Bret Hart v. Owen Hart in a steel cage style! Not going to ruin it but if you are a fan the fight it’s worth the wait. If you aren’t you want to do some research because it is heavily backstory laden. Even still, it’s awesome!
· FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Now I for one HATED the giant toad bullshit. I don’t get the whole “ninjas and toads” thing. If someone does, please let me know. But the battles in the manga make up for the crapitude that was the filler and the dumb stuff of the first arcs. People lose limbs, vital organs and even torsos! Which I guess falls in the vital organs portion.
· Orochimaru gets it: VGCats had it right: the dude is a fucking pedophile.
Now don’t get it twisted, I am all about the Hueco Mundo Arc in Bleach. If you are looking now, here comes a spoiler but I THINK Zaraki is about to achieve bankai and that noise you heard last night was my hardest & loudest orgasam since I powered up Final Fantasy VII for the first time. With that being said, Naruto is creeping up and making up for a whole shitload of shitty shit shit by rocking the box. So, I apologize for the mean things I said about the manga. The dubbing still sucks ass though.
Okay, now for a tad bit of an offensive observation. Why are about ½ of the Japanese restaurants here owned by Koreans? Does Japan know about this? Emperor Hirohito is turning in his grave! What is even weirder is that they act like we don’t know what’s going on! I went to my “How To Differentiate Between Asians” classes! Bi looks nothing like Gackt!
Although both are hella hot. Ai Otsuka and Bae Seul Gi look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:
Again, I want to be the roast beef in that potato bread sandwich. Most importantly you racist bastards, SAKE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE SOJU!!!
Both taste the exact same: like delicious, delicious pain. Not complaining, just an observation and I found it weird. It’s like white people running all the Popeye’s. ZING! Also, why is there never any music playing in any kind of Asian restaurant. I understand you want to accommodate the customer but if I go to get me some bulgogi I don’t want to listen to Rick Astley. I just don’t. I want to hear some Minwoo:
Like Bi V.2 I swear. I go to a restaurant that serves food from another country I don’t need to feel like I am still in America. I don’t want to hear Beyonce while I drink sake. Give me so “Yatta!” or something! Maybe I am just nitpicking but still.
Oh, and for people that cannot handle sake: you are not a real drinker. That is all. You are a punk, a coward and you are no better than a drunk Irishman. Or an Irishman. They are one in the same. That is all for now, I may be back tomorrow but until next time, stay up.
Diddy Out
Secondly, time for what makes this blog what it is: randomness. If you have been reading this you know of my love-hate relationship with Naruto. I loved the first episodes that I got on MiRC and then all of a sudden after Sasuke left it started to suck and I didn’t know why. After it was explained to me that the last….120+ episodes were FUCKING FILLER AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT I said “fuck this” and took up Zach’s offer to copy his Bleach folder and the rest is history (I fought that for months until he just said to stop masturbating and watch it. That line is also how I got him to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I guess it's why we boys). So I guess I have to thank the sucking of Naruto for making me give Bleach a second chance because I thought it was boring for the first three episodes. Too bad I invested like 40 episodes into that shitball before I realized Bleach ruled its face.
However, I have taken up to reading the manga of Naruto after the “Naruto v. Orochimaru” arc on the show and all I can say is that Naruto may just be the most bad-ass thing I ever read . Seriously, I am just as shocked as you are! I was totally expecting the manga to suck like it had the show had last year or so (I was not feeling the Naruto vs. Orochimaru fight anyway) but I was dead wrong. This shit gets GOOD! I mean real good! I am reading Bleach and Naruto at the same time now and I am almost caught up on Naruto (I am about 11 volumes behind, about 379 I believe) and I have a few spoilers that I am not going to say but I will let you know a few things:
· Sasuke = Sephiroth. Yes, I said it and I am shocked. Just know that he goes from emo-bitch boy crying about how much his life is pain and suffering to one evil motherfucker. I mean a Puppy punting, kitten eating, midget raping asshole in the vein of Bowser and Dark Force. From…the Phantasy Star series. Yes…I am a nerd. Sue me.
· Naruto is no longer a punk bitch, either: Okay, most of this has to do with his American voice actor. The Japanese voice actor is AWESOME and the fight between Sasuke and Naruto was enhanced by their work. However, in the manga Naruto is not the whiney tennage her was in the original. He is a tad too emo for my tastes but better to be emo than a fucking pussy. Yes, I know they are pretty much the same thing. Oh, I went there.
· Brother vs. Brother! Yes, Sasuke and Itachi FINALLY get it on Bret Hart v. Owen Hart in a steel cage style! Not going to ruin it but if you are a fan the fight it’s worth the wait. If you aren’t you want to do some research because it is heavily backstory laden. Even still, it’s awesome!
· FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Now I for one HATED the giant toad bullshit. I don’t get the whole “ninjas and toads” thing. If someone does, please let me know. But the battles in the manga make up for the crapitude that was the filler and the dumb stuff of the first arcs. People lose limbs, vital organs and even torsos! Which I guess falls in the vital organs portion.
· Orochimaru gets it: VGCats had it right: the dude is a fucking pedophile.
Now don’t get it twisted, I am all about the Hueco Mundo Arc in Bleach. If you are looking now, here comes a spoiler but I THINK Zaraki is about to achieve bankai and that noise you heard last night was my hardest & loudest orgasam since I powered up Final Fantasy VII for the first time. With that being said, Naruto is creeping up and making up for a whole shitload of shitty shit shit by rocking the box. So, I apologize for the mean things I said about the manga. The dubbing still sucks ass though.
Okay, now for a tad bit of an offensive observation. Why are about ½ of the Japanese restaurants here owned by Koreans? Does Japan know about this? Emperor Hirohito is turning in his grave! What is even weirder is that they act like we don’t know what’s going on! I went to my “How To Differentiate Between Asians” classes! Bi looks nothing like Gackt!
Although both are hella hot. Ai Otsuka and Bae Seul Gi look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:
Again, I want to be the roast beef in that potato bread sandwich. Most importantly you racist bastards, SAKE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE SOJU!!!
Both taste the exact same: like delicious, delicious pain. Not complaining, just an observation and I found it weird. It’s like white people running all the Popeye’s. ZING! Also, why is there never any music playing in any kind of Asian restaurant. I understand you want to accommodate the customer but if I go to get me some bulgogi I don’t want to listen to Rick Astley. I just don’t. I want to hear some Minwoo:
Like Bi V.2 I swear. I go to a restaurant that serves food from another country I don’t need to feel like I am still in America. I don’t want to hear Beyonce while I drink sake. Give me so “Yatta!” or something! Maybe I am just nitpicking but still.
Oh, and for people that cannot handle sake: you are not a real drinker. That is all. You are a punk, a coward and you are no better than a drunk Irishman. Or an Irishman. They are one in the same. That is all for now, I may be back tomorrow but until next time, stay up.
Diddy Out
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Hip Hop Aint Dead! It Just Needs Some Electroshock...
No time to waste as I am sleepy!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start with the longest staying video in Countdown history!
20. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1)
The (disputed) Queen of the Countdown holds on for one more week! The ride is pretty much over, but after almost six months who is complaining or holding it against her?
19. James Morrison – You Give Me Something (New Entry)
This was a video that almost made it on a few weeks ago but it was hell trying to find the video for it. Now I have and it is brilliant in its simplicity. I love this song STILL even though it’s rather old. James Morrison will be the next John Mayer as the “white dude with soul.” Bet on it.
18. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (New Entry)
Well, I knew as soon as I saw this video it was going to be on here and so did you. I love Foxxi MisQ and so should you. It has been almost 8 months since “Gloss” and they have been missed. Most importantly…DEM GREW HER HAIR OUT!!! HAWT!
17. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #15)
NEW TM REVOLUTION COMING SOON!
16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #19)
Miss Badu moves up three big spots this week. Can she lay claim to the Queen of the Countdown throne?
15. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #14, One Week at #1)
May J falls a spot this week as there is nothing new from what I can see so far.
14. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #12)
New video by Snoop! Havent seen it yet, but I am a fan of the song itself, which is a rarity for his Dogg-ness.
13. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #16)
Hearts Grow once again is moving up the Countdown. Where is an album from them? Three singles over a calendar year and nothing? Who do they think they are, Namie Amuro?!
12. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Alicia out of the Top 10 doesn’t feel right.
11. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #12)
This week Yui only moves up one spot as she looks for her fifth Top Ten video!
10. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #11)
For the third time in a row, Mihimaru GT hits the top half!
9. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #6)
Sowelu falls three big spots this week. New video though, so not all that bad.
8. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
Mmm….Anahi.
7. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
For the first time since November, we don’t have a NaNa video in the Top Five! That is quite a run for this young lady.
6. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #7)
UVERworld is making its way up this week, hopping up one more spot. Seems to be slowing a bit though….
5. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #8)
Bennie K is back in the Top 5 after three weeks! I just got the single last night and it was everything I ever dreamed of! And Yuki…I missed you, baby.
4. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2)
After two weeks in the runner up spot, HAMC could not take the throne! Still love this video, though.
3. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #5)
We have a familiar battle going on right now! Nelly Furtado moves up to the number three spot, giving her FIVE videos to make it this high! However, just ahead of her is…
2. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #3)
….Mr. Legend who is looking for his fourth number one video! However, he is held back by what may be the supergroup of 2008!
1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
For the third week in a row, CRS takes the top spot on the Countdown! They have the longest running number one video of this short 2008 and they look to make it even more! Congrats, guys!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if CRS can make it a full month on top! Or will John Legend get his record breaking fourth number one? Or can Nelly Furtado take the top spot for the second time? It’s an all star battle as Bennie K and UVERworld are just behind! It is going to be a rockin spring for music videos!
Well, I think I am going out for sake and sushi tonight and after that I am not sure. But until then, stay up.
Diddy Out.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start with the longest staying video in Countdown history!
20. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1)
The (disputed) Queen of the Countdown holds on for one more week! The ride is pretty much over, but after almost six months who is complaining or holding it against her?
19. James Morrison – You Give Me Something (New Entry)
This was a video that almost made it on a few weeks ago but it was hell trying to find the video for it. Now I have and it is brilliant in its simplicity. I love this song STILL even though it’s rather old. James Morrison will be the next John Mayer as the “white dude with soul.” Bet on it.
18. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (New Entry)
Well, I knew as soon as I saw this video it was going to be on here and so did you. I love Foxxi MisQ and so should you. It has been almost 8 months since “Gloss” and they have been missed. Most importantly…DEM GREW HER HAIR OUT!!! HAWT!
17. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #15)
NEW TM REVOLUTION COMING SOON!
16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #19)
Miss Badu moves up three big spots this week. Can she lay claim to the Queen of the Countdown throne?
15. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #14, One Week at #1)
May J falls a spot this week as there is nothing new from what I can see so far.
14. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #12)
New video by Snoop! Havent seen it yet, but I am a fan of the song itself, which is a rarity for his Dogg-ness.
13. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #16)
Hearts Grow once again is moving up the Countdown. Where is an album from them? Three singles over a calendar year and nothing? Who do they think they are, Namie Amuro?!
12. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Alicia out of the Top 10 doesn’t feel right.
11. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #12)
This week Yui only moves up one spot as she looks for her fifth Top Ten video!
10. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #11)
For the third time in a row, Mihimaru GT hits the top half!
9. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #6)
Sowelu falls three big spots this week. New video though, so not all that bad.
8. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
Mmm….Anahi.
7. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
For the first time since November, we don’t have a NaNa video in the Top Five! That is quite a run for this young lady.
6. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #7)
UVERworld is making its way up this week, hopping up one more spot. Seems to be slowing a bit though….
5. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #8)
Bennie K is back in the Top 5 after three weeks! I just got the single last night and it was everything I ever dreamed of! And Yuki…I missed you, baby.
4. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2)
After two weeks in the runner up spot, HAMC could not take the throne! Still love this video, though.
3. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #5)
We have a familiar battle going on right now! Nelly Furtado moves up to the number three spot, giving her FIVE videos to make it this high! However, just ahead of her is…
2. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #3)
….Mr. Legend who is looking for his fourth number one video! However, he is held back by what may be the supergroup of 2008!
1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
For the third week in a row, CRS takes the top spot on the Countdown! They have the longest running number one video of this short 2008 and they look to make it even more! Congrats, guys!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if CRS can make it a full month on top! Or will John Legend get his record breaking fourth number one? Or can Nelly Furtado take the top spot for the second time? It’s an all star battle as Bennie K and UVERworld are just behind! It is going to be a rockin spring for music videos!
Well, I think I am going out for sake and sushi tonight and after that I am not sure. But until then, stay up.
Diddy Out.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Late Night Musings
So, my former baby boo Kumi Koda (Fellas, watch her video for "Juicy" and tell me you never look at peaches and bottles the same way again) had this to say about the wombs of women over the age of 35. Well, seeing as how I have had to deal with this conversation twice in the past 12 months (Yeah…my life really went downhill after college) all I can say is that….dammit it’s science! Just like at some point the troops stop marching, the land is no longer fertile. It’s just life. Now at 35 that may be a bit young. At least I hope so because that has been my clientele as of late and I at least want ONE kid that I can mentally destroy by the time they hit high school.
People need to get off of this “women should age gracefully” bullshit. All women aren’t Tina Turner and you know what? Her womb is barren just like any other 87 year old woman. All that shaking and all them beatings put a halt to the baby making. The womb becomes barren just like the seed no longer falls. Deal with it.
With that being said, can I just say that when I wave and say hello….there is no need to mean mug me. I am dead serious. This has become an epidemic AGAIN, as it was an issue in college but that was because my best friend was a white girl (That um…I kind of dated and that worked out shittingly) and black women pretty much felt like I betrayed them and the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. Who also reportedly banged white chicks so in essence I am more like the great civil rights leader than most other black men sans the actual getting some part. Anyway, I am naturally a cordial (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHIT THAT’S FUNNY!) person so I will make eye contact and say hello to anyone, male or female. With dudes I have little problems aside from the niggas that have to bang on e’ry thang like a Bloods and Crips album and to them I say get a real life and a real fucking job. Gang banging isn’t tax deductable and has no fucking 401K so get with the real world or eat a dick. When it comes to women…they seem to look at me like I called them a cockslot and told them to “STAND AND DELIVER” and by “stand” I mean “kneel” and by “deliver” I mean “suck my wang.” I mean is all that needed? I don’t ogle, I don’t make rude comments and I never do the LL Cool J lip lick which just screams that he is gay. That’s cool if that is your thing, but LL Cool J is hard as hell….for the cock. He loves it.
Griff (or as I call him Baxter because he is like a miniature Buddha despite being Muslim) says I am looking too much into it but this has been going on for about three months now (during Christmas time when I spent a lot of time in Denver on the weekends especially) and I am really beginning to worry whether I just give off the vibe of “FUCK YOU, NIGGA!” I mean seriously, am I THAT unlikeable? I mean my family doesn’t like me but that is justified. They don’t even know me. Griff also said to chalk it up to a bad day but what are the odds that every woman that I see and say hello to is having a bad day? I mean come on! Also, one last thing as a female friend of mine actually said that it could be seen as sexual to make eye contact and say hello. First off, who in the hell do you think you are?! Let something be known right now. Get over yourself because….
NOT EVERY MAN IS TRYING TO FUCK YOU IF THEY LOOK AT YOU.
I mean I know I’m no Matthew McTimberlakefron but I am really not interested in fucking YOU as much as I am not interested in fucking a dude I say “what’s up” to in passing. Again, I am not sure that is the case but if it is, piss off. It’s women like you that encourage chauvinism because if you expect men to think of you only as sex objects, it is what you will get perceived or true. Self-fulfilling prophecy, ladies.
I am out for now. It is totally bedtime. Just had to get that off my chest before I laid out for the night.
Diddy Out
Monday, February 18, 2008
We Are Having Some Nasal Difficulties...
Sorry peeps. I seem to have caught a cold on Saturday or something because yesterday I felt like crap and today I can hardly move. Due to those circumstances, I will be pushing back Douchebrawl 2008 until NEXT SUNDAY. Or once I get things up, I dont know yet. I am going to lay back down now. Until I get back, let's play the name game!
Let's do Plucky! Heh, worth a shot. I loved Tiny Toons.
Diddy Out
Let's do Plucky! Heh, worth a shot. I loved Tiny Toons.
Diddy Out
Friday, February 15, 2008
After The Love Is Gone...
You know what time it is! Valentine's Day is over and it is time for life to return to it's regular programming! It's time for the...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a video on its way out of the Countdown!
20. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #17)
It looks like Bow Wow and Omarion are spending their final weeks on the Countdown as their latest video falls three more spots to begin the chart. Bow Wow is really beginning to get on my nerves with his “lil thug” routine, BTW.
19. Erykah Badu - Honey (New Entry)
Miss Badu….or Andre Three Stacks babymama…is back! I totally love this video! It is good to see her back after some lackluster performances since she rocked Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. Hopefully she will stay in the limelight this time because she has been missed! Oh, and love the Ohio Players album cover.
18. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1)
After a near SIX MONTH run, it looks like NaNa’s first video is finally about to leave the Countdown. It is officially the longest running video in history and that title is well deserved because I STILL listen to this song and watch this video. I needs more NaNa!
17. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #14)
So it looks like Zeebra has hit his peak as well. Luckily, he has a new video out right now and at first glance its pretty good. I mean, it has samurai!
16. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #18)
Hearts Grow moves up two spots this week as they slowly move their way back up the Countdown. You know, three singles and I would figure an album should be on the way shortly.
15. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #13)
WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE NEW TM REVOLUTION ALBUM?!
14. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Mmmm, the former number one video falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since 2007. Sadly it may be a long time before I get my fix because she has already released her album. Damn it.
13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #20, Biggest Mover)
Well guess who is looking for her fifth Top Ten video! Yui moves up a huge seven spots this week and right outside the upper echelon. My god, this means a new Yui album is coming soon. And I will be coming soon, too. Yes, that is a metaphor.
12. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #8)
Snoop falls from the Top 10 this week after coming so close to the top he could taste it. Does he have another video in him?
11. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #16)
After two slow weeks, Mihimaru GT is one step away from their third Top 10 video! Hiroko is fricking hot even though the dress leaves a lot to be admired. Yes, I would love to take that out for Valentine’s Day.
10. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)
My Valentine baby boo has almost fallen out of the Top 10! Noooooooo!
9. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #11)
RBD has only their second video on the Countdown but the look to recapture the success of “Ser O Paracer” from 2006. Oh, and they aren’t coming to Denver for their fucking tour, either. Damn it!
8. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #12)
Bennie K is back in the Top 10! You know, they have been lo-key about it but they have had four Top 10 videos including a number one video with “Joy Trip.” Shocking to me that my favorite band ever is below the radar but they keep on coming!
7. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #9)
We are into the familiar faces territory now with Bennie K before and now UVERworld! Can Takuya and the boys keep moving strong after a surprisingly good album but nothing new on the horizon? We will see!
6. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #5)
After making the Top Five, Sowelu falls a spot to number six. Screw that, NEW SOWELU VIDEO! And my god is she hot. Just HOT HOT HOT! HOOOOOOOOT!
5. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #7)
Nelly Furtado is looking for her second number one video as she pulls herself into the Top Five! It looks like she may be going head to head with John Legend again for the first time in almost a year! Can she win the rubber match?
4. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #3, Two Weeks at #1)
NaNa falls only one spot this week as she hangs on to the Top 5. Okay, unless someone pulls of something major it looks like NaNa will be the artist of 2008. No argument here.
3. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #4)
John Legend is ONCE AGAIN in the Top Three as he looks for his fourth number one video. Can John make history?
2. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2)
For the second straight week, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR holds on to the runner up spot. However…NEW HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR! My god, I am so looking forward to a new album from them. I mean god damn they kick your face! With HAMC at number two, that means the number one video remains the same…
1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
CRS and Thom Yorke hold the top spot once again! Lupe Fiasco has always been a favorite of mine and his new video “Dumb It Down” may be the truest song I have ever heard. Kanye’s “Flashing Lights” however….not so much. What the hell is going on in that thing?! Either way, this video looks to be camping out for a long time. Congratulations!
That is all for this week! Can the super group of CRS hold on for a third straight week? Or can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR finally pull down the top spot? Or can John Legend make history and get his FOURTH number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!
I will have the polls up for Douchebrawl 2008 Sunday night (I hope!) and voting will officially begin! Until then, it is Friday, I just got paid and I am TOTALLY getting tore up! Stay up, peeps!
Diddy Out.
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a video on its way out of the Countdown!
20. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #17)
It looks like Bow Wow and Omarion are spending their final weeks on the Countdown as their latest video falls three more spots to begin the chart. Bow Wow is really beginning to get on my nerves with his “lil thug” routine, BTW.
19. Erykah Badu - Honey (New Entry)
Miss Badu….or Andre Three Stacks babymama…is back! I totally love this video! It is good to see her back after some lackluster performances since she rocked Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. Hopefully she will stay in the limelight this time because she has been missed! Oh, and love the Ohio Players album cover.
18. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1)
After a near SIX MONTH run, it looks like NaNa’s first video is finally about to leave the Countdown. It is officially the longest running video in history and that title is well deserved because I STILL listen to this song and watch this video. I needs more NaNa!
17. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #14)
So it looks like Zeebra has hit his peak as well. Luckily, he has a new video out right now and at first glance its pretty good. I mean, it has samurai!
16. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #18)
Hearts Grow moves up two spots this week as they slowly move their way back up the Countdown. You know, three singles and I would figure an album should be on the way shortly.
15. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #13)
WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE NEW TM REVOLUTION ALBUM?!
14. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Mmmm, the former number one video falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since 2007. Sadly it may be a long time before I get my fix because she has already released her album. Damn it.
13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #20, Biggest Mover)
Well guess who is looking for her fifth Top Ten video! Yui moves up a huge seven spots this week and right outside the upper echelon. My god, this means a new Yui album is coming soon. And I will be coming soon, too. Yes, that is a metaphor.
12. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #8)
Snoop falls from the Top 10 this week after coming so close to the top he could taste it. Does he have another video in him?
11. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #16)
After two slow weeks, Mihimaru GT is one step away from their third Top 10 video! Hiroko is fricking hot even though the dress leaves a lot to be admired. Yes, I would love to take that out for Valentine’s Day.
10. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)
My Valentine baby boo has almost fallen out of the Top 10! Noooooooo!
9. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #11)
RBD has only their second video on the Countdown but the look to recapture the success of “Ser O Paracer” from 2006. Oh, and they aren’t coming to Denver for their fucking tour, either. Damn it!
8. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #12)
Bennie K is back in the Top 10! You know, they have been lo-key about it but they have had four Top 10 videos including a number one video with “Joy Trip.” Shocking to me that my favorite band ever is below the radar but they keep on coming!
7. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #9)
We are into the familiar faces territory now with Bennie K before and now UVERworld! Can Takuya and the boys keep moving strong after a surprisingly good album but nothing new on the horizon? We will see!
6. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #5)
After making the Top Five, Sowelu falls a spot to number six. Screw that, NEW SOWELU VIDEO! And my god is she hot. Just HOT HOT HOT! HOOOOOOOOT!
5. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #7)
Nelly Furtado is looking for her second number one video as she pulls herself into the Top Five! It looks like she may be going head to head with John Legend again for the first time in almost a year! Can she win the rubber match?
4. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #3, Two Weeks at #1)
NaNa falls only one spot this week as she hangs on to the Top 5. Okay, unless someone pulls of something major it looks like NaNa will be the artist of 2008. No argument here.
3. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #4)
John Legend is ONCE AGAIN in the Top Three as he looks for his fourth number one video. Can John make history?
2. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2)
For the second straight week, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR holds on to the runner up spot. However…NEW HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR! My god, I am so looking forward to a new album from them. I mean god damn they kick your face! With HAMC at number two, that means the number one video remains the same…
1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
CRS and Thom Yorke hold the top spot once again! Lupe Fiasco has always been a favorite of mine and his new video “Dumb It Down” may be the truest song I have ever heard. Kanye’s “Flashing Lights” however….not so much. What the hell is going on in that thing?! Either way, this video looks to be camping out for a long time. Congratulations!
That is all for this week! Can the super group of CRS hold on for a third straight week? Or can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR finally pull down the top spot? Or can John Legend make history and get his FOURTH number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!
I will have the polls up for Douchebrawl 2008 Sunday night (I hope!) and voting will officially begin! Until then, it is Friday, I just got paid and I am TOTALLY getting tore up! Stay up, peeps!
Diddy Out.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Love Is In The Air. It's Like Anthrax.
Yaaaaaay! It's Valentines Day! Hope all you had fun like I did. Another year of hanging outside a certain someone's window until she calls the cops and then going home to watch Korean dramas and listen to "Love Hurts" by Nazereth. Just kidding, the didnt really call the cops. She just turned the hose on me. Fucking BITCH.
Lastly, as if bros needed ANOTHER REASON NOT TO FUCKING BATHE AND LOOK LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE WITH iPODS! I just had the priviledge of seeing an antibacterial Axe Body Spray commercial. Um...remember the good old days of Ivory soap and a little bit of cologne? Remember that? Well, now we have bros that will play beer pong all night, grope and wrestle eachother until 3am and then wake up and spray Axe body spray on and that will solve all his problems of funk-a-nella. Anyone else find that shit gross or is it just me?
I will stick with my Lever 2000 and Versace thank you very much. AND WASH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! GEL IS NOT A HAIR CARE PRODUCT! You nasty mother fuckers. Bros are assrapers....literally:
BTW, any bar with PBR or Nati Ice on tap needs to be shut down or the patrons need to be shot up. You CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!
Diddy Out.
Lastly, as if bros needed ANOTHER REASON NOT TO FUCKING BATHE AND LOOK LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE WITH iPODS! I just had the priviledge of seeing an antibacterial Axe Body Spray commercial. Um...remember the good old days of Ivory soap and a little bit of cologne? Remember that? Well, now we have bros that will play beer pong all night, grope and wrestle eachother until 3am and then wake up and spray Axe body spray on and that will solve all his problems of funk-a-nella. Anyone else find that shit gross or is it just me?
I will stick with my Lever 2000 and Versace thank you very much. AND WASH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! GEL IS NOT A HAIR CARE PRODUCT! You nasty mother fuckers. Bros are assrapers....literally:
BTW, any bar with PBR or Nati Ice on tap needs to be shut down or the patrons need to be shot up. You CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!
Diddy Out.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I Told You I'd Do It! Who's Laughing Now?!
Well, it is about that time! The brackets have been set and I will be updating the site this weekend! Polls will be open odds are on Monday morning. This takes a while to get done and I have been busy with work so bear with me. It will be up and there will be a full week to vote this year rather than 5 days. More as details arrive. LET THE OFFICE POOLS BEGIN!!
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It's Douchebrawl time! One thing is for sure...
LOVE STINKS!
Diddy Out. VOTE OR DIE!
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It's Douchebrawl time! One thing is for sure...
LOVE STINKS!
Diddy Out. VOTE OR DIE!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Behind Every Jerk Is A Broken Heart.
What is up, peeps?! Today is the first part of a three part post about my second most hated holiday:
VALENTINE’S DAY
Boys do I DESPISE Valentine’s Day. I personally believe that it is a government sanctioned holiday to convince the masses that in order to be happy or loved, you have be validate your existence with another person giving you stuff because some shitty day says so. Well, WOMEN get stuff. Men usually get tang because I guess women believe that the vag is just as good of currency as money but if fucking resulted in cash then Africa would be a superpower beyond all superpowers because all they DO is fuck. If AIDS was money, they would be the US and A.
So why do I hate Valentine’s Day so much? Well, most if it has to do with being single for about 24 of the 27 Valentine’s Days during my existence. However, when I wasn’t single (or as I call it, the Un-Halcyon Days) the holiday was even WORSE. So now I will give you the first part of….
WHY I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY
Reason #1: WAY TOO FEMALE-CENTRIC.
You know, I understand that women had it hard in this country like….70 years ago or so. You had to form your own baseball leagues, you had to march for your rights and you were forced to slave away in a kitchen for unappreciative white men that whipped you on general purpose. You know what? Today is not then. The fact that every commercial, every ad, every song for Valentine’s Day is geared toward women is the same way that all Christmas Ads are geared toward spoiled ass kids and dumb ass Christians who love the Jebus. If Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, isn’t love a two way street? Why in the fuck does the man have to get the gift, give the flowers and say “I love you by giving your material goods and perishable objects?” In return, usually a woman gives (from what I have heard) up the yakitori which proves that at the end of the day that women are whores in some way shape or form. In their defense, I am too but at least I admit it.
Reason #2: WAY TOO COMMERCIALIZED.
I have always said that for every good holiday there is a mascot with a shitload of money in its pocket behind it. Think about it. Christmas has that fat, slave driving, heavy drinking, woman beating, reindeer fucking Santa Claus (All of the aforementioned is true. Look at his MySpace profile) and of course everyone’s favorite hippie Jesus Christ. Oh, I went there. St. Patrick’s Day has the leprechaun Drunky McShitfaced while Labor Day has Pedro The Migrant Mexican Worker Bee. You know, I may be offensive but that shit was funny. I would have to say that Valentine’s Day has become one of the most profitable holidays out there and may be the most profitable in terms of high priced items. Think about it: no matter how shitty of a girlfriend you are, you get a gift. Not only that but because women are money-driven (Just admit it. It’s okay; looking for cheese don’t make you a hood rat) it has to be an expensive gift because a good chunk of women believe that your love is based off what you buy her. So that gift has to be pricey which drives up his debt and results in you not living in a nice house because you had to have a ring or necklace that you hardly wear because you don’t want dudes that buy you drinks at the club to think you are taken which is another rant altogether. Anyway, back to my point. Valentine’s Day isn’t about love and it never has been. It is about material goods and the exchange of for sex, love or….well I don’t know what else because I haven’t gotten the first and the second I have never truly felt. I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Is Ron Burgandy is correct (AND HE IS) love feels like…
Man, if sex is like steak, waffles, French fries and scotch then maybe I am looking at the love thing all wrong. Nah, nothing can be THAT good.
Reason #3: WAY TOO FUCKING FAKE.
So my big issue with Valentine’s Day is the fact of the fake importance attached to the day. I have seen people BREAK UP because one person (89% the man or “the top” for the homosexuals, 10% “the butch one” for lesbians and of course 1% for the horse because no matter what the horse has to buy the gift) forgot to make a big event out of Valentine’s Day for the other party. I never wanted to killed my parents because they never got me the Transformers rail road set that I fucking asked for every god damned year and never fucking got because they were evil. I never flipped out because during one of the few times I was dating my girlfriend never got me a green beer on St. Patrick’s Day or some Charleston Chew on Halloween. I loves me The Chew. Couples have been convinced to put so much stock in a day that really means nothing but an opportunity to buy the same shit as usual except in a pink and red color scheme and for significantly more money. Look at this logically: if someone can fuck you over for 364 days of the year and for one day of the year said person brings you flowers instead of the pain it makes all the previous days bullshit okay? It is the power of Valentine’s Day (I say this because I have seen it) and its really just dumb.
Reason #4: IT IS WAY TOO….EVERYWHERE!
Valentine’s Day wouldn’t piss me off so bad if every person wasn’t so giddy about the shit and wondering why I’m not doing anything. First off, no woman is crazy enough to date me and at the end of the day…I respect ya’ll for that. Secondly, I don’t need to go out with a person on a specific day because Hallmark and Russell Stover tell me to. I swear, the day after New Year’s the cupid swag was out IN FORCE. From sappy ass love songs (Although R&B is all niggas without shirts pining over some woman so it’s actually status quo) to TV specials to movies that are “date flicks” which I can’t see unless I take someone (I just want to see “Definitely Maybe!” Is that too much to ask?!) lest the beat me to death with a teddy bear to….well, teddy bears the reason for the season is pleasing. And I am none too pleased with the masses telling me I am the Valentine’s Day version of The Grinch:
Being single is never an issue on any other day and yet Valentine’s Day rolls around and all of a sudden because I don’t have a lady I am a damned pariah. It’s bullshit. Being single SUCKS and I don’t need it rubbed in my face every four minutes by TV or co-workers! I am tired of being vilified because I don’t support the shitty ass holiday by purchasing pointless gifts for a woman that odds are wont appreciate it or me anyway! *Sigh* I am a total train wreck.
Reason #5: IT’S NOT ABOUT ROMANCE, ITS ABOUT FINANCE.
Now EVERYTHING is about finance, don’t let anyone fool you. If Jesus didn’t have holes in his hands, he would take all the cash made from his “birthday” (BULLSHIT!!) and make it rain like a strip club after an NBA All-Star Game. Now the different between this and the commercialization is that businesses and the media create the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. It is THE PEOPLE that perpetuate it. People think that if someone gives them something expensive that it must be love. Once again, strip it down and look at it logically. Ladies, when a man buys you something small like let’s say a drink in a club for the sole purpose of getting those digits so he can stick his digits in you, normally (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m being ironic here) you wouldn’t fall for that. Because you say you aren’t a whore right? However if a man takes you out to a nice dinner on Valentine’s Day (and some of you are uber-sluts so any day you don’t have food in the house will suffice) there is a high probability unless TV has lied to me that you drop them drawls. Is that “love?” Is that “romantic?” If it is then I’m looking at this whole relationship wrong but I don’t think that gifts should equate to sex and even if you say the person is special I know women that pop the cootchie for rent money and grilled cheese sandwiches so don’t try it. Quite simply, if Valentine’s Day was about love and not money, I’m sure that the Broadmoor and other expensive ass restaurants would be empty in favor of home-cooked dinners and something romantic rather than excessive. Facts are that is the rule while actual romantic actions on Valentine’s Day are the exception. Now most men are emotionally and romantically inept so an expensive restaurant and a useless yet pricy gift are an easy fix to being a moron. That’s why supermarkets and convenience stores stock up on flowers and candy on February 13th because men are fucktards while women are stupid. It’s the circle of life.
Well, that is all for now. I may be back up tomorrow with a short post about anti-bacterial Axe Body Spray (Or as I call it “Unfortunate Justification for Bros Not To Fucking Bathe”) and the brackets for Douchebrawl are almost done. Depending on how tired I am, I will have them up tonight. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Diddy Out
VALENTINE’S DAY
Boys do I DESPISE Valentine’s Day. I personally believe that it is a government sanctioned holiday to convince the masses that in order to be happy or loved, you have be validate your existence with another person giving you stuff because some shitty day says so. Well, WOMEN get stuff. Men usually get tang because I guess women believe that the vag is just as good of currency as money but if fucking resulted in cash then Africa would be a superpower beyond all superpowers because all they DO is fuck. If AIDS was money, they would be the US and A.
So why do I hate Valentine’s Day so much? Well, most if it has to do with being single for about 24 of the 27 Valentine’s Days during my existence. However, when I wasn’t single (or as I call it, the Un-Halcyon Days) the holiday was even WORSE. So now I will give you the first part of….
WHY I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY
Reason #1: WAY TOO FEMALE-CENTRIC.
You know, I understand that women had it hard in this country like….70 years ago or so. You had to form your own baseball leagues, you had to march for your rights and you were forced to slave away in a kitchen for unappreciative white men that whipped you on general purpose. You know what? Today is not then. The fact that every commercial, every ad, every song for Valentine’s Day is geared toward women is the same way that all Christmas Ads are geared toward spoiled ass kids and dumb ass Christians who love the Jebus. If Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, isn’t love a two way street? Why in the fuck does the man have to get the gift, give the flowers and say “I love you by giving your material goods and perishable objects?” In return, usually a woman gives (from what I have heard) up the yakitori which proves that at the end of the day that women are whores in some way shape or form. In their defense, I am too but at least I admit it.
Reason #2: WAY TOO COMMERCIALIZED.
I have always said that for every good holiday there is a mascot with a shitload of money in its pocket behind it. Think about it. Christmas has that fat, slave driving, heavy drinking, woman beating, reindeer fucking Santa Claus (All of the aforementioned is true. Look at his MySpace profile) and of course everyone’s favorite hippie Jesus Christ. Oh, I went there. St. Patrick’s Day has the leprechaun Drunky McShitfaced while Labor Day has Pedro The Migrant Mexican Worker Bee. You know, I may be offensive but that shit was funny. I would have to say that Valentine’s Day has become one of the most profitable holidays out there and may be the most profitable in terms of high priced items. Think about it: no matter how shitty of a girlfriend you are, you get a gift. Not only that but because women are money-driven (Just admit it. It’s okay; looking for cheese don’t make you a hood rat) it has to be an expensive gift because a good chunk of women believe that your love is based off what you buy her. So that gift has to be pricey which drives up his debt and results in you not living in a nice house because you had to have a ring or necklace that you hardly wear because you don’t want dudes that buy you drinks at the club to think you are taken which is another rant altogether. Anyway, back to my point. Valentine’s Day isn’t about love and it never has been. It is about material goods and the exchange of for sex, love or….well I don’t know what else because I haven’t gotten the first and the second I have never truly felt. I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Is Ron Burgandy is correct (AND HE IS) love feels like…
Man, if sex is like steak, waffles, French fries and scotch then maybe I am looking at the love thing all wrong. Nah, nothing can be THAT good.
Reason #3: WAY TOO FUCKING FAKE.
So my big issue with Valentine’s Day is the fact of the fake importance attached to the day. I have seen people BREAK UP because one person (89% the man or “the top” for the homosexuals, 10% “the butch one” for lesbians and of course 1% for the horse because no matter what the horse has to buy the gift) forgot to make a big event out of Valentine’s Day for the other party. I never wanted to killed my parents because they never got me the Transformers rail road set that I fucking asked for every god damned year and never fucking got because they were evil. I never flipped out because during one of the few times I was dating my girlfriend never got me a green beer on St. Patrick’s Day or some Charleston Chew on Halloween. I loves me The Chew. Couples have been convinced to put so much stock in a day that really means nothing but an opportunity to buy the same shit as usual except in a pink and red color scheme and for significantly more money. Look at this logically: if someone can fuck you over for 364 days of the year and for one day of the year said person brings you flowers instead of the pain it makes all the previous days bullshit okay? It is the power of Valentine’s Day (I say this because I have seen it) and its really just dumb.
Reason #4: IT IS WAY TOO….EVERYWHERE!
Valentine’s Day wouldn’t piss me off so bad if every person wasn’t so giddy about the shit and wondering why I’m not doing anything. First off, no woman is crazy enough to date me and at the end of the day…I respect ya’ll for that. Secondly, I don’t need to go out with a person on a specific day because Hallmark and Russell Stover tell me to. I swear, the day after New Year’s the cupid swag was out IN FORCE. From sappy ass love songs (Although R&B is all niggas without shirts pining over some woman so it’s actually status quo) to TV specials to movies that are “date flicks” which I can’t see unless I take someone (I just want to see “Definitely Maybe!” Is that too much to ask?!) lest the beat me to death with a teddy bear to….well, teddy bears the reason for the season is pleasing. And I am none too pleased with the masses telling me I am the Valentine’s Day version of The Grinch:
Being single is never an issue on any other day and yet Valentine’s Day rolls around and all of a sudden because I don’t have a lady I am a damned pariah. It’s bullshit. Being single SUCKS and I don’t need it rubbed in my face every four minutes by TV or co-workers! I am tired of being vilified because I don’t support the shitty ass holiday by purchasing pointless gifts for a woman that odds are wont appreciate it or me anyway! *Sigh* I am a total train wreck.
Reason #5: IT’S NOT ABOUT ROMANCE, ITS ABOUT FINANCE.
Now EVERYTHING is about finance, don’t let anyone fool you. If Jesus didn’t have holes in his hands, he would take all the cash made from his “birthday” (BULLSHIT!!) and make it rain like a strip club after an NBA All-Star Game. Now the different between this and the commercialization is that businesses and the media create the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. It is THE PEOPLE that perpetuate it. People think that if someone gives them something expensive that it must be love. Once again, strip it down and look at it logically. Ladies, when a man buys you something small like let’s say a drink in a club for the sole purpose of getting those digits so he can stick his digits in you, normally (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m being ironic here) you wouldn’t fall for that. Because you say you aren’t a whore right? However if a man takes you out to a nice dinner on Valentine’s Day (and some of you are uber-sluts so any day you don’t have food in the house will suffice) there is a high probability unless TV has lied to me that you drop them drawls. Is that “love?” Is that “romantic?” If it is then I’m looking at this whole relationship wrong but I don’t think that gifts should equate to sex and even if you say the person is special I know women that pop the cootchie for rent money and grilled cheese sandwiches so don’t try it. Quite simply, if Valentine’s Day was about love and not money, I’m sure that the Broadmoor and other expensive ass restaurants would be empty in favor of home-cooked dinners and something romantic rather than excessive. Facts are that is the rule while actual romantic actions on Valentine’s Day are the exception. Now most men are emotionally and romantically inept so an expensive restaurant and a useless yet pricy gift are an easy fix to being a moron. That’s why supermarkets and convenience stores stock up on flowers and candy on February 13th because men are fucktards while women are stupid. It’s the circle of life.
Well, that is all for now. I may be back up tomorrow with a short post about anti-bacterial Axe Body Spray (Or as I call it “Unfortunate Justification for Bros Not To Fucking Bathe”) and the brackets for Douchebrawl are almost done. Depending on how tired I am, I will have them up tonight. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Diddy Out
Sunday, February 10, 2008
It Has Begun Again....Again.
Douchebrawl 2008 will officially begin a week from today on Feburary 17th, 2008 with a little bit of a different format!
1. No longer will the regions be closed. That means that you may see Tom Cruise in the Trollop Whore Region or Britney Spears in the Asshat Acting Region. I will TRY to keep the number one seeds closest to their region as possible, though.
2. Seeds will be stack ranked after the top seeds. This is new for 2008. This will create (IMHO) more interesting matchup for the first and second rounds. Rather than keeping all the musicians in one bracket, you could see a Bono vs. Kim Kardashian first round matchup! Feel the excitement!
So let’s begin with the NUMBER ONE SEEDS for Douchebrawl 2008!
The Number One Seed for the Asshat Actor Region is….TOM CRUISE!
Yes, I have decided to bring Crazy Tom back! The winner of the first Douchebrawl had the second running as his namesake but after popular demand he is BACK! Aside from being an advocate for Scientology (which is and always will be the suckiest of religions)…I just don’t like him. Can he take two of the last three Douchbrawls? Not if our next top seed has her way…
The Number One Seed for the Trollop Whore Region is….LINDSAY LOHAN!
Last year’s champion comes back to go back to back as Douchebrawl superstar! 2007 was a really skanky year for Lindsay for some. I still have love in my heart for her after “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” (I LIKED THAT MOVIE!!!) but last year’s write-in ended up being the Texas Western and knocking off the big douches for the championship. Can she repeat? Well, she will have to take down a certain someone for a second time in a row to do so…
The Number One Seed for the All-Round Fucktard Region is…BRITNEY SPEARS!
This marks Britney Spears’ third straight year as a number one or two seed but she has been knocked out both years before making the Fucktard Four (In 2006 by Heather Graham and 2007 by eventual winner Lindsay Lohan). After a really FUCKED UP 2007, can she FINALLY be the bride? It will be hard to do because she will have to go through a certain Irish douche that can’t bring home the whiskey…
The Number One Seed for the Musician Region is….BONO
CATORSE?! Fucking jerk. Bono was upset last year by one Eminem and was kept from the Fucktard Four for the second straight year! Now, as a number one see yet again can he clear a way to the finals? It was a shitty year in music last year so and with the new seeding system he has more competition than ever!
Now, rather than give the seeds I will just say the participants linked to each region. The seeding however will be a surprise!
Acting Region
• Julia Roberts
• George Clooney
• Tyler Perry
• Cameron Diaz
• Michael Bay
• Hayden Christensen
• Alec Baldwin
• Ben Affleck
• Colin Ferrel
• Russell Crowe
• Shia LaBeouf
• Anthony Anderson
• Nick Cage
• Quentin Tarantino
• Angelina Jolie
As you can see, the only real new big names are Shia LaBeouf and Tyler Perry. I can’t stand that bastard. Anthony Anderson makes it in for if no other reason for fucking up Transformers. On to the next set of combatants!
Trollop Region
• Kim Kardashian
• Paris Hilton
• Tara Reid
• Heidi Montag
• Tiffany “New York” Pollard
• Jessica Simpson
• Lil’ Kim
• Madonna
• Rose McGowen
• Mischa Barton
• Eva Longoria
• Heather Graham
• Tyra Banks
• Pamela Anderson
• Mariah Carey
Aside from Tiffany Pollard from “I Love New York” there are no real suprises. Although I want to put Jamie Lynn Spears in but that may be too far. I mean, she is just living her Louisiana white trash dream of being pregnant before 17. She is hurt most that it wasn’t by her father. Let’s keep on moving!
Musician Region
• T-Pain
• Rihanna
• Carrie Underwood
• Akon
• Jay-Z
• Lil’ Mama
• Amy Winehouse
• 50 Cent
• Beyonce
• Taylor Swift
• Soulja Boy
• Toby Keith
• R. Kelly
• Miley Cyrus
• Fergie
Yes, Miley Cyrus. She fucking sucks. As for Taylor Swift…fuck your stupid ass guitar. Carrie Underwood can also die. Fuck country, fuck it in its stupid, pickup truck driving head. Oh, and R&B sucks even more. Akon and R. Kelly love the minors while T-Pain pisses on the grave of Roger Troutman with every song he makes. Music licks balls. And a big hello to Amy Winehouse! Too bad she can’t get here because no one will take her Visa. Now for the last set of participants!
Fucktard Region
• Ray J
• Flava Flav
• Nick Cannon
• Terrell Owens
• Ryan Seacrest
• Bobby Petrino
• Dane Cook
• Bill O’Reilly
• Kevin Federline
• Vanessa Ann Hudgens
• Bill Bellichek
• Mitt Romney
• Bow Wow
• Snoop Dogg
• Jack Thompson
Wacko Jacko is back for 2008! Last year was all about Mass Effect and the aftermath of the Hot Coffee incident and of course he managed to piss me off a hell of a lot. Dane Cook is in because he ISNT FUCKING FUNNY while Vanessa Ann Hudgens is here sadly because she can’t wear pants. And she didn’t shave that thing; it looked like an Ewok down there. Oh, AND Zac Efron has reportedly dumped her. I’m sorry baby, let me console you. Shave that marmot first, though.
So next Sunday it will all begin! I will finish the brackets and post them on the website sometime before Saturday for everyone to few and print out! Office pools a plenty!
Odds are there will be another Valentine’s Day blog (it is somewhat of a tradition) as I am totally not looking forward to it. 2006 was shitty, 2007 was shitter and 2008….I am miserable and conflicted San Diego. *sigh* sometimes I feel like only boy bands understand me:
If only said person looked at me that way. Who is that person? Glad you asked, hopefully they are reading…
Okay, it’s actually dedicated to someone else closer (Yeah, glass case of emotion and stuff) AND Mandy Moore. But mostly Mandy. I am asking you in advance. Please be my Valentine, Amanda Moore? PLEASE! I NEED THIS!
Eh, fuck Valentine’s Day in its commercialized ass. I’m out, gonna watch some K-Dramas and listen to Yuna Ito and cry a little. Eh, it’s a living.
Diddy Out.
1. No longer will the regions be closed. That means that you may see Tom Cruise in the Trollop Whore Region or Britney Spears in the Asshat Acting Region. I will TRY to keep the number one seeds closest to their region as possible, though.
2. Seeds will be stack ranked after the top seeds. This is new for 2008. This will create (IMHO) more interesting matchup for the first and second rounds. Rather than keeping all the musicians in one bracket, you could see a Bono vs. Kim Kardashian first round matchup! Feel the excitement!
So let’s begin with the NUMBER ONE SEEDS for Douchebrawl 2008!
The Number One Seed for the Asshat Actor Region is….TOM CRUISE!
Yes, I have decided to bring Crazy Tom back! The winner of the first Douchebrawl had the second running as his namesake but after popular demand he is BACK! Aside from being an advocate for Scientology (which is and always will be the suckiest of religions)…I just don’t like him. Can he take two of the last three Douchbrawls? Not if our next top seed has her way…
The Number One Seed for the Trollop Whore Region is….LINDSAY LOHAN!
Last year’s champion comes back to go back to back as Douchebrawl superstar! 2007 was a really skanky year for Lindsay for some. I still have love in my heart for her after “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” (I LIKED THAT MOVIE!!!) but last year’s write-in ended up being the Texas Western and knocking off the big douches for the championship. Can she repeat? Well, she will have to take down a certain someone for a second time in a row to do so…
The Number One Seed for the All-Round Fucktard Region is…BRITNEY SPEARS!
This marks Britney Spears’ third straight year as a number one or two seed but she has been knocked out both years before making the Fucktard Four (In 2006 by Heather Graham and 2007 by eventual winner Lindsay Lohan). After a really FUCKED UP 2007, can she FINALLY be the bride? It will be hard to do because she will have to go through a certain Irish douche that can’t bring home the whiskey…
The Number One Seed for the Musician Region is….BONO
CATORSE?! Fucking jerk. Bono was upset last year by one Eminem and was kept from the Fucktard Four for the second straight year! Now, as a number one see yet again can he clear a way to the finals? It was a shitty year in music last year so and with the new seeding system he has more competition than ever!
Now, rather than give the seeds I will just say the participants linked to each region. The seeding however will be a surprise!
Acting Region
• Julia Roberts
• George Clooney
• Tyler Perry
• Cameron Diaz
• Michael Bay
• Hayden Christensen
• Alec Baldwin
• Ben Affleck
• Colin Ferrel
• Russell Crowe
• Shia LaBeouf
• Anthony Anderson
• Nick Cage
• Quentin Tarantino
• Angelina Jolie
As you can see, the only real new big names are Shia LaBeouf and Tyler Perry. I can’t stand that bastard. Anthony Anderson makes it in for if no other reason for fucking up Transformers. On to the next set of combatants!
Trollop Region
• Kim Kardashian
• Paris Hilton
• Tara Reid
• Heidi Montag
• Tiffany “New York” Pollard
• Jessica Simpson
• Lil’ Kim
• Madonna
• Rose McGowen
• Mischa Barton
• Eva Longoria
• Heather Graham
• Tyra Banks
• Pamela Anderson
• Mariah Carey
Aside from Tiffany Pollard from “I Love New York” there are no real suprises. Although I want to put Jamie Lynn Spears in but that may be too far. I mean, she is just living her Louisiana white trash dream of being pregnant before 17. She is hurt most that it wasn’t by her father. Let’s keep on moving!
Musician Region
• T-Pain
• Rihanna
• Carrie Underwood
• Akon
• Jay-Z
• Lil’ Mama
• Amy Winehouse
• 50 Cent
• Beyonce
• Taylor Swift
• Soulja Boy
• Toby Keith
• R. Kelly
• Miley Cyrus
• Fergie
Yes, Miley Cyrus. She fucking sucks. As for Taylor Swift…fuck your stupid ass guitar. Carrie Underwood can also die. Fuck country, fuck it in its stupid, pickup truck driving head. Oh, and R&B sucks even more. Akon and R. Kelly love the minors while T-Pain pisses on the grave of Roger Troutman with every song he makes. Music licks balls. And a big hello to Amy Winehouse! Too bad she can’t get here because no one will take her Visa. Now for the last set of participants!
Fucktard Region
• Ray J
• Flava Flav
• Nick Cannon
• Terrell Owens
• Ryan Seacrest
• Bobby Petrino
• Dane Cook
• Bill O’Reilly
• Kevin Federline
• Vanessa Ann Hudgens
• Bill Bellichek
• Mitt Romney
• Bow Wow
• Snoop Dogg
• Jack Thompson
Wacko Jacko is back for 2008! Last year was all about Mass Effect and the aftermath of the Hot Coffee incident and of course he managed to piss me off a hell of a lot. Dane Cook is in because he ISNT FUCKING FUNNY while Vanessa Ann Hudgens is here sadly because she can’t wear pants. And she didn’t shave that thing; it looked like an Ewok down there. Oh, AND Zac Efron has reportedly dumped her. I’m sorry baby, let me console you. Shave that marmot first, though.
So next Sunday it will all begin! I will finish the brackets and post them on the website sometime before Saturday for everyone to few and print out! Office pools a plenty!
Odds are there will be another Valentine’s Day blog (it is somewhat of a tradition) as I am totally not looking forward to it. 2006 was shitty, 2007 was shitter and 2008….I am miserable and conflicted San Diego. *sigh* sometimes I feel like only boy bands understand me:
If only said person looked at me that way. Who is that person? Glad you asked, hopefully they are reading…
Okay, it’s actually dedicated to someone else closer (Yeah, glass case of emotion and stuff) AND Mandy Moore. But mostly Mandy. I am asking you in advance. Please be my Valentine, Amanda Moore? PLEASE! I NEED THIS!
Eh, fuck Valentine’s Day in its commercialized ass. I’m out, gonna watch some K-Dramas and listen to Yuna Ito and cry a little. Eh, it’s a living.
Diddy Out.
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