So today while I was in a gas station earlier today and saw the attendant I usually see every few days when I have to fill up. We chitter-chatter about random stuff and while we were talking, I noticed that the place reeked. I mean FUN-KAY. Like dying muskrat love covered in Axe, Brut and Mobil One. After getting a good whiff I stated:
“Holy tit-fucking hell, it smells like ass and vinegar in here!”
The dude behind the counter laughed and was about to say something (I am sure something about cleaning supplies or a funky-ass bathroom) until I heard a rather shrill yet appalled gasp from behind me. I turned around and there was a female (I will put her about 30ish, so a little older than me but I don’t know, women aren’t aging very well these days. Work it out!) behind me. She said to us….and I quote…:
“How dare you two laugh! That is so fucking offensive and sexist!”
The clerk and I BOTH looked at each other with that quizzical look like “Is this bitch on the rag” until I realized she thought I was saying she smelled like unwashed ass and douche. Or maybe she was just taking things too seriously because she DID smell like unwashed ass and douche. It doesn’t matter to me. The thing that I find funny is my response. I wanted to apologize to her, I really did. But something in me said to her:
“Shut the fuck up, woman. Paranoid breeds truth.”
She just looked at me. I wanted to apologize again but she said nothing. She just looked at me with the same look I got from two other girlfriends before they broke into tears (One tried to slap me back in the day. Funny story if you want to hear it. All I ask for is a drink) and I was honestly expecting her to get pissed and I was going to have to verbally tear her a new one. I don’t LIKE doing that but if public people say and do shit you may not like or agree with and that is life. Either get down or lay down. Being a woman, she probably does both. ZING!
Either way, all she did was look at us, turn around and stomp off. I am not sure if she paid for her gas or not but that is beyond the point for me. I am just kind of irritated how that could be seen as sexist. For Christ’s sake I have smelled vinegar and I have smelled ass! You know what that place smelled like? Ass and vinegar! How is that fucking sexist? It’s not like I walked into a Popeye’s and said “Man, this place has more niggas than a Chuches!” or went into a room full of women and said “Uh oh, all these ladies in here SOMEBODY gonna fix ME a sandwich!” I made an observation about SMELL. I can understand being offended by the “holy tit-fucking hell” part because….well…I don’t know why. I never really understood the tit-fuck because it just seems devaluing for one and too much work for the other. Much like S&M.
Anyway, long story short I am not sorry for what I said but I apologize for how I responded to her stupidity. Even though I wasn’t wrong the intent and the implied meaning are in the receiver, even if she wasn’t the INTENDED receiver she took what I said out of context. It’s life, it happens and we gotta just let it slide. Hey, ladies….why can’t we be friends?
Funny is funny and that was funny as hell. Offensive? Without a doubt. But sexist? If you want to put it into that context than yes. In the end, all is well. On that note, I am totally out.
Chachi Out.
