This is a post from May of 2008. It was based off of an article I saw on Cosmo Online and um...yeah, I pretty much went off. New post tomorrow I hope. Depends on how today goes and if I still have to put up with this shit. You know what I mean. Anyway, awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go...
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
(Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)
2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
(That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)
3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
(What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)
4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great."
(Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)
5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
(My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)
6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
(Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)
7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
(Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)
8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner.
(Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)
9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
(God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)
10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
(Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)
11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
(You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)
12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it!
(Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)
13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
(No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)
14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
(Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)
15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all
(Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)
Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:
Yeah, I am out. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
