So GTA IV has officially created a paradigm shift in the way games will be made from this point on. I knew it wouldn’t take long for someone to get sand in their vagina about the content in the game. Hell, I am shocked it took this long. It is a fucking GAME and you can hail a taxi if you want so it is about personal choice just like REAL LIFE. And of course CNN decided to stop lying about the possiblity of Hillary winning the Democratic election without suing the party:
You know, I am not a parent and really dont want to be as of yet but I really think that parents have bigger things to do than worry about the violence in a videogame. Is it STILL 1994? Find something else to bitch about. If video game is going to cause a kid to do something stupid then that kid is stupid anyway and the fact they end up killing themselves is a little something we smart people call...
THINNING THE FUCKING HERD.
Being impressionable aside, kids are not morons (Or are they?) and should figure out the difference between reality and a fucking video game where an Uzi is only $1200. A leather jacket for $26?! Sign me up! Although this game is grounded in reality, video game fans themselves are also grounded in reality. We know that Grand Theft Auto...in its title...IS A FUCKING CRIME AND SHOULDNT BE DONE. If you don’t have the time or have the fucking balls to tell your kids not to do what they see in video games or better yet MONITOR WHAT THE FUCK THEY PLAY AND WHO THEY PLAY WITH then you shouldn’t have had kids. I am NOT backing down on this and if you don’t like it you should have kept your legs closed or your cock in your pants. Part of parenting is actually making sure your kids are doing the right thing, not making everyone else do the right thing for your kids because the right thing for you is odds are not the right thing for someone else. I personally like beating a hooker to get back my money. It's MINE!
The simple fact is the game costs fucking $60 to buy no matter what the system and if you are giving your kid $60 without asking where it is going you are a shitty fucking parent and need to be shot in the face so you cannot make any more kids because the more kids you have the more you will complain and the less I will be able to play game where I can shoot down police helicopters with a rocket launcher. I LIKE shooting down police helicopters in video games because I can’t do it in real life! That and it gets you hella style points. It is your prerogative as a parent if you don’t want your kids to play it. Make sure they play games only you think are appropriate and go from there. Do NOT push your shitty agendas by trying to ban these games or forced to be damn near inaccessible (Which is what giving an AO/Adults Only rating does) to those of us who play the game and KNOW it is a game because our parents raised us with some god damn sense. I don’t care what you THINK you are doing to help; you are actually hurting kids by forcing censorship and officially pissing on the Constitution. Now our President can piss on the Constitution all he wants but you are NOT the president and I am sure he is all for shooting Russians in the head.
Don’t be fucking police officer, be a parent. Learn to do THAT correctly first then try to fuck with my video games. School shootings weren’t caused by video games, they were caused by disturbed people with parents that didn’t do their jobs. Giving a child a nice house with all they want isn’t parenting; BREAKING YOUR FOOT OFF IN THEIR ASS FOR BEING STUPID IS PARENTING! Maybe I come from a mentality that endorses bust a kid in their grill for fucking up but maybe people need to bust their kid in the fucking mouth for playing video games they shouldn’t and for being little shits in general?
Beat that kid like a prostitute!
In all seriousness, I have ranted about this before and I will continue to defend video games because I grew up with a true LACK of violent video games until I was 16 or so. My parents said no and I respected that. I also respected catching an uppercut to the gut so I didn’t test that shit. It is not that hard to make sure your kids aren’t watching or doing what you think is inappropriate and even then if they are taught what is what and right & wrong they can get by even if they have to be exposed to the things you aren’t comfortable with. Parenting is a novel concept…you should fucking try it. Oh, and try breaking your foot off in your kids ass every now and then. Worked for the Jacksons.
I am out. If I hear any other group pissing about GTA IV and its content even though it is clearly marked as adult and has a felony in its title….I will kick your fucking turtle into a giant walking mushroom. I am so BAKED right now.
Chachi Out.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Do You Even Have To Ask? GO SEE IRON MAN!
What is up, motherbitches?! I am back on the scene and you know what is coming next! A tiny little independent film came out on Friday…you might have heard of it. So of course, since I am a fan of the smaller, less promoted films I had to review it for the peeps. Who the fuck am I kidding, FUCKING IRON MAN ROCKED MY FACE!! So it is time for the inevitable…
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood: Summer Blockbuster Edition #1!!
This Week: Iron Man!
Okay….in case you haven’t heard I loved this movie. So let’s just get into the CONS of this movie first.
CONS:
A Little Too Much Iron Man: And when I say a little, I mean A LITTLE. I really figured this movie would be all about the suit because Tony Stark is nowhere near as deep a character as Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker or even Bruce Banner. However, after about an hour of seeing Robert Downy Jr. as Tony Stark I was completely impressed with his performance with kind of a one (maybe two when you add in his recent storylines as Director of Shield. SPOILER ALERT!!) dimensional character. He gave a great and likeable feel to a guy that I always felt was a douche no matter how heroic he was. With that being said, there wasn’t enough Tony behind the Iron Man armor. A lot of this has to do with the supposed sequel and the fleshing out of his and Rhodey’s characters but still, I felt having a tad bit more Tony would have added some more Peter Parker element to the film. Just nit-picking, but I have to pick on SOMETHING.
No Mandarin: Again, nitpicking but I really felt that this movie could have been really aided by a second villain or at least have The Mandarin be the terrorist that Stain was working with. Although the “Ten Rings” reference could be a dead giveaway (SPOILER ALERT!) to his reference, a more obvious nod would have gotten a bigger nerdgasm (I am so coining that) than the secret ending…which was fucking bad ass.
That is it. Those are the only two things I can even FIND wrong with the film and to the casual movie-goer they wouldn’t even care. This movie had so many pros I would have a Omnibus length rant but I will pick a few.
Pros:
It Is About Time: So when I found out that Iron Man was over two hours I was beginning to think that maybe that wasn’t going to be enough time to flesh everything out that is needed to get people excited about the character. The dude next to me (Who marked out with me during the Afghanistan sequence much to the annoyance of his girlfriend. I’m a homewrecker) pointed out that that may end up being TOO long because there wasn’t a lot about Tony Stark to build on. We both ended up being DEAD WRONG. Two hours and six minutes was more than enough time to actually build on ALL CHARACTERS, including Rhodey (Terrance Howard’s character) and his relationship with Tony. The beginning told the story of Tony Stark AND gave a character diagnostic in 11 minutes. I counted. It took one hour and three minutes to give one about Bruce Wayne. Now that is not a knock on Batman Begins because Bruce Wayne may be the deepest character in comic book mythos and that time STILL didn’t cover it all. However, Iron Man had the best combination of storytelling, character development, plot development and action since The Empire Strikes Back. Yes, it was that fucking impeccable. Now keep in mind that I didn’t need much because I was already familiar with the story of Iron Man but even people that weren’t even said that this was well put together and didn’t know Iron Man from Namor. Props to anyone that knows who Namor is. Restecpa.
Metal Madness!: Okay, no suit will ever top the Batman suit in Batman Begins. Let’s get that clear right here and now. However….the Iron Man armor was more impressive than all the Transformers combined sans Optimus Prime. Now hear me out. Despite the mythical (Thor), scientifically improbable (X-Men, Spiderman, The Hulk) and the just plain dumb as shit (Ghost Rider, Elektra, Daredevil) aspects of the Marvel Universe, Iron man is the only character aside from Captain America that in its essence is grounded in reality. The armor itself is supposed to be plausible and realistic in its use. You know what? The armor looked, functioned and was even PRESENTED in a way that if you saw the armor in real life you would expect it to fly away. It was that awesome. I have never been more impressed with a CGI sequence than when Iron Monger and Iron Man faced off. Yes it was short, but you would expect a fight with two humans in exo-suits to be short. From its Mark 1 form in the cave to the Mark 3 form racing against Air Force jets, if you weren’t impressed by the spectacle that is the Iron Man armor then you SUCK ASS, EVILDOER. From the repulsor cannons to the flying scenes (Which put Superman Returns to shame) the suit was believable and made 50% of the film.
The Man Behind The Mask…Was HAWT: The other 50% was the acting. Now acting in comic book movies isn’t its strongest point and I will admit that as a HUGE comic book movie fan. Aside from Batman Begins (IMHO one of the best movies ever acted PERIOD) and X-Men 2 (Which shocked the HELL out of me with great performances abound) most comic book movies are plagued with some sort of overacting, under acting or poor casting choices. Not here. This movie….for what it is about and worth in terms of the characters themselves….was better acted than Batman Begins.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT……WAIT!
Now I will take this debate on later but Iron Man was NOT better than Batman Begins. However, the characters themselves are nowhere as deep as the characters in the Batman world. Therefore, the bar is lower for Iron Man than Batman. In Batman the actors exceeded the expectations but nowhere NEAR the level that the cast did for Iron Man. Tony Stark IS Robert Downey Jr. and he channeled the ghost of Billy Bob Thorton (He is dead, right?)and pretty much acted like himself in a role made for him. From the playboy attitude to the conflicted scientist and machinist (Don’t forget, he is up there with Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom in terms of the smartest characters in the Marvel Universe) to reluctant hero. Jeff Bridges was AWESOME as Obadiah Stane. It was like the dude went evil and it was AWESOME. Terrance Howard, although the screen time wasn’t high, set up a perfect foundation for the growth of Rhodey in the sequel. Hell, even Gwyneth Paltrow was great as Pepper Potts, the throwback to the old school assistant before women’s lib but with a “woman power” spin tossed in for the ladies that would bitch about it. There wasn’t a weak link in the cast, just like Batman Begins. However, no one EXPECTED great performances so in the end, Iron Man exceed the expectations MORE than Batman Begins did. But the question is…did it pass that bar? Well here is my final grade…
10 Out Of 10 Stars!
(Now I personally believe that The Dark Knight is going to blow Iron Man out of the water in terms of quality and performance. But for enjoyment I don’t think there will be a better movie this summer. I haven’t ENJOYED an action movie like this since….Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom. SERIOUSLY, it was that good. The acting was great, the story was well placed & paced and the suit is something to behold. AND STAY FOR THE ENDING!!!)
Wow….I am serious, GO SEE THIS FILM! So with that being said, I said I was going to address the Batman Begins/Iron Man controversy and I will do that now. Well, it is time get your passes and hop on the bus! So, as promised LAST WEEK I give to you…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus: Summer Spectacular Preview Edition!
Summer camp time! Kiss your parents goodbye and hop on the omnibus!!
Question #1: So….ARE FUCKING CRAZY? YOU BELIEVE IRON MAN WAS BETTER THAN BATMAN BEGINS?!
Whoa…let me clear this up right now. If the question is “Is Iron Man Better Than Batman Begins” the answer is…..
NO…BUT BARELY.
Iron Man exceeded my expectations and from my small survey at the theater it exceeded casual fans and hardcore Marvel fans expectations alike. I never believed that Tobey McGuire was Peter Parker OR Spiderman. I never believed Brandon Roth was Clark Kent (He had the look of Superman down, though. When I looked into his eyes…I heard Firehouse:
POWER BALLADS, BITCHES! I’m from the suburbs…I can’t help it. Hugh Jackman changed my mind but I never saw him as Wolverine initially either. However, I could see Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne. Batman was questionable at first but he really grew into that role as the movie went on. Robert Downey Jr. IS TONY STARK AND IS IRON MAN. Hell, look at his character in the Ultimates:
RDJ’s performance was PERFECT. The action was right in line with how an Iron Man comic battle would translate onto the big screen. All the characters were portrayed perfectly and the plot was excellent. The EXACT SAME as Batman Begins. Both films were saving for their sequel so they didn’t do or say TOO MUCH past what they had to for the initial film. The villain was goes to Batman hands down, not just because of Liam Neeson’s performance but because Iron Man has totally lame villains. Jeff Bridges did a great job, though. The secondary characters performances has to go to Batman Begins. Morgan Freeman, Michael Kaine, Gary Oldman and even Cillian Murphy had EXCELLENT performances. As did Terrance Howard & Gwyneth but the caliber of Batman Begins cast wins in sheer numbers and sheer talent.
The action goes to Iron Man hands down. The action sequences (Albeit surprisingly few) were better than almost all comic book movies (ESPECIALLY Spiderman 2 & Spiderman 3) and if it wasn’t for the Batmobile & ending sequence in Batman Begins, it wouldn’t even be CLOSE. Iron Man also pulls out a win in a very surprising are: plot. I fought over this one but Iron man’s plot is completely plausible and fit better with the movie and the characters themselves (Stain is a cockfuck in the comic and actually pulled some shit like this). Batman Begins had a great plot but it just kind of…happened. He gets locked in a prison and all of a sudden is in a cult. Now this actually happened (Kind of) in the comic but it isn’t truly a BATMAN story. It was a MOVIE story. Iron Man took a comic book story and made it a great movie. Only X-Men 2 did that and didn’t do it as well as Iron Man.
That leaves only ONE THING to break the tie: the characters themselves. At the end of the day, Batman is a better CHARACTER than Iron Man. Bruce Wayne is a better CHARACTER than Tony Stark. There is more acting and work involved in making a great story/movie for Bruce Wayne/Batman than there is for making a great story for Tony Stark/Iron Man. There is more to Bruce Wayne than I personally believe any writer has touched on from his relationships to his wards/Robin’s to his dealing with his parents deaths to believe is he really Bruce Wayne anymore? Tony Stark is a man that drank to deal with the pain of his heart condition (little known fact!) and puts on a suit of iron to fight evil. Now I personally believe that the latest Tony Stark (Especially the Ultimates version) is up to par with the Bruce Wayne/Batman over the last 3 years. That is mostly because of the Infinite Crisis/Countdown/52/Trinity plots they have had over the last three years which has really streamlined his character while Tony has been fleshed out as someone that feels like the world is on his shoulders as arguably the smartest and strongest human in a world of cosmic beings, mutants and mythical gods. Batman USED to be like that as anyone that read the JLA “Tower of Babel” Arc will tell you.
So in the end, Batman Begins still holds it’s title of “Best Comic Book Movie….EVER” and even holds up to the “One of the Top Ten Movies of All Time” title. However….Iron Man is really close. REAL CLOSE.
Keep them arms inside the window, a kid lost his once! We are rolling on!
Question #2: Do You Think Gaming Is Too Expensive?
This one is big as for the first time since 2002 I believe, we will have major releases in the summer as WELL as the holiday season. Which means that getting a summer job will actually be relevant. Well, the easy answer is no. WHAT?! I know a lot of your heads are exploding but think about this logically. When the Nintendo and Sega Master System (Which I call “First Generation Consoles) were released, they were both $199.99 and up depending on where you were. The Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo (Second Generation) were both $299.99 and up depending on location. The PlayStation, Sega Saturn and Nintendo 64 (Third Generation) were all released with a price tag of $399.99 or higher. To give an idea, the Xbox 360 was released with a cost of $399.99 which for all intents and purposes is a very standard price as consoles go with inflation and whatnot. The PlayStation 3 was $499 but with a Blu-Ray DVD player it was more than worth it seeing as at the time the players were in upwards of $1000. Let’s not forget the Atari Jaguar and the almighty 3DO which clocked in at $699.99:
Look at those graphics….well worth every penny. Games for older systems averaged around the same prices they do now (People complain about paying $59.99 for a game NOW but remember Virtua Racing? Nuff said) and perphirals are no longer needed with the advent of hard drives and OS’s backboning the consoles allowing for emulators and even legal downloading of games (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….fuck that shit). So up front, gaming now isn’t only even, it’s a hell of a lot cheaper.
However, there are several hidden costs now that didn’t exist previously. You want to pay online? You have to pay for that service. I personally believe that it should be part of your internet service but that is just me. You want to download updates? Better get you some player points! You want to play Halo in HD? Better spend about a thousand dollars on a new TV. Add in cables and sound equipment (Because nothing is better than going to Iraq….except playing a video game where the sound will let you live it. USA! USA!) and the cost skyrockets. Don’t even get me started on all of the Wii peripherals you have to buy (Wii-heel, Wii-Gun, Wii-Chuku, Wii-Crow Bar for GTA IV, etc.) and you are looking at a hella pricey experience just to play some fucking BioShock or Heavenly Sword. The costs of BUYING games is about the same or at least comparable to the inflation over time. However, with the digital changeover next year and companies taking your cash over the interweb, the cost has grown significantly.
Big wheels keep on turning! Omnibus, keep on burning!
Question #3: Dude….Why Aren’t You Ripping On Women Anymore?
This is actually a question I have received from a few people lately and the answer is simple: I had other shit to rant about. If I have learned anything in my twenty-seven years on this Earth, it is that women couldn’t give a fuck about what you think about their actions or views no matter how stupid they are. Now I am not always right. As a matter of fact, I would put my being correct at about an 87% clip. That is still a high B in terms of a grade but that means that I am still wrong 13% of the time which is a lot. Since women focus on that 13%, which is usually irrelevant to the discussion we are having in the first place, I have found that actually reasoning with the majority of women (Majority is 51% ladies so shut up about generalization. The women do that shit all the time about EVERYTHING with no research or logic/facts to back it up about men so fuck off) is as about as effective as reasoning with Pikachu. No, at least Pikachu can dance effectively to happy hardcore:
Women that aren’t named Min, Ciara or NaNa can’t dance at all. I may not be the next Bi, but at least I know that and don’t consider stealing from strippers dancing. I mean, they already don’t have souls, now you have to steal their dances?! Horrible people. Either way, I stopped caring and they never did because at the end of the day they do what they want to. More power to them, wish I could be that stupid and get away with it.
Enough with that. Women get on the back of the bus anyway, just like Blacks used to! We are off to our next stop!
Question #4: Hey, Man! Why Aren’t You Hating On Rappers Anymore, Son?
Well….I just stopped caring. As one who refuses to buy ringtones I really don’t listen to rap anymore for the most part. Why do I say that? Because all rap songs have become ringtones. Now people want to say all the time that it is about the money and that is fine. No problem there, I am all for ballin. However, do NOT call yourself a rapper. “Umma Do Me” has no redeeming quality whatsoever. Now I don’t want all rap songs to be “The Message” like Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five but at least try. I mean come one. If “Sexy Can I” is the best set of song lyrics you can think of then by all means I understand. You suck and you are doing your best. It’s all Jesus asks of you. My problem is that they want to be taken seriously as LYRICISTS and ARTISTS. I am sorry, but if that is the pinnacle of your talent as a singer then you will never be up there with the Marvin Gaye’s and Otis Redding’s of the R&B world. Hell, you aren’t even in the Keith Sweat or Al B. Sure! section of R&B. Play your position. I don’t wear skinny people clothes; shitty rappers and R&B singers shouldn’t want to be thought of anymore than average. Where is Marvin Gaye’s dad when you need him to kill Ray J? It’s why niggas don’t get anywhere. They don’t appreciate shit. My hope is that all the shitty rappers go to the Source Awards (Does that even exist anymore?) and someone launches a terrorist attack and blows up the building. Yes….I went there.
We have come to the final stop of the Omnibus! Make sure you have your bags!
Question #5: You Saw Iron Man And Liked It, What Will You Think Of “Made Of Honor?”
I didn’t watch it and don’t plan to see it in the theater unless I get totally drunk off my ass and decide I want to sit through something like that. However…the premise seems like something that would happen to me. However, I don’t have any female friends that I want to woo (What the fuck does that really mean? When I think woo, I think Ric Flair):
WHOOOOO!!! But all kidding aside, I may watch that movie. Looks like something I may buy from Entertainmart at some point or may walk into before Speed Racer (Which I have to see because Bi is in it. As president of the Colorado chapter of the Bi Fan Club, I must attend!) or some summer movie I am not excited about but need to review for the peeps. It doesn’t look BAD and the overall plot seems funny but at the same time I wouldn’t do something like that ANYWAY because if a woman ever asked me to do that I would give her one of these:
BRAINBUSTAHHHHHHH! Man….that is just TITS. So I may watch “Made of Honor” because it doesn’t look BAD as much as shouldn’t be out in the summer with Iron Man.
Well the bus has stopped for this trip. Be sure to hop on for the next Omnibus and if you have any questions you want answered just leave them in a comment or something. If I get enough, I will just add a post where I answer questions like I used to. I will try to be back up at some point this week. Until then, you all stay up.
Chachi Out!
Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood: Summer Blockbuster Edition #1!!
This Week: Iron Man!
Okay….in case you haven’t heard I loved this movie. So let’s just get into the CONS of this movie first.
CONS:
A Little Too Much Iron Man: And when I say a little, I mean A LITTLE. I really figured this movie would be all about the suit because Tony Stark is nowhere near as deep a character as Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker or even Bruce Banner. However, after about an hour of seeing Robert Downy Jr. as Tony Stark I was completely impressed with his performance with kind of a one (maybe two when you add in his recent storylines as Director of Shield. SPOILER ALERT!!) dimensional character. He gave a great and likeable feel to a guy that I always felt was a douche no matter how heroic he was. With that being said, there wasn’t enough Tony behind the Iron Man armor. A lot of this has to do with the supposed sequel and the fleshing out of his and Rhodey’s characters but still, I felt having a tad bit more Tony would have added some more Peter Parker element to the film. Just nit-picking, but I have to pick on SOMETHING.
No Mandarin: Again, nitpicking but I really felt that this movie could have been really aided by a second villain or at least have The Mandarin be the terrorist that Stain was working with. Although the “Ten Rings” reference could be a dead giveaway (SPOILER ALERT!) to his reference, a more obvious nod would have gotten a bigger nerdgasm (I am so coining that) than the secret ending…which was fucking bad ass.
That is it. Those are the only two things I can even FIND wrong with the film and to the casual movie-goer they wouldn’t even care. This movie had so many pros I would have a Omnibus length rant but I will pick a few.
Pros:
It Is About Time: So when I found out that Iron Man was over two hours I was beginning to think that maybe that wasn’t going to be enough time to flesh everything out that is needed to get people excited about the character. The dude next to me (Who marked out with me during the Afghanistan sequence much to the annoyance of his girlfriend. I’m a homewrecker) pointed out that that may end up being TOO long because there wasn’t a lot about Tony Stark to build on. We both ended up being DEAD WRONG. Two hours and six minutes was more than enough time to actually build on ALL CHARACTERS, including Rhodey (Terrance Howard’s character) and his relationship with Tony. The beginning told the story of Tony Stark AND gave a character diagnostic in 11 minutes. I counted. It took one hour and three minutes to give one about Bruce Wayne. Now that is not a knock on Batman Begins because Bruce Wayne may be the deepest character in comic book mythos and that time STILL didn’t cover it all. However, Iron Man had the best combination of storytelling, character development, plot development and action since The Empire Strikes Back. Yes, it was that fucking impeccable. Now keep in mind that I didn’t need much because I was already familiar with the story of Iron Man but even people that weren’t even said that this was well put together and didn’t know Iron Man from Namor. Props to anyone that knows who Namor is. Restecpa.
Metal Madness!: Okay, no suit will ever top the Batman suit in Batman Begins. Let’s get that clear right here and now. However….the Iron Man armor was more impressive than all the Transformers combined sans Optimus Prime. Now hear me out. Despite the mythical (Thor), scientifically improbable (X-Men, Spiderman, The Hulk) and the just plain dumb as shit (Ghost Rider, Elektra, Daredevil) aspects of the Marvel Universe, Iron man is the only character aside from Captain America that in its essence is grounded in reality. The armor itself is supposed to be plausible and realistic in its use. You know what? The armor looked, functioned and was even PRESENTED in a way that if you saw the armor in real life you would expect it to fly away. It was that awesome. I have never been more impressed with a CGI sequence than when Iron Monger and Iron Man faced off. Yes it was short, but you would expect a fight with two humans in exo-suits to be short. From its Mark 1 form in the cave to the Mark 3 form racing against Air Force jets, if you weren’t impressed by the spectacle that is the Iron Man armor then you SUCK ASS, EVILDOER. From the repulsor cannons to the flying scenes (Which put Superman Returns to shame) the suit was believable and made 50% of the film.
The Man Behind The Mask…Was HAWT: The other 50% was the acting. Now acting in comic book movies isn’t its strongest point and I will admit that as a HUGE comic book movie fan. Aside from Batman Begins (IMHO one of the best movies ever acted PERIOD) and X-Men 2 (Which shocked the HELL out of me with great performances abound) most comic book movies are plagued with some sort of overacting, under acting or poor casting choices. Not here. This movie….for what it is about and worth in terms of the characters themselves….was better acted than Batman Begins.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT……WAIT!
Now I will take this debate on later but Iron Man was NOT better than Batman Begins. However, the characters themselves are nowhere as deep as the characters in the Batman world. Therefore, the bar is lower for Iron Man than Batman. In Batman the actors exceeded the expectations but nowhere NEAR the level that the cast did for Iron Man. Tony Stark IS Robert Downey Jr. and he channeled the ghost of Billy Bob Thorton (He is dead, right?)and pretty much acted like himself in a role made for him. From the playboy attitude to the conflicted scientist and machinist (Don’t forget, he is up there with Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom in terms of the smartest characters in the Marvel Universe) to reluctant hero. Jeff Bridges was AWESOME as Obadiah Stane. It was like the dude went evil and it was AWESOME. Terrance Howard, although the screen time wasn’t high, set up a perfect foundation for the growth of Rhodey in the sequel. Hell, even Gwyneth Paltrow was great as Pepper Potts, the throwback to the old school assistant before women’s lib but with a “woman power” spin tossed in for the ladies that would bitch about it. There wasn’t a weak link in the cast, just like Batman Begins. However, no one EXPECTED great performances so in the end, Iron Man exceed the expectations MORE than Batman Begins did. But the question is…did it pass that bar? Well here is my final grade…
10 Out Of 10 Stars!
(Now I personally believe that The Dark Knight is going to blow Iron Man out of the water in terms of quality and performance. But for enjoyment I don’t think there will be a better movie this summer. I haven’t ENJOYED an action movie like this since….Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom. SERIOUSLY, it was that good. The acting was great, the story was well placed & paced and the suit is something to behold. AND STAY FOR THE ENDING!!!)
Wow….I am serious, GO SEE THIS FILM! So with that being said, I said I was going to address the Batman Begins/Iron Man controversy and I will do that now. Well, it is time get your passes and hop on the bus! So, as promised LAST WEEK I give to you…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus: Summer Spectacular Preview Edition!
Summer camp time! Kiss your parents goodbye and hop on the omnibus!!
Question #1: So….ARE FUCKING CRAZY? YOU BELIEVE IRON MAN WAS BETTER THAN BATMAN BEGINS?!
Whoa…let me clear this up right now. If the question is “Is Iron Man Better Than Batman Begins” the answer is…..
NO…BUT BARELY.
Iron Man exceeded my expectations and from my small survey at the theater it exceeded casual fans and hardcore Marvel fans expectations alike. I never believed that Tobey McGuire was Peter Parker OR Spiderman. I never believed Brandon Roth was Clark Kent (He had the look of Superman down, though. When I looked into his eyes…I heard Firehouse:
POWER BALLADS, BITCHES! I’m from the suburbs…I can’t help it. Hugh Jackman changed my mind but I never saw him as Wolverine initially either. However, I could see Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne. Batman was questionable at first but he really grew into that role as the movie went on. Robert Downey Jr. IS TONY STARK AND IS IRON MAN. Hell, look at his character in the Ultimates:
RDJ’s performance was PERFECT. The action was right in line with how an Iron Man comic battle would translate onto the big screen. All the characters were portrayed perfectly and the plot was excellent. The EXACT SAME as Batman Begins. Both films were saving for their sequel so they didn’t do or say TOO MUCH past what they had to for the initial film. The villain was goes to Batman hands down, not just because of Liam Neeson’s performance but because Iron Man has totally lame villains. Jeff Bridges did a great job, though. The secondary characters performances has to go to Batman Begins. Morgan Freeman, Michael Kaine, Gary Oldman and even Cillian Murphy had EXCELLENT performances. As did Terrance Howard & Gwyneth but the caliber of Batman Begins cast wins in sheer numbers and sheer talent.
The action goes to Iron Man hands down. The action sequences (Albeit surprisingly few) were better than almost all comic book movies (ESPECIALLY Spiderman 2 & Spiderman 3) and if it wasn’t for the Batmobile & ending sequence in Batman Begins, it wouldn’t even be CLOSE. Iron Man also pulls out a win in a very surprising are: plot. I fought over this one but Iron man’s plot is completely plausible and fit better with the movie and the characters themselves (Stain is a cockfuck in the comic and actually pulled some shit like this). Batman Begins had a great plot but it just kind of…happened. He gets locked in a prison and all of a sudden is in a cult. Now this actually happened (Kind of) in the comic but it isn’t truly a BATMAN story. It was a MOVIE story. Iron Man took a comic book story and made it a great movie. Only X-Men 2 did that and didn’t do it as well as Iron Man.
That leaves only ONE THING to break the tie: the characters themselves. At the end of the day, Batman is a better CHARACTER than Iron Man. Bruce Wayne is a better CHARACTER than Tony Stark. There is more acting and work involved in making a great story/movie for Bruce Wayne/Batman than there is for making a great story for Tony Stark/Iron Man. There is more to Bruce Wayne than I personally believe any writer has touched on from his relationships to his wards/Robin’s to his dealing with his parents deaths to believe is he really Bruce Wayne anymore? Tony Stark is a man that drank to deal with the pain of his heart condition (little known fact!) and puts on a suit of iron to fight evil. Now I personally believe that the latest Tony Stark (Especially the Ultimates version) is up to par with the Bruce Wayne/Batman over the last 3 years. That is mostly because of the Infinite Crisis/Countdown/52/Trinity plots they have had over the last three years which has really streamlined his character while Tony has been fleshed out as someone that feels like the world is on his shoulders as arguably the smartest and strongest human in a world of cosmic beings, mutants and mythical gods. Batman USED to be like that as anyone that read the JLA “Tower of Babel” Arc will tell you.
So in the end, Batman Begins still holds it’s title of “Best Comic Book Movie….EVER” and even holds up to the “One of the Top Ten Movies of All Time” title. However….Iron Man is really close. REAL CLOSE.
Keep them arms inside the window, a kid lost his once! We are rolling on!
Question #2: Do You Think Gaming Is Too Expensive?
This one is big as for the first time since 2002 I believe, we will have major releases in the summer as WELL as the holiday season. Which means that getting a summer job will actually be relevant. Well, the easy answer is no. WHAT?! I know a lot of your heads are exploding but think about this logically. When the Nintendo and Sega Master System (Which I call “First Generation Consoles) were released, they were both $199.99 and up depending on where you were. The Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo (Second Generation) were both $299.99 and up depending on location. The PlayStation, Sega Saturn and Nintendo 64 (Third Generation) were all released with a price tag of $399.99 or higher. To give an idea, the Xbox 360 was released with a cost of $399.99 which for all intents and purposes is a very standard price as consoles go with inflation and whatnot. The PlayStation 3 was $499 but with a Blu-Ray DVD player it was more than worth it seeing as at the time the players were in upwards of $1000. Let’s not forget the Atari Jaguar and the almighty 3DO which clocked in at $699.99:
Look at those graphics….well worth every penny. Games for older systems averaged around the same prices they do now (People complain about paying $59.99 for a game NOW but remember Virtua Racing? Nuff said) and perphirals are no longer needed with the advent of hard drives and OS’s backboning the consoles allowing for emulators and even legal downloading of games (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….fuck that shit). So up front, gaming now isn’t only even, it’s a hell of a lot cheaper.
However, there are several hidden costs now that didn’t exist previously. You want to pay online? You have to pay for that service. I personally believe that it should be part of your internet service but that is just me. You want to download updates? Better get you some player points! You want to play Halo in HD? Better spend about a thousand dollars on a new TV. Add in cables and sound equipment (Because nothing is better than going to Iraq….except playing a video game where the sound will let you live it. USA! USA!) and the cost skyrockets. Don’t even get me started on all of the Wii peripherals you have to buy (Wii-heel, Wii-Gun, Wii-Chuku, Wii-Crow Bar for GTA IV, etc.) and you are looking at a hella pricey experience just to play some fucking BioShock or Heavenly Sword. The costs of BUYING games is about the same or at least comparable to the inflation over time. However, with the digital changeover next year and companies taking your cash over the interweb, the cost has grown significantly.
Big wheels keep on turning! Omnibus, keep on burning!
Question #3: Dude….Why Aren’t You Ripping On Women Anymore?
This is actually a question I have received from a few people lately and the answer is simple: I had other shit to rant about. If I have learned anything in my twenty-seven years on this Earth, it is that women couldn’t give a fuck about what you think about their actions or views no matter how stupid they are. Now I am not always right. As a matter of fact, I would put my being correct at about an 87% clip. That is still a high B in terms of a grade but that means that I am still wrong 13% of the time which is a lot. Since women focus on that 13%, which is usually irrelevant to the discussion we are having in the first place, I have found that actually reasoning with the majority of women (Majority is 51% ladies so shut up about generalization. The women do that shit all the time about EVERYTHING with no research or logic/facts to back it up about men so fuck off) is as about as effective as reasoning with Pikachu. No, at least Pikachu can dance effectively to happy hardcore:
Women that aren’t named Min, Ciara or NaNa can’t dance at all. I may not be the next Bi, but at least I know that and don’t consider stealing from strippers dancing. I mean, they already don’t have souls, now you have to steal their dances?! Horrible people. Either way, I stopped caring and they never did because at the end of the day they do what they want to. More power to them, wish I could be that stupid and get away with it.
Enough with that. Women get on the back of the bus anyway, just like Blacks used to! We are off to our next stop!
Question #4: Hey, Man! Why Aren’t You Hating On Rappers Anymore, Son?
Well….I just stopped caring. As one who refuses to buy ringtones I really don’t listen to rap anymore for the most part. Why do I say that? Because all rap songs have become ringtones. Now people want to say all the time that it is about the money and that is fine. No problem there, I am all for ballin. However, do NOT call yourself a rapper. “Umma Do Me” has no redeeming quality whatsoever. Now I don’t want all rap songs to be “The Message” like Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five but at least try. I mean come one. If “Sexy Can I” is the best set of song lyrics you can think of then by all means I understand. You suck and you are doing your best. It’s all Jesus asks of you. My problem is that they want to be taken seriously as LYRICISTS and ARTISTS. I am sorry, but if that is the pinnacle of your talent as a singer then you will never be up there with the Marvin Gaye’s and Otis Redding’s of the R&B world. Hell, you aren’t even in the Keith Sweat or Al B. Sure! section of R&B. Play your position. I don’t wear skinny people clothes; shitty rappers and R&B singers shouldn’t want to be thought of anymore than average. Where is Marvin Gaye’s dad when you need him to kill Ray J? It’s why niggas don’t get anywhere. They don’t appreciate shit. My hope is that all the shitty rappers go to the Source Awards (Does that even exist anymore?) and someone launches a terrorist attack and blows up the building. Yes….I went there.
We have come to the final stop of the Omnibus! Make sure you have your bags!
Question #5: You Saw Iron Man And Liked It, What Will You Think Of “Made Of Honor?”
I didn’t watch it and don’t plan to see it in the theater unless I get totally drunk off my ass and decide I want to sit through something like that. However…the premise seems like something that would happen to me. However, I don’t have any female friends that I want to woo (What the fuck does that really mean? When I think woo, I think Ric Flair):
WHOOOOO!!! But all kidding aside, I may watch that movie. Looks like something I may buy from Entertainmart at some point or may walk into before Speed Racer (Which I have to see because Bi is in it. As president of the Colorado chapter of the Bi Fan Club, I must attend!) or some summer movie I am not excited about but need to review for the peeps. It doesn’t look BAD and the overall plot seems funny but at the same time I wouldn’t do something like that ANYWAY because if a woman ever asked me to do that I would give her one of these:
BRAINBUSTAHHHHHHH! Man….that is just TITS. So I may watch “Made of Honor” because it doesn’t look BAD as much as shouldn’t be out in the summer with Iron Man.
Well the bus has stopped for this trip. Be sure to hop on for the next Omnibus and if you have any questions you want answered just leave them in a comment or something. If I get enough, I will just add a post where I answer questions like I used to. I will try to be back up at some point this week. Until then, you all stay up.
Chachi Out!
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