What’s up, peeps?! I am back after two weeks or so because last week was kind of meh once again. I will say this though; it’s good to be back.
So last week I decided to try something. After being told I was too fat to use the Wii and my subsequent call with Nintendo which pretty much went:
Me: Your system is broken. Wii Fit says I am too fat to get fit. Should I just give up?
Nintendo: No, it’s just that our Fit Board® has a weight limit to it. However, once you get down to the Wii Fit’s targeted weight you are free and able to use the Wii Fit and all of its features in your fitness regimine!
Me: So…I have to lose weight to be able to use the Wii Fit…so I can lose weight.
Nintendo: Um…
Me: If I had found a way to lose the weight to get on the Wii Fit board, why would I use the Wii Fit AFTER THAT?
Nintendo: Um…
Me: Yeah, I’ll just wait for Metroid from Team Ninja.
Nintendo: Met-what-now?
(I hang up)
Now that is pretty much how it went. If Nintendo gave a shit and had a complaint line because they are too busy fucking schoolgirls on a pile of casual fan and housewife money, I mean. With that being said, Nintendo can eat a dick from now on. Until Metroid from Team Ninja:
Damn you, Team Ninja. Damn you.
So enough on my hatred of those jerkasses. Last week I decided to try a little something. I made a little bet with myself that I couldn’t give up meat for a full month. I first off never realized how easy meat-eaters have it. It is almost like being White; no matter where you go everything is great for you. Like Louis CK said:
Being a meat-eater is the same way. You can go to any restaurant and they have something that you want. Everything kicks ass for you. However, if you want to get something WITHOUT meat…you are kind of fucked. Especially if you don’t want to be one of those tree hugging, patchouli oil wearing, sun dress wearing, dreadlock having, Prius driving douchebag hippie fucks that eat all organic bullshit and think they are better off for it because “I am lean AND saving the planet!” to which I say that I will rape you with a fucking tube steak. Ass to mouth, fucker. Ass to mouth. Wow, I worked in “ass to mouth” in a blog for the fifth time this year. Dare I say…RECORD! Wait, I worked that in 17 times last year. IN DECEMBER. I need to get on the ball.
So I am on day three (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and I realized one thing in a major way: if you are going to give up meat, don’t get meat substitutes because they are not the same. Now some of you may be all like “Hey, there are some great meat alternatives that taste great!” but to that I say whoop-dee-fucking doo. That and I tried a black bean burger patty and my god…that shit was nasty. For the most part, I have no want of meat aside from the fact that it is EVERYFUCKINGWHERE! That shit is in Fruit Loops! The colors are green, yellow, blue, orange and fucking pork! I digress, though. I don’t really miss it very much, although it has only been three days so there hasn’t been much to miss. The real test is going to Korean barbeque or the karaoke bar and not having any galbi or bulgogi. That…is going to be FUCKING ROUGH. Either way it hasn’t been bad so far and giving up meat for a while gives me an excuse to eat the FUCK out of pears and I love them shits. Theys delicious. And applesauce:
I got that applesauce, bitch! So I will keep you abreast of how things go. You know, I need a kickass name for this event. I will call it…
Chachi’s 30 Days Without Meat!
Well, minus Nan Desu Kan. I have NO IDEA what will happen there because I am going to try my best to make photos the only way I remember that weekend. SLUMBER PAR-TAY! Just kidding, there is no meat in a suffering bastard or soju. BOO-YAH! News at 11, or soon. I’ll be back up later this week. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and get ready for the party of the year on September 12th. IT WILL ROCK YOUR FACE!!! Invites coming soon.
Chachi Out
