What is up, peeps?! I am back once again because I think I am going to update the blog more often than once a week. Due to the fact I have to drive across the fucking state to go to work (Underpaid, I might add) which equals a 10 hour day MINIMUM once again, My time to update cuts into sleeping. However, I am going to make a more concerted effort to make sure I update content more than on just Fridays and special events. YOU’RE WELCOME.
So yesterday I made a joke using the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation as the punch line. Now first off, using the phrase “punch line” with that whole fiasco is hilarious. It is like using Sonny Bono’s death as a metaphor for paying attention to shit. Is it offensive? Hell yes but is it funny? Yes, and comedy is the best medicine, especially when you have just gotten your but whooped by the Double Mint gum guy. It’s like getting smacked up by Joey McIntyre, but with better dance moves. Joey was straight so he couldn’t dance like Jordan. ZING! I kid, I kid. Jordan loves the pussy.
But I don’t understand how just because I make light of the situation makes me an advocate for beating women. Anyone that thinks that of me are two things:
1. Is wrong as hell…
2. …but at the same time is dead on.
You see, if you read this blog at any point and time in the past you know that I have always said that domestic violence is wrong no matter WHAT SEX YOU ARE. However, it gets to the point like Katt Williams said about the tiger attacking Siegfried or Roy (The festive one, not the butch one). None of us know what when on when they weren’t in the public eye but I do have to say this about a man that will bust your lip: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A MAN THAT WILL BUST YOUR LIP. If you have a tiger, you know that at some point, whether you EXPECT IT or not, that tiger will go tiger because it is a tiger and at the end of the day it is a wild animal no matter how “friendly” and “non-mauling of my face-like” you think it has become. The same happens with a beater. You can tell if a man is going to punch you in your cakehole for asking what a 2-3 zone is…or getting mad about having jump-offs. I mean…yeah that is pretty jacked up. I’ve been there and when I found out I was quite the pissy. I couldn’t believe The Efron would do that to me! It doesn’t matter if he (Or she…) is nice most of the time but just has a “temper” because you know at some point that “temper” is going to end up with a Killer Instinct 2 ULTRA C-C-C-C-COMBOOOOOO to your face. If Rihanna had been reading GamePro and got some Combo Breakers, we wouldn’t even be worried about this:
For reference, Rihanna:
• Quick breaks Medium
• Medium breaks Fierce
• Fierce breaks Quick
It sounds daunting now but in the heat of battle, you will know what to do. Now show him your moves!
On another note, can someone explain to me why R. Kelly peed on a child and got no jail time. Hell, I believe he got some Grammy Awards. Now some would say that domestic violence is worse than sexual relations with and peeing on a child and I must say that you are kind of comparing Bubsy 3D with Wrath of the Black Manta in terms of horribleness. But the fact that both R. Kelly and Chris Brown have broken a law to a certain extent (With Chris Brown we aren’t legally sure until a hearing but we all know what R. Kelly did. I SEENT IT!) and neither one is in jail is kind of disheartening. Yet Lil Kim went to jail for NOT SNITCHING and Mike Vick is in jail for getting dogs off the street and putting them in an environment where they could learn a trade and do something with themselves. You know, he was almost like the NFL version of Edward James Almos or Michelle Pfeiffer by helping underprivileged youths. For dogs…with a little bit of “Bloodsport” tossed in there for good measure:
FIGHT TO SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!! KUMITE! KUMITE! KUMITE! On another note, can someone find me a movie where Bolo Young actually WINS a tournament? I mean seriously, the dude should be like fucking Goldberg of martial arts films. Anyway I just think it is interesting that T.I. is going to jail for buying guns (Which he was going to also use to keep underprivileged youths out of trouble!) but Chris Brown still has his rights…lefts…and uppercuts to take solace in. Man, I am AWESOME this week! AND IT’S ONLY TUESDAY!
Okay, a lot of that was funny…well, ALL OF IT WAS FUNNY bit it still was not cool. We all know that abuse is a horrible thing (Unless it is against the Irish or the Turks…or Irish-Turks in which you actually get a tax write off) against anyone and we also know that people deserve due process and to have their story heard. Remember the Duke Lacrosse team? Yeah, me neither. Oh, and the rules don’t count for White people because you are White. Deal with it, no one likes you. Have happiness in owning all the shit in this country and quit bitching because your pasty ass can’t say “nigger.” You shouldn’t have a reason to say it any-fucking-way. Man, I am kind of offensive this week. I’m sorry; it must be the Girl Scout cookies. Oh, one last thing: it was brought to my attention that I have offended all races, creeds, genders and religions except for one set of people. And to you, I say this:
FUCK YOU, DENMARK.
YOU OTTER RAPING, YELLOW SNOW EATING, DRUGGED UP MOOSE-FUCKERS.
I think that is everyone. If not, let me know because I really want to be fair in my distain for everyone TO everyone. Goodnight, everybody! I will be back up Wednesday.
Chachi Out.
