What is up, people? I am back for the second straight day and all I can say is GO OBAMA! That is all. First off, I am going to have the Chachi Video Awards Nominee Special this Sunday. Before you start yer bitching it is already done but I have a busy ass day tomorrow and the Countdown is on Friday and Saturday I am probably going to drink myself into a coma because I hate my life but so do most of you so you can join me if you like. We can have a “Drink Ourselves Until We Can’t See Shapes Anymore” Pity Party! It will be great!
So a few months ago (Or days ago….it doesn’t matter. None of this matters, Fryman) I had a rant up about how stupid women were the new niggas. Well, while talking to a certain female who dispises everything about me in all way shapes and forms but we have to co-exist because…well if I kill her my best friend will be rather pissed at me I brought up that point (Although not as blatant) and she was surprisingly…..agreeable about it. Now when I have conversations or even “debates” (Which with women become arguments but that is another post altogether) with friends, especially women, my goal isn’t to “win” or be “right” as much as understand the other person in comparison to my view and see how I feel about it. So when I say that females are the new niggas I don’t say that because I am RIGHT I say it because of the observations I have made and the actions they commit it is TRUE. I think that after being my friend for 7 years now (Holy shit….she has lasted a lot longer than all my other friends for the most part) she finally understands that when I say something it is usually true. Rarely right, but I aint in my right mind….I’m crazy in the head.
Been a shitty ass day and it is about time to let it out because if I don’t, someone is going to get fucking hurt and hurt in a way that is going to required a search party to find all their fucking body parts. Yeah, I have anger issues.
FUCK VERIZON
Okay, every year or so I have a post about how much I hate Verizon. Every few months they fuck me over (Charging me for text messaging on my plan when the service wasn’t activated, Not implementing my corporate discount for five months, not telling me in any way shape or form that software has updated and looking at me like I should know that shit via osmosis) and yet I continue to go back to them, mainly because…..well, I don’t know why. Their network sucks (It will work in the middle of Kansas but not in my fucking house) and their service leaves a lot to be desired. Today was one of those moments where I realized that when I finally snap…they are getting it first. First off, my battery has not been holding a charge for about a month or so. Literally, it will work for seven minutes and then have a low battery when it SAYS it was fully charged. The phone will just shut off on general purpose and my favorite…it won’t ring. Like, at all. I will just look and have six text messages and five voicemails…from two days ago. Yeah, no shit. With all that suckery I take that bullshit because I have too much other shit going on (Like trying to avoid sucking dick for manga money behind Borders) to go in and raise hell. So today I stopped by a Verizon kiosk at Circuit City (Another place that will feel the wrath if I go all “Falling Down” on motherfuckers) to see about upgrading my phone and the rep (Who was nice but seemed to want to talk about her boyfriend the whole time which is funny because I wasn’t hitting on her as much as I wanted A MOTHERFUCKING PHONE!) stated that I could but I would have to pay full price for a phone. I asked when my trade in date was when I get a discount on a new phone and she said November. That’s next fucking month. About 39 or so days away from today, and I am unable to get a discount on a new phone to replace a phone that doesn’t work. That is shittier customer service than a female penitentiary. At least there, the rapes come with three hots and a cot. Cell phone companies overcharge you as often as they can and as long as your phone somewhat works and you get your Katy Perry or Plies ringtone/ringback you take the anal violation like Ashley Blue. Well, she gets PAID VERY WELL TO TAKE SODOMY. I pay $100+ a month (Yeah, I have a data package that I can’t use half the time because the Colorado Springs service sucks the ass) and I still take it in two holes every month…and pay a bill. So after some cordial discussion (I wasn’t in pure pissed off mode yet) she said that she has the LG XV9800 (The eNV or as I call it the “Clam Fucker”) and it was doing the same thing until she got a software upgrade. I asked if she could do it there and she said no because Circuit City is just a reseller of Verizon and doesn’t have the capability.
Now about this bullshit: if I go to a dentist that is an offshoot of a larger dentist, I don’t want him to tell me “Oh, I only work on incisors. Molar work needs to go to the main branch because I’m just a dentist reseller.” That is….just….fucking stupid.
Back to my story. So I go over to the local Verizon picture show and tell them my problem. This is where things get a bit….um….what the fuck-ish? So the guy takes my phone, takes the battery out and spins it in a circle and says “Oh, this battery is dead.” What the fuck, is this “The Cell Battery Whisperer?” So I take his word for it and buy a new battery. While I am doing that, someone else is looking up my software version and tells me I need an upgrade because the latest software for the phone is Version 4. I was on Version 1. Now I don’t know if I am supposed to proactively get software updates for my phone to KEEP IT WORKING but I was never told to so I didn’t. If it is that imperative that if I don’t get an upgrade that my phone becomes a mini-hydrogen bomb then I should be told that. Either what, it was what it was and I left it there to have the software upgraded while I did what I had to do.
I return two hours later to ask about my phone and I wait. And wait. For about 10 minutes….with no one in the store. I finally ask someone and they tell me that the software fried the phone. Yes, FRIED THE PHONE. It wouldn’t boot up at all. Now I wanted to question it but I am under the firm belief that you trust the experts. So I asked if they could give me a replacement but….they only had a display model. So they fried my phone and didn’t have any replacement there that meant I was either phoneless or stuck with a bright orange display model. I was about to freak but there was a child there and when I get mad the first thing I attack is at knee level so that was a bad idea. I asked if I could just get a replacement from a store in the Springs (This was in Aurora, BTW. East Denver for those not here) because it was closer to me and not in another fucking COUNTY but they said I could not because it goes against inventory or something. At this point, my head was dealing with the voice of the Wolven telling me to sacrifice the first person with the letter “B” in their name so I just accepted that since I had to go back up to Denver the next day anyway but then I realized something. The phone was orange…..my new battery is silver….WHAT THE FUCK?! Now I know the last thing I should be concerned about is the COLOR of my battery in comparison to my phone but come the fuck on! SHITFUCKCUNTMCCAINASSRAPE!
Okay, I am stuck with a mismatched phone that isn’t mine that I have to replace and has to have everything transferred back on (Oh, did I mention they almost shipped off my 4GB memory card with the bad phone? Customer service, my ass!) to make whole again? Do you know how long it took me to get all those ringtones on there?! How will I know if Copper is calling me if it doesn’t play the Danger Mouse theme?!
How will I know if it is Nicole if “Rebelde” doesn’t play?!
I won’t ever know who is calling me! I DON’T KNOW NUMBERS, I KNOW RINGTONES! In all seriousness, I would figure I would have better service than this. I mean I pay my bill on time and I rarely call for problems because I am rather savvy about wireless (I used to sell it and know about the network….no matter how shitty it is) and yet I get screwed over quite often. Now I know I pretty much let it happen and take the blame for that completely but I have been a Verizon customer since 1999. Before that, I had AirTouch but they got bought out. I have gone through 8 phones in my 10 years or so and you know how many failed? SEVEN. SEVEN PHONES HAVE FAILED! Now that is a manufacturer problem but my issue hasn’t been the phone, it has been the service to the problem. I have had three of those phones fail while IN THEIR CARE either trying to install software or fix other issues. Now one would say “Hey, they fix the problem so everything is fine like cherry wine” but why are these things always happening? I mean seriously, is this normal? It can’t be! Needless to say, I am sick of this shit.
So to go along with my stance on Blondies, Circuit City and Macaroni Grill I am officially boycotting Verizon Wireless. Once my contract is up, I am going with someone else. This is total bullshit and I am not going to take it….ANYMORE!!
At least until they say they are sorry and buy me some flowers. They still love me! Man…Copper was right. I AM a battered wife.
Well, that is all for now. Countdown tomorrow and I will try to update Saturday or something. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
