Hey, everybody! I am back for a little something new today. So I spend a lot of time reading and watching the news because quite simply….the real world is more exciting than TV. We have crazy villains (Kim Jong Il), valiant heroes (Kobe Bryant. Hey, having butt sex with a white girl and getting away with it is something that I dream about everyday) and even high drama like will gas hit $4? Will Hillary steal the election? IS BEYONCE PREGNANT?! These are things we must know! Now that Scrubs is gone and Venture Brothers hasn’t premiered yet, I find entertainment in CNN, MSNBC and…ugh…Fox News. But I digress. There are some huge news stories that have been covered this week such as the earthquake in China (You think I am going to say something offensive, don’t you? Not now, Chairman Mao. It is a tragedy) and the destruction in Burma (I calls it what I want) but I want to focus on a few stories this week that I feel will end up shaping OUR nation for the next few years either directly or in a roundabout way. So I give you for the first time ever….
Passion of Chachi’s Superstar Funky Fresh News Minute!!!
I need a flashy graphic and a kickass theme song. Anyway, let’s get started because America needs its news in short doses because we are too dumb to focus! Oooohhhh, shiny red ball!
NEWS FLASH: In West Virginia: Where Intelligence Dare Not Enter. It Went To Virginia.
So on Tuesday, West Virginia voted in mass for Hillary Clinton in their state’s primary which was expected. What was also expected was the idiocy of the “working class, blue collar white people” that Obama cannot “carry” because he is Black. Well, first off we need to be real with ourselves here:
Working class, blue collar whites = FUCKING HILLBILLIES AND REDNECKS.
I have driven through West Virginia. I will say from experience it isn’t a very Black friendly state. Randy Moss got the fuck out of there for a reason. Because he was dating a White chick, but that is only icing on the racist cake. Just call it how it is. Detroit is full of poor ass Black folk and West Virginia is full of the same ilk just White. And they have sex with family more often than the citizens of Detroit but that is a given. You know and can trust family because they know what you likes. Too far? The fact that Democrats are courting the bigot vote is a bad sign. I understand not voting for Barack Obama because:
• He’s inexperienced. You know, I have always felt that just because you have military service doesn’t make you prepared to lead a country BECAUSE YOU HAVE MILITARY LEADERS TO DO THE FUCKING WORK FOR YOU but at the same time he doesn’t have much experience running his own state.
• His vision of the country is kind of…well…is unattainable. What he says is great about change and a new direction for the country….but it was like in the NFL when everyone tried to use the Run and Shoot offense. Didn’t work very well, unless you count the St. Louis Rams and I don’t.
• He believes in Universal Health Care. I personally say fuck everyone so there.
Those are all VALID reasons. However, a NOT valid reason is not voting for him solely because…
HE’S A DARKIE BOY (GASP, DID I SAY THAT?!)
Yes, I said it. It is an ugly word and what I love is how people will say every word to describe him but that word about not voting for him. I mean have some fucking balls, you pricks. I will say it loud and proud I am not voting for Hillary. But not because she is a woman but because she is a selfish, lying sack of shit that is willing to destroy a party and a country for her own gain. Obama has never once said that he gets the uneducated (And educated...yeah all 17,000 of us) Black and the egghead yuppie hipster vote. That is an important vote because they help support the lower class with how much we pay in taxes and support assistance programs…not of our own choice mind you. When Obama dominated North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Virginia (The REAL Virginia) and Washington DC no one in his camp from my recollection stated that only he could win the poor Black vote. When Obama won Iowa, New Hampshire, Washington and Colorado no one said he could get the upper-class White and annoying ass hippie vote (I am looking at YOU, Boulder). That wasn’t a talking point for him to continue the race when Hillary was the presumptive nominee. So now why is it okay for Hillary to say that she can court the lower class White vote? And of course the female vote but as we all know women aren’t people and the fact that they vote and a horse cannot is a slap in the face to the leaders in old country.
This week West Virginia proved that it’s okay to be a racist if you are ignorant. The same thing that South Carolina proved but as Bill Clinton said, even Jesse Jackson won South Carolina. But Bill Clinton is one PBR away from calling Colin Powell a spear-chucker. Oh, you know I’m right. I say nigger quite often and I can tell you as a connoisseur of the word, Bill Clinton looks like a man that says nigger a LOT. He looks to be quite fond of the word….and big ole booties so you know he’s down for Black chicks. Even more so than Thomas Jefferson. Hmm….Thomas JEFFERSON. William JEFFERSON Clinton. I knew it! That is why Bill is so angry! That is why he was all about Hillary courting the poor Whitey vote! He is in self-denial!
BILL CLINTON WANTS SOME OF THAT BROWN SUGAR!!!
Thomas Jefferson knew it. Mick Jagger knew it. Robert De Niro knows it. Brown sugar tastes so good! Not for me, we don’t get along.
NEWS FLASH: Video Games Don’t Kill People.
Let’s celebrate by stealing a car and running down pedestrians! I kid, I kid. Seriously, this study was just released by a Harvard Med Scholar (So you KNOW it’s true) that states there is no direct correlation between playing violent video games and being a fucktard. There are fucktards that listen to Christian Rock but I don’t see anyone banning that shit. And if anything deserves to be burned, it is Christian Fucking Rock. Jesus cant rock, his hands have holes in them; he can’t hold a Goddamn guitar! Tambourine….maybe. Anyway, I am sick and tired of everyone getting a bug in their ass about video game violence like its 1993. Now back then there wasn’t a rating system and there wasn’t really a clear line between what was adult and not for kids to play due to the popularity of arcades. But when consoles became king and parents had to BUY the consoles and BUY the games for their kids…it became a PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY. Movies have gotten more violent, music has gotten sexier (And shittier but that is a different news flash) and TV has gotten….well….Tila Tequila. Nuff’ said. The fact that people are STILL whining about video games shows that parenting has gotten worse. Remember when you could beat your kids with a sack of oranges for being stupid? Well, sadly those days are over and now we act like kids aren’t able to know they ARE ENGAGING IN ASSHATERY so they have to be coddled. Fuck that shit; the only coddling kids need are a fucking gogoplata:
Catch your kid playing GTA IV and you don’t want them to? Snatch that indignant bastard in THAT and see if they do that shit again. If they do, you weren’t doing it right.
Video games don’t kill people, asshats kill people. And if Harvard said it, it must be true.
Well, that is all for the news. This is the Chachi signing off. If you want to get news you can count on, you know where you can go…to someone else.
Chachi Out.
