Holy fucking shit, man! 100 degrees?! This is whack! And people keep on looking at me because I'm not wearing pants. I'm trying to get groceries just like you, lady! Anyway, I had to say something about this weather. Damn it is HOT! I will have my 150th post at some point this week, and I will make sure it kicks the WHOLE ASS. Stay up, peeps. I'm gonna go put some ice in my underwear.
Live, love and laugh. And stay hydrated!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Back in the Saddle
Okay, peeps. Today's post is gonna be kind of big. First, I think I have finalized the nominees for the movie competition of the Chachi's! I know it took a while, but I have had some shit on my mind over the last week or so I have had to ponder. More on that later on. Anyway, here are your nominees!
Best Supporting Actress:
(Yeah, I need your help here. I'm not sure where to go with this category.)
Best Supporting Actor:
Morgan Freeman - Batman Begins
William H. Macy - Thank You For Smoking
Mos Def - Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Best Actress:
Zhang Ziyi - Memoirs of a Geisha
Keira Knightly - Pirates of the Carriebean 2
Natalie Portman - V For Vendetta
Mandy Moore - American Dreamz (Highly underrated film, check it out)
Best Actor:
Aaron Eckart - Thank You For Smoking (HELL YEAH!)
Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Carriebean 2 (FUCK YEAH!)
Christian Bale - Batman Begins (SUPER FUCK YEAH!)
Steve Carrell - 40 year Old Virgin (Hey, if you don't use it you lose it)
'You Know, This May Have Sucked Worse Than Darkness Falls' Worst Movie of the Year
Elektra (Yes, I know this mindrape came out early 2005 but it deserves a nod)
Brokeback Mountain (No, I still haven't seen it. But I know it was shitty. Trust me, peeps)
Flightplan (I did see this clusterfuck and it SUCKED)
Nacho Libre (You know, this movie sucked so bad that the Al Gore movie looked like Star Wars)
Shittiest Actress of the Year:
Jodie Foster - Flightplan (Jodie, I can't stand you. Always have and always will after Contact.)
Jennifer Garner - Elektra (You and your cro-magnon neck. And you spawned with Ben Affleck. Good job, bitch. You have officially birthed the anti-Christ)
Paris Hilton - House of Wax (Never seen it, but the bitch can't even act like a WOMAN. Putting her in a movie is just...bad news)
Shittiest Actor of the Year
Jack Black - Nacho Libre (If you liked this movie, you should be put down. I am dead serious, you are dirtying up the fucking gene pool with your stupidity)
Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain (This man cannot act. Period. Everytime he gets work from this point out, I punch a puppy in the fucking ribs. I'm THROUGH PLAYING AROUND!)
Orlando Bloom - Kingdon of Heaven (Great, more of the gay archer. Why cant this man-sprite just die already?!)
Tom Cruise - Mission Impossible III (More like 'Mission Not-Watchable III' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuck you, Tom)
Now, for the grand finale...
Passion of Chachi's Movie of the Year Award!
Batman Begins
Thank You For Smoking
Pirates of the Carrebean 2 - Dead Man's Chest
40 Year Old Virgin
The Da Vinci Code
And there you have it, peeps. The nominees for the movie portion of the Passion of Chachi presents The Chachi Awards! I am debating whether or not to do a TV section, because I watched only seven shows over the last two years and three were anime (and I can't just nominate Bleach and The Colbert Report for EVERYTHING. Which I tried to do, but it just seemd unfair) so the odds of a TV section are slim. I think Movies and music are enough, seeing as how I haven't played a video game since Kingdom Hearts 2(byw, the ending for that was SO FUCKING UNDERWHELMING IT HURT INSIDE!). Even though NCAA Football 07 does come out this week (and a certain someone is gonna get their ass WHOOPED ON!) so I will be hitting that up next weekend BIG TIME.
So it is time for the Douche of the Week. Usually, I give this to a person or people. This week, I have been going through a mid-life crisis. I am kind of at a crossroads at my life and I had an epiphany about a week ago talking to Griff about how much I hate what I do. Then Z got a job at a place that sucks the balls (Man if you ask them to refer to you as Captian and they don't agree I believe you should walk, too) and it hit me. The Douche of the Week might just be the Douche of the Motherfucking Decade. The Douche of the Week is...
Coporate America
When I started my new job something hit me that morning when I woke up. I had spent seven years working in a coporate setting (middle management that has to justify its job by fucking with you, pointless reports and metrics that 'justify' your worth to the company, cubicles, pointless 'rah-rah' meetings where they spew rhetoric about 'believing is achieving' not knowing that Jesus actually hated salespeople and other bullshit like that) and I must say, that there is a real big disconnect between that world and the real world. You see, working in a coporate position is a lot like being in a cult. You REALLY have to suspend belief on the...rational and buy into rhetoric and spin that is just high level bullshit. Let's be real, peeps. It is all a game. Many of you reader (all six of you) have seen movies like Boiler Room, Wall Street and Glenn Gary Ross. I have seen those movies at request of two of my previous managers and I wanted to gouge out their eyes and use their skulls as spit bucket. And I dont even fucking chew. I'm not a moral or even a NICE person (ask my friends, they can vouch for that) but to be a person like some of the characters in those movies just isn't natural. I hate that fucking enviornment.
Like I said, my life is an open book and I hold the privacy of others very close to me. However, I will let the peeps know that I work in sales. I have since 1999 which will put it at seven years in September. SEVEN YEARS IN SALES. That is fucking sad. I cannot believe that I have been in an envoirnment that I hate for so much for so long. You know why I think corporate American succeeds so much?
1. They have killed company loyalty. Now people argue this that have been working for a company for more than 5 years and I respect their point of view, you have been there for a while. The days of a company taking care of you for life are over. They know it, we as employees know it (and if you don't you FUCKING SHOULD) and they know that we know that they know it. Business is a machine and people are cogs. They can find a cog to replace you at any point. Whether you leave or they let you go, you are not too valuable to be replaced by someone willing to do the job cheaper. That goes for any position, I'm living proof on both sides.
2. The Drinking of the Kool-Aid. I hate this shit. If you sit in a meeting and you don't understand that you are being shoveled shit and spin then you are an idiot. Now you can choose to believe it or not (I honestly believe in nothing but it still annoys me) but like your fucking God you keep it out of my zone. If i don't want to believe I don't fucking have to. All I have to do is do my job to its description, not listen to people quote the Book of Sales and Bullshit to me verbatum. You know the people I am talking about, too. The guy that believes everything that the management team says about the money you can make or the fact its a numbers game. First off, the goal of a company is to pay just enough to get you to work a little bit harder. Incentives are created to behoove the company first, the employees second. So no matter how good the benefits/commissions/bonuses are, as soon as they see that is isn't beneficial for the company you better believe that shit will change. Secondly, EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING NUMBERS GAME! YOu know what else is a numbers game? Getting an STD. If you fuck enough people, you are bound to get a painful wart or blue flames with shoot out when you pee. Which brings me to the big one:
3. The Promise of More Money. I REALLY hate this shit. Z and I had this discussion when he was working for the man and they asked him why doesn't money motivate him. People look at you like you are fucking insane when you say money isn't your biggest motivator for taking a job. Now no one wants to work for free. There was a War that wasn't quite Civil about it. No one wants to be underpaid either. That just sucks (trust me, I have been there and that is almost worse than not being paid at-fucking-all) it dry. However, I am in the WRONG fucking line of work because money isn't why I go to work everyday. As long as my bills are paid, my parents are good and my dog is fed I'm happy. I want to go to work, do something I ENJOY DOING for 8-10 hours (yeah, I will work a ten hour day if I LIKE THE FUCKING JOB) and get paid fairly for it. I also have no need to strive for more if I don't like what I do. You know, if you made 1 million dollars a year, but you had to be anally raped for 30 minutes every hour on the hour for 12 hours a day, would you be happy with your job? Is money really worth it? Hells no unless you like that kind of thing and to each their own. Not I said the cat.
I would go into the disconnect from reality big business has, but that is more of another rant. Congratulations to Corporate America. For staying in your own reality and brainwashing your employess, you are the Douche of the Week. You know, sounds like Scientology. Oh my go...BIG BUSINESS IS A PLAN BY SCIENTOLOGY! IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Think about it.
Okay, not my best rant but it was a great bitch session. Got out some frustration. Time for some calm down tuneage. This is the new closing theme for Bleach, which is really beginning to pick up the pace. I won't say it is back to par with the Soul Society arc, but its making headway. Anyway, this is Takacha with Movin':
I am digging that song something fierce. Well, this post has been LOOOONG. I hope this makes up for the last few days. I will try to be back either tomorrow night or Tuesday. Until then, here is some UVERworld! You know, this isn't on Timeless, I wonder what this is on. Song kis the ass, though. Here is Shamrock. Emphasis on ROCK!
Stay up, peeps.
Live, love and laugh.
Best Supporting Actress:
(Yeah, I need your help here. I'm not sure where to go with this category.)
Best Supporting Actor:
Morgan Freeman - Batman Begins
William H. Macy - Thank You For Smoking
Mos Def - Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Best Actress:
Zhang Ziyi - Memoirs of a Geisha
Keira Knightly - Pirates of the Carriebean 2
Natalie Portman - V For Vendetta
Mandy Moore - American Dreamz (Highly underrated film, check it out)
Best Actor:
Aaron Eckart - Thank You For Smoking (HELL YEAH!)
Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Carriebean 2 (FUCK YEAH!)
Christian Bale - Batman Begins (SUPER FUCK YEAH!)
Steve Carrell - 40 year Old Virgin (Hey, if you don't use it you lose it)
'You Know, This May Have Sucked Worse Than Darkness Falls' Worst Movie of the Year
Elektra (Yes, I know this mindrape came out early 2005 but it deserves a nod)
Brokeback Mountain (No, I still haven't seen it. But I know it was shitty. Trust me, peeps)
Flightplan (I did see this clusterfuck and it SUCKED)
Nacho Libre (You know, this movie sucked so bad that the Al Gore movie looked like Star Wars)
Shittiest Actress of the Year:
Jodie Foster - Flightplan (Jodie, I can't stand you. Always have and always will after Contact.)
Jennifer Garner - Elektra (You and your cro-magnon neck. And you spawned with Ben Affleck. Good job, bitch. You have officially birthed the anti-Christ)
Paris Hilton - House of Wax (Never seen it, but the bitch can't even act like a WOMAN. Putting her in a movie is just...bad news)
Shittiest Actor of the Year
Jack Black - Nacho Libre (If you liked this movie, you should be put down. I am dead serious, you are dirtying up the fucking gene pool with your stupidity)
Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain (This man cannot act. Period. Everytime he gets work from this point out, I punch a puppy in the fucking ribs. I'm THROUGH PLAYING AROUND!)
Orlando Bloom - Kingdon of Heaven (Great, more of the gay archer. Why cant this man-sprite just die already?!)
Tom Cruise - Mission Impossible III (More like 'Mission Not-Watchable III' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuck you, Tom)
Now, for the grand finale...
Passion of Chachi's Movie of the Year Award!
Batman Begins
Thank You For Smoking
Pirates of the Carrebean 2 - Dead Man's Chest
40 Year Old Virgin
The Da Vinci Code
And there you have it, peeps. The nominees for the movie portion of the Passion of Chachi presents The Chachi Awards! I am debating whether or not to do a TV section, because I watched only seven shows over the last two years and three were anime (and I can't just nominate Bleach and The Colbert Report for EVERYTHING. Which I tried to do, but it just seemd unfair) so the odds of a TV section are slim. I think Movies and music are enough, seeing as how I haven't played a video game since Kingdom Hearts 2(byw, the ending for that was SO FUCKING UNDERWHELMING IT HURT INSIDE!). Even though NCAA Football 07 does come out this week (and a certain someone is gonna get their ass WHOOPED ON!) so I will be hitting that up next weekend BIG TIME.
So it is time for the Douche of the Week. Usually, I give this to a person or people. This week, I have been going through a mid-life crisis. I am kind of at a crossroads at my life and I had an epiphany about a week ago talking to Griff about how much I hate what I do. Then Z got a job at a place that sucks the balls (Man if you ask them to refer to you as Captian and they don't agree I believe you should walk, too) and it hit me. The Douche of the Week might just be the Douche of the Motherfucking Decade. The Douche of the Week is...
Coporate America
When I started my new job something hit me that morning when I woke up. I had spent seven years working in a coporate setting (middle management that has to justify its job by fucking with you, pointless reports and metrics that 'justify' your worth to the company, cubicles, pointless 'rah-rah' meetings where they spew rhetoric about 'believing is achieving' not knowing that Jesus actually hated salespeople and other bullshit like that) and I must say, that there is a real big disconnect between that world and the real world. You see, working in a coporate position is a lot like being in a cult. You REALLY have to suspend belief on the...rational and buy into rhetoric and spin that is just high level bullshit. Let's be real, peeps. It is all a game. Many of you reader (all six of you) have seen movies like Boiler Room, Wall Street and Glenn Gary Ross. I have seen those movies at request of two of my previous managers and I wanted to gouge out their eyes and use their skulls as spit bucket. And I dont even fucking chew. I'm not a moral or even a NICE person (ask my friends, they can vouch for that) but to be a person like some of the characters in those movies just isn't natural. I hate that fucking enviornment.
Like I said, my life is an open book and I hold the privacy of others very close to me. However, I will let the peeps know that I work in sales. I have since 1999 which will put it at seven years in September. SEVEN YEARS IN SALES. That is fucking sad. I cannot believe that I have been in an envoirnment that I hate for so much for so long. You know why I think corporate American succeeds so much?
1. They have killed company loyalty. Now people argue this that have been working for a company for more than 5 years and I respect their point of view, you have been there for a while. The days of a company taking care of you for life are over. They know it, we as employees know it (and if you don't you FUCKING SHOULD) and they know that we know that they know it. Business is a machine and people are cogs. They can find a cog to replace you at any point. Whether you leave or they let you go, you are not too valuable to be replaced by someone willing to do the job cheaper. That goes for any position, I'm living proof on both sides.
2. The Drinking of the Kool-Aid. I hate this shit. If you sit in a meeting and you don't understand that you are being shoveled shit and spin then you are an idiot. Now you can choose to believe it or not (I honestly believe in nothing but it still annoys me) but like your fucking God you keep it out of my zone. If i don't want to believe I don't fucking have to. All I have to do is do my job to its description, not listen to people quote the Book of Sales and Bullshit to me verbatum. You know the people I am talking about, too. The guy that believes everything that the management team says about the money you can make or the fact its a numbers game. First off, the goal of a company is to pay just enough to get you to work a little bit harder. Incentives are created to behoove the company first, the employees second. So no matter how good the benefits/commissions/bonuses are, as soon as they see that is isn't beneficial for the company you better believe that shit will change. Secondly, EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING NUMBERS GAME! YOu know what else is a numbers game? Getting an STD. If you fuck enough people, you are bound to get a painful wart or blue flames with shoot out when you pee. Which brings me to the big one:
3. The Promise of More Money. I REALLY hate this shit. Z and I had this discussion when he was working for the man and they asked him why doesn't money motivate him. People look at you like you are fucking insane when you say money isn't your biggest motivator for taking a job. Now no one wants to work for free. There was a War that wasn't quite Civil about it. No one wants to be underpaid either. That just sucks (trust me, I have been there and that is almost worse than not being paid at-fucking-all) it dry. However, I am in the WRONG fucking line of work because money isn't why I go to work everyday. As long as my bills are paid, my parents are good and my dog is fed I'm happy. I want to go to work, do something I ENJOY DOING for 8-10 hours (yeah, I will work a ten hour day if I LIKE THE FUCKING JOB) and get paid fairly for it. I also have no need to strive for more if I don't like what I do. You know, if you made 1 million dollars a year, but you had to be anally raped for 30 minutes every hour on the hour for 12 hours a day, would you be happy with your job? Is money really worth it? Hells no unless you like that kind of thing and to each their own. Not I said the cat.
I would go into the disconnect from reality big business has, but that is more of another rant. Congratulations to Corporate America. For staying in your own reality and brainwashing your employess, you are the Douche of the Week. You know, sounds like Scientology. Oh my go...BIG BUSINESS IS A PLAN BY SCIENTOLOGY! IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Think about it.
Okay, not my best rant but it was a great bitch session. Got out some frustration. Time for some calm down tuneage. This is the new closing theme for Bleach, which is really beginning to pick up the pace. I won't say it is back to par with the Soul Society arc, but its making headway. Anyway, this is Takacha with Movin':
I am digging that song something fierce. Well, this post has been LOOOONG. I hope this makes up for the last few days. I will try to be back either tomorrow night or Tuesday. Until then, here is some UVERworld! You know, this isn't on Timeless, I wonder what this is on. Song kis the ass, though. Here is Shamrock. Emphasis on ROCK!
Stay up, peeps.
Live, love and laugh.
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