What is up, peeps?! It has been almost a month since my last post and that is because work is kicking my ass a bit and the fact that soju and I have gotten re-aquainted. You never judge me and that's why I love you so.
Well, it has been a while since I have posted the Countdown so let me give you the updated version:
Tae Yang is on top this week. I will have my 4th Chachi's Year End Extravaganza coming up on New Year's Eve on the blog and it will go all Christmas week on YouTube barring my account getting blocked.
So I havent ranted in a while but this is something that has be said and I am only going to say this once: I don't vare about Christmas. Stop asking, I am completely indifferent about it. If you are into then knock yourself out. But know that I could care less about Jesus's birth, reindeer, snowmen or that fat fuck Santa Claus. I don't mind the "holiday spirit" as long as it isnt bullshit and you understand that Jesus would have died of frostbite had he been born in a manger in December. And he was a Jew, so he was celebrating Channukah. Eight crazy nights is better than one birthday with "White Christmas" playing all damn day. Although I LOVE that song and play. Good times.
Anyway, happy holidays or whatever to you all and prepare also for the Year End Omnibus. Questions are accepted. Until then, stay up and get ready...Chachi is back.
CHACHI! (Say it like Gucci Mane says "Gucci!" and it makes sense.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Much Like Washed Up Boxers, Trophy Wives And 30 Year Old Porn Stars...I Came Back For The Money.
What is up, people?! It has been a while since I have posted on the blog (Almost a month, I believe) but that streak ends RIGHT NOW! I am back on the scene with a pocket full of lean (If you remember what happened to me in April of this year then you know why I need it and man it is working wonders while I get rid of this thing AGAIN) and it is time to give the peeps an update on my wellbeing and whereabouts! So I give you the first ever…
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hip Hop And You Don't Stop!
What is up peeps?! Next week is the big event, the Chachi Music Video Awards! I will have the link up for previous winners on my Passion of Chachi blog from 2007 and 2008 (And 2006 if I can find the original post). Until then, we have a new Top 30 and A NEW NUMBER ONE!
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
Monday, October 19, 2009
Twilight Is Fucking Gay. This Post Has Nothing To Do With That...I Just Felt It Needed Repeating.
Hey peeps. Omnibus is pushed back for a bit because I lost motivation during the Falcons/Bears game on Sunday night. Kind of had one of those mindrapes where I realized that opening a vein is not my thing but the anal assault that is life never gives you a reach-around. Reality isn't much for cuddling or asking "is it good to you" when it is giving it to you in the ass. So now is the first in the ONLY FUCKING INSTALLMENT of...
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Friday, October 16, 2009
I Swear...By The Power Of The Moon, I WILL DEFEAT YOU! Wow, That Is Pretty Damn Gay Right There.
So total is a bitch on wheels. To Broomfield, to here, to Denver, to here. And tomorrow is going to be even ROUGHER due to the Air Force game and MC Chris to which I aint gonna complain. However, I had a few free minutes and it was pointed out to me that I said I was going to post one of my best gay marriage and abortion rants when I realized after searching I haven't DONE an abortion rant which shocked the shit out of me. So with that being said, I have posted a random post from 2008 (Literally random to fill space. Just call me Bleach and Naruto because its Filler Time! It...was funny when I thought of it. Due to the filler, I will actually DO an abortion question for the Omnibus, which I should have finished by Monday night I think. Gives me the weekend to recoup from the douchery of this whole week of driving and interviewing. Never compromise, peeps. NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER! Anyway, here is some old school madness from March of 2008.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
People Against Gay Marriage Obviously Haven't Seen "Newlyweds" or "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire"...
Okay, over the last few months I have been ranting a lot about two issues: gay marriage and abortion. Mostly because people think it is okay to keep fags from being in wedded bliss and keeping women from rightfully killing their own babies BEFORE they can drown them in a car and blame it on a Black guy (Yes, I went there and YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC so enough with the feigned shock of the shit I say. Get a fucking grip, pussies. PUSSIES!) but still, they are one of the few subjects I have any fervor about in terms of their defense. In retrospect of that, I am posting one of my favorite blogs on both subjects because I feel that awesomeness exudes from this blog like hot from Zac Efron and you can learn something. If you learn nothing from me, it's that I am more than willing to go to Chino to get my point across. Or not, I dunno. Prison seems fun in the Jermaine Jackson video:
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Usually, The Sequel Disappoints. Not THIS Time!
We are down to the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies! Let’s keep the party going!
10. Sowelu
(2007 Rank: #18, 2008 Rank: #8)
10. Sowelu
(2007 Rank: #18, 2008 Rank: #8)
I am very, very sad that I haven’t heard from Sowelu in a while. Like I have always said, she is the Japanese Mandy Moore which means that she is cuter than a kitten riding a puppy singing the “Nom Nom” song while petting a baby bunny. Yes, she is that damn cute.
9. Lucy Liu
9. Lucy Liu
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #6)
Hell, if you get a shout out in an Andre 3000 song, you MUST be saucy. Lucy Liu is that, although she seems to have fallen off the face of the damn planet over the last two years. Last thing I remember seeing her in was The Cleaner with Cedric The Entertainer. I mean, when she isn’t in my dreams wrestling the ladies of Rebelde in pudding. Yes, I have horrible dreams.
8. Crystal Kay
Hell, if you get a shout out in an Andre 3000 song, you MUST be saucy. Lucy Liu is that, although she seems to have fallen off the face of the damn planet over the last two years. Last thing I remember seeing her in was The Cleaner with Cedric The Entertainer. I mean, when she isn’t in my dreams wrestling the ladies of Rebelde in pudding. Yes, I have horrible dreams.
8. Crystal Kay
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Much like the Yuna Ito love I have, Crystal Kay has an amazing voice and I actually didn’t even see she was beautiful until like 2006-ish when I saw the video for “Kirakuni” in which she was HAAAAWT. Not a shabby dancer, either.
Much like the Yuna Ito love I have, Crystal Kay has an amazing voice and I actually didn’t even see she was beautiful until like 2006-ish when I saw the video for “Kirakuni” in which she was HAAAAWT. Not a shabby dancer, either.
7. Dulce Maria
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #5)
WHY IN THE HELL DID REBELDE HAVE TO BREAK UP?! I mean…WHY?! Now I never get to see Dulce Maria anymore, unless you count that crappy ass song with Akon as a time to look at her. No matter how saucy Dulce looks in a video, she can’t trump out the ugly Beastacon that is Akon.
6. Halle Berry
6. Halle Berry
(2007 Rank: #10, 2008 Rank: #18)
As you can tell, I have a bit of a love/hate thing with Halle Berry, mostly due to her doing Catwoman. Yes, I hold a grudge against that movie. I haven’t forgiven Jessica Alba for “Into The Blue” and I will never forgive Halle for fucking up a sure fire great female character in Catwoman. Although…her and Christian Bale in a movie as the Bat and the Cat…dare I dream?
5. Kate Winslet
As you can tell, I have a bit of a love/hate thing with Halle Berry, mostly due to her doing Catwoman. Yes, I hold a grudge against that movie. I haven’t forgiven Jessica Alba for “Into The Blue” and I will never forgive Halle for fucking up a sure fire great female character in Catwoman. Although…her and Christian Bale in a movie as the Bat and the Cat…dare I dream?
5. Kate Winslet
(2007 Rank: #1, 2008 Rank: #9)
Okay, now this was a point of contention between an ex and I because she thought Kate Winslet was fat and to that I pretty much told her to shut the fuck up because I didn’t bitch about her love of Vin Diesel (Who is a fucking mouth breather but was tolerable in The Pacifier). I even sat through Titanic…TWICE…to see her. Add in Hamlet and that shitball of a movie with Cameron Diaz & Jack Black (Ugh…I think I just threw up in my mouth at that combo) and I have gone through a lot for my Katie.
4. Mandy Moore
4. Mandy Moore
(2007 Rank: #6, 2008 Rank: #1)
How can anyone hate Mandy Moore? Hating Mandy Moore is like hating a kitten: no matter how horribly it may scractch up your couch, one nuzzle and look and you just melt. Now I don’t know if Mandy Moore commits property damage like that but just one look from her and all I think is “Aaaaaawwwww….yyyeeeeeaaaahhhh.” See what I did there?
3. Kristen Chenoweth
3. Kristen Chenoweth
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #4)
My love for the Chenoweth MOSTLY started with Wicked but it was her awesome sprite-like cuteness in Pushing Daisies that pushed me over the edge. She can sing, she can dance, she can act and she pulls off humor like no woman I know can. Except maybe Mary Tyler Moore but…she’s too old even for me. 55 is the age for retirement and the age even I must say no. I’m sorry!
2. Hyori Lee
2. Hyori Lee
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank #3)
Can I just say this right here and right now: Hyori Lee STILL needs to eat something. She also has something I would like to eat, if you know what I mean! By that, I mean reportedly she is a great cook…you sick FREAKS. Either way, Hyo Ri Lee caught my attention back in college with Fin KL (Man, I am getting up there) and has had it ever since. Oh, and “U-Go-Girl” is the song that goes from annoying to awesome in Avril Lavigne seconds:
It’s like “Girlfriend” without all the gay if you actually sing it. Only 80%...85% tops because my Korean is LIMITED. So we have a new sauciest lady for 2009! And it is…
1. Nelly Furtado
Can I just say this right here and right now: Hyori Lee STILL needs to eat something. She also has something I would like to eat, if you know what I mean! By that, I mean reportedly she is a great cook…you sick FREAKS. Either way, Hyo Ri Lee caught my attention back in college with Fin KL (Man, I am getting up there) and has had it ever since. Oh, and “U-Go-Girl” is the song that goes from annoying to awesome in Avril Lavigne seconds:
It’s like “Girlfriend” without all the gay if you actually sing it. Only 80%...85% tops because my Korean is LIMITED. So we have a new sauciest lady for 2009! And it is…
1. Nelly Furtado
(2007 Rank: 14, 2008 Rank: 16)
Now aside from my affinity for the backyard (I likes to beg for change, not peddle for dollars and I will NOT explain that analogy again) I never objectify women by trait because I hate having the same done to me…except in terms of things they DON’T find attractive about me. It’s a conundrum. But I just have to say once again, and I say it every year, that Nelly Furtado has the most striking eyes and smile I have ever seen on a woman ever:
MY GOD, like Debbie Gibson was to Johnny Depp, I get lost in her eyes. The last woman I knew that has eyes anywhere CLOSE to that also had my self-respect, pride and dignity. Don’t worry; I got them back because even when you smile, I can still see you are a bitch. BOO-YAH! Oh, and of course Nelly Furtado has got…DAT DUMPLIN BUTT!!
Scoopy Giles, I’m with you on bringing it back! With that, I bid you all adieu! See you next year for the 2010 edition of the Sauciest Ladies of the year and hopefully we will have seen more of Miss Furtado by then. Thanks for reading and the Countdown should be up tomorrow. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Now aside from my affinity for the backyard (I likes to beg for change, not peddle for dollars and I will NOT explain that analogy again) I never objectify women by trait because I hate having the same done to me…except in terms of things they DON’T find attractive about me. It’s a conundrum. But I just have to say once again, and I say it every year, that Nelly Furtado has the most striking eyes and smile I have ever seen on a woman ever:
MY GOD, like Debbie Gibson was to Johnny Depp, I get lost in her eyes. The last woman I knew that has eyes anywhere CLOSE to that also had my self-respect, pride and dignity. Don’t worry; I got them back because even when you smile, I can still see you are a bitch. BOO-YAH! Oh, and of course Nelly Furtado has got…DAT DUMPLIN BUTT!!
Scoopy Giles, I’m with you on bringing it back! With that, I bid you all adieu! See you next year for the 2010 edition of the Sauciest Ladies of the year and hopefully we will have seen more of Miss Furtado by then. Thanks for reading and the Countdown should be up tomorrow. Stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, October 12, 2009
Ladies, How Would You Like A Part In My Movie? And I Got Just The Part For You!
What is up, peeps?! It is too fucking cold to function right now so I thought I would put up a new post today while my movies are downloading. It has been a while since I have done this post (April of last year I believe, so this is hella late) but it is time for the 2009 edition of the Passion of Chachi staple…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Sauciest Ladies of 2009!
First off, some ground rules. These are my personal opinions of the ladies that make my day bright and allow me to occasionally not be lulled to sleep by my screams or the sound of my tears hitting my pillow. You have your own opinions and there is a high probability that I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. The world wide web is vast so you can find something else to occupy your time. Secondly, there are some people that WILL not be on here so I don’t want any comments about “Hey, why isn’t [Insert shitty actress or shittier singers’ name here] on here?! She’s fucking hot, bro! You’re a homo!” These asshats go as follows:
Megan Fox (Mouth breathers may be hot to you, but not to me. If not liking her makes me gay then that is fine because Johnny Depp and Zac Efron are hotter any-fucking-way AND KNOW THEIR TRADE BETTER THAN THAT BITCH. Yeah, I said it.)
Katy Perry (She can’t sing. That’s kind of a prerequisite if you are a fucking singer. What she does sing is trifling and her head looks like Green Goblin’s in the first Spiderman movie.)
Nicki Minaj (Who is she and why is she rapping? And poorly at that? At least Foxy Brown had talent and Lil’ Kim…um…picked the right man to fuck. Yeah, I said it.)
Any woman from a music video (Especially that HORRIBLE Drake video for “Best I Ever Had” because…those ladies weren’t all that attractive. They just jiggled and if jiggling equals hot to you then you and I differ because I just found it to be excessive and kind of gross. Like CGI but not as good.)
Serena Williams (Yeah…restraining orders are in effect on the internet as well. Mail yourself to a tennis stare ONE TIME and they get all paranoid and shit. Gawd!)
So now that you know the ground rules, let us begin with some honorable mentions for 2009!
Honorable Mentions:
Salma Hayek (Most of it is because I NEVER SEE HER ANYWHERE. That and the whole unibrow in “Frieda” kind of…still scares the fucking shit out of me.)
Lauren London (If you have a baby by Lil’ Wayne, you can’t be on here. Section 3.1, Bylaw 56.23)
Hayden Panettiere (She can’t act. I sat through “I Love You, Beth Cooper” and being hot encompasses several things. If you can’t act and you are a jerk to people then you cannot have my heart. Damn shame, I love “Bring It On 3” when she smacks her ass.)
Chae Yeon (It was either Chae or Hyori and Hyori wins this round. Maybe next year..although I loves me some “Shake”)
Mmm…hells yeah. Now let’s get started!
20. Rachel Stevens (formerly of S Club 7)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
19. Kumi Koda
18. Kim Yu Bin (of Wonder Girls)
17. Shakira
16. Nicole (of KARA)
15. Yuna Ito
11. Vanessa Anne Hudgens
Passion of Chachi Presents: Sauciest Ladies of 2009!
First off, some ground rules. These are my personal opinions of the ladies that make my day bright and allow me to occasionally not be lulled to sleep by my screams or the sound of my tears hitting my pillow. You have your own opinions and there is a high probability that I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. The world wide web is vast so you can find something else to occupy your time. Secondly, there are some people that WILL not be on here so I don’t want any comments about “Hey, why isn’t [Insert shitty actress or shittier singers’ name here] on here?! She’s fucking hot, bro! You’re a homo!” These asshats go as follows:
Megan Fox (Mouth breathers may be hot to you, but not to me. If not liking her makes me gay then that is fine because Johnny Depp and Zac Efron are hotter any-fucking-way AND KNOW THEIR TRADE BETTER THAN THAT BITCH. Yeah, I said it.)
Katy Perry (She can’t sing. That’s kind of a prerequisite if you are a fucking singer. What she does sing is trifling and her head looks like Green Goblin’s in the first Spiderman movie.)
Nicki Minaj (Who is she and why is she rapping? And poorly at that? At least Foxy Brown had talent and Lil’ Kim…um…picked the right man to fuck. Yeah, I said it.)
Any woman from a music video (Especially that HORRIBLE Drake video for “Best I Ever Had” because…those ladies weren’t all that attractive. They just jiggled and if jiggling equals hot to you then you and I differ because I just found it to be excessive and kind of gross. Like CGI but not as good.)
Serena Williams (Yeah…restraining orders are in effect on the internet as well. Mail yourself to a tennis stare ONE TIME and they get all paranoid and shit. Gawd!)
So now that you know the ground rules, let us begin with some honorable mentions for 2009!
Honorable Mentions:
Salma Hayek (Most of it is because I NEVER SEE HER ANYWHERE. That and the whole unibrow in “Frieda” kind of…still scares the fucking shit out of me.)
Lauren London (If you have a baby by Lil’ Wayne, you can’t be on here. Section 3.1, Bylaw 56.23)
Hayden Panettiere (She can’t act. I sat through “I Love You, Beth Cooper” and being hot encompasses several things. If you can’t act and you are a jerk to people then you cannot have my heart. Damn shame, I love “Bring It On 3” when she smacks her ass.)
Chae Yeon (It was either Chae or Hyori and Hyori wins this round. Maybe next year..although I loves me some “Shake”)
Mmm…hells yeah. Now let’s get started!
20. Rachel Stevens (formerly of S Club 7)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, those of you that haven’t seen S Club 7 odds are have no idea who Rachel Stevens is. However, if you HAVE seen S Club 7 (And I have, I loved that show!) know that Rachel Stevens is the hottest thing to come out of the British Isles since…well, someone else on here later.
19. Kumi Koda
(2007 Rank: #11, 2008 Rank: #13)
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
18. Kim Yu Bin (of Wonder Girls)
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
17. Shakira
(2007 Rank: #2, 2008 Rank: #14)
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
16. Nicole (of KARA)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
15. Yuna Ito
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #19)
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
14. Portia De Rossi
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
13. Keri Hilson
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
12. Aly Michalka
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #15)
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
11. Vanessa Anne Hudgens
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Very Little Life Exists In Shallow Water. Yes, I Can Be Fucking Poetic Sometimes.
So I really wanted to touch on a topic that I covered a while back because it seemed to need repeating. So as I have gotten older, I have realized that the act of being shallow hits new lows. Now what bugs me about this isn’t the act of being shallow it is the denial and utter and complete lies that go along with the act. Now I will be the first to admit that I am no Terrance Bi Efron-Howard so some would say I have right to ever be selective in who I decide to (or not to) date/associate with. Let’s look at this with a little bit of logic. I know that is hard if nigh impossible for some of you fucktards but bear with me. Your dumb ass might learn something. So it is time to revisit a few things from my past rants with…
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?
Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me…I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!
So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.
However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:
Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.
Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.
Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.
Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious and TAKE A FUCKING JOKE. We are all about the lulz here at The Passion. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. Are you telling me that Hitler was like:
“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”
No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.
Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.
There are two things I never complain about:
1. Not having sex.
2. Being a fattie.
You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.
Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.
One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness (And all your electronics will be mysteriously missing) after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:
Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean…who can turn down THIS?
When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate? Yep…that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.
At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi!
Today’s Topic: Seriously, What Is Wrong With Being Shallow?
Now first things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
GRIFF BOY TELL’EM! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, please understand one thing here: there is a difference (Albeit slight) of being shallow and selective. Being selective means that even though something isn’t your thing you give it a try once. If it doesn’t work out and you would rather not go after than trait again then by all means that shows at least SOME semblance of growth. If you are with a dude that kicks your ass or with a woman that decides that maybe she still wants to be with her ex and you decide “You know, maybe a man that hits me with a brainbuster isn’t for me?” or “Maybe when a woman wants to split time between two dudes that isn’t in my best interest” I don’t think it is shallow to not want to date that kind of person again. That is just being smart. Now I honestly believe that is in RARE cases because at the end of the day, if you end up dating that kind of person more than once you are a dipshit, glutton for punishment or both. Even better, MARRYING that kind of person in which I have to say you are the ultimate in fucktard. Hey, I am in that boat too but I know I was a ticket buyer for the Good Ship Stupidass and I don’t use it as an excuse to still make bad decisions about who I chose. Or who chooses me…I KEEPS IT INTERESTING ON THE PASSION OF CHACHI, BABY!
So if knowing what you don’t want is selective, what makes “shallow?” That is a very good question and all I can say is this: one person’s shallow is another person’s selective. Nothing wrong with having a “no fatties” clause in your dating style if that aint your thing. I personally think unless you were beaten up by a gang of fatties when you were younger (In which all I have to say is you should have just dropped the sandwich and lived another day) then you are being a punk but hey; I feel the same way about Black women so I feel your decision. I have said it before and I will say it again: nothing wrong with being shallow.
However, when you are shallow there are a few rules that you have to follow lest I break your skull open for being a dipshit. And here are those rules:
Rule #1: You Cannot Justify Being Shallow With Past Experiences.
Now I said before that there are times when you date someone and you realize that that person wasn’t right for you and then put all of those people in a box. I reiterate; that is completely fine. The odds of someone saying “Just because he beats you like your last husband/boyfriend doesn’t make him a bad guy!” or “Just because she is cheating on you like your last girlfriend doesn’t make her a whore like she was!” are slim. If you have a friend that is saying that you need to shoot them in the fucking face because they are not worth the air they are stealing from people that deserve it. However, not wanting to date brunettes because “Jill was a brunette” or not wanting to date someone with glasses because “Eric wore glasses” is just stupid. Like I said, to each their own but if you are alone or with a dipshit because you don’t want to date a girl with short hair then it is your own fault. You can’t say shit about there are no good people because your qualifiers for weeding out the opposite sex are fucking stupid.
Rule #2: Accept That Being Shallow Makes You A Worthless Shit.
Listen to me and listen well: being shallow is just like being racist or sexist but worse. At least racism and sexism are grounded in some sort of deep rooted false belief that can be traced back to eras if not generations when people were stupid and simply didn’t know that women or coloreds were people. Women is still debatable but a Black man invented peanut butter AND the stop light. Bitches ain’t made shit. Damn, I am hilarious and TAKE A FUCKING JOKE. We are all about the lulz here at The Passion. The fact is that when you are shallow you are judging someone from what you see externally which makes you no better than Hitler. Are you telling me that Hitler was like:
“The Jews are not people and must be exterminated! Except that one guy, Ishmael. He loves the ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ just like me! Boy can he Jitterbug! Great guy he is…but the rest of those heebs must DIE!”
No, Hitler hated all people and felt that his was the master race. And yet, he was ugly as fuck and a Austrian raised in a household of Jews to boot. Which means one thing: not only was he a cock-sucking worthless shit with bad hair (SO not faboo!) that ruined that kick ass mustache for everyone….he was a hypocrite. Just like all shallow people. Being shallow is fine and dandy but just accept yourself for what you are: a worthless, bitch-made coward that deserves to be die alone. But as long as you are good with it, run with that shit like Barry Sanders.
Rule #3: You CANNOT Complain About Being Lonely.
There are two things I never complain about:
1. Not having sex.
2. Being a fattie.
You know why? Because they are of my own doing. I could exercise more but I don’t. I try but man….that shit is hard. Probably should start my own big man dance crew or something. I get funky fresh moves AND get in shape. Usher and Bi watch out! As for the sex thing….that is also of my own doing. In my defense it is usually in defense because I don’t want an STD (Like herpes) or I am just not interested in the person. Not for reasons of being shallow, but for reasons of that woman being crazy, needy or too old. Or sometimes all fucking three. At the end of the day, I take responsibility for that because I could just run around all crazy and lose weight or just take the sex from the ladies that offer it. I don’t and I accept my fate. So with that being said, one cannot complain about being lonely or screwed over because you end up with (Either consciously or unconsciously) the same type of asshats over and over again. Only finding a certain type of person attractive or approachable is fine and well within you to do. That is your choice and dammit we should respect it. However, it is YOUR choice and you are not able to bitch about YOUR bad choices and where they lead you. Now you can use it to reflect or for humor purposes but if your sole argument is that “the opposite sex aint shit” then as Katt Williams said the problem is with you and your clientele. If you opened up your horizons you may not be so unhappy. I did and look at me. I got fucked over…*sigh* again. BUT I change my horizons and that is all that matters. That and I am a different case. Anyone will tell you, my life is just fucking weird when it comes to that. It’s like I attract the crazy, the needy and the masses. I am the Ellis Island for females. Either way, if you are shallow and lonely quit your bitching. You KNOW who you are.
Rule #4: Turnabout Is Fair Play If You Are Shallow. Deal With It.
One thing about being shallow is that you usually attract shallow fucking people. Two shallow people together are like two crackheads: they can only really love each other because normal people will either not put up with that shit or will get screwed over by them and become shallow as well. When you date or marry a crackhead you usually become one OR they treated you so poorly that you can’t find happiness (And all your electronics will be mysteriously missing) after that person because you have yet to figure out how you could stay with someone so stupid for so long when the answer is that they made you stupid as well and my GOD I SO FUCKING RULE! I just created science right there! I am the Bill Nye of relationships:
Now everyone at some point aside from Bi has been turned down for some reason. I mean…who can turn down THIS?
When you are shallow your choice of opposite sex is narrowed down to a small few. Usually, they have whittled down THEIR choices to a small few and odds are it isn’t you. So if you are shallow and you play in a small pool and you get turned down you CANNOT BITCH ABOUT IT. It is your own fucking fault for narrowing yourself to a small section of society which kind of creates a little something that West Virginia and Kentucky know all about: inbreeding. When you are show you usually attract shallow people who odds are don’t find you to be what THEY are looking for so you end up being all pissy about your experiences when in the end it is YOUR fault because you look for a section of people that odds are have the brain capacity of a fucking gerbil and half the personality. You ever noticed how most shallow people have the depth of a pomegranate? Yep…that about wraps 75% of men in a nutshell. Oh, and then niggas and thugs so just replace Jagerbombs with Incredible Hulks or Cognac. Niggas, bros and guidos: the unholy trifecta of douchery and fuckery.
At the end of the day, aint nothing wrong with being choosy but you have to accept the choice you made or are making. I get rather annoyed about people “finding themselves” or saying that all women or men are “worthless.” Now I know that there are two or three (Not sure how many readers I officially have as my traffic ranges from two people a day to over 120 some days) of you that will say that all I do is say women are worthless which on the surface is true. But I also state that it isn’t about the sex as a whole, it is about the individuals. Not all women are bad just the same as not all of them are good people. There are shallow, self-absorbed user bitches just like there are women that are intelligent, funny and great conversationalists. Now there are only six…maybe seven of those tops in the United States but they are THERE, DAMMIT! That is all that matters: they exist. If you are shallow, you will never find them because you will be stuck with fucktards and skanks. And Jagerbombs. Good luck with that.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow with something Monday night but I may not and just enjoy the free day. Until the next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Oy Vey, I Am So Sleepy. But I Gotta Give The Peeps What They Want!
We are back once again with a new Top 30! We have three debuts this week as we say goodbye to A.I., Big Bang and NICO Touches the Walls:
30. Nana Mizuki - Mugen (New Entry)
29. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #24)
28. NYCCA feat. JESSE from RIZE - Brave (New Entry)
27. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #22)
26. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #28)
25. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (New Entry)
24. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #29)
23. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #19, Two Weeks at #1)
22. HAM T.T. Dance (Last Week #25)
21. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #16)
20. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #15)
19. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #26)
18. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #21)
17. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #12)
16. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #18)
15. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)
14. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #20)
13. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #9)
12. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #14)
11. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #13)
10. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #7)
9. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
8. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #10)
7. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
6. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #8)
5. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
4. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #6)
3. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #4)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #2)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Nana Mizuki is back! Spontania has their second Top 30 video of 2009 while NYCCA makes a debut this week in a video and song that has been in my head for the last few days. Stereopony holds on to the runner up spot this week as they try to break the wall that artists like Paramore, Hearts Grow, Game and BACK-ON did before them and finally take the top spot after two or more Top 10 videos. Miho Fukuhara holds on to the crown this week, holding of a challenge from Stereopony AND Epik High for a second week in a row. Super Junior and G-Dragon make moves this week while the honeymoon seems to be over for Brown Eyed Girls and Base Ball Bear. Look out for Jewelry and 4Minute, they are sneaking around there as well!
Ayuse Kozue is just outside of the Top 10 in her eighth week, while SCANDAL, UVERworld and Drunken Tiger continue to fall. Mihimaru GT has had a quiet year but looks to have their second Top 10 video of the year, as they move up six more spots this week.
Tune in next week to see if Miho Fukuhara can make it THREE WEEKS in a row in hopes of SOMEONE making it past the elusive one month mark of YA-KYIM and 2NE1. Or will Stereopony FINALLY slay the dragon and take the crown for the first time? Or will Epik High be the first hip hop #1 video in almost a year since T.I. took the top spot with "Live Your Life" last year?
See you in seven to find out!
30. Nana Mizuki - Mugen (New Entry)
29. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #24)
28. NYCCA feat. JESSE from RIZE - Brave (New Entry)
27. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #22)
26. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #28)
25. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (New Entry)
24. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #29)
23. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #19, Two Weeks at #1)
22. HAM T.T. Dance (Last Week #25)
21. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #16)
20. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #15)
19. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #26)
18. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #21)
17. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #12)
16. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #18)
15. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)
14. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #20)
13. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #9)
12. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #14)
11. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #13)
10. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #7)
9. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
8. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #10)
7. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
6. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #8)
5. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
4. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #6)
3. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #4)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #2)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Nana Mizuki is back! Spontania has their second Top 30 video of 2009 while NYCCA makes a debut this week in a video and song that has been in my head for the last few days. Stereopony holds on to the runner up spot this week as they try to break the wall that artists like Paramore, Hearts Grow, Game and BACK-ON did before them and finally take the top spot after two or more Top 10 videos. Miho Fukuhara holds on to the crown this week, holding of a challenge from Stereopony AND Epik High for a second week in a row. Super Junior and G-Dragon make moves this week while the honeymoon seems to be over for Brown Eyed Girls and Base Ball Bear. Look out for Jewelry and 4Minute, they are sneaking around there as well!
Ayuse Kozue is just outside of the Top 10 in her eighth week, while SCANDAL, UVERworld and Drunken Tiger continue to fall. Mihimaru GT has had a quiet year but looks to have their second Top 10 video of the year, as they move up six more spots this week.
Tune in next week to see if Miho Fukuhara can make it THREE WEEKS in a row in hopes of SOMEONE making it past the elusive one month mark of YA-KYIM and 2NE1. Or will Stereopony FINALLY slay the dragon and take the crown for the first time? Or will Epik High be the first hip hop #1 video in almost a year since T.I. took the top spot with "Live Your Life" last year?
See you in seven to find out!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Two Is Not A Winner And Three No One Remembers. YOU FUCKERS HAVE ME QUOTING NELLY!
Colorado Springs, I am disappointed in you. Last year I had a post about how Denver was the #1 drunkest city in 2006 (Which I will take the majority of the credit thank you very much because if you knew me…I threw the fuck down!) and 2008 according to Men’s Health. I also told you that I wanted Colorado Springs to be #1 for 2009. Well, the tally is in and once again, CSP has failed to deliver. We are still #3 (Behind Milwaukee which is a given) and I just wanted to voice my overall disappointment in our performance. Now as the leader of “Let’s Get Loaded For America 2009” I will take most of the responsibility and shoulder the blame. I should have worked you harder. Practiced more often. I mean Denver has three major sports team venues in a prime area for drinking and Colorado Springs doesn’t have that.
Still, I have to say that you all gave it the college try. We tried our best and sadly we couldn’t overtake the drunken douchery that is Denver. But 2010 is a new year. It is time to take the crown away from Denver once and for all! This is going to take a lot of training and hard work. You will need to drink. A lot. Not just on Fridays and Saturdays. You may have to pull some weekdays out to make this dream a reality. You will work harder than you have ever had to before but in the end, it will all be worth it to be a champion. A champion of drunkenness. And it will feel good, I mean after the massive hangover wears off. Then, and only then will we be able to have our own Super Bowl Shuffle:
You can be The Fridge. Not Jim McMahon, I am the punky QB, not you! Training starts Saturday, peeps. Works out great because it’s the Florida/LSU game and playoff baseball should be on. Remember, YOU’RE THE BEST!
Around…nothing is ever going to keep you down. Except maybe a few bottles of sake. It will be worth it. Now follow me to immortality! Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Still, I have to say that you all gave it the college try. We tried our best and sadly we couldn’t overtake the drunken douchery that is Denver. But 2010 is a new year. It is time to take the crown away from Denver once and for all! This is going to take a lot of training and hard work. You will need to drink. A lot. Not just on Fridays and Saturdays. You may have to pull some weekdays out to make this dream a reality. You will work harder than you have ever had to before but in the end, it will all be worth it to be a champion. A champion of drunkenness. And it will feel good, I mean after the massive hangover wears off. Then, and only then will we be able to have our own Super Bowl Shuffle:
You can be The Fridge. Not Jim McMahon, I am the punky QB, not you! Training starts Saturday, peeps. Works out great because it’s the Florida/LSU game and playoff baseball should be on. Remember, YOU’RE THE BEST!
Around…nothing is ever going to keep you down. Except maybe a few bottles of sake. It will be worth it. Now follow me to immortality! Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Dear Sony, FUCK YOU. And A New Number One Video, But Mostly FUCK SONY!
What is up, peeps?! I am back and I am saddened because due to the fuckery of Sony (I OWN ALL THREE PLAYSTATIONS! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!) I pulled a certian someone off the Countdown with much sadness because I love her SO MUCH!
:(
With that, there is MUCH MOVEMENT in the Top 30 including a record SIX new entries, a record breaking move and a new number one!
30. BIG BANG - Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #25, One Week at #1)
29. Taegoon - Betrayed (New Entry)
28. JAYED - Everybody (New Entry)
27. YA-KYIM - HAPPY FACE (Last Week #21)
26. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (New Entry)
25. HAM T.T. Dance (New Entry)
24. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #20)
23. A.I. Story (New Entry)
22. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #18)
21. Ikimonogakari - YELL (New Entry)
20. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #29)
19. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
18. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #22)
17. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #27)
16. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #12)
15. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #14)
14. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
13. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #17)
12. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #10)
11. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
10. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #13)
9. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #6)
8. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #11)
7. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #2)
6. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #9)
5. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #4)
4. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #23) [Biggest Mover]
3. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #5)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
Okay, first off with YUI dropping TWO videos out we got some new stuff from Goto Maki, Ikimonogakari (Their fourth video to chart this year! That is tied with YA-KYIM for the most I believe!), Mihimaru GT and the return of AI for the first time since March of 2007! Taegoon, HAM and Jay'ed also make debuts this week.
EPIK HIGH moves a record NINETEEN SPOTS THIS WEEK, which was going to happen even without the situation which breaks the record set by Super Junior last week. Also, Inoue Joe holds on for his 13th week on the Countdown, giving him the fourth longest reign of the year behind:
Tsuji Shion - Sky Chord (27 WEEKS!)
Inoue Joe - Closer (20 weeks)
RSP x Bubble Gum Brothers - La La La Love Song (16 weeks)
Yep, he is on there TWICE. Also, we have a new number one this week as Miho Fukahara takes the top spot in the biggest upset since LM.C knocked off 2NE1 this summer. Totally in love with that song (And oddly enough, FMA: Brotherhood which is kind of kicking ass right now). Much respect to Abingdon Boys School who was able to hold off UVERworld, G-Dragon, Brown Eyed Girls AND Drunken Tiger in their three weeks on top.
Well, I will see you all in seven! Make sure to look at the nominees for the 3rd Annual Chachi Music Video Awards!
Chachi Out
:(
With that, there is MUCH MOVEMENT in the Top 30 including a record SIX new entries, a record breaking move and a new number one!
30. BIG BANG - Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #25, One Week at #1)
29. Taegoon - Betrayed (New Entry)
28. JAYED - Everybody (New Entry)
27. YA-KYIM - HAPPY FACE (Last Week #21)
26. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (New Entry)
25. HAM T.T. Dance (New Entry)
24. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #20)
23. A.I. Story (New Entry)
22. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #18)
21. Ikimonogakari - YELL (New Entry)
20. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #29)
19. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
18. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #22)
17. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #27)
16. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #12)
15. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #14)
14. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
13. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #17)
12. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #10)
11. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
10. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #13)
9. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #6)
8. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #11)
7. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #2)
6. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #9)
5. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #4)
4. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #23) [Biggest Mover]
3. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #5)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
Okay, first off with YUI dropping TWO videos out we got some new stuff from Goto Maki, Ikimonogakari (Their fourth video to chart this year! That is tied with YA-KYIM for the most I believe!), Mihimaru GT and the return of AI for the first time since March of 2007! Taegoon, HAM and Jay'ed also make debuts this week.
EPIK HIGH moves a record NINETEEN SPOTS THIS WEEK, which was going to happen even without the situation which breaks the record set by Super Junior last week. Also, Inoue Joe holds on for his 13th week on the Countdown, giving him the fourth longest reign of the year behind:
Tsuji Shion - Sky Chord (27 WEEKS!)
Inoue Joe - Closer (20 weeks)
RSP x Bubble Gum Brothers - La La La Love Song (16 weeks)
Yep, he is on there TWICE. Also, we have a new number one this week as Miho Fukahara takes the top spot in the biggest upset since LM.C knocked off 2NE1 this summer. Totally in love with that song (And oddly enough, FMA: Brotherhood which is kind of kicking ass right now). Much respect to Abingdon Boys School who was able to hold off UVERworld, G-Dragon, Brown Eyed Girls AND Drunken Tiger in their three weeks on top.
Well, I will see you all in seven! Make sure to look at the nominees for the 3rd Annual Chachi Music Video Awards!
Chachi Out
Monday, September 28, 2009
Kicking It Old School...Because I Ain't Cool Enough To Be New School.
Okay, I am bummed out and tired as shit so I am reposting a blog from about a year ago that I re-edited then from about six months prior. It was one of the first blogs Copper read and I feel bad because it was one of the blogs that GOT ME A FAN BASE and then I got all emo and stopped updating because I decided not to compromise, not even in the face of armageddon.
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
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