Okay peeps, it is time once again for the Friday staple…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
It was a rough ass week but this all kind of makes up for it! Let’s take a look shall we?
20. SCANDAL – Shojo S (New Entry)
19. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #15)
18. Stereopony – Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (New Entry)
17. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #14)
16. Incubus – Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #19)
15. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
14. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #12)
13. Se7en featuring Lil’ Kim - Girls (Last Week #17)
12. Ikimonogakari – Futari (Last Week #16)
11. Maxwell – Pretty Wings (Last Week #13)
10. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah – Garden (Last Week #11)
9. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #6, Three Weeks at #1)
8. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
7. 2ne1 – Fire (Last Week #9)
6. Abingdon Boys School – JAP (Last Week #7)
5. Tohoshinki – Share The World (Last Week #5)
4. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #4)
3. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
2. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #3)
1. YUI – Again (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
As you can see, we have two debuts this week with SCANDAL marking the 7th Bleach opening theme to chart (With five going to number one!) and Stereopony hopping aboard with more schoolgirl goodness. I have a problem and I am sorry. ABS looks to be spending its last days on while Incubus, Se7en, Ikimonogakari and Maxwell move on up. Pitbull, Jesse McCartney and Dev Parade all fall this week including J-Mac being the biggest plunge for the second straight week.
Meanwhile, May J returns to the Top 10 and her album is out this week I believe. Need to get on that! BoA and Shion Tsuji’s runs look to be at an end while 2ne1, ABS’s second video entry and Tohoshinki all move up a spot or two. Young Money stays at number four while Wonder Girls falls from the number one spot! Kanye and Jeezy bring in the runner up spot while YUI returns to number one for the first time in almost THREE YEARS! I love this video, btw.
Well that is all for this week. I plan to see “Pixar’s Up!”tonight if anyone is interested in going. I will try to be up this weekend for an update but until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I Officially Hate Everything. Rather Than Just Based Off Rumor, I Mean...
Alright, as some of you know I got my car broken into on Tuesday while I was at work. Needless to say I am kind of pissed but at the same time…kind of numb about the whole thing. It slapped me in the face that maybe my time in Colorado needs to end. And it SO WILL. Come September, the plan is back in action.
The 101 Things That Piss Me Off will be back, odds are on Saturday night if I don’t have a vehicle. The Countdown is done and needless to say is full of sexy J-Rock lady goodness. I loves me some lady J-Rock…it gets me through the bad times. I will be back soon; this won’t hold me down for long. But man…I miss my homie. The late night glow from my deck on the long drives back from work, happy hour and Koreatown Fridays. It did me right. My car did me right. And some fuckwit goes and fucks that up due to their greed and overall douchery. Oh, and I am pissed about the fact that I parked next to a GYM, A BUSINESS AND TWO APARTMENT COMPLEXES and no one heard or cared about jack shit. I hate Denver so fucking much. Eat a dick, Mile High City. But this…this is for my deck:
Sweet Jones…
One love, Depp. One love. YES I NAMED MY FUCKING DECK! WE WAS TIGHT, SON!
Chachi Out.
The 101 Things That Piss Me Off will be back, odds are on Saturday night if I don’t have a vehicle. The Countdown is done and needless to say is full of sexy J-Rock lady goodness. I loves me some lady J-Rock…it gets me through the bad times. I will be back soon; this won’t hold me down for long. But man…I miss my homie. The late night glow from my deck on the long drives back from work, happy hour and Koreatown Fridays. It did me right. My car did me right. And some fuckwit goes and fucks that up due to their greed and overall douchery. Oh, and I am pissed about the fact that I parked next to a GYM, A BUSINESS AND TWO APARTMENT COMPLEXES and no one heard or cared about jack shit. I hate Denver so fucking much. Eat a dick, Mile High City. But this…this is for my deck:
Sweet Jones…
One love, Depp. One love. YES I NAMED MY FUCKING DECK! WE WAS TIGHT, SON!
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
It's Dangerous Out There, Take This. Man, I Have Always Wanted To Say That.
What is up, peeps?! This week will be a short one due to the Memorial Day holiday and whatnot. I don’t care whether you enjoyed it or not seeing as how you bastards don’t recognize the sacrifices made by those of us in the Console Wars. We lost many a good soldier in that war. Vectorman…that dude from ActRaiser…ToeJam from “ToeJam & Earl” and of course Diddy Kong. Poor son of a bitch stepped on a B-Bomb. We thought he had enough time because it was supposed to flash…and it was the last thing he ever saw. Rest in pixilated peace, my good simian. Rest in pixilated peace.
Man, Japan gets cooler yet weirder by the day. With that said it is time for the second installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me The Hell Off!
Okay, I will try to do this so that the last one is in June but it all depends. These are rather easy so there may be one a day.
89. Conspiracy Theorists: Okay, I think that people need to understand that the government is out to get everyone. So the fuck what? Republicans need to shut the fuck up with the Socialism bullshit (Which is conveniently mistaken with “facism” but what can one expect from people too busy loving their guns th do research on shit) and hippies just need to take a fucking bath…and then kill themselves. Unless you plan on doing something about it (That doesn’t involve smoking hemp or talking about seceding in which good-fucking-riddance) you need to shut the fuck up and take that shit back to the factory.
88. Fanny Packs: Really? Who the fuck needs these anymore? Unless you are a weight lifter or a drug dealer you have no need for a fanny pack. Unless you want to be a queer.
87. Radio: You know, I set my alarm with the radio rather than the buzzer and I hit the snooze button a lot. Why is it always the SAME FUCKING SONG? I mean we all love Fergie as much as the next person but if I have to hear “Boom Boom Pow” one more motherfucking time I am going shove a baby up her meth encrusted gully-hole. So sick of this shit.
86. People With Birds As Pets: Birds aren’t pets. They are food. Get the fuck over it. As for the bald eagle; the more extinct the bird the better that son-of-a-bitch tastes with a biscuit and mashed potatoes.
85. Nebraska: You ever been? I have. And it sucks the balls dry. Except for Anime Nebraskon which I will be attending this year. Anyone down to roll wit’ Chef?!
84. John Cena: You know, watching Hulk Hogan overcome impossible odds was fun because it was the 80’s and Hulk Hogan was FUCKING HULK HOGAN. John Cena, you are no Hulk Hogan. You aren’t even Horace Hogan. I hate you so much and I refuse to watch any match with you in it.
83. The Verizon Wireless Guy: Yeah, Verizon has never worked for me and whenever I see this nerdy shit I want to kill his family right in front of him. Then fuck his dog. Yeah, I said it. MIKE VICK AINT GOT SHIT ON ME! I kid…kind of. I still hate his ass.
82. NPR: You know Patton Oswalt put it best about NPR. You want to support it due to the far-right douchebaggery of Conservative radio but man it is just FUCKING UNLISTENABLE! Just sad and hopeless dribble bookended by liberal rhetoric and GAY ASS HIPPIE FUCK FUCKWITS! God, makes me ashamed to be a…non…Conservative…Democrat…hating…Black dude. I’m a man without a country.
81. Rabid Dipshit Sports Fans: Okay, I like sports. Hell, I would call myself an avid fan. But at what point is drunken douchery accepted because it is a sporting event? You know who you are and no one gives a fuck about your team. Unless you are a soccer hooligan you are a FUCKING PUSSY and you should act as such. Until I see NFL riots you fans are all fucking sissies. And not the good kind like in San Francisco that do hair and love musicals. I mean the bad ones that watch Gossip Girl and love that douchefuck from Twilight. Which BTW, will be on here but a lot higher.
80. Inspirational Posters With Cats on Them: Yeah…no. I love cats as much as the next person. Not as much as I love collies but my love is up there. The posters need to stop because if you are inspired by a cat dangling on a rope then you should be inspired by a dog dangling from Mike Vick’s arms…in a rear naked choke. It’s kind of the same!
Alright, I need to head to bed if I want to make it to work before 10AM again. Man, it is gonna be rough this weekend. Either way I will try to be back up this week before the Countdown on Friday. BTW, I want to see Pixar’s “Up!” in 3D on Friday if anyone is interested.
Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Man, Japan gets cooler yet weirder by the day. With that said it is time for the second installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me The Hell Off!
Okay, I will try to do this so that the last one is in June but it all depends. These are rather easy so there may be one a day.
89. Conspiracy Theorists: Okay, I think that people need to understand that the government is out to get everyone. So the fuck what? Republicans need to shut the fuck up with the Socialism bullshit (Which is conveniently mistaken with “facism” but what can one expect from people too busy loving their guns th do research on shit) and hippies just need to take a fucking bath…and then kill themselves. Unless you plan on doing something about it (That doesn’t involve smoking hemp or talking about seceding in which good-fucking-riddance) you need to shut the fuck up and take that shit back to the factory.
88. Fanny Packs: Really? Who the fuck needs these anymore? Unless you are a weight lifter or a drug dealer you have no need for a fanny pack. Unless you want to be a queer.
87. Radio: You know, I set my alarm with the radio rather than the buzzer and I hit the snooze button a lot. Why is it always the SAME FUCKING SONG? I mean we all love Fergie as much as the next person but if I have to hear “Boom Boom Pow” one more motherfucking time I am going shove a baby up her meth encrusted gully-hole. So sick of this shit.
86. People With Birds As Pets: Birds aren’t pets. They are food. Get the fuck over it. As for the bald eagle; the more extinct the bird the better that son-of-a-bitch tastes with a biscuit and mashed potatoes.
85. Nebraska: You ever been? I have. And it sucks the balls dry. Except for Anime Nebraskon which I will be attending this year. Anyone down to roll wit’ Chef?!
84. John Cena: You know, watching Hulk Hogan overcome impossible odds was fun because it was the 80’s and Hulk Hogan was FUCKING HULK HOGAN. John Cena, you are no Hulk Hogan. You aren’t even Horace Hogan. I hate you so much and I refuse to watch any match with you in it.
83. The Verizon Wireless Guy: Yeah, Verizon has never worked for me and whenever I see this nerdy shit I want to kill his family right in front of him. Then fuck his dog. Yeah, I said it. MIKE VICK AINT GOT SHIT ON ME! I kid…kind of. I still hate his ass.
82. NPR: You know Patton Oswalt put it best about NPR. You want to support it due to the far-right douchebaggery of Conservative radio but man it is just FUCKING UNLISTENABLE! Just sad and hopeless dribble bookended by liberal rhetoric and GAY ASS HIPPIE FUCK FUCKWITS! God, makes me ashamed to be a…non…Conservative…Democrat…hating…Black dude. I’m a man without a country.
81. Rabid Dipshit Sports Fans: Okay, I like sports. Hell, I would call myself an avid fan. But at what point is drunken douchery accepted because it is a sporting event? You know who you are and no one gives a fuck about your team. Unless you are a soccer hooligan you are a FUCKING PUSSY and you should act as such. Until I see NFL riots you fans are all fucking sissies. And not the good kind like in San Francisco that do hair and love musicals. I mean the bad ones that watch Gossip Girl and love that douchefuck from Twilight. Which BTW, will be on here but a lot higher.
80. Inspirational Posters With Cats on Them: Yeah…no. I love cats as much as the next person. Not as much as I love collies but my love is up there. The posters need to stop because if you are inspired by a cat dangling on a rope then you should be inspired by a dog dangling from Mike Vick’s arms…in a rear naked choke. It’s kind of the same!
Alright, I need to head to bed if I want to make it to work before 10AM again. Man, it is gonna be rough this weekend. Either way I will try to be back up this week before the Countdown on Friday. BTW, I want to see Pixar’s “Up!” in 3D on Friday if anyone is interested.
Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Monday, May 25, 2009
A Little Late, But At Least It's A Holiday!
What is up, peeps! I forgot to post this on Friday (Long weekend) but it has been up on YouTube since then. So it is time for...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Here we go, people! Let's get started with what may be the biggest video of 2009 so far on its way out!
20. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #16, Three Weeks at #1)
19. Incubus – Black Heart Inertia (New Entry)
18. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #14)
17. Se7en featuring Lil’ Kim - Girls (New Entry)
16. Ikimonogakari – Futari (Last Week #20)
15. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #12)
14. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #10)
13. Maxwell – Pretty Wings (Last Week #17)
12. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #5)
11. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah – Garden (Last Week #13)
10. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
9. 2ne1 – Fire (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)
8. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
7. Abingdon Boys School – JAP (Last Week #11)
6. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
5. Tohoshinki – Share The World (Last Week #9)
4. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #8)
3. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #6)
2. YUI – Again (Last Week #4)
1. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
As you can see, we have two big debuts. One from Incubus and the return of Se7en! He has been gone since MARCH of 2006 and he is giving it to us in English this time. May J. is back outside of the Top 10 and after hitting number one, J-Mac and Luda fall ten huge spots, the biggest since Sleepy Brown & Big Boi fell 10 spots after taking number one with "Margaritas" in 2006.
2ne1 continued its big moves, jumping from #16 to #9 while Shion Tsuji and BoA look to have their dominant runs end. In the Top Three we see the return of Kanye at #3 and YUI back and getting her SIXTH STRAIGHT video to take the number two spot! She was held back by the Wonder Girls who have gotten their third number one video in the last six months! Congrats!
See you next Friday to see if YUI can take over the top spot for the first time since March of 2007! Or can the Wonder Girls make it two straight weeks on top? Or will Kanye get his record seventh number one video (And Young Jeezy get his third)? See you in seven to find out!
I will have the next segment of "101 Things That Piss Me Off" up tonight for Tuesday. Until next time, stay up peeps. And happy Memorial Day! Remember the Covenant...
Good stuff to remember. Colorado Springs is full of zombies.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Here we go, people! Let's get started with what may be the biggest video of 2009 so far on its way out!
20. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #16, Three Weeks at #1)
19. Incubus – Black Heart Inertia (New Entry)
18. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #14)
17. Se7en featuring Lil’ Kim - Girls (New Entry)
16. Ikimonogakari – Futari (Last Week #20)
15. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #12)
14. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #10)
13. Maxwell – Pretty Wings (Last Week #17)
12. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #5)
11. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah – Garden (Last Week #13)
10. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
9. 2ne1 – Fire (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)
8. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
7. Abingdon Boys School – JAP (Last Week #11)
6. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #3, Three Weeks at #1)
5. Tohoshinki – Share The World (Last Week #9)
4. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #8)
3. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #6)
2. YUI – Again (Last Week #4)
1. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
As you can see, we have two big debuts. One from Incubus and the return of Se7en! He has been gone since MARCH of 2006 and he is giving it to us in English this time. May J. is back outside of the Top 10 and after hitting number one, J-Mac and Luda fall ten huge spots, the biggest since Sleepy Brown & Big Boi fell 10 spots after taking number one with "Margaritas" in 2006.
2ne1 continued its big moves, jumping from #16 to #9 while Shion Tsuji and BoA look to have their dominant runs end. In the Top Three we see the return of Kanye at #3 and YUI back and getting her SIXTH STRAIGHT video to take the number two spot! She was held back by the Wonder Girls who have gotten their third number one video in the last six months! Congrats!
See you next Friday to see if YUI can take over the top spot for the first time since March of 2007! Or can the Wonder Girls make it two straight weeks on top? Or will Kanye get his record seventh number one video (And Young Jeezy get his third)? See you in seven to find out!
I will have the next segment of "101 Things That Piss Me Off" up tonight for Tuesday. Until next time, stay up peeps. And happy Memorial Day! Remember the Covenant...
Good stuff to remember. Colorado Springs is full of zombies.
Chachi Out
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Things Are Looking Up...They Always Do From The Bottom.
Hey peeps! It has been a while since I have posted anything new and life has taken quite a sharp turn toward the “Really? Well, I’ll be damned” so I am in a bit of recoil and recovery. That and over the weekend I pretty much went buck on the golf course and realized that Peppermint Schnapps is NOT a good idea. EVER. But I had fun and that is all that matters.
So I want to talk about a little something that I have really touched on in a bit. No, not Asuka Hinoi (And her fine, now legal ass) but over the last few weeks I am noticing that I have kind of calmed down on the anger tip. Sure when I am on the road I may threaten to skullfuck a feline every now and again but who doesn’t? For the most part I am have noticed that my rage is being replaced a lot by…apathy. Which at first I was rather concerned about because I felt like not caring is worse than being livid all the time but I realized something about apathy: it is as close to pure enlightenment as you can come to without actually going on a spirit journey. I mean you are literally at peace with the fact that everything is as is and all you can do is what you can…so you stop giving a shit. Which in essence is the core of being complete with yourself: knowing you and saying “fuck the world” if they can’t adjust but at the same time understanding that the world does its own thing and it is up to you to decide to integrate with it or go into the mountains and be a shutout…shut-in…shut up? Either way…
Since I have started my whole apathy thing, life has been nowhere near as bad. Or maybe it has; I have been too apathetic to care but from what I could tell it was better than the days I wanted to run my car over Sand Creek Bridge and drown in the…5 inches of water. I had one rather…odd sequence of events last month (Wait, March) that made me question whether women needed to be eradicated but that was to be expected because if my life is anything, it is cruel and ironic comedy for The Wolven. He can be a douche, but he provides me with the souls of children and puppies I need to survive on. Aside from that, everything has been a sea of B+ events. Hell, I might even be able to say the last few months have been…
Good.
Now I try not to get too excited when things go well because the last time I did that I ended up sitting on Copper’s couch with a Blue Moon wondering how in the hell I managed to fuck up again, except this time a lot faster and messier than usual. Which wasn’t BAD as much as it wasn’t where I expected to be. Now I don’t expect to be anywhere. I don’t assume I am getting anything or am going anywhere because nothing is guaranteed. Instead, I know where I want to go, what I want to do and how I want to get there so I leave nothing to chance because I know everything about the plan of action. And I don’t tell the hero my full plan before I start it, either. That’s just dumb.
So part of the process of getting to this point of indifferent enlightenment (GOD, I NEED TO WRITE A FUCKING BOOK) was acknowledging the things that pissed me off and addressing WHY they did so. Now some of them are a given. White people piss me off and that aint gonna change, as do Black people and sockpuppets. As does the word “bromance.” But most everything else I took a look at and said: is this worth getting mad about? You know what? They all were. Since that failed miserably, I decided to just accept that asshatery and fuckwitation will forever be here and to get upset rarely changes them. Then, all of a sudden I became more effective. Mostly because when you don’t care about anything you just do what you do and don’t care how people feel about it. Usually that ends up in getting arrested but with me it was the exact opposite; I DIDN’T get arrested. Things actually began to unsuck. It was rather refreshing in comparison to a lot of the things that have been happening.
So I wanted to do something I have started at work because…I like making White people feel uncomfortable. Now what we have a Black president I have to try twice as hard to put the fear of the black planet in them to boot. Since I was trying to turn over a new leaf in the anger and jaded department I decided to list what bugged me and there are still a few things that make me want to slap the shit out of a bunny. So, today is the first installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me The Hell Off!
Now I wanted to do 1,001 but I noticed that a lot of things over lap so I decided to consolidate like 85% of them but here we go. In backward order…
101. Crabapples: Only good for throwing at children in the grade below you. Although if they were called Unicornapples everyone would love them. I smell marketing campaign!
100. The New York Yankees: Or the whole state of New York. That place is a hole and the people there know it. The Yankees however are just uppity shits. Not as uppity as ANOTHER TEAM I will get into later.
99. Jell-O Shots: If you do these, you are a fuckwit. That is all, really. I just think they are stupid and Bill Cosby is ashamed of you, Vanessa! Go to your room!
98. Hangovers: I have only had one and a half hangovers (Feel free to ask me when if you must and I will try to put the pieces of the night together. Although one was the day I got laid off the first time) but man did they suck. Oh, and I don’t blame me for doing it. I blame Stolis for being the WELL VODKA EVERYWHERE! God, it taste like Communism.
97. The Verizon Network: Yeah, it’s the network. And if fucking sucks donkey dicks. I hate them with all my fiber and being. However, since I enjoy abuse and see any attention as good attention I am still with them. Even though they beat me for not having dinner ready on time. And drop my calls all the time.
96. Capri Pants: Ladies, either wear shorts or wear pants. Wearing these were cool for about 7 months in like 1998 and then they should have went away. And before you run under the notion that all that you do should be considered hot and therefore men shouldn’t give you fashion advice remember: Japan is 1 year from making Persacons. You will be obsolete soon, so you better shape the fuck up and LOSE THE FUCKING CAPRIS!
95. Dijon Mustard: Yeah, if French’s aint good enough for you then you don’t need it. On another note, I don’t want mustard on my grilled ham and cheese sandwich. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! Oh yeah…White people. More on you later.
94. Turkey (The country, not the food): It is fucking Istanbul, not Constantinople. GET IT RIGHT, YOU SWARTHY FUCKS!
93. Laser focus: I swear; people who used to work with me know how much I hate this. If I ever hear someone tell me this where I am at now someone is getting their ass whooped.
92. Panasonic 3DO: $799?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?! I don’t care how awesome John Madden Football was (And it WAS KILLER), I aint spending enough to get liposuction on a god damn gaming system.
91. Lynard Skynard: I guess I don’t care enough about them to be pissed at them but I am pissed at their fans for the most part. Understand something: Every band from the British Invasion > Lynard Skynard. Yes, even The Beatles. AND YOU KNOW THOSE FUCKERS ARE ON HERE.
90. YMCA: I guess I should blame the Villiage People but all I know is that I could not get a good meal and I could not do whatever I felt. It was just people exercising! WHAT THE FUCK? I will say that they had the Navy dead on. Gayer than 8 men felching on Liberace’s birthday.
I will try to do about ten a day until we get to number one. And no Copper, it isn’t women, bros or niggas. I pretty much gave away numbers two through four though. IN WHAT ORDER, THOUGH?!
Be back for the Countdown…which will be up after I see Terminator: Salvation tonight. Stay up, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
So I want to talk about a little something that I have really touched on in a bit. No, not Asuka Hinoi (And her fine, now legal ass) but over the last few weeks I am noticing that I have kind of calmed down on the anger tip. Sure when I am on the road I may threaten to skullfuck a feline every now and again but who doesn’t? For the most part I am have noticed that my rage is being replaced a lot by…apathy. Which at first I was rather concerned about because I felt like not caring is worse than being livid all the time but I realized something about apathy: it is as close to pure enlightenment as you can come to without actually going on a spirit journey. I mean you are literally at peace with the fact that everything is as is and all you can do is what you can…so you stop giving a shit. Which in essence is the core of being complete with yourself: knowing you and saying “fuck the world” if they can’t adjust but at the same time understanding that the world does its own thing and it is up to you to decide to integrate with it or go into the mountains and be a shutout…shut-in…shut up? Either way…
Since I have started my whole apathy thing, life has been nowhere near as bad. Or maybe it has; I have been too apathetic to care but from what I could tell it was better than the days I wanted to run my car over Sand Creek Bridge and drown in the…5 inches of water. I had one rather…odd sequence of events last month (Wait, March) that made me question whether women needed to be eradicated but that was to be expected because if my life is anything, it is cruel and ironic comedy for The Wolven. He can be a douche, but he provides me with the souls of children and puppies I need to survive on. Aside from that, everything has been a sea of B+ events. Hell, I might even be able to say the last few months have been…
Good.
Now I try not to get too excited when things go well because the last time I did that I ended up sitting on Copper’s couch with a Blue Moon wondering how in the hell I managed to fuck up again, except this time a lot faster and messier than usual. Which wasn’t BAD as much as it wasn’t where I expected to be. Now I don’t expect to be anywhere. I don’t assume I am getting anything or am going anywhere because nothing is guaranteed. Instead, I know where I want to go, what I want to do and how I want to get there so I leave nothing to chance because I know everything about the plan of action. And I don’t tell the hero my full plan before I start it, either. That’s just dumb.
So part of the process of getting to this point of indifferent enlightenment (GOD, I NEED TO WRITE A FUCKING BOOK) was acknowledging the things that pissed me off and addressing WHY they did so. Now some of them are a given. White people piss me off and that aint gonna change, as do Black people and sockpuppets. As does the word “bromance.” But most everything else I took a look at and said: is this worth getting mad about? You know what? They all were. Since that failed miserably, I decided to just accept that asshatery and fuckwitation will forever be here and to get upset rarely changes them. Then, all of a sudden I became more effective. Mostly because when you don’t care about anything you just do what you do and don’t care how people feel about it. Usually that ends up in getting arrested but with me it was the exact opposite; I DIDN’T get arrested. Things actually began to unsuck. It was rather refreshing in comparison to a lot of the things that have been happening.
So I wanted to do something I have started at work because…I like making White people feel uncomfortable. Now what we have a Black president I have to try twice as hard to put the fear of the black planet in them to boot. Since I was trying to turn over a new leaf in the anger and jaded department I decided to list what bugged me and there are still a few things that make me want to slap the shit out of a bunny. So, today is the first installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me The Hell Off!
Now I wanted to do 1,001 but I noticed that a lot of things over lap so I decided to consolidate like 85% of them but here we go. In backward order…
101. Crabapples: Only good for throwing at children in the grade below you. Although if they were called Unicornapples everyone would love them. I smell marketing campaign!
100. The New York Yankees: Or the whole state of New York. That place is a hole and the people there know it. The Yankees however are just uppity shits. Not as uppity as ANOTHER TEAM I will get into later.
99. Jell-O Shots: If you do these, you are a fuckwit. That is all, really. I just think they are stupid and Bill Cosby is ashamed of you, Vanessa! Go to your room!
98. Hangovers: I have only had one and a half hangovers (Feel free to ask me when if you must and I will try to put the pieces of the night together. Although one was the day I got laid off the first time) but man did they suck. Oh, and I don’t blame me for doing it. I blame Stolis for being the WELL VODKA EVERYWHERE! God, it taste like Communism.
97. The Verizon Network: Yeah, it’s the network. And if fucking sucks donkey dicks. I hate them with all my fiber and being. However, since I enjoy abuse and see any attention as good attention I am still with them. Even though they beat me for not having dinner ready on time. And drop my calls all the time.
96. Capri Pants: Ladies, either wear shorts or wear pants. Wearing these were cool for about 7 months in like 1998 and then they should have went away. And before you run under the notion that all that you do should be considered hot and therefore men shouldn’t give you fashion advice remember: Japan is 1 year from making Persacons. You will be obsolete soon, so you better shape the fuck up and LOSE THE FUCKING CAPRIS!
95. Dijon Mustard: Yeah, if French’s aint good enough for you then you don’t need it. On another note, I don’t want mustard on my grilled ham and cheese sandwich. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! Oh yeah…White people. More on you later.
94. Turkey (The country, not the food): It is fucking Istanbul, not Constantinople. GET IT RIGHT, YOU SWARTHY FUCKS!
93. Laser focus: I swear; people who used to work with me know how much I hate this. If I ever hear someone tell me this where I am at now someone is getting their ass whooped.
92. Panasonic 3DO: $799?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?! I don’t care how awesome John Madden Football was (And it WAS KILLER), I aint spending enough to get liposuction on a god damn gaming system.
91. Lynard Skynard: I guess I don’t care enough about them to be pissed at them but I am pissed at their fans for the most part. Understand something: Every band from the British Invasion > Lynard Skynard. Yes, even The Beatles. AND YOU KNOW THOSE FUCKERS ARE ON HERE.
90. YMCA: I guess I should blame the Villiage People but all I know is that I could not get a good meal and I could not do whatever I felt. It was just people exercising! WHAT THE FUCK? I will say that they had the Navy dead on. Gayer than 8 men felching on Liberace’s birthday.
I will try to do about ten a day until we get to number one. And no Copper, it isn’t women, bros or niggas. I pretty much gave away numbers two through four though. IN WHAT ORDER, THOUGH?!
Be back for the Countdown…which will be up after I see Terminator: Salvation tonight. Stay up, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Friday, May 15, 2009
Man...My Life Is Just Going Really Weird.
Alright, Youtube sucks ass on this one but here we are for another week of...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Here we go!
20. Ikimonogakari – Futari (New Entry)
19. Hikaru Utada – Come Back To Me (Last Week #9, Plunge of the Week)
18. Namie Amuro – WILD (Last Week #15)
16. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #13, Three Weeks at #1)
15. 2ne1 – Fire (Last Week #20)
14. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #12)
13. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah – Garden (Last Week #18)
12. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #11)
11. Abingdon Boys School – JAP (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
10. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #10)
9. Tohoshinki – Share The World (Last Week #14)
8. Young Money feat Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #10)
7. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #5, One Week at #1)
6. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #8)
5. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #4)
4. YUI – Again (Last Week #6)
3. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #3)
1. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
As you can see, we have debuts by Ikimonogakari (Their second video of 2009) and the first ever entry by Maxwell! Hikaru Utada fell HUGE this week but the news is that BoA's reign is over! Jesse McCartney and Ludacris take over the top spot this week with the Wonder Girls in tow! Tune in next week to see if they can get their third number one video in the last six months or if J-Mac can hold on for another week! Dont forget Yui who is back in the Top Five once again and looking to end her two year drought!
Tomorrow is waking up HELLA FUCKING EARLY but it should be worth it to hang out with The Rick and everyone. I will try to be up Sunday depending on how tired I am. If not, stay up peeps and see you next Friday!
Chachi Out
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Here we go!
20. Ikimonogakari – Futari (New Entry)
19. Hikaru Utada – Come Back To Me (Last Week #9, Plunge of the Week)
18. Namie Amuro – WILD (Last Week #15)
16. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #13, Three Weeks at #1)
15. 2ne1 – Fire (Last Week #20)
14. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #12)
13. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah – Garden (Last Week #18)
12. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #11)
11. Abingdon Boys School – JAP (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
10. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #10)
9. Tohoshinki – Share The World (Last Week #14)
8. Young Money feat Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #10)
7. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #5, One Week at #1)
6. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #8)
5. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #4)
4. YUI – Again (Last Week #6)
3. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #3)
1. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
As you can see, we have debuts by Ikimonogakari (Their second video of 2009) and the first ever entry by Maxwell! Hikaru Utada fell HUGE this week but the news is that BoA's reign is over! Jesse McCartney and Ludacris take over the top spot this week with the Wonder Girls in tow! Tune in next week to see if they can get their third number one video in the last six months or if J-Mac can hold on for another week! Dont forget Yui who is back in the Top Five once again and looking to end her two year drought!
Tomorrow is waking up HELLA FUCKING EARLY but it should be worth it to hang out with The Rick and everyone. I will try to be up Sunday depending on how tired I am. If not, stay up peeps and see you next Friday!
Chachi Out
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Badmitton Sucks. That Is All...
What is up, people! I am back on the scene for the first time since last week with something new and I have had some things happen to make enough ammunition for an actual post today. First things first…
If It Ain’t Optional, Say It. If Not, Eat A Dick.
So last week I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to go to a company function. Not because I don’t like the people (Which for the most part I am indifferent) but because if given the choice of doing something I have no interest in for half a day and let’s say…skullfucking a porcupine I would have to get myself a pretty durable condom because that cactus is getting gagged like Sasha Grey. So if you say it ISN’T mandatory but “is” mandatory that is bullshit and I am going to go through that loophole you give, especially if it is something I have no interest in doing in any way shape or form. I would have rather just taken 4 hours of leave (Which I am not sure I get…much like a 401K or schoolgirl panties which are usually prerequisites where I work) and took my happy ass home seeing as how the drive is over an hour and a half whenever the fuck I leave. Watching people play retard tennis isn’t my idea of a fun day just like watching a Venture Brothers marathon isn’t the idea of a good time for some. To force someone to watch Hank and Dean die every three episodes isn’t going to entertain all; odds are it would piss them off. Just like I was ALL FUCKING DAY FRIDAY because I was given a thinly veiled threat of douchery under the guise of getting canned. Which is a great way to get people to do what you want, BTW. Threats worked for Adolph Hitler AND Ike Turner…now they are dead because they were worthless pricks. God don’t like ugly…but I blame science. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and a bullet is a hell of a…bullet.
Are Women Really STILL THIS FUCKING STUPID?!
So last week my sister and I had a conversation about Rihanna and Cassie being dumb enough to decide to get naked on a cell phone and let SOMEONE take pictures of them. After thinking about it…I think women should be barred from camera phones. As a matter of fact, women and douchebags should be kept away from technology altoghether. When douches and women get tech stuff, bad things result. Ladies, this about this logically. Do you know how GPS on your cell phone works? Okay, now you have a device that is able to tell the Direction Gods of Kublahfah where you are at any given time. So what in the fuck makes you think that the naked pictures you have on your phone are safe? Are you really that fucking stupid?
Now this isn’t the FIRST time I have had to speak on this (Well, not have to but it makes for excellent blogging material) and with the actions of women being as ass-backwards as they are it won’t be the last. Honestly if you are going to take pictures just be known that the intarnetz is vast and always moving. At least Rihanna, Cassie and Vanessa “Mogwai Crotch” Hudgens (I still love you, Gabriela!) are celebrites. A lot of you ladies have pictures in a phone by some fool that works at Anchor Blue or Orange Julius. And it’s your own fool fault. If someone takes pictures without your knowledge (Unless you are drunk because…then you are just being stupid. We’ve all seen it and I have no remorse) then yes you have been wronged. But if you take these pictures YOURSELF (See Rihanna’s pictures) then you deserve what happens if they fall into the wrong hands. You know what the hell you are doing! Gawd, it’s only a titty anyway. You don’t want it seen, put it away. If you are cool with it, let it hang out. Now go out there and take pointless pictures of yourself with the duckface! Please don’t do that shit.
Well, I am out. I will try to be back up tomorrow if not…well, I just won’t be up then. Peace out, ya’ll….
Chachi Out
If It Ain’t Optional, Say It. If Not, Eat A Dick.
So last week I swore up and down that I wasn’t going to go to a company function. Not because I don’t like the people (Which for the most part I am indifferent) but because if given the choice of doing something I have no interest in for half a day and let’s say…skullfucking a porcupine I would have to get myself a pretty durable condom because that cactus is getting gagged like Sasha Grey. So if you say it ISN’T mandatory but “is” mandatory that is bullshit and I am going to go through that loophole you give, especially if it is something I have no interest in doing in any way shape or form. I would have rather just taken 4 hours of leave (Which I am not sure I get…much like a 401K or schoolgirl panties which are usually prerequisites where I work) and took my happy ass home seeing as how the drive is over an hour and a half whenever the fuck I leave. Watching people play retard tennis isn’t my idea of a fun day just like watching a Venture Brothers marathon isn’t the idea of a good time for some. To force someone to watch Hank and Dean die every three episodes isn’t going to entertain all; odds are it would piss them off. Just like I was ALL FUCKING DAY FRIDAY because I was given a thinly veiled threat of douchery under the guise of getting canned. Which is a great way to get people to do what you want, BTW. Threats worked for Adolph Hitler AND Ike Turner…now they are dead because they were worthless pricks. God don’t like ugly…but I blame science. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and a bullet is a hell of a…bullet.
Are Women Really STILL THIS FUCKING STUPID?!
So last week my sister and I had a conversation about Rihanna and Cassie being dumb enough to decide to get naked on a cell phone and let SOMEONE take pictures of them. After thinking about it…I think women should be barred from camera phones. As a matter of fact, women and douchebags should be kept away from technology altoghether. When douches and women get tech stuff, bad things result. Ladies, this about this logically. Do you know how GPS on your cell phone works? Okay, now you have a device that is able to tell the Direction Gods of Kublahfah where you are at any given time. So what in the fuck makes you think that the naked pictures you have on your phone are safe? Are you really that fucking stupid?
Now this isn’t the FIRST time I have had to speak on this (Well, not have to but it makes for excellent blogging material) and with the actions of women being as ass-backwards as they are it won’t be the last. Honestly if you are going to take pictures just be known that the intarnetz is vast and always moving. At least Rihanna, Cassie and Vanessa “Mogwai Crotch” Hudgens (I still love you, Gabriela!) are celebrites. A lot of you ladies have pictures in a phone by some fool that works at Anchor Blue or Orange Julius. And it’s your own fool fault. If someone takes pictures without your knowledge (Unless you are drunk because…then you are just being stupid. We’ve all seen it and I have no remorse) then yes you have been wronged. But if you take these pictures YOURSELF (See Rihanna’s pictures) then you deserve what happens if they fall into the wrong hands. You know what the hell you are doing! Gawd, it’s only a titty anyway. You don’t want it seen, put it away. If you are cool with it, let it hang out. Now go out there and take pointless pictures of yourself with the duckface! Please don’t do that shit.
Well, I am out. I will try to be back up tomorrow if not…well, I just won’t be up then. Peace out, ya’ll….
Chachi Out
Friday, May 08, 2009
Yeah...Youtube Is Special.
So I was out late and need to get to bed to make it to work at a decent time tomorrow. So, here is...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
It is all in video form because I didnt have time to do commentary and you will also see it is under DailyMotion rather than Youtube due to bullshit. I swear, is 20 seconds gonna cost you jack shit? It isnt a fucking pregnancy. Fuckers. Either way, here we are!
Well, hopefully Star Trek tonight and the avoiding of badmitton tomorrow. Until next time, stay up peeps. I will put the video on YouTube at some point after some edits. Post it later.
Chachi Out!
UPDATE: YouTube link works.
Hells yeah. Carry on.
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
It is all in video form because I didnt have time to do commentary and you will also see it is under DailyMotion rather than Youtube due to bullshit. I swear, is 20 seconds gonna cost you jack shit? It isnt a fucking pregnancy. Fuckers. Either way, here we are!
Well, hopefully Star Trek tonight and the avoiding of badmitton tomorrow. Until next time, stay up peeps. I will put the video on YouTube at some point after some edits. Post it later.
Chachi Out!
UPDATE: YouTube link works.
Hells yeah. Carry on.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Whooty: To Think, We Used To Get Strung Up For LOOKING. Ooohhh, Lawdy The Freedom To Be Ignorant!
Something I want to talk about right now…
EDubb: Officially PISSING ON THE GRAVE OF EMMITT TILL
Yes, I fucking went there. So the other day I did my usual thing of pirating (ARRR!) music and I saw a song in my torrent pack called “Whooty” by some bunch of random niggas named EDubb. Now first off I knew they weren’t the smartest of characters because that name just screams “fuckwit” but I was making a mix CD and I made the mistake of actually playing this ear-rape of a song:
Now for those of you that DON’T know what a “whooty” is I blame you for not listening to this song but at the same time you are smarter than I because I took the time out to do so and I feel dumber for it. Now usually I let shit like this slide because I am a firm believer in each their own but…
WILL YOU IGNORANT NIGGAS PLEASE GET A MOTHERFUCKING CLUE?!
If you are offended by that word, stop acting like one. You know, there was a time that looking at a White woman the wrong way got you strung up like fucking set of Christmas lights in Castle Rock and your face rearranged like Rihanna’s face after she was Chris Brown’d so I guess I should be happy we have exited those days of violent racism. Right into a world of utter and complete niggaosity to the point that SOME DUMB ASSES MAKE A SONG ABOUT WHITE WOMEN WITH ASS! Now I say “DAT ASS” as much as anyone but it’s a meme. They are all over the internet. Niggerdom however needs to be stopped. I felt the same way about that USDA song “White Girl” especially after I found out the cockmongers weren’t certified to do a god damn thing. Except be gangsta I guess, and we all know you can claim that shit on your taxes now a days. God…I hate ignorance so fucking much. Maybe we need to bring back lynching to keep the eyeballin to a minimum because that shit is just ridiculous. If you like this song then you are a fucking moron and I hope you never breed because the only thing your children will be good for are target practice for drive bys and strippers. Eat a dick.
As you can see, I am pretty pissed the fuck off and had a relatively shitty day. Oh, and with that being said; ladies if you wear gray slacks and a black shirt…you are getting fucked. Borderline to the point of deportation on my part. That is fucking hot to me. Everybody got they something. That is all for now. I am tired and have been late every day since…March? So I may try to be on time tomorrow. Or not, who fucking knows.
Chachi Out
EDubb: Officially PISSING ON THE GRAVE OF EMMITT TILL
Yes, I fucking went there. So the other day I did my usual thing of pirating (ARRR!) music and I saw a song in my torrent pack called “Whooty” by some bunch of random niggas named EDubb. Now first off I knew they weren’t the smartest of characters because that name just screams “fuckwit” but I was making a mix CD and I made the mistake of actually playing this ear-rape of a song:
Now for those of you that DON’T know what a “whooty” is I blame you for not listening to this song but at the same time you are smarter than I because I took the time out to do so and I feel dumber for it. Now usually I let shit like this slide because I am a firm believer in each their own but…
WILL YOU IGNORANT NIGGAS PLEASE GET A MOTHERFUCKING CLUE?!
If you are offended by that word, stop acting like one. You know, there was a time that looking at a White woman the wrong way got you strung up like fucking set of Christmas lights in Castle Rock and your face rearranged like Rihanna’s face after she was Chris Brown’d so I guess I should be happy we have exited those days of violent racism. Right into a world of utter and complete niggaosity to the point that SOME DUMB ASSES MAKE A SONG ABOUT WHITE WOMEN WITH ASS! Now I say “DAT ASS” as much as anyone but it’s a meme. They are all over the internet. Niggerdom however needs to be stopped. I felt the same way about that USDA song “White Girl” especially after I found out the cockmongers weren’t certified to do a god damn thing. Except be gangsta I guess, and we all know you can claim that shit on your taxes now a days. God…I hate ignorance so fucking much. Maybe we need to bring back lynching to keep the eyeballin to a minimum because that shit is just ridiculous. If you like this song then you are a fucking moron and I hope you never breed because the only thing your children will be good for are target practice for drive bys and strippers. Eat a dick.
As you can see, I am pretty pissed the fuck off and had a relatively shitty day. Oh, and with that being said; ladies if you wear gray slacks and a black shirt…you are getting fucked. Borderline to the point of deportation on my part. That is fucking hot to me. Everybody got they something. That is all for now. I am tired and have been late every day since…March? So I may try to be on time tomorrow. Or not, who fucking knows.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Man...I Am One Angry Dude. Eh, It's The Fury Before The Apathy I Guess.
This is a post from May of 2008. It was based off of an article I saw on Cosmo Online and um...yeah, I pretty much went off. New post tomorrow I hope. Depends on how today goes and if I still have to put up with this shit. You know what I mean. Anyway, awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go...
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
(Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)
2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
(That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)
3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
(What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)
4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great."
(Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)
5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
(My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)
6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
(Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)
7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
(Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)
8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner.
(Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)
9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
(God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)
10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
(Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)
11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
(You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)
12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it!
(Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)
13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
(No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)
14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
(Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)
15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all
(Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)
Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:
Yeah, I am out. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
See, this is why women have ego issues and self-esteem problems. If you don’t act like the world revolves around (And unless bitches have trumped gravitational pull…it fucking doesn’t> Even if you had, you don’t want to be called fat so now what? Fucktards…) then women feel like you don’t care which makes no sense because don’t women want to be independent? I mean some of this shit borders on the stalkerish…and I should fucking know.
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
(Um…no. Feet are fucking disgusting for one. For two, I haven’t seen nary an article telling a woman to not talk so much and leave me the fuck alone sometimes and act like SHE likes it. Women with feet fetishes need to be slapped with a fucking Puma. Nasty bitches)
2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
(That is fine and dandy. Aint nothing wrong with cooking for your special lady. But at the same time…will she do the same for you? Pretty much no. Women have an aversion to cooking because they have a preconceived notion that it is what they are “supposed” to do so they buck the trend and may you be DAMNED if you ask them about cooking. Then you don’t “respect” her. Hey, at least I’m not giving you and uppercut to the gut about it)
3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
(What the fuck, man. Some women come home to a boot in the head or to the vision of her man banging the shit out of another woman. Are candlelights REALLY that important. Hell, how about I not pay the light bill. Is that shit romantic? What the fuck, Bellanie?!)
4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her "I miss your smile from this morning" or "Last night was amazing!" or "The conversation we had last night was great."
(Eh, nothing wrong with that I guess. At least he aint saying “Bitch, I know where you is! I’m gon find you!” Odds are none of this is true so if I was a woman I would be pissed off about him lying through his keypad to me. Something realistic would be “You know what? I don’t not like you.”)
5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
(My god….how fucking dumb. Nothing says love like a remanufactured card given to you over the fucking internet with rabbits singing “You Got The Look” by Roxette. If this makes you feel good inside it is no wonder that no one wants to vote for Hillary.)
6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
(Um…duh? Since when do women go on business trips? Women that go on business trips are usually ballin enough to have drivers. If they do, then this isn’t special, it should be the fucking norm. You ever taken a taxi? That shit is expensive!)
7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
(Pfft, she can HAVE the TV. I watch K-dramas and Adult Swim anyway and since women don’t like shows that rule I don’t have to worry about that shit. Why in the fuck do I have to enjoy shows a woman likes when they are always reality shows like “The Hills” or “Tila Tequila” when she doesn’t have to watch “Venture Brothers” or “Rebelde?” Understand one thing: shows women like suck. I don’t mind watching shows with my lady but show some fucking skid row bro…which they DO NOT.)
8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner.
(Eh, I go to the dry cleaners all the time so that’s no big deal. But would it kill you to do some fucking laundry? I’m just saying.)
9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don't just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
(God, is cleaning not a two way street here? It sounds like there is nothing being done by the other fucking party. Clean up your own fucking toothpaste and I will do the same. Geez, it isn’t rocket science it is COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Cleaning isn’t a tug of war, you do it so you don’t get fucking infestations)
10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
(Um…yeah I am not going to do that. Let me have my shame of working out alone. I don’t even enjoy looking at me while I work out. If anything, I am sparing her from therapy. More so than she has because it seems like therapy is the new fucking black. Remember when people were just fucking crazy and they were told to deal with it? How many school shootings or suicides did we have? Hell, divorce was down too in the old days. Mainly because women knew how to TAKE A PUNCH. Not like now, they have jaws like Glass Joe in “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out”)
11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
(You know she will just end up hogging all of the hot water. Although it does save on expenses. With prices they way they are these days you can’t afford NOT to take a shower together! Have her bring her friends!)
12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don't just say you'll give her a massage...do it!
(Well, most women [I would say all but the ladies at Miss Mao’s Oriental Massage do it RIGHT] don’t know what the fuck they are doing when they give massages so this isn’t about returning the favor. This is about showing her how it is done. Just poking at muscles isn’t massaging just like probing at your clitoris isn’t cunilingus. No argument with the sentiment but let’s face it, she won’t appreciate it. Women, like niggas don’t appreciate shit)
13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, "We're going out tonight honey." You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It's taking the initiative that's important.
(No problems here. Except I am all about the sake and sojo and no women really like sake and soju. Except Asian women…and it is why I love them. Oh, and women like niggas don’t appreciate shit. She’ll complain)
14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
(Um…you still ARE dating. Does this really change? Do you just say “Well, we have been together enough to know we like each other.” This is just weird to me. Again, odds are she will complain because complaining to a woman is like red orbs to Dante in the Devil May Cry series: it helps her level up and gain evil, demonic powers. I aint having that shit)
15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you.
It can be simple to keep her satisfied. It's not necessarily about what you give her financially or what gifts you give her. That's a cop out. It's the little things. The guy who makes the biggest mistake is the one who ignores their significant other then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn't make up for it at all
(Yeah, one man’s spontaneous love is another woman’s stalking. Half the time I can’t stand talking to a woman to begin with. To call her or text her in the middle of the day means she will want to talk which will mean I want her to shut up because she is saying nothing of value. I kid, I kid. Kind of)
Wow, surprisingly the majority of men out there that beat their women do NONE OF THIS SHIT. Yet, women stay with them for years. It’s true: fear and dependence trump love. Man, that is a horrible statement but….I don’t really gives a fuck. Tell’em, Marshall:
Yeah, I am out. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
You Know, Back In The Day Sexual Harassment Was Just "Hello."
What is up, peeps? Today I want to tackle something that has been tossed out as of late that I really need to address and clarify to people. You see, I am one to rarely toss out the phrase “racist” because I believe the word is based in saying something untrue or hurtful under the guise of humor or social commentary. I don’t actually hate Jewish people although I do make Jewish jokes along with most other…well, everything else. I also know the ledge. Drop the beat, Eric B:
First off, I miss Rakim. Second off, when I say know the ledge there is a line when it comes to humor that unless it is personally directed to an individual (See: Jess for being…well, Jess) I do not cross because it is quite simply not funny to me. Now I am an individual and I always say to each their own but I don’t go around saying “chink” or “heeb” all the time because there is no need to. You can be provocative without being offensive. It isn’t like the line is thin, either. There is a clear line between offensive and humorous and if you don’t know it then your ass aint funny. Think about it like this: if you heard someone else say what you are about (Or in some cases JUST DID) say, would you find it funny? Would it be any more or less offensive had someone else said it and if they had would you let it slide? If you say no to this then what you just said is offensive. If you say no then it should be good but…there are a lot jerkasses out there. I am one.
Now with that completely addressed, I was called something today that I have never been called before. Which was a shock to me but then again I don’t care about what anyone says to me ever to I can see how this all kind of overlaps. I got called sexist today. What is weird about it is that what I agreed with what I thought was pure fucking logic. I stated that affirmative action only counts if you are equal to the person you are competing against. If you have the same qualifications or more and you don’t get the job because you are a woman or a colored (My words, not hers) then I said affirmative action is not only justified it is necessary. HOWEVER, if you are NOT qualified and you are being considered over qualified candidates (Not only Whites, any race or sex) I don’t see how that is effective in any way shape or form. My exact words and I was called sexist because I wasn’t being sensitive to the plight of women in the workplace.
Now as a Black male I can honestly say that affirmative action has its’ place. By the way, I love how White women think that having a Black president means that all Black people as a whole are taking their shit. I haven’t got my Obama Bump yet, motherfucker so shut the hell up. Anyway, it DOES diversify the workplace when it is filled with several of the same type of person no matter the sex, race, religion or creed. If you are a woman and you are as qualified as a man if there are 100 men in the department and no women then damn it I believe she should get that job IF she is qualified or more qualified than the male applicant. I don’t believe an over-qualified person should be over-looked because they are female just as much as I don’t believe and under-qualified person SHOULD be hired because they are male. With that said, once you are in there you have to follow the set rules that go along with the workplace. PERIOD.
First off, you should not be treated any differently just because of who or what you are unless it is needed to help you perform the task. If you are handicapped and you need a ramp that is of course fine. If you are blind and you require Braille then that is quite kosher. If you are a woman, you do not need to be coddled. If there is a particular way that people are spoken to or disciplined for their actions then you don’t need different treatment because you are a woman. If you cannot do the job under the specifications that are laid out for all employees then you ARE NOT QUALIFIED. I do not expect to be a police officer because I cannot run for shit and would be inclined to just shoot a motherfucker. That and I don’t like being around crackheads; they scare me.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about being difficult for the sake of douchery. I have seen female employees bullied for not being able to be “one of the guys” just the same as I have seen Asian employees talked slowly to because of their accent or Black people corrected for saying a work correctly…which I believe should be met with a Black fist to the White face side but that is just me (Case in point, I heard a Black man say coerced during a HR session at my old job and the White person corrected him by saying it was “coerced” but put the emphasis on the “er”. I wanted to stab that dude). I do not believe that the feeling that coddling an employee because she is female is sexist. Just like I don’t believe making exemptions for Black employees being chronically late is being racist. It’s just good business because you would be firing a hell of a lot of Black people if you didn’t.
Okay, I am kidding there but in all seriousness I don’t believe I am sexist in thinking a woman shouldn’t get hired over other qualified applicants because she is female is unfair just as I feel the same about any minority that gets chosen over another candidate; male or female. I just think it is fair. I don’t think that emotion should take precedent when dealing with the same issue any male employee should have to just grin and bear like a lay-off, criticism or reprimand. Everybody is hurt when they get laid off or fired (Except for me, I was WAY TOO DRUNK TO CARE, wasn’t I Copper? All by 11:30am, too. I’m awesome!) so why should there be special consideration to female employees “feelings?” Feelings are for poor people!
The other issue I have had is the concept of harassment:
Now I believe that the workplace should be a safe place for anyone and everyone. You should never feel that your job or safety is in jeopardy when you walk in the door no matter who you are or what sex or age you are. Let’s face it though…it isn’t all about you. As one who has seen sexual harassment up close (I felt…so used. She made me be…THE WOMAN! WAAAH!) I can say it isn’t fun but at the same time…c’mon! Lighten up, ladies! It’s all in good fun! I AM FUCKING KIDDING! Kind of.
Well if I can’t talk about slapping the shit out of Beyonce (Which is surprisingly sexual harassment for some fucking reason. I just thought it was a well deserved slap but here we are) then there are something’s that women cannot talk about in the workplace…ever:
1. Your Fucking Kids: Understand this right here and now. No one cares about your kids but you and maybe the Army if they are willing to get shot at and love sand and Arabs/Pakis. Yes, I fucking went there. I don’t need to see their pictures, I don’t care if you don’t know why they are into emo and I DON’T GIVE A FUCK YOUR KID LIKES RAP. Just because I am Black doesn’t mean I like rap…jackass.
2. Menstrual Cycles: I don’t give a fuck how natural it is. I have never talked out loud at work about working my turk except maybe twice. EVER. That is a natural function. As a matter of fact, I keep my privates just like the word: FUCKING PRIVATE. I don’t care if you are talking to other women if you are in earshot I don’t care that you fucking bleed. Get some stitches or SUCK IT UP. God hates us all and that is your punishment. Mine is 50 Cent.
3. Sex: As much as hearing men talk about sex at work is vulgar and borderline illegal (Everyone has a Quagmire at work. If you aint laughing then that nasty motherfucker is YOU), hearing women talk about sex is surprisingly…egotistical and pointless. In my years of listening to the clucking across the cubes, women think that whatever they like is by default sexy and whatever men like is by default deviant and yet neither is true because not all women like things that are sexy and not all men think that bukkake is the best way to spend a Wednesday. The reason I state this is because 64% of women’s number one fantasy is rape so I really don’t find anything logical about that so anything that comes out of their mouth to me is just like what everyone else says to me: jibber-jabber. Sex happens in your own bedroom (Or in some cases in the back of a Nissan Stanza at a lunch break according to a certain co-worker) or wherever but I don’t need to hear about it in the office.
4. Your Outfit: NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. Work isn’t a fashion show so I could care less about how those boots look with that blouse. You know what is even funnier? Women can’t dress themselves. Go to the mall for 10 minutes and tell me if they look like they have one dimes worth of fashion sense. Now take those mallrats and add 10-15 (Sometimes 20-25…you know who you are, ladies) and put them in a professional environment. You now have the workplace in the 2000’s. It’s like Claire’s and Forever 21 exploded except your trifling ass is over 30. Oh, and hooker boots…no. Just no. While I am on this, the same goes for men and flip-flops. I am so sick of bros in the fucking workplace…but that is another rant altogether.
5. Twilight: New rule. If you are over the age of 16, you are not allowed to talk about that shit. Before you say “What about you and your anime and K-pop?! That’s the same thing!” I will first say “Fuck your simple ass, no it’s not” because anime has shows geared for adults AND teenagers and as for K-Pop…
Hells yeah, they are old enough. More talented to boot, although with After School that aint saying much. I have seen more talent at a pet store.
So in the end I want to gear back to me being sexist. As one who is has a Doctorate (Bachelor’s in Communications and a Minor in Women’s Studies. I am officially a Doctor. Take THAT, Bill Cosby!) I feel that statement about me is unfair. I think Kasey said it best: “I don’t think you are angry as much as overly forward.” I have to say that statement fits with my stance on pretty much everything. I SAY I hate women as much as I SAY I hate Black people. Truth is if you pay attention I hate ASPECTS of women and ASPECTS of Black people. I feel a lot of women skirt responsibility with perceived illogical “freedoms and rights” which like I have always said is quite alright if you want to create your own perceived reality. Problem is that we normies let assholes and bitches LIVE in that perceived reality because we don’t roll up a newspaper and smack them on the fucking nose when they accuse us of being sexist or racist because we point out their bullshit about blaming others or skirting responsibility. I would LOVE to chalk up my situation to the man holding me down and women being bitches to me. That is the easy way out, even if it is the truth. Knuckle up and live your life; quit expecting others to concede because you happen to be “oppressed.” You know who else said that? Hitler. Are you better than Hitler ladies? If not you better get an German companion, lock yourself in a bunker and commit suicide. First, you gotta eliminate the Jews. You got the stones for that? Didn’t think so.
Well…that was odd. No weirder than anything else I have posted, I guess. Well, I am off to bed. Be back on Wednesday MAYBE. I SAID MAYBE, ASS!
Chachi Out
First off, I miss Rakim. Second off, when I say know the ledge there is a line when it comes to humor that unless it is personally directed to an individual (See: Jess for being…well, Jess) I do not cross because it is quite simply not funny to me. Now I am an individual and I always say to each their own but I don’t go around saying “chink” or “heeb” all the time because there is no need to. You can be provocative without being offensive. It isn’t like the line is thin, either. There is a clear line between offensive and humorous and if you don’t know it then your ass aint funny. Think about it like this: if you heard someone else say what you are about (Or in some cases JUST DID) say, would you find it funny? Would it be any more or less offensive had someone else said it and if they had would you let it slide? If you say no to this then what you just said is offensive. If you say no then it should be good but…there are a lot jerkasses out there. I am one.
Now with that completely addressed, I was called something today that I have never been called before. Which was a shock to me but then again I don’t care about what anyone says to me ever to I can see how this all kind of overlaps. I got called sexist today. What is weird about it is that what I agreed with what I thought was pure fucking logic. I stated that affirmative action only counts if you are equal to the person you are competing against. If you have the same qualifications or more and you don’t get the job because you are a woman or a colored (My words, not hers) then I said affirmative action is not only justified it is necessary. HOWEVER, if you are NOT qualified and you are being considered over qualified candidates (Not only Whites, any race or sex) I don’t see how that is effective in any way shape or form. My exact words and I was called sexist because I wasn’t being sensitive to the plight of women in the workplace.
Now as a Black male I can honestly say that affirmative action has its’ place. By the way, I love how White women think that having a Black president means that all Black people as a whole are taking their shit. I haven’t got my Obama Bump yet, motherfucker so shut the hell up. Anyway, it DOES diversify the workplace when it is filled with several of the same type of person no matter the sex, race, religion or creed. If you are a woman and you are as qualified as a man if there are 100 men in the department and no women then damn it I believe she should get that job IF she is qualified or more qualified than the male applicant. I don’t believe an over-qualified person should be over-looked because they are female just as much as I don’t believe and under-qualified person SHOULD be hired because they are male. With that said, once you are in there you have to follow the set rules that go along with the workplace. PERIOD.
First off, you should not be treated any differently just because of who or what you are unless it is needed to help you perform the task. If you are handicapped and you need a ramp that is of course fine. If you are blind and you require Braille then that is quite kosher. If you are a woman, you do not need to be coddled. If there is a particular way that people are spoken to or disciplined for their actions then you don’t need different treatment because you are a woman. If you cannot do the job under the specifications that are laid out for all employees then you ARE NOT QUALIFIED. I do not expect to be a police officer because I cannot run for shit and would be inclined to just shoot a motherfucker. That and I don’t like being around crackheads; they scare me.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about being difficult for the sake of douchery. I have seen female employees bullied for not being able to be “one of the guys” just the same as I have seen Asian employees talked slowly to because of their accent or Black people corrected for saying a work correctly…which I believe should be met with a Black fist to the White face side but that is just me (Case in point, I heard a Black man say coerced during a HR session at my old job and the White person corrected him by saying it was “coerced” but put the emphasis on the “er”. I wanted to stab that dude). I do not believe that the feeling that coddling an employee because she is female is sexist. Just like I don’t believe making exemptions for Black employees being chronically late is being racist. It’s just good business because you would be firing a hell of a lot of Black people if you didn’t.
Okay, I am kidding there but in all seriousness I don’t believe I am sexist in thinking a woman shouldn’t get hired over other qualified applicants because she is female is unfair just as I feel the same about any minority that gets chosen over another candidate; male or female. I just think it is fair. I don’t think that emotion should take precedent when dealing with the same issue any male employee should have to just grin and bear like a lay-off, criticism or reprimand. Everybody is hurt when they get laid off or fired (Except for me, I was WAY TOO DRUNK TO CARE, wasn’t I Copper? All by 11:30am, too. I’m awesome!) so why should there be special consideration to female employees “feelings?” Feelings are for poor people!
The other issue I have had is the concept of harassment:
Now I believe that the workplace should be a safe place for anyone and everyone. You should never feel that your job or safety is in jeopardy when you walk in the door no matter who you are or what sex or age you are. Let’s face it though…it isn’t all about you. As one who has seen sexual harassment up close (I felt…so used. She made me be…THE WOMAN! WAAAH!) I can say it isn’t fun but at the same time…c’mon! Lighten up, ladies! It’s all in good fun! I AM FUCKING KIDDING! Kind of.
Well if I can’t talk about slapping the shit out of Beyonce (Which is surprisingly sexual harassment for some fucking reason. I just thought it was a well deserved slap but here we are) then there are something’s that women cannot talk about in the workplace…ever:
1. Your Fucking Kids: Understand this right here and now. No one cares about your kids but you and maybe the Army if they are willing to get shot at and love sand and Arabs/Pakis. Yes, I fucking went there. I don’t need to see their pictures, I don’t care if you don’t know why they are into emo and I DON’T GIVE A FUCK YOUR KID LIKES RAP. Just because I am Black doesn’t mean I like rap…jackass.
2. Menstrual Cycles: I don’t give a fuck how natural it is. I have never talked out loud at work about working my turk except maybe twice. EVER. That is a natural function. As a matter of fact, I keep my privates just like the word: FUCKING PRIVATE. I don’t care if you are talking to other women if you are in earshot I don’t care that you fucking bleed. Get some stitches or SUCK IT UP. God hates us all and that is your punishment. Mine is 50 Cent.
3. Sex: As much as hearing men talk about sex at work is vulgar and borderline illegal (Everyone has a Quagmire at work. If you aint laughing then that nasty motherfucker is YOU), hearing women talk about sex is surprisingly…egotistical and pointless. In my years of listening to the clucking across the cubes, women think that whatever they like is by default sexy and whatever men like is by default deviant and yet neither is true because not all women like things that are sexy and not all men think that bukkake is the best way to spend a Wednesday. The reason I state this is because 64% of women’s number one fantasy is rape so I really don’t find anything logical about that so anything that comes out of their mouth to me is just like what everyone else says to me: jibber-jabber. Sex happens in your own bedroom (Or in some cases in the back of a Nissan Stanza at a lunch break according to a certain co-worker) or wherever but I don’t need to hear about it in the office.
4. Your Outfit: NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. Work isn’t a fashion show so I could care less about how those boots look with that blouse. You know what is even funnier? Women can’t dress themselves. Go to the mall for 10 minutes and tell me if they look like they have one dimes worth of fashion sense. Now take those mallrats and add 10-15 (Sometimes 20-25…you know who you are, ladies) and put them in a professional environment. You now have the workplace in the 2000’s. It’s like Claire’s and Forever 21 exploded except your trifling ass is over 30. Oh, and hooker boots…no. Just no. While I am on this, the same goes for men and flip-flops. I am so sick of bros in the fucking workplace…but that is another rant altogether.
5. Twilight: New rule. If you are over the age of 16, you are not allowed to talk about that shit. Before you say “What about you and your anime and K-pop?! That’s the same thing!” I will first say “Fuck your simple ass, no it’s not” because anime has shows geared for adults AND teenagers and as for K-Pop…
Hells yeah, they are old enough. More talented to boot, although with After School that aint saying much. I have seen more talent at a pet store.
So in the end I want to gear back to me being sexist. As one who is has a Doctorate (Bachelor’s in Communications and a Minor in Women’s Studies. I am officially a Doctor. Take THAT, Bill Cosby!) I feel that statement about me is unfair. I think Kasey said it best: “I don’t think you are angry as much as overly forward.” I have to say that statement fits with my stance on pretty much everything. I SAY I hate women as much as I SAY I hate Black people. Truth is if you pay attention I hate ASPECTS of women and ASPECTS of Black people. I feel a lot of women skirt responsibility with perceived illogical “freedoms and rights” which like I have always said is quite alright if you want to create your own perceived reality. Problem is that we normies let assholes and bitches LIVE in that perceived reality because we don’t roll up a newspaper and smack them on the fucking nose when they accuse us of being sexist or racist because we point out their bullshit about blaming others or skirting responsibility. I would LOVE to chalk up my situation to the man holding me down and women being bitches to me. That is the easy way out, even if it is the truth. Knuckle up and live your life; quit expecting others to concede because you happen to be “oppressed.” You know who else said that? Hitler. Are you better than Hitler ladies? If not you better get an German companion, lock yourself in a bunker and commit suicide. First, you gotta eliminate the Jews. You got the stones for that? Didn’t think so.
Well…that was odd. No weirder than anything else I have posted, I guess. Well, I am off to bed. Be back on Wednesday MAYBE. I SAID MAYBE, ASS!
Chachi Out
Monday, May 04, 2009
You Can't Yell No Homo...When You Surround Yourself With Oiled Up Dudes. Just...No.
What is up, peeps?! Not much right now, it is almost bedtime and I have to get to work and show up at a somewhat reasonable hour. Like…10am? Or something like that. First things; I finally decided to put the Countdown up on the tube! Yes, Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown is up on YouTube! I may not do it often due to some of the legalities (Not posting full videos and not selling them but the RIAA is a bunch of cocks so you know how that goes) but before they decide to pull it for douchery…CHECK THIS OUT:
Hells yeah. Most of the work is done so I may just post this on Saturday mornings as I sober up after the Friday postings. Or not, depends on the demand and whatnot.
So not that I got the video thing out of the way, I quickly want to talk about something before I go to bed: White people not keeping bros in check. You know, the days on certain Black people acting ignorant in public have become sporadic and in most cases regional (Fuck you, I aint going to New Orleans. I like living) to the point that people bitching about them being ignorant are quite simply in places they shouldn’t be. Honestly, if you don’t like Black people then don’t go to the Black mall. With that being addressed…why are bros and guidos still able to act like Cro-Magnon rejects with beer bottles and no one says shit to these fuckers? There is no lower form of person on this planet than a guido or a bro (Except maybe the mythical Gui-bro…or a swarthy Turk) and yet they run amok like we live in fucking Bedrock or something. You people need to handle your damn business. When you see one of these spikey haired, Eminem loving, Boston claiming, jagerbomb swilling fuckers acting a fool in public yelling out “FUCK YEAH, BRO! NO HOMO!” then you need to tell them to shut the fuck up. They are ruining shit for the rest of us that really don’t find their antics impressive nor entertaining.
What is really funny is that the women with them look embarrassed as fuck and say NOTHING AT ALL. It is kind of sad in a way but in a way it’s like a woman that dates a thug only to get hit with a vicious right hand for asking him to turn down the Jim Jones. That thug didn’t snap; that nigga went nigga! The more we let these fuckwits act like this in public the more it will become accepted to the point of encouragement. I will be damned if that fuckery becomes the norm. This will NOT become another incident like grillz and white-tees. HANDLE YOUR PLEBIANS!
Well, it is almost bedtime. I will be back up on Tuesday with something hopefully. Repeats make me feel bad. Something should piss me off by then, though. Until next time, peace out.
Chachi Out
Hells yeah. Most of the work is done so I may just post this on Saturday mornings as I sober up after the Friday postings. Or not, depends on the demand and whatnot.
So not that I got the video thing out of the way, I quickly want to talk about something before I go to bed: White people not keeping bros in check. You know, the days on certain Black people acting ignorant in public have become sporadic and in most cases regional (Fuck you, I aint going to New Orleans. I like living) to the point that people bitching about them being ignorant are quite simply in places they shouldn’t be. Honestly, if you don’t like Black people then don’t go to the Black mall. With that being addressed…why are bros and guidos still able to act like Cro-Magnon rejects with beer bottles and no one says shit to these fuckers? There is no lower form of person on this planet than a guido or a bro (Except maybe the mythical Gui-bro…or a swarthy Turk) and yet they run amok like we live in fucking Bedrock or something. You people need to handle your damn business. When you see one of these spikey haired, Eminem loving, Boston claiming, jagerbomb swilling fuckers acting a fool in public yelling out “FUCK YEAH, BRO! NO HOMO!” then you need to tell them to shut the fuck up. They are ruining shit for the rest of us that really don’t find their antics impressive nor entertaining.
What is really funny is that the women with them look embarrassed as fuck and say NOTHING AT ALL. It is kind of sad in a way but in a way it’s like a woman that dates a thug only to get hit with a vicious right hand for asking him to turn down the Jim Jones. That thug didn’t snap; that nigga went nigga! The more we let these fuckwits act like this in public the more it will become accepted to the point of encouragement. I will be damned if that fuckery becomes the norm. This will NOT become another incident like grillz and white-tees. HANDLE YOUR PLEBIANS!
Well, it is almost bedtime. I will be back up on Tuesday with something hopefully. Repeats make me feel bad. Something should piss me off by then, though. Until next time, peace out.
Chachi Out
Saturday, May 02, 2009
I STILL HATE WINDOWS 7 BETA! FUCKERS!
It is a day late, but nowhere near lacking in the awesome! It is time for…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!
Let’s get it!
20. Charles Hamilton - Loser (Last Week #17)
We begin this week with Charles Hamilton. After moving up to number 17 last week he looks to have lost a lot of momentum. Even still, this new wave of hip hop is giving me hope.
19. Tohoshinki – Share The World (New Entry)
Okay….we all know how I feel about these guys. I don’t NOT like them but I don’t LIKE them. But I LOVE this song and video so they are on here. And it is FUCKING ONE PIECE! LOVE IT! Oh, and they aren’t KAT-TUN which makes them awesome. I hate those guys.
18. BACK-ON – flyaway (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
BACK-ON drops two more spots this week as I wonder one thing about J-rock: CAN IT HANDLE THE RETURN OF ABINGDON BOYS SCHOOL?! Hells yes, JAP is out and I am just waiting to get the download. HELLS…YES.
17. Keri Hilson featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo – Knocks You Down (Last Week #14)
Keri Hilson looked to be making big moves last week but she falls a big three spots this week and looks to be losing some momentum. Can she turn it around?
16. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #20)
Yeezy and Jeezy move up four big spots this week with Kanye’s IMAX ready latest video. This is my second favorite song on 808’s & Heartbreak (Behind “Coldest Winter”) and is my favorite video visually so far.
15. John Legend – Everybody Knows (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
John Legend is still hanging on with his fifth number one video so far. Not much on the horizon for him from what I am hearing so I guess 2010 is the destination…LAME.
14. T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake – Dead and Gone (Last Week #11)
Speaking of 2010…that will be the last time we see Cliffy. We see J-Tim every-damn-where so we really can’t get sick of the guy but the king will be missed. Except by inmates. Jerkass.
13. Young Money feat Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #15)
Young Money and Weezy move up two spots this week as it looks like Rebirth will actually show up before I hit 30. I am liking what I hear from this so far. Also…I am officially a Drake stan. Sorry, gotta give talent props when you hear it.
12. Namie Amuro - WILD (Last Week #12)
Miss Namie stands pat this week after falling a spot the week prior. Can she continue her upward trend after this?
11. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #9, Three Weeks at #1)
Miss Ito falls from the Top Ten for the first time since February with her former number one video! I am so hoping for a new video from her soon. Wait, WE HAVE ONE! WITH SPONTONIA! Well, it’s just a remake of the song from a few months ago but…I love her.
10. YUI – Again (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
We begin the Top Ten with the biggest mover of 2009! YUI jumps up an astronomical EIGHT SPOTS this week into the Top Ten once again! Also, check out the new Full Metal Alchemist season. I need to recap because I got rid of my hard drive from my MiRC days but it rocks!
9. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #8)
Dev Parade falls a spot this week as the Naruto bump may have worn off. You know, since the new Shippuuden openings, Bleach has a 4 to 1 advantage with number one videos off of the opening and closing themes? Bleach owns, fool!
8. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #5)
Lil Wayne falls from the Top Five this week as again we await the Young Money and his Rebirth albums. You know, I am kind of glad 50 Cent is gone. Hip hops suckery is dying down…shit, there is Eminem. Great.
7. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #10)
Mr. 305 is moving on up! Miami’s finest moves up three more spots this week and I have to say that Pitbull has become one of my favorites out right now and has been for a while. One word: underrated.
6. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #3)
JAP IS COMING SOON! LOOK OUT FOR IT! Until then, STRENGTH didn’t have the strength to rebound as it falls three spots this week.
5. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #7)
Queue JYP: THE WONDER GIRLS ARE BACK! They move up a big two spots to return to the Top Five! Can they go three for three? The only artist to do that was John Legend (have their first videos go to number one on the Countdown) so that will put them is some EXCLUSIVE company!
4. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Shion falls two spots this week after breaking through two weeks back to take the top spot. I am so waiting for the Scandal and Sambomaster videos from the Bleach opening/closing. Could be a kick ass summer! We are down to three!
3. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #6)
J-Mac is back! After coming close to taking number one with “It’s Over” in February, he brings Ludacris along and they are just two steps away from the top! Shocking that Luda has never been on here before. I like Cris.
2. Hikaru Utada – Come Back To Me (Last Week #4)
Miss Utada is in the runner up spot this week! She move up two big spots this week and I am so looking forward to another single so she can get some more recognition. But this week, she is the runner up to the reigning queen!
1. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Boa once again holds down the top spot! This is her second number one of 2009 and as of right now she is the second most successful artist of 2009, right behind the dominance of winter/spring by YA-KYIM. This video is starting to hit steam nationwide I hear which is AWESOME!
That is all for this week! See you in seven!
Sorry about being a day late on this one. Had to see Wolverine last night and got back around 12:30am from Denver and was just hella tired. On time next week, I promise!
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!
Let’s get it!
20. Charles Hamilton - Loser (Last Week #17)
We begin this week with Charles Hamilton. After moving up to number 17 last week he looks to have lost a lot of momentum. Even still, this new wave of hip hop is giving me hope.
19. Tohoshinki – Share The World (New Entry)
Okay….we all know how I feel about these guys. I don’t NOT like them but I don’t LIKE them. But I LOVE this song and video so they are on here. And it is FUCKING ONE PIECE! LOVE IT! Oh, and they aren’t KAT-TUN which makes them awesome. I hate those guys.
18. BACK-ON – flyaway (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
BACK-ON drops two more spots this week as I wonder one thing about J-rock: CAN IT HANDLE THE RETURN OF ABINGDON BOYS SCHOOL?! Hells yes, JAP is out and I am just waiting to get the download. HELLS…YES.
17. Keri Hilson featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo – Knocks You Down (Last Week #14)
Keri Hilson looked to be making big moves last week but she falls a big three spots this week and looks to be losing some momentum. Can she turn it around?
16. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy – Amazing (Last Week #20)
Yeezy and Jeezy move up four big spots this week with Kanye’s IMAX ready latest video. This is my second favorite song on 808’s & Heartbreak (Behind “Coldest Winter”) and is my favorite video visually so far.
15. John Legend – Everybody Knows (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
John Legend is still hanging on with his fifth number one video so far. Not much on the horizon for him from what I am hearing so I guess 2010 is the destination…LAME.
14. T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake – Dead and Gone (Last Week #11)
Speaking of 2010…that will be the last time we see Cliffy. We see J-Tim every-damn-where so we really can’t get sick of the guy but the king will be missed. Except by inmates. Jerkass.
13. Young Money feat Lil Wayne – Every Girl (Last Week #15)
Young Money and Weezy move up two spots this week as it looks like Rebirth will actually show up before I hit 30. I am liking what I hear from this so far. Also…I am officially a Drake stan. Sorry, gotta give talent props when you hear it.
12. Namie Amuro - WILD (Last Week #12)
Miss Namie stands pat this week after falling a spot the week prior. Can she continue her upward trend after this?
11. Yuna Ito – Trust You (Last Week #9, Three Weeks at #1)
Miss Ito falls from the Top Ten for the first time since February with her former number one video! I am so hoping for a new video from her soon. Wait, WE HAVE ONE! WITH SPONTONIA! Well, it’s just a remake of the song from a few months ago but…I love her.
10. YUI – Again (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
We begin the Top Ten with the biggest mover of 2009! YUI jumps up an astronomical EIGHT SPOTS this week into the Top Ten once again! Also, check out the new Full Metal Alchemist season. I need to recap because I got rid of my hard drive from my MiRC days but it rocks!
9. Dev Parade – Bachokkoi!! (Last Week #8)
Dev Parade falls a spot this week as the Naruto bump may have worn off. You know, since the new Shippuuden openings, Bleach has a 4 to 1 advantage with number one videos off of the opening and closing themes? Bleach owns, fool!
8. Lil Wayne – Prom Queen (Last Week #5)
Lil Wayne falls from the Top Five this week as again we await the Young Money and his Rebirth albums. You know, I am kind of glad 50 Cent is gone. Hip hops suckery is dying down…shit, there is Eminem. Great.
7. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #10)
Mr. 305 is moving on up! Miami’s finest moves up three more spots this week and I have to say that Pitbull has become one of my favorites out right now and has been for a while. One word: underrated.
6. Abingdon Boys School – STRENGTH (Last Week #3)
JAP IS COMING SOON! LOOK OUT FOR IT! Until then, STRENGTH didn’t have the strength to rebound as it falls three spots this week.
5. Wonder Girls – NOW (Last Week #7)
Queue JYP: THE WONDER GIRLS ARE BACK! They move up a big two spots to return to the Top Five! Can they go three for three? The only artist to do that was John Legend (have their first videos go to number one on the Countdown) so that will put them is some EXCLUSIVE company!
4. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Shion falls two spots this week after breaking through two weeks back to take the top spot. I am so waiting for the Scandal and Sambomaster videos from the Bleach opening/closing. Could be a kick ass summer! We are down to three!
3. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris – How Do You Sleep (Last Week #6)
J-Mac is back! After coming close to taking number one with “It’s Over” in February, he brings Ludacris along and they are just two steps away from the top! Shocking that Luda has never been on here before. I like Cris.
2. Hikaru Utada – Come Back To Me (Last Week #4)
Miss Utada is in the runner up spot this week! She move up two big spots this week and I am so looking forward to another single so she can get some more recognition. But this week, she is the runner up to the reigning queen!
1. BoA featuring Sean Garrett – I Did It For Love (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Boa once again holds down the top spot! This is her second number one of 2009 and as of right now she is the second most successful artist of 2009, right behind the dominance of winter/spring by YA-KYIM. This video is starting to hit steam nationwide I hear which is AWESOME!
That is all for this week! See you in seven!
Sorry about being a day late on this one. Had to see Wolverine last night and got back around 12:30am from Denver and was just hella tired. On time next week, I promise!
Chachi Out
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