What is up, people?! I am back on the scene with a pocket full of….lint. FUUUUUCK ME. But that’s the way life is if you want to get what you want sometimes. So another Hip Hop Honors has come and gone and there are a few artists that I am pissed off about not being inducted yet. I mean I am no hip hop connoisseur (Although I HAVE beaten Def Jam: Vendetta, Def Jam: Fight for New York AND Def Jam: Icon which makes me more old school than nickel water and mayonnaise sammiches) but I do know a thing or two about some of bringing back that old school rap. So today I bring to you a little bit of that gangsta shit. I give to you….
Chachi’s Hip Hop Honors 2009 Honorees!
Honoree #1: DJ Quik
First off, the fact that he is NOT in the Hip Hop Honors, albeit not a standard “hall of fame” is infuriating. When you think West Coast rap you SHOULD think of five people:
1. NWA (This includes Dr. Dre, Easy-E, Ice Cube and MC Ren)
2. Snoop Dogg
3. Too $hort
4. Cypress Hill
5. DJ Quik
Honestly, as far as I am concerned it isn’t even in that fucking order. DJ Quik is actually who introduced me to West Coast rap because I thought NWA…what’s that word….oh yeah. SUCKED. Seriously, I was all about De La Soul, Tribe Called Quest and Fresh Prince (More on him later. STOP HATIN!) back then and felt NWA lacked talent. Yeah, motherfucker I said it and I STILL HATE THEM. They were no Geto Boys. YEAH, I SAID THAT SHIT TOO! Record sales and controversy don’t equal being good but that is another rant for another time. DJ Quik never really had the mega-popularity of the other West Coast rappers (Although I own all his albums) mostly because he wasn’t rapping about ALL the gangsta ridiculousness. Now he did the gangsta rap thing but his love for Roger Troutman before everyone sampled his music and effectively raped his vocorders’ musical corpse (T-Pain & Kanye….I am looking at your Black asses) is really what drew me to his music. His style of old school smooth R&B was more of an East Coast style (See: Pete Rock & CL Smooth….more on them later) and yet he still dropped that lowrider, summertime jam music that I still roll with to this day. You TELL ME that “Summer Breeze” and the bomb music when driving on a summer evening with a straight face and I will face-fuck your cat. I’ll do it.
What really makes DJ Quik (IMHO) one of the Top Ten ever is his lyricism. He has been underrated for damn near 20 years as not just a West Coast rapper but a rapper in general. Remember the intro to “Rhythm-A-Lism” and how fucking AWESOME that was? He had the same laid back flow as other Cali rappers but he could rip it if need be which is something that we cannot say for other rappers out now. Also, can I just say that Quik’s Grooves are some of the best instrumentals EVER? Add all of that together and you have one of the most influential rappers and producers ever. Shame he isn’t in yet and a bigger shame that some people don’t know who his if. If you do, big ups and if you don’t BUY A FUCKING ALBUM RIGHT NOW.
Honoree #2: Kid ‘N’ Play
Go ahead, get your laugh on. I’ll wait, you ignorant motherfuckers. You done? Okay, now that you are done making a shit out of yourself do you realize that before Ice Cube, before John Singleton (On a major forum), before 50 Cent there was Kid ‘N’ Play making movies. Good movies at that. Well, House Party and House Party 2 were good (PAJAMA JAMMY JAM, BITCHES!) but I will admit that Class Act and House Party 3 left a lot to be desired….like being good. Not only did they make movies they had some really good albums and YES they were a bit happy and un-thug but think about it: what makes hip hop great is it’s variety. Kid ‘N’ Play gave us not only a different sound but they revolutionized fashion even though it was for the tacky. I mean, who DIDN’T have a high top fade? I mean I didn’t but that was because my hair would just lay down (I got that good hair, got some Indian in me). They had some classic songs and along with Salt N Pepa and EU (DOIN DA BUTT!) introduced “go-go” to hip hop, a movement that I wish would come back because that shit is dance-worthy. They were one of the first hip hop duos and really changed how rappers viewed making movies as part of their business ventures. They had to put up with a lot of shit over it and kind of paved the way for that 50 Cent movie (You know, King Kong. ZING!) but in the end they really did a lot for hip hop and gave us a lot of great songs and the GREATEST DANCE SEQUENCES OF ALL TIME!
Hell, House Party ALONE is worth the honor. Speaking of movies…
Honoree #3: The Last Dragon
They have honored movies before and with the death of Julius Curry (Sho-Nuff) earlier this year this movie would have been a great fit. Now first off, I am going to say this right here and now. There are a few movies that all Black people…male and female….have seen and if you haven’t they you ain’t BLACK!
1. Hollywood Shuffle (In my opinion, Robert Townsend’s best work. Hoecakes!)
2. The Mack (The scene with Richard Pryor and the dynamite in his mouth haunted me until I was 15)
3. Soul Man (Five words: Harvard, There Is No Substitute!)
4. I’m Gon Git You Sucka (Everybody needs theme music….)
5. The Last Dragon (WHO’S THE MASTER!)
If you are Black and you haven’t seen those movies, you are TEH SUCK! The Last Dragon had everything from action to comedy to romance to Vanity. Back when she was hot and freaky. The movie also had the greatest song ever in El Debarge’s “Rhythm of the Night” back when he and Kenny Loggins were battling for the most songs on a soundtrack (SHORT CIRCUIT, FOOL!). Hell, Sho’Nuff is one of the most quoted yet under-recognized characters of the 80’s! Yes, I put him up there with Lo Pan. YEAH, I SAID IT! Overall, this movie was one of the biggest movies in hip hop’s history even if people don’t want to admit it.
Honoree # 4: Pete Rock
Okay, now a lot of hip hop heads may say that he doesn’t have a big enough body of work to be able to achieve this honor. Guess what…you are a fuckwit. Pete Rock has been producing artists FOR YEARS and has given us some of the best beats that either you never heard or you fucking slept on. Sometimes, being consistent is better than being flashy (Pharrell, I am so looking at you) and Pete Rock has always given the world some awesome production. If you don’t consider “They Remince Over You (T.R.O.Y.)” one of the best songs ever then there is no hope for hip hop and no hope for the future. This is one of those honors that is going to be scoffed on by many (Why aint Ja Rule in there? WHERE’S JA?!) but at the end of the day, Pete Rock is an innovator and one of the best producers of all time. Just behind DJ Quik.
Honoree #5: Master P & The No Limit Soldiers
*Sigh* I REALLY didn’t want to do this. But even I had to admit….I still have those ugly ass Master P, Mystikal, Mia X and Silkk Da Shocker albums with the art that looks shooped. Say what you will about some Master P and odds are I will say the same. I know that he was lyrically as good as Rappin Ronnie. I know that his catchphrase was fucking annoying. And yet….we all know it and you can lie to yourself all you want you all said it. You know it….
UUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! NA NA NA NA!!
None of us want to admit it but we were all bout it, bout it. We all miss our homies. We were all No Limit Soldiers and someone out there still has that dumb ass doll. Master P brought back the huge medallion that has become an object of niggardom and thuggery in the years since. The man had movies (Which all sucked), clothing (Which as 80% ugly as shit) and toys (Which surprisingly sucked, too) in a day and time when rappers were happy just being ignorant little shits that had no redeeming quality aside from the fact they could move 500,000 units. Master P was a businessman and entered into ventures that have shaped hip hop to this day. Remember how he had his group manage Ricky Williams into Miami? Remember how he marketed (Pimped?) his son as the next young rap star? Remember how he made us give a fuck who Mr. Magic and Kane & Abel were? The man was a genius and changed hip hop as we know it forever. For better or worse, but still. Na na na na!
Honoree #6: DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince/Fresh Prince of Bel Air/Will Smith
To all of you “hip hop purists”…..FUCK YOU AND STOP HATIN! Say what you will about Will Smith or even DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince the group….but you KNOW you were all about The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. You know it, I know it, your momma knows it and smooth skinned baby Jesus knows it. From the beginning with Parents Just Don’t Understand and Nightmare On My Street, Will Smith has been part of hip hop since the beginning. You can hate on Summertime all you fucking want to but that song was the mad notes and you know it. Oh, and all of you rappers acting (DMX, I am looking at you….while you are looking at crack. ZING!) now owe this man a debt of fucking gratitude. I remember all my friends calling Will Smith a sellout because he was acting instead of rapping and now all rappers are acting. Hell, if you are Rick Ross you are acting like a drug dealer and if you are Plies you are ACTING LIKE A FUCKING RAPPER. He had one of the greatest shows on TV that had the luxury of being like “Homeboys In Outerspace” but instead tackled all races issues (Racism, broken families, drugs) and still had time to make me laugh. Then there was the “Big Willie Style” era in which you know FUCKING WELL you were “Getting’ Jiggy With It” with the rest of us. We could have done without “Willenium” but everyone has their “In My Lifetime Vol I” so I can let that slide. In the end, I personally believe that Will Smith should have been inducted the second year but that’s just me. This busted logic that the only hip hop is hip hop where people aint smiling needs to stop. You should be thanking “hip-pop” artists for taking your shit and allowing artists like NWA, Wu-Tang Clan and Too $hort to even be on the radio. Think about THAT.
Well, those are MY nominees for 2009. And dammit, if DJ Quik isn’t in there, I am kidnapping Flavor Flav. Have Flavor of Love without him, VH1! I FUCKING DARE YOU! Until next time….THE CHACHI VIDEO AWARDS NOMINEE SPECIAL!! I hope to have it up Thursday and will announce the date of the show then as well. Stay up, peeps. And a hip hop you don’t stop!
Wow….DC Talk. That was special.
Chachi Out
