Okay people, it is about that time! I have put it off for NINE FUCKING DAYS and after many a piece of hate mail from my Blogger peeps I have finally completed it For the second third year in a row, it is time for the…
PASSION OF CHACHI YEAR END SPECTACULAR:
2008 Year In Review & 2009 Preview!
So as a few of you know (Copper especially…because he was fucking there) I had a really irritable 2008. I mean irritable enough to know why people snap and pull a Martin Lawrence. At the same time, 2008 wasn’t all bad…in the way like rape isn’t all bad. Yeah, I went there. Just so you know, 2009 is the year I don’t give a shit anymore because of the first question that was asked for this Omnibus….
What Was The Biggest Story of the Year?
If your dumb ass has to ask then you need to be deported. Two words: Barack Obama. Conservatives can be pissed off about the asinine assumption that we will delve into a socialist republic (Because…we have been doing a bang up job with what we are doing now. What is the foreclosure rate again? Jackasses) which liberal hippie douches can cream themselves on the fact that America is SO PROGRESSIVE BECAUSE WE ELECTED A BLACK PRESIDENT although that man had to be twice as smart as every White candidate ever just to get noticed and almost lost to someone whose biggest claim to fame is that she won’t suck her husband’s dick is kind of sad but at the end of the day it was a ground breaking event. You see, I don’t think people get it. I don’t like it when people say “you don’t know what it is like to be a woman!” (Which is special because women don’t know anything about anything. ZING!) or replace woman with an ethnic group, race, sexual orientation or furry because I don’t give a fuck for one and most importantly…no one knows what it is like to be ANYONE ELSE. My struggle as a Black man was different in Obama’s in some cases and in a lot of cases it was similar. At the end of the day his win wasn’t as much of a win for Black people (Shit, I ain’t got my “We Won!” trophy yet. Unlike when O.J. won when I got a nice wine and cheese basket. Yes, Blacks love wine and cheese. It’s like alcoholic Kool-Aid!) as it showed that some times…when the right Black man comes along…we can trick Whitey in to doing what we want. YEAH, I SAID IT!
I don’t think people get something. My White Republican friends all said that Blacks got Obama in office. Well, you are a bunch of fuckwits and you know it. It is YOUR PEOPLES FAULT! Understand something, honkey: the darkie vote has only effected one election ever. That election was the American Idol election between Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken:
The simple fact is that Obama did something that I don’t think any President in my generation has done aside from President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. He brought Americans together of all races, genders, age group and sexual orientation (Except furries) under one simple line of hope: yes we can. I wish Tupac was alive to see this because he was thankfully wrong:
America IS ready to have a Black President. I just wish it was Camacho first. Because shit’s all fucked up and shit. So everybody, let’s do what we can and let him do his job. At least until the crops die because we give them electrolytes. Sorry…I’m watching “Idiocracy” while I do this. SOUTH CAROLINA, REPRESENT!
What Would You Like To See End In 2009?
I am so glad you asked! Mostly because I was going to tell you any-damn-way but still. There are a few things that I am hoping just either stop or die out in 2009. Here are a few.
Number One: 50 Cent Needs To Shut The Fuck Up
Seriously. You know, he kind of stayed the hell out of my radar this year after getting his ass handed to him by Kanye West but right now he is coming off like a real douchebag McGee. I really didn’t have a problem with him until he had a little mini-rant at the end of the “Heartless Monster” track:
Did you hear his bullshit at the end? Really? Go out and beat up people different than you? REALLY?! What the fuck are you, some sort of Nigger Hitler?! Gee, people who dress and act differently are becoming the norm?! LET’S GET THEM AND TEACH THEM A LESSON! Why don’t you put on a white hood and start night ride, you worthless Black fuck. Seriously, shit like that makes me wish you really do die in a violent fashion. Sorry, I just don’t support people that believe in beating people for being different because YOU SUCK ASS AND HAVENT CHANGED ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE. You change with the world, the world doesn’t change for you. Anyone who supports this cockmonger should be kicked in the face.
Number Two: Bret Favre Needs To Retire Or Die. Or Both, It Doesn’t Matter
Take your inbred ass back to Mississippi and stay the fuck off my TV. Seriously, you came back and you stunk up the joint. People can say that I don’t have the skills so I shouldn’t say anything and that is dead on. I don’t have the skills to be a quarterback and looking at the last five games, neither did he. People need to get off this guys dick and let other people have some screen time that actually make shit happen. Like Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Phillip Rivers. Future of the NFL right there, not some guy trying to stay in the limelight because he doesn’t want to go home for some reason. No Favre in 2009!
Number Three: The Teen Explosion…Again.
Okay, I like boy bands and Korean pop as much as the next weirdo. But the influx of sparsely talented teen singers, inane TV shows and shit-tastic movies and books really is beginning to piss me off. I mean Miley Cyrus was bad enough with her pedophile father (Yes, the dude that gave us “Achy Breaky Heart” likes the loli…and keeps it in the family) but then there were like seven more LESS TALENTED people that came after her and they are everywhere! Well, that is an exaggeration because I saw them during Christmas in the mall which skews the numbers but you get the idea. Combine that with everyone and their mother even CONSIDERING to put Twilight in the same BREATH AS THE DARK KNIGHT makes me want to kick a puppy dead in the nose. I mean, the teen groups of my day were actually…good. I mean Debbie Gibson wrote her own music! New Edition kept the tradition of Motown alive! Even New Kids On The Block gave us the marketing ability to make your own Band-Aids with your faces on them. I mean…okay that’s rather lame but you get what I am saying! You gonna tell me the Jonas Brothers are better than NKOTB? Or Backstreet Boys?! OR EVEN 2GETHER?!:
Now THAT is how you make a boy band, peeps! Besides, Dougie is almost twice my age so I can still make ABSquared! Don’t even get me started on what they try to pass off as “entertainment” on the TV side for teenagers. You know, I had Animaniacs, Freakazoid, The Tick and even Undergrads later on in my teens to watch and learn from. WHAT IN THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LEARN FROM GOSSIP GIRL?! Aside from how to be vapid, vindictive and shallow. I don’t think teenage females need courses on any of that. What is even worse it that teenage males either have bastardized anime (What the fuck is a Beyblade? Is that show even still on?!) or everyone’s favorite UFC/MMA. Okay, understand this: I have plenty of alpha male in me. I mean, I love the pussy:
But still, I am really sick of the influx of bros loving UFC. I mean, the concept of fighting when it isn’t a last resort automatically makes me think we are de-evolving as a people but I digress. The fact that teen boys have MMA as a PE class makes me say “Maybe we deserve to be wiped the fuck out” because we are no better than cavemen with sticks and rocks at that point. Sad.
What Would You Like To See Take Off In 2009?
Hmm…that is a tough one since I would rather what I like not make it into the mainstream because they will do with it what they did with anime: rape and bukkake it and leave it on the floor in a heap of tears and shame when they are done with it with the money on the dresser. Yet, I want to answer this question so here we go.
Number One: Like Hot Butter On The K-Popcorn!
Aaahhhh, humor. Without it, I would have killed all of you. So for a few years now I have been waiting for K-Pop to make the “invasion” like British bands, Latin groups and of course grunge and hair bands did before them. But it never materialized, mostly because Americans are kind of a bunch of fuckwits that don’t have a concept of what is good, which is why Scrubs bounces networks but Flavor of Love had multiple seasons. Either way, I am kind of excited to see K-Pop come to America to a certain extent. I don’t believe it is fair that they have to sing in English because…well, they all sound horrible. You gotta let it do what it do and if you do what you do well in your native tongue then do it that way. I mean Eat You Up from BoA was OKAY but you can tell that either she is part battery drained vocorder or English aint her strong point. Rain does a little better but still you can tell he sounds off. Besides, I prefer their songs in their native language anyway> Americans are slow and egocentric so it has to be their way if you want to play so I understand why. I am looking forward to some Se7en, Rain and BoA coming my way since pop here is TEH LAME. Which brings me to my next grand idea.
Number Two: J-Rawk YOUR FACE!
We all know that rock music has dropped off to the point that they are digging up bands to make comebacks in order to make it seem like rock is worth a shit anymore. AC/DC? Metallica? Guns “n” Roses? What is it, 1991?! I thought they were all fucking dead! New rock bands for the most part are either overrated (The Killers), unoriginal (Theory of a Deadman) or just not fucking talented (Every band I have heard since 2002 with a guitar) which is leaving a void that I think a well marketed J-Rock band could fill. Now Maximum The Hormone built a huge following after the success of Death Note and with Darker Than Black coming over to Adult Swim (I believe) this year, it is time for Sony to push the hell out of Abingdon Boys School and UVERworld. I mean I thought they would take off last year after the whole Bleach explosion but anime fans are still for the most part Narutards so you can’t win them all but HOWLING is the shit:
Add in the fact that D. Gray Man is supposedly coming soon (INNOCENT SORROW was just as bad ass as HOWLING but is like two years old) and ABS has a new single this year then I am saying it right now: ABINGDON BOYS SCHOOL OR UVERWORLD BETTER BE ON AMERICAN RADIO BY SEPTEMBER OR I PUNCH A KITTEN. I will do it.
So what does the New Year hold for us all? We as Americans have new President, a tough financial time ahead and a conversion to Digital TV to worry about. I kid, I kid. I hope everyone is ready because 2009 is going to rock your face! Or at least not be as sucky as 2008 was. MAN, LAST YEAR WAS ASS AND A HALF. Anyway, stay up ya’ll. I will be back soon. Happy New Year, fools!
Chachi Out
