What is up, peeps?! I am back again and I am beginning to think that it is going to take a minute to get back in the groove of blogging everyday. Back when I was unemployed (And working at Qwest, which was pretty much unemployment with all the drama in a nice, Downtown Denver setting) I was blogging every day and I must say while it made for good entertainment and an excellent release…I was a fricking train wreck. But at least it was an epic train wreck.
So I have a friend out there that is going through a really rough time right now and I feel kind of bad about it. He and I have been through a lot of crap together and have helped each other out through it because that’s what homies do. He was there for me during the crazy bitch and I was there for him during…well the other crazy bitch (If you know me, you know it’s a running theme) and all the things in between from lost jobs to horrible drunken nights and all the mind-blowing highs and soul-crushing lows in between. I have been told I give great advice but don’t actually follow it which is a conundrum but it makes for an interesting life full of sitcom material. So to said person, this is for you.
Sometimes The Painful Decision To Make Is The One That Heals The Most
Yes, sometimes I am fucking cosmic. Understand, sadly making the right decision for you is painful for someone else and many people involved. When it all falls down, Dr. Deuce says that you have to find yourself first and if you put others ahead of you before you are happy then you do all a disservice. Can it be painful? Yes. Can it turn lives asunder? Yes. However, leaving when the time is right gives everyone a chance to rebuild the broken pieces. Waiting too long leave such destruction that sometimes nothing can ever be repaired. It’s why to this day whenever a woman is holding a plate I think she is going to throw it at me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM SO SAD RIGHT NOW! I need something to cheer me up…
SE7EN IS BACK!!! First Rain, then 4Minute and now Se7en? 2010 is officially the greatest year ever! Anyway, I got that out of the way. Just wanted to let someone out there know to keep their head up. So now back to what you came here for: to be fucking offended.
GAYS ARE GETTING MARRIED! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!
So I have had a few blogs about gay marriage and I am all for if for nothing to piss off those fuckwits who believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. We let people in the South get married all the time and all they do is bring the median IQ down and the sales of Toby Keith up! Don’t even get me started on Black people. Mostly because Black men don’t marry Black women. BA-DUM-CHA! Anyway, I have not found one good reason why gays should not be allowed to be married. Except maybe the influx in Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” as the official wedding song of America but we were heading down that path anyway. I for one am against all marriage because I think of it like I think of a graduation for college. Much like college graduations are a celebration for other people to see “MY KID BE SMRT!” a wedding is to (personally) show other people how much they “love” each other. In this day and age where there are reality shows about people getting married for nothing more than TV time and a biscuit, I think the sanctity of marriage is and always has been bullshit so why not let everyone get in on the act? Besides, gay weddings would be like a Diddy party, Mardi Gras and an episode of Glee all wrapped into one! The first season of Glee, not that shitty ass second season. Madonna episode? EAT A DICK, FOX!
So today, because I really am trying to dodge as much work as possible (Yeah, Griff I’m back to my old ways. Black people don’t appreciate shit I know) I give you…
Chachi’s Top Five Reasons Gays Should Be Allowed To Be Married!
Reason #1: Greatest Receptions Ever!
Like I said, imagine the most awesome party you have ever been to EVER. Now imagine adding gay people, a DJ, spandex and a night full of The Weather Girl’s “It’s Raining Men”. That may be the most awesome night since Rick James went to jail. Only one group of people know how to party better than gay men and that is Ewoks:
Creepy little fuckers but man, they can FUCKING ROCK THE HOUSE! Now I know some of you will say that I am being stereotypical and that is because I am. That and you know I’m right. Besides, any excuse I can have to go out and dance to Cher and not be ridiculed is great by me. Fuck you, I like Cher.
Reason #2: It Pisses People Off
Nothing makes me happier than seeing people that hate gays upset. I mean you know how women get all weird around babies when they are wanting one? I get that same feeling when I hear a Fox News anchor bitch because gays want to exchange vows just like their bigoted asses. I am a firm believer in rights for all or rights for none because…
WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY CANT DO A GOD DAMN THING, YOU FUCKING COCKMONGERS?!
Yeah, I said it. What makes a gay marriage any worse than a loveless marriage or a marriage one member is getting the shit kicked out of them for not having dinner ready on time? Don’t say that its God’s will because it’s also God’s will that the 50 Cent still exists. I don’t see anyone blaming God for his sorry ass. Yeah, I said it.
The fact so many people use the words of fictional characters to tell people they can’t do anything is ridiculous at best. Why would God even CARE if gays got married? I am sure that a deity that is SUPPOSEDLY beyond our comprehension could care less if two ladies want to ruin their lives by spending it together. Eh, I’m bitter. Either way every time a same-sex couple is married, a Christians head explodes. WIN!
Reason #3: More Exciting Weddings
What was the most exciting thing to happen at a wedding in recent memory? This:
Now YES this is interesting but if the best thing to happen at a wedding in twenty years is a bunch of White people dancing to a song of maybe the most prolific beater of a woman since Ike Turner then maybe we need to switch it up.
Reason #4: Everyone Deserves A Chance To Be Unhappy
Now we all know that the marriage rate in the United States is pretty much like playing Street Fighter II Turbo on eight stars. You CAN win, but the odds are stacked WAAAAAAY against you, especially if you are playing against Guile. TWO SONIC BOOMS ON THE SCREEN AT ONCE?! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?! Anyway, let me calm down. I have yet to figure out why marriage is considered so sacred when so many fail miserably. Now you may say “I have been married to some person for 3,000 years and we love each other and that will never change and blahzay blah.” You are the exception and we are proud of you. Here is a nice warm I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! You are the exception, not the norm so you aren’t even part of this conversation so go be in love somewhere else, fucky. This blog is for the bitter people! Where all my bitter people at?! LOVE STINKS!
So back to the original issue. I am not saying all marriage is bad but I am saying that you shouldn’t say someone shouldn’t be allowed to have the chance to fail like opposite-sex marriages do. That’s just ignorant. Which brings me to my last point.
Reason #5: Marriage Isn’t About Religion, It’s About…What The Fuck IS Marriage About?
I have always stood behind the fact that Joe Millionaire killed the concept of marriage in my opinion. The fact that there are shows that are willing to pawn off the “sanctity” of marriage for a pop in ratings shows that marriage means jack shit to those who can do it and has nothing to do with religion unless you worship money which is the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about and I will address later in other blogs if the peeps would like. Marriage offers tax benefits and rights that straight people don’t want them queers and dykes to have…that’s the bottom line. You can say what you want but the bible states nothing of circumstance about gays NOT being allowed to marry and secondly…and prepare yourself for this one…
THE BIBLE IS A BOOK OF FICTION WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
I will let that settle for a second. You are basing the right of people being able to enjoy the rights that every straight person enjoys…over a book of anecdotes and poorly written fables. Now THAT is just plain wrong. That is coming from someone that enjoys the thought of panda fur suits lined with chinchilla fur. FUCK PANDAS. In the end, marriage is about love, not your religion. If you are willing to block people in love from showing that in the form of a marriage license and ceremony...then you are no better than a fucking Nazi. Congrats, douchebags.
So with all that said, I will just restate what I always state about the topic of gay marriage: who in the fuck are you to say who does or does not have the right to get married? For the most part I’m not concerned with the actual aspect of marriage (It’s all EVIL) but I am not for denying anyone of their rights at any point in time. That might shock some of you that think you know me…but you obviously don’t know me very well, then.
So that is all for today. Who knows what tomorrow brings (Hopefully soju and galbi but who knows, it’s only the middle of the week) but I do know this: I’m awesome and so are you. Remember that, peeps. Except for Little Billy in Roanoke. FUCK YOU BILLY AND YOUR CANCER!
Chachi Out
