After about a week I am back and I am sorry for the absence. Things are bugging me but now that I know no one else gives a shit, neither do I. What can one do? Anyway, I want to finish something up…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We are in the 30’s right now so lets get moving!
39. SPIKE TV: So, um…since when was UFC and shitty action movies the sign of being a man? I seem to have missed the boat on this one and maybe it is because I am 70/30 gay that fluctuates damn near hourly but I have only watched one show on SPIKE and that was TNA Wrestling. And the only reason for that is that there is no America’s Best Dance Crew on. More on the “manly man” bullshit later but Spike has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. And if you say UFC…you gay, boy. Go look at some yaoi and paddle yourself YOU SICK FREAK.
38. Justin Timberlake: Well…I dunno. I mean J-Tim has been working my nerves for about a year now because he is Blacker than I am. Not a shock or a big deal but man I think people need to remember that this dude was the lead singer of N’SYNC which wasn’t the bastion of Blackness. At least Backstreet Boys had the ballad down. “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” anyone?
37. Tim & Erick Awesome Show: FUCK THIS DUMB ASS SHOW. If anyone can tell me why this show is still on and Code Monkeys isn’t I will punch your baby dead in the face because you are a MOTHERFUCKING LIAR. This show sucks; Black Steve was awesome. Die, honkey, die! Priceless!
36. People on bikes: Okay, if you stay out of the road we are cool. But the moment your punk ass steps in the realm of the car, all your rights no longer exist. You know who you are and if you act like you have four wheels you are going to get handled like you have four wheels.
35. Mountain Dew’s “Game Fuel”: Yes, if there is one thing gamers need it is another thing to keep them in the basement and awake playing Counterstrike or World of Warcraft. Mountain Dew is just Satan’s piss anyfuckingway so I don’t see the big deal. Nasty stuff. Now the Livewire was heart-stopping goodness.
34. Cargo Shorts: Okay, unless you handle cargo or use 70% of the pockets for actual shit then don’t wear them. Especially with flip flops or sandals. God, I hate white people.
33. Egg Salad: Mayonaise + eggs – tuna or chicken = NOT FUCKING FOOD. It’s a waste of good eggs. Whose bright idea WAS THIS?!
32. University of Nebraska: Ugh, the Cornhuskers irk the shit out of me. YES I know a lot of this has to do with me being a CU alum but man, I really don’t like that state. Anime Nebraskon will be an event of either boredom or drunken awesomeness because I can’t do Lincoln again sober.
31. CNN: If MSNBC sucks and Fox News REALLY sucks then what does CNN do? Not a god damn thing. The only thing it has going for it is Anderson Cooper and he is a fucking creepy ass albino that needs to have his feet cut off because he is a demon. CNN has very little of relevance on and the good stuff they DO have on is usually done better by the two shittier networks.
30. Triple H: If you don’t watch wrestling then you don’t understand my hatred of this guy. Every six months it seems like Triple H is beating up someone that I would rather be champ (Yes, I am a wrestling fan and yes, I totally want to make the sweet love to Maryse). From RVD to Chris Jericho to Edge it feels like he lives to screw up anything good that comes about. It’s like watching a 50 Cent video.
Well, we are down to the 20’s for the next time which I hope to have up before next week. Want to do it before Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen which YES I will be seeing because I am hoping beyond hope that Shia LeBeouf with fucking die a gruesome death. Odds are no, though. It’s how my life has gone. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father's Day: Even Child Touching Priests Get A Day?! Wait....
What is up, peeps?! I am back and it is time for the 20 biggest videos on this blue orb we call Earth! Let's get started!
20. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #16)
19. Mihimaru GT - Switch (New Entry)
18. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
17. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
16. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #15)
15. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #18)
14. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)
13. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #17)
12. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #9)
11. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (Last Week #20) [Biggest Mover]
10. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #6)
9. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #12)
8. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #10)
7. YUI - Again (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
6. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #8)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #4)
4. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #7)
3. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #5)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #3)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
2NE1 made it two straight weeks on top while Tohoshinki rebounds back to the runner-up spot. Maxwell comes in at number three and brings R&B back to the Top Three for the first time since John Legend a few months back. LM.C has made the biggest news, hopping up an astounding NINE SPOTS this week! We also have a debut from the returning Mihimaru GT!
See you in seven to see if 2NE1 can make it three weeks at the top! Or will Tohoshinki take the number one spot for boy bands everywhere? Or can Maxwell make the most of his first ever foray and take the throne?
See you next week, peeps!
Chachi Out!
20. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #16)
19. Mihimaru GT - Switch (New Entry)
18. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
17. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
16. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #15)
15. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #18)
14. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #11, One Week at #1)
13. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #17)
12. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #9)
11. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (Last Week #20) [Biggest Mover]
10. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #6)
9. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #12)
8. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #10)
7. YUI - Again (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
6. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #8)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #4)
4. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #7)
3. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #5)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #3)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
2NE1 made it two straight weeks on top while Tohoshinki rebounds back to the runner-up spot. Maxwell comes in at number three and brings R&B back to the Top Three for the first time since John Legend a few months back. LM.C has made the biggest news, hopping up an astounding NINE SPOTS this week! We also have a debut from the returning Mihimaru GT!
See you in seven to see if 2NE1 can make it three weeks at the top! Or will Tohoshinki take the number one spot for boy bands everywhere? Or can Maxwell make the most of his first ever foray and take the throne?
See you next week, peeps!
Chachi Out!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Even With All The Bullshit, I STILL Drop Jems Like Jacob The Jeweler!
A little conversation from today...
[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: There are just too many fucking pictures
[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: And 70% of them are (to no surprise) of the bride
[20:22] JenovahX80: duh. no one else matters
[20:22] c0mpu73rb0y: Yeah, I know this
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: I'm just bitching because I wonder how it is any man would want to go through this shit
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: marriage
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: And not so much that
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: Just the wedding part
[20:24] JenovahX80: because for the most part, men are fucking idiots
[20:25] c0mpu73rb0y: Guys let themselves get into a crazy amount of debt JUST for ONE fucking day that they really don't want to show up for anyway.
[20:26] JenovahX80: dude, men are fucking dumb
[20:26] JenovahX80: only way to explain it
[20:26] JenovahX80: beacuse the logic of it is lost on me
[20:29] JenovahX80: anyway, marriage is like a one sided contract for socks
[20:29] JenovahX80: sure its great to have them, but at the end of the day is it worth signing your life away for a lifetime supply?
[20:29] JenovahX80: when you could just buy them when you need them instead?
[20:29] c0mpu73rb0y: hahahaha
[20:30] c0mpu73rb0y: Best quote EVER
[20:30] JenovahX80: i know, right?
[20:30] JenovahX80: thats going on myspace
And it did. And Blogger, too. Except for Rick; Jen's cool. For everyone else out there...LOVE STINKS! Yeah yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!
I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully.
Chachi Out
[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: There are just too many fucking pictures
[20:21] c0mpu73rb0y: And 70% of them are (to no surprise) of the bride
[20:22] JenovahX80: duh. no one else matters
[20:22] c0mpu73rb0y: Yeah, I know this
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: I'm just bitching because I wonder how it is any man would want to go through this shit
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: marriage
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: And not so much that
[20:23] c0mpu73rb0y: Just the wedding part
[20:24] JenovahX80: because for the most part, men are fucking idiots
[20:25] c0mpu73rb0y: Guys let themselves get into a crazy amount of debt JUST for ONE fucking day that they really don't want to show up for anyway.
[20:26] JenovahX80: dude, men are fucking dumb
[20:26] JenovahX80: only way to explain it
[20:26] JenovahX80: beacuse the logic of it is lost on me
[20:29] JenovahX80: anyway, marriage is like a one sided contract for socks
[20:29] JenovahX80: sure its great to have them, but at the end of the day is it worth signing your life away for a lifetime supply?
[20:29] JenovahX80: when you could just buy them when you need them instead?
[20:29] c0mpu73rb0y: hahahaha
[20:30] c0mpu73rb0y: Best quote EVER
[20:30] JenovahX80: i know, right?
[20:30] JenovahX80: thats going on myspace
And it did. And Blogger, too. Except for Rick; Jen's cool. For everyone else out there...LOVE STINKS! Yeah yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!
I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully.
Chachi Out
Monday, June 15, 2009
Just Like Jesus, I Keeps The Party Moving!
What is up, peeps?! Depending on my motivation I am going to start typing and see where I finish. First, I want to continue what I started last week. We have made it into the 40’s of…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We are getting closer to the end of this, so let’s keep it moving!
49. Flirty Girl Fitness: Sigh, this is part of the reason that women’s duality equals their lack of progression. Honestly, I think I touched on this prior but it needs to be explained to women that you cannot be so blissfully ignorant and still expect people to give a shit about you or your opinions. Honestly, the next person that I see say this is a good idea but then insult a stripper is getting cunt punched. I may not LIKE rappers but I don’t steal what they do for my own gain. What is even better is you aren’t gaining anything. Being fit? Get married, then it won’t matter anymore. Vanity is the name of a Prince protégé and THAT IS IT. ZING!
48. The Jonas Brothers: I don’t really know of their work but all I know is that I think they suck. Mostly because one of them dumped Miley Cyrus and she will so be my baby boo in 2010. Gotta mess up a Jona Brother for hurting my future baby mama!
47. The Cancellation of Pushing Daisies: WHAT THE FUCK?! I knew this was going to happen and I touched on this before but man…why is this show off the air? Yet “Lost” and “Heroes” are still out there sucking up the airwaves. America, I fucking hate you. There, I said it. This is what you got rid of:
You got rid of Kristin Chenoweth and her fine ass. FUCK YOU, PEOPLE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ASSHATERY.
46. Saturday Mornings: Remember back when Saturday mornings included multiple bowls of cereal, hours of animated goodness, an hour of Saved By the Bell and Soul Train? Well, those days are over and it pisses me off. Not for me, but for the children. I mean what can we expect for the future if all that is on is kids battling monsters. You wonder how Michael Vick got his ideas? I’ll tell you: Pokemon. Think about it.
45. Popped Collars: God, people are still doing this shit? Only two people can do this: The Fonz and E-40. And aint none of you the Sultan of Cool or 40 Water so STOP IT NOW. Before I staple the collar to your fucking shoulders to keep it there.
44. Green Day: Take U2, divide the talent in half and divide the pretentiousness by about ½ and you have Green Day. God, I have never been a fan but when people TELL me I should like them because of…some unexplained reason that only Rolling Stone and MTV know I have a huge problem. “Dookie” is a long time ago.
43. KAT-TUN: Okay, I really dig American boy bands but Japanese boy bands really arent my cup of tea. Which is shocking because Tohoshinki and even SMAP is good (Albeit in small doses). Something about having your own cartoon and not being MC Hammer kind of turns me off. That and I hate the three songs I have heard from them.
42. Greenpeace: I swear, you little shits make me want to find the first baby seal I see and fuck it WHILE I club it. I am so sick of you motherfuckers stopping me on the 16th Street Mall asking me if I give a shit about the endangered species de jour. Fuck you and fuck the cute little animals. Let’s try saving hip hop first. Then I will give a fuck about the star-bellied sneetches you brain-dead fuckwits.
41. Magic Johnson: My god, you make basketball unberable. If John Madden had an equally stupid Blackbrother with the uncanny ability to not only restate the obvious but butcher the most simple analysis and add in the most nonsensical input since the fucker who desided it was a good idea to let Craig Ehlo guard MJ one on one…it would be Magic Johnson.
40. ESPN: To go along with the previous point, ESPN has gone from somewhat entertaining to so full of itself I get more sports information from Stephen Colbert. I don’t understand how a network so dedicated to sports can only really focus on…one channel set. It seems like everything is on ABC or ESPN sports-wise and if you arent on those networks then you don’t really exist. I got more NHL coverage from the Canadian clerk at the 7/11 than I did from ESPN and he even has a strong ass mullet to make it all authentic. And I got a half-priced Red Bull once. ESPN has its favorites and that is fine but just sit back and say it. You are LOCATED in New England and you support New England sports teams. Call it like it is. More on Bawston later…fuckers.
Well, I need to head out as I work today…and have to be up in like 5 hours so I am out for now. I will try to get to the 20’s by Friday and get to the Top 10 by next week. Stay tuned, peeps! Also, depending on the bus ride I may do a blog this week at some time. Copper kind of lit a fire under my ass and it has been about two months since I have done one. So look forward to that (Maybe) and I will be back soon.
Chachi Out
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We are getting closer to the end of this, so let’s keep it moving!
49. Flirty Girl Fitness: Sigh, this is part of the reason that women’s duality equals their lack of progression. Honestly, I think I touched on this prior but it needs to be explained to women that you cannot be so blissfully ignorant and still expect people to give a shit about you or your opinions. Honestly, the next person that I see say this is a good idea but then insult a stripper is getting cunt punched. I may not LIKE rappers but I don’t steal what they do for my own gain. What is even better is you aren’t gaining anything. Being fit? Get married, then it won’t matter anymore. Vanity is the name of a Prince protégé and THAT IS IT. ZING!
48. The Jonas Brothers: I don’t really know of their work but all I know is that I think they suck. Mostly because one of them dumped Miley Cyrus and she will so be my baby boo in 2010. Gotta mess up a Jona Brother for hurting my future baby mama!
47. The Cancellation of Pushing Daisies: WHAT THE FUCK?! I knew this was going to happen and I touched on this before but man…why is this show off the air? Yet “Lost” and “Heroes” are still out there sucking up the airwaves. America, I fucking hate you. There, I said it. This is what you got rid of:
You got rid of Kristin Chenoweth and her fine ass. FUCK YOU, PEOPLE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ASSHATERY.
46. Saturday Mornings: Remember back when Saturday mornings included multiple bowls of cereal, hours of animated goodness, an hour of Saved By the Bell and Soul Train? Well, those days are over and it pisses me off. Not for me, but for the children. I mean what can we expect for the future if all that is on is kids battling monsters. You wonder how Michael Vick got his ideas? I’ll tell you: Pokemon. Think about it.
45. Popped Collars: God, people are still doing this shit? Only two people can do this: The Fonz and E-40. And aint none of you the Sultan of Cool or 40 Water so STOP IT NOW. Before I staple the collar to your fucking shoulders to keep it there.
44. Green Day: Take U2, divide the talent in half and divide the pretentiousness by about ½ and you have Green Day. God, I have never been a fan but when people TELL me I should like them because of…some unexplained reason that only Rolling Stone and MTV know I have a huge problem. “Dookie” is a long time ago.
43. KAT-TUN: Okay, I really dig American boy bands but Japanese boy bands really arent my cup of tea. Which is shocking because Tohoshinki and even SMAP is good (Albeit in small doses). Something about having your own cartoon and not being MC Hammer kind of turns me off. That and I hate the three songs I have heard from them.
42. Greenpeace: I swear, you little shits make me want to find the first baby seal I see and fuck it WHILE I club it. I am so sick of you motherfuckers stopping me on the 16th Street Mall asking me if I give a shit about the endangered species de jour. Fuck you and fuck the cute little animals. Let’s try saving hip hop first. Then I will give a fuck about the star-bellied sneetches you brain-dead fuckwits.
41. Magic Johnson: My god, you make basketball unberable. If John Madden had an equally stupid Blackbrother with the uncanny ability to not only restate the obvious but butcher the most simple analysis and add in the most nonsensical input since the fucker who desided it was a good idea to let Craig Ehlo guard MJ one on one…it would be Magic Johnson.
40. ESPN: To go along with the previous point, ESPN has gone from somewhat entertaining to so full of itself I get more sports information from Stephen Colbert. I don’t understand how a network so dedicated to sports can only really focus on…one channel set. It seems like everything is on ABC or ESPN sports-wise and if you arent on those networks then you don’t really exist. I got more NHL coverage from the Canadian clerk at the 7/11 than I did from ESPN and he even has a strong ass mullet to make it all authentic. And I got a half-priced Red Bull once. ESPN has its favorites and that is fine but just sit back and say it. You are LOCATED in New England and you support New England sports teams. Call it like it is. More on Bawston later…fuckers.
Well, I need to head out as I work today…and have to be up in like 5 hours so I am out for now. I will try to get to the 20’s by Friday and get to the Top 10 by next week. Stay tuned, peeps! Also, depending on the bus ride I may do a blog this week at some time. Copper kind of lit a fire under my ass and it has been about two months since I have done one. So look forward to that (Maybe) and I will be back soon.
Chachi Out
Friday, June 12, 2009
Another Friday, Another Spazz Out...
Okay, peeps I am back for another week and another countdown of the twenty biggest videos on the planet! Here we go!
20. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (New Entry)
19. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #15, Three Weeks at #1)
18. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (New Entry)
17. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #20)
16. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #12)
15. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #18)
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
13. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
12. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #16) [Biggest Mover]
11. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
10. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #13)
9. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #6)
8. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #11)
7. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #9)
6. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #3)
5. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #7)
4. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #5)
3. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #2)
2. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)
As you can see, YUI's reign is over! After two weeks on top, she is taken down by the upstart 2NE1! DSKB (I think that's right...one of their TEN NAMES) falls a spot to number three after being leapfrogged. We have a first time entry for LM.C (HELLS YEAH!) and the return of YA-KYIM! They already have two number one videos in 2009, can they make it three? Se7en returns to the Top 10 for the first time since 2006 while Shion Tsuji and BoA look to be on their way off the Countdown after more than six months of hanging on.
Well, I will see you next week to see if 2NE1 can make it two weeks on top or if YUI can rebound and take back her throne. Or can Abingdon Boys School return to the top? See you in seven!
Chachi Out
20. LM.C - PUNKY ❤ HEART (New Entry)
19. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #15, Three Weeks at #1)
18. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (New Entry)
17. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #20)
16. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #12)
15. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (Last Week #18)
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #14)
13. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
12. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #16) [Biggest Mover]
11. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
10. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #13)
9. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #6)
8. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #11)
7. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #9)
6. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #3)
5. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #7)
4. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #5)
3. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #2)
2. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
1. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)
As you can see, YUI's reign is over! After two weeks on top, she is taken down by the upstart 2NE1! DSKB (I think that's right...one of their TEN NAMES) falls a spot to number three after being leapfrogged. We have a first time entry for LM.C (HELLS YEAH!) and the return of YA-KYIM! They already have two number one videos in 2009, can they make it three? Se7en returns to the Top 10 for the first time since 2006 while Shion Tsuji and BoA look to be on their way off the Countdown after more than six months of hanging on.
Well, I will see you next week to see if 2NE1 can make it two weeks on top or if YUI can rebound and take back her throne. Or can Abingdon Boys School return to the top? See you in seven!
Chachi Out
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Just Like The Real 50's, Kind Of A Lull...
Okay, I am back. I haven’t been up since last Wednesday (I believe, last week was kind of rough) for which I feel kind of bad. However, I am tired as hell right now after having to be in Denver for work at 7am but that once again is life. So with that being said, I guess it would be best to begin with this: CHAE YEON IS DAMN FINE:
Hells yeah. All I have to say. Now that I have that out of the way. Wait, let me watch that again. Okay…I think I’m good. So it is time for good stuff! Here is the next installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We have made it into the 50’s! Shouldn’t I be at the back of the blog? ZING!
59. People With Their Feet Out The Window When Driving: Yeah, this shit is fucking disgusting. If you do this, I hope you get AIDS of the feet. Assholes.
58. American Idol: Now I haven’t watched a full season of this show since Ruben Studdard and after Daughtry didn’t win I decided that the world was fucked up anyway but has any redeeming quality come from this show? I mean I haven’t been entertained since I was confused about Clay Aiken and what the hell he was. Oh, and the answer was gay. I SO CALLED IT! Anyway, this show sucks now.
57. Narutards: Okay, I am as much of a Naruto fan as anyone else. I stopped watching the show after a while because there was more filler than killer and it is so far behind the manga that it isn’t even funny anymore but my issue is with the fans under the age of 17. I mean…do NOT WEAR THE PUSSY DEFLECTORS AND BY ALL MEANS DO NOT DO JUITSUS IN PUBLIC! You make us all look bad. Just…stop. Unless you are a hot Sakura. Then you can do what you want…to me, anyway.
56. WNBA: Okay, if there is nothing on I have tested my tolerance and I can watch about 12 minutes of women’s’ college basketball, including commercials. It is actually enjoyable to watch in short intervals. In no way do I LIKE it, but it is entertaining. But the WNBA…I have no idea what happens when women go pro but man they just stop giving a shit. It is the most god awful sport since sloth wrangling. Yes they are athletes and YES they are better than me at basketball but they are supposed to be. They are also entertainers and they fail at that because I have no idea who their fans are but I don’t know any.
55. Butt Secks: …Yeah, I am just going to say never again. All that results is tears and an awkward next 30 minutes.
54. Push Up Bras: Okay, I understand the need for a woman to feel “pretty” because…well, you are just like that. Which is fine, I like to feel pretty as well. But let’s face it here; the need for the push-up bra died the day I saw Yoobin from the Wonder Girls:
My god…MOAR. If she doesn’t need one then neither do you, ladies. Cuz aint none of you Yoobin. She’s so…so…so…hot, hot. REFERENCE!
53. Vintage Tees: Okay, just iron your fucking shirt. How can a vintage tee shirt be something YOU JUST FUCKING BOUGHT FROM THE DOUCHE STORE? Gee, vintage tee shirt with The White Stripes or Axe Body Spray on it? Yeah, real vintage fucky.
52. Health Insurance: Biggest racket in fucking America. Such damn bullshit that you have to pay for shit in case it happens and when it DOES happen they say…nah, not today. Fuckers.
51. Bubsy 3D: WORST. GAME. EVER.
Well, maybe not THE worst but boy is it close. More on the worst game ever later on.
50. Alternative Rock: Alice In Chains. Pearl Jam. Soundgarden. Sonic Youth. A host of others (Minus Nirvana). Back in the 90’s, alt rock was awesome. As a Black (I think that’s what we are called now) I wasn’t really allowed to be a fan but I didn’t care. Since then we had Candlebox, Cracker, Filter and some other smaller named bands but for the most part once Marcy Playground hit the world of alt rock went to shit. Where has it gone? The closest we have to it now is fucking Simple Plan and aside from ONE SONG they suck ass. It’s getting rather disheartening. And to the first person that says Nickelback is to the first person whose cat will get facefucked. I am so cereal.
Well, that is all for today. I will be back up hopefully on Wednesday with the 40’s. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Hells yeah. All I have to say. Now that I have that out of the way. Wait, let me watch that again. Okay…I think I’m good. So it is time for good stuff! Here is the next installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We have made it into the 50’s! Shouldn’t I be at the back of the blog? ZING!
59. People With Their Feet Out The Window When Driving: Yeah, this shit is fucking disgusting. If you do this, I hope you get AIDS of the feet. Assholes.
58. American Idol: Now I haven’t watched a full season of this show since Ruben Studdard and after Daughtry didn’t win I decided that the world was fucked up anyway but has any redeeming quality come from this show? I mean I haven’t been entertained since I was confused about Clay Aiken and what the hell he was. Oh, and the answer was gay. I SO CALLED IT! Anyway, this show sucks now.
57. Narutards: Okay, I am as much of a Naruto fan as anyone else. I stopped watching the show after a while because there was more filler than killer and it is so far behind the manga that it isn’t even funny anymore but my issue is with the fans under the age of 17. I mean…do NOT WEAR THE PUSSY DEFLECTORS AND BY ALL MEANS DO NOT DO JUITSUS IN PUBLIC! You make us all look bad. Just…stop. Unless you are a hot Sakura. Then you can do what you want…to me, anyway.
56. WNBA: Okay, if there is nothing on I have tested my tolerance and I can watch about 12 minutes of women’s’ college basketball, including commercials. It is actually enjoyable to watch in short intervals. In no way do I LIKE it, but it is entertaining. But the WNBA…I have no idea what happens when women go pro but man they just stop giving a shit. It is the most god awful sport since sloth wrangling. Yes they are athletes and YES they are better than me at basketball but they are supposed to be. They are also entertainers and they fail at that because I have no idea who their fans are but I don’t know any.
55. Butt Secks: …Yeah, I am just going to say never again. All that results is tears and an awkward next 30 minutes.
54. Push Up Bras: Okay, I understand the need for a woman to feel “pretty” because…well, you are just like that. Which is fine, I like to feel pretty as well. But let’s face it here; the need for the push-up bra died the day I saw Yoobin from the Wonder Girls:
My god…MOAR. If she doesn’t need one then neither do you, ladies. Cuz aint none of you Yoobin. She’s so…so…so…hot, hot. REFERENCE!
53. Vintage Tees: Okay, just iron your fucking shirt. How can a vintage tee shirt be something YOU JUST FUCKING BOUGHT FROM THE DOUCHE STORE? Gee, vintage tee shirt with The White Stripes or Axe Body Spray on it? Yeah, real vintage fucky.
52. Health Insurance: Biggest racket in fucking America. Such damn bullshit that you have to pay for shit in case it happens and when it DOES happen they say…nah, not today. Fuckers.
51. Bubsy 3D: WORST. GAME. EVER.
Well, maybe not THE worst but boy is it close. More on the worst game ever later on.
50. Alternative Rock: Alice In Chains. Pearl Jam. Soundgarden. Sonic Youth. A host of others (Minus Nirvana). Back in the 90’s, alt rock was awesome. As a Black (I think that’s what we are called now) I wasn’t really allowed to be a fan but I didn’t care. Since then we had Candlebox, Cracker, Filter and some other smaller named bands but for the most part once Marcy Playground hit the world of alt rock went to shit. Where has it gone? The closest we have to it now is fucking Simple Plan and aside from ONE SONG they suck ass. It’s getting rather disheartening. And to the first person that says Nickelback is to the first person whose cat will get facefucked. I am so cereal.
Well, that is all for today. I will be back up hopefully on Wednesday with the 40’s. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, June 08, 2009
God, Mondays STILL SUCK.
What is up, peeps! Once again I totally spaced on this but I have it up a tad bit late. It is time for...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Now that it is on YouTube I have been slacking on the post but I will make sure I have it up by Saturday. And away we go!
20. Chae Yeon - Shake (New Entry)
19. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris - How Do You Sleep (Last Week #15, One Week at #1)
18. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (New Entry)
17. Pitbull - I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #14)
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #20)
15. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #9, Three Weeks at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #16)
13. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #18)
12. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #10)
11. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #13)
10. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
9. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #12)
8. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
7. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #11)
6. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #4)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #6)
4. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #7)
3. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #2)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #5)
1. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
YUI is on top once again with Tohoshinki and Kanye West on her heels! Maxwell and Stereopony are both looking very good right now as well. Tune in this Friday (Maybe Saturday, depending on if I stay in Denver or not) to see if YUI can make it three weeks in a row on top!
I will have another post up shortly. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
Now that it is on YouTube I have been slacking on the post but I will make sure I have it up by Saturday. And away we go!
20. Chae Yeon - Shake (New Entry)
19. Jesse McCartney featuring Ludacris - How Do You Sleep (Last Week #15, One Week at #1)
18. School Food Punishment - Futuristic Imagination (New Entry)
17. Pitbull - I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho] (Last Week #14)
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #20)
15. BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (Last Week #9, Three Weeks at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
14. Incubus - Black Heart Inertia (Last Week #16)
13. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #18)
12. May J. featuring DJ Kaori, DIGGY-MO, Clench & Blistah - Garden (Last Week #10)
11. Se7en featuring Lil Kim - Girls (Last Week #13)
10. Shion Tsuji - Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #8, One Week at #1)
9. Ikimonogakari - Futari (Last Week #12)
8. Wonder Girls - NOW (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
7. Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Last Week #11)
6. Young Money featuring Lil Wayne - Every Girl (Last Week #4)
5. Abingdon Boys School - JAP (Last Week #6)
4. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #7)
3. Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy - Amazing (Last Week #2)
2. Tohoshinki - Share The World (Last Week #5)
1. YUI - Again (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
YUI is on top once again with Tohoshinki and Kanye West on her heels! Maxwell and Stereopony are both looking very good right now as well. Tune in this Friday (Maybe Saturday, depending on if I stay in Denver or not) to see if YUI can make it three weeks in a row on top!
I will have another post up shortly. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
God, This Is Going To Be The Most Annoying Week Ever.
Well, I am back! Decided to keep the party going and give you the wild and crazy sixties of…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
Here we go with 69-60…
69. Kurt Cobain: Okay, you all know I am a firm believer in to each their own. If you think that a minimally talented, mush mouthed, incoherent, drug addicted pointless songwriter is the voice of your generation and one of the best artists of all time then that is quite alright. You would be a fucking dumbass, though. I never thought Kurt Cobain was that good NOR that talented. He was a change of pace from the 80’s hair bands and people latched on to him like he was the next fucking Jimi Hendrix. He wasn’t even the next Bobby Jimmy & The Critters:
Heh, that song makes me smile. On the other hand, Kurt Cobain fans make me want to Cobain them. Too soon? Naaah.
68. Mode 7: You Nintendo fans remember this bullshit. “Whoa! I can turn the screen 360 degrees! GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CONSOLE GAMING EVER!” Fuck you, Nintendo fans. Mode 7 was just simple technique of texture mapping that allows rotation and scaling. You can do the shit in PowerPoint. Besides, nothing compares to BLAST PROCESSING!
Sega does what Ninten-don’t, mofos! GENESIS 4 LIFE!
67. SMART Cars: I hate those little fuckers. If the Prius made me want to kill the owner, the Smart car makes me want to rape their cat in front of them. Then kill them. Then eat a breakfast burrito. I like those. But mostly kill them.
66. BET: Man…no. Remember back when BET not only played videos, but GOOD videos? Whatever happened to LeVert?! What about some Troop or Anita Baker?! Now I have to hear about some trifling ass niggas talking about “Booty Doo” and “Whooty” and I say niggas fuck up everything. There, I said it. Remember “Generations”?! BRING BACK VIDEO SOUL! Or Rachel on Caribbean Rhythms. Damn, she was fine. Lordhavmercy!
65. Flirty Girl Fitness: Okay, let me get this straight. Women want to dance like a stripper but not be called one? Really? See, this is why women never get anywhere. Your simple asses are self-defeating. I swear, niggas and women need to have a convention and talk about their stupidity because that makes no sense. At what point is marketing dancing like a stripper but not being one seen as fucking sane? It’s like if I started the “Hood Life Workout Plan” and had you get skinny by running from the police and smacking up women for not having “yo money” and not admitting that it’s the stupidest idea since wildebeest flavored lion cage cleaner outfits. God, I hate women.
64. Stopping to shoot in the Resident Evil Series: Not as much as I hate this bullshit. If zombies are coming at your ass at what point do you stop? “ONOZ, ZAWBEEZ! I NEED 2 PWN DEM BUTT FURST I MUST STAWP AND FYRE! NOZ BITING! EPIC ZAWBEEZ FAIL!” Yeah, that’s what it sounds like I’m sure. This series has been out for at least 10 plus years and Capcom hasn’t gotten it through their thick ass skulls that it is more effective to MOVE when zombies are coming at you? What the flying fuck?! I guess it is to be expected from a company that couldn’t count to fucking FOUR for years. Asshats.
63. Virgin Mary: Riiiight. It’s one of the catalysts for my hatred of Christians. Just admit that Joseph knocked that bitch up. OR more than likely she was fucking around and she said “I wasn’t cheating! It’s…um…GOD’S BABY!” Now God can’t fight the allegations or even take a paternity test because I am sure back then they didn’t have the pissing strip yet. So she got off scot free for being a skank. Yep, if you are Christian and you are offended I have done my job. She wasn’t a virgin and Jesus wasn’t the son or lamb or veal of God. Just a mouthy Jew with improbable, impeccable hygiene despite the horrible conditions of early Jerusalem. More on HIM later. Oh yeah, you know Jesus is getting his. BUT WHEN?!
62. Ron Artest: Now don’t get me wrong. I loves me a good basketball fight because for the most part they are overpaid queers (Tell me Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant aren’t taking it to the hole…ON EACH OTHER! I’m naughty!) that slap at each other until the refs break it up like 6 year old girls before they find out that nails are weapons and that rules are for breaking. Ron Artest fucked all that up by actually FIGHTING SOMEONE. A fan no less. Now I believe it was Stephen Jackson who clocked the shit out of that one dude (Which was well deserved. Stay off the court) but it was Ron Artest and his Mastery of Niggerdom that made the NBA what it is today: Black dudes in suits NOT going to court. Unless you are Kobe. I TOLD YOU he tried to put it in that White girls’ butt! He likes that shit!
61. Furrs Cafeteria: My god, that place was disgusting. I went twice and both times I felt like I was gnawing on mushy paste disguised as food. I mean had they never heard of salt or pepper?! I know it was the elderly version of hanging out at The Icon (Remember that hellhole, CSPeeps?) or Rumbay’s (Ugh…I just threw up) but some of us go to enjoy a meal. Not soylent green shaped to look like meatloaf. Wait a minute…IT’S PEOPLE! That explains a lot because people suck.
60. Japanese porn: I don’t get how a country that has tentacle rape candy stores mosaics out the good parts of porn. I mean come the fuck on! I love me some Aoi Sora but how can I get to KNOW her if I can’t SEE her. Or inside of her, as the case may be in this statement. That’s how you see her personality, perverts! Either way, I mean there are a LOT worse things coming out of Japan, most involving enough sperm to impregnate Mothra and yet the vag is blurred out? Man, Japan loses a lot of points on that one. Could be for the best, though. Some of those women look like they have OJ Simpson from Naked Gun between their legs. Go watch the flashback scene and it will make sense. I’ll wait. See? HILARIOUS!
Well, I am out for now. Maybe a re-post tomorrow and then the Countdown on Friday (I still have to work on it. Takes shorter now that I have gotten a handle on the software). I am staying in Denver to see “The Hangover” but anyone down for “Land of the Lost” on Saturday let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
Here we go with 69-60…
69. Kurt Cobain: Okay, you all know I am a firm believer in to each their own. If you think that a minimally talented, mush mouthed, incoherent, drug addicted pointless songwriter is the voice of your generation and one of the best artists of all time then that is quite alright. You would be a fucking dumbass, though. I never thought Kurt Cobain was that good NOR that talented. He was a change of pace from the 80’s hair bands and people latched on to him like he was the next fucking Jimi Hendrix. He wasn’t even the next Bobby Jimmy & The Critters:
Heh, that song makes me smile. On the other hand, Kurt Cobain fans make me want to Cobain them. Too soon? Naaah.
68. Mode 7: You Nintendo fans remember this bullshit. “Whoa! I can turn the screen 360 degrees! GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CONSOLE GAMING EVER!” Fuck you, Nintendo fans. Mode 7 was just simple technique of texture mapping that allows rotation and scaling. You can do the shit in PowerPoint. Besides, nothing compares to BLAST PROCESSING!
Sega does what Ninten-don’t, mofos! GENESIS 4 LIFE!
67. SMART Cars: I hate those little fuckers. If the Prius made me want to kill the owner, the Smart car makes me want to rape their cat in front of them. Then kill them. Then eat a breakfast burrito. I like those. But mostly kill them.
66. BET: Man…no. Remember back when BET not only played videos, but GOOD videos? Whatever happened to LeVert?! What about some Troop or Anita Baker?! Now I have to hear about some trifling ass niggas talking about “Booty Doo” and “Whooty” and I say niggas fuck up everything. There, I said it. Remember “Generations”?! BRING BACK VIDEO SOUL! Or Rachel on Caribbean Rhythms. Damn, she was fine. Lordhavmercy!
65. Flirty Girl Fitness: Okay, let me get this straight. Women want to dance like a stripper but not be called one? Really? See, this is why women never get anywhere. Your simple asses are self-defeating. I swear, niggas and women need to have a convention and talk about their stupidity because that makes no sense. At what point is marketing dancing like a stripper but not being one seen as fucking sane? It’s like if I started the “Hood Life Workout Plan” and had you get skinny by running from the police and smacking up women for not having “yo money” and not admitting that it’s the stupidest idea since wildebeest flavored lion cage cleaner outfits. God, I hate women.
64. Stopping to shoot in the Resident Evil Series: Not as much as I hate this bullshit. If zombies are coming at your ass at what point do you stop? “ONOZ, ZAWBEEZ! I NEED 2 PWN DEM BUTT FURST I MUST STAWP AND FYRE! NOZ BITING! EPIC ZAWBEEZ FAIL!” Yeah, that’s what it sounds like I’m sure. This series has been out for at least 10 plus years and Capcom hasn’t gotten it through their thick ass skulls that it is more effective to MOVE when zombies are coming at you? What the flying fuck?! I guess it is to be expected from a company that couldn’t count to fucking FOUR for years. Asshats.
63. Virgin Mary: Riiiight. It’s one of the catalysts for my hatred of Christians. Just admit that Joseph knocked that bitch up. OR more than likely she was fucking around and she said “I wasn’t cheating! It’s…um…GOD’S BABY!” Now God can’t fight the allegations or even take a paternity test because I am sure back then they didn’t have the pissing strip yet. So she got off scot free for being a skank. Yep, if you are Christian and you are offended I have done my job. She wasn’t a virgin and Jesus wasn’t the son or lamb or veal of God. Just a mouthy Jew with improbable, impeccable hygiene despite the horrible conditions of early Jerusalem. More on HIM later. Oh yeah, you know Jesus is getting his. BUT WHEN?!
62. Ron Artest: Now don’t get me wrong. I loves me a good basketball fight because for the most part they are overpaid queers (Tell me Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant aren’t taking it to the hole…ON EACH OTHER! I’m naughty!) that slap at each other until the refs break it up like 6 year old girls before they find out that nails are weapons and that rules are for breaking. Ron Artest fucked all that up by actually FIGHTING SOMEONE. A fan no less. Now I believe it was Stephen Jackson who clocked the shit out of that one dude (Which was well deserved. Stay off the court) but it was Ron Artest and his Mastery of Niggerdom that made the NBA what it is today: Black dudes in suits NOT going to court. Unless you are Kobe. I TOLD YOU he tried to put it in that White girls’ butt! He likes that shit!
61. Furrs Cafeteria: My god, that place was disgusting. I went twice and both times I felt like I was gnawing on mushy paste disguised as food. I mean had they never heard of salt or pepper?! I know it was the elderly version of hanging out at The Icon (Remember that hellhole, CSPeeps?) or Rumbay’s (Ugh…I just threw up) but some of us go to enjoy a meal. Not soylent green shaped to look like meatloaf. Wait a minute…IT’S PEOPLE! That explains a lot because people suck.
60. Japanese porn: I don’t get how a country that has tentacle rape candy stores mosaics out the good parts of porn. I mean come the fuck on! I love me some Aoi Sora but how can I get to KNOW her if I can’t SEE her. Or inside of her, as the case may be in this statement. That’s how you see her personality, perverts! Either way, I mean there are a LOT worse things coming out of Japan, most involving enough sperm to impregnate Mothra and yet the vag is blurred out? Man, Japan loses a lot of points on that one. Could be for the best, though. Some of those women look like they have OJ Simpson from Naked Gun between their legs. Go watch the flashback scene and it will make sense. I’ll wait. See? HILARIOUS!
Well, I am out for now. Maybe a re-post tomorrow and then the Countdown on Friday (I still have to work on it. Takes shorter now that I have gotten a handle on the software). I am staying in Denver to see “The Hangover” but anyone down for “Land of the Lost” on Saturday let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, June 01, 2009
Africans: Solving Crimes By Dinner Time!
What is up, peeps! I am back on the scene after a hiatus and despite the crapitude that was last week I am back up and ready to drop another post. Still ready to get out, but now I am not as pissed.
First things first: The #1 Ladies Detective Agency is fucking awesome. Two episodes in and I am rather hooked. I mean it has:
• Africans: It is based in Botswana which oddly enough DOES look like New Mexico but it IS filmed at least mostly in Africa because aint that many Black people in Albuquerque> I’ve been…and there are six.
• Jill Scott: And yo thick, fine self. It would be like Gojira vs. Juggernaught, but man I would wreck that like Angel Grove the episode before the Power Rangers get new Zords.
Anyone remember Ninjor? HE WAS SO GAY!
• A Black Child Named Wellington: Someone at work put it best. There are some names of children that just MEANS they will grow up to be a badass. Coletrain Washington is one. Wellington is another. That kid is going to smash heads like the Hulk.
• Gay Africans: Every show needs a gay hair dresser and damn it, this one is no different. As one who has dressed hair (I’m fierce, bitches!) I must say it doesn’t MEAN you are gay but all signs point to yes. Except for me, I’m a man boy. Check out this bandana! It’s festive! I mean…yeah, festive. *Sigh* I stay straight until Zac Efron comes out. Then we can be happy. I FUCKING KID!
• Kick Ass Soundtrack: Not since the soundtrack for 90210 came out have I been this pumped up about music on a TV show:
I love that song still. Anyway, African music (Behind J-Pop, K-Pop and Indian) has been one of my global pleasures while driving. Once the soundtrack for this show comes out I will be the first person to buy it.
Add in the fact that I haven’t seen a single White person yet and you have the best show on TV! Don’t get me wrong, White people. You are the White light in my Black life and you smell like oatmeal raisin cookies and lavender. However in a show about Africans, I have no desire to see your pale asses anywhere. It is like watching “Dukes of Hazzard” or “Newhart” and seeing Black people. You know it is!
Anyway, now that I have offended all of my readership except for Asians and Guatemalans, let us wrap this up, shall we? It is time for installment five of…like….seventy of:
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We are now in the 70’s! Get down tonight!
79. ABC: Let me get this straight, American Broadcasting Company. You cancel “Pushing Daisies” and (supposedly) “Better Off Ted” and almost drop “Scrubs” after one season yet you keep on shit like “Lost” and “Dancing With The Stars?” Really? I think this is more a reflection on the dumbification of America as a whole but man, your network fucking sucks. And get rid of “Desperate Housewives” so Eva Longoria can go somewhere and die, already! I hate that bitch.
78. Clear Heels: You know, we all know that stripper wear them, and that is cool. But the influx of women in the general population wearing them is like regular people wearing purple hats with feathers in them. Some things belong to the uniform and if you wear it then you are one. There, I said it. You wear clear heels then you are a stripper. Odds are, poorly paid compared to the real ones.
77. John Madden: I so fucking hate you. Aside from the fact that your game has been the same game for the last 15 fucking years or so but you are the most idiotic man on TV since Sinbad. I mean after “First Kid” Sinbad. That’s when he was funny. Dudes be like zombies at the mall! Priceless!
76. Twitter: No one gives a fuck about you. No one. You aren’t any more special than the homeless dude that just pissed his pants and I am sure he has better insight on the world than you do…because he is fucking nuts. You, on the other hand are a fucking douche.
75. Nick Cannon: Yeah, I thought he would be higher, too. I guess that after a while the hatred goes away. That and “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” wasn’t THAT bad. Okay, it was but with Christina Milian and Melissa Schuman in it…I’m okay with that.
74. Tony Yayo: What the fuck? This guy is garbage. It is proof that niggas are dumb and they stick together. If you like Tony Yayo you need to be shot in the balls because all you will do is make more ignorant ass niggas which means I have to hear “So Seductive” blaring out of your fucking Caprice.
73. Bunnies: Another pet that isn’t a pet. There is a reason there is a book of ways to kill the little bastards: because they are fucking worthless. I have seen freckles with more purpose than a bunny.
72. Florida Gators: You know, I think it is more that I hate Steve Spurrier than hating the Florida Gators. As a Georgia native I think it is the law to hate them (Got my handbook in 1997. Also said I have to hate Lynard Skynard because they are from Alabama but they already suck ass so I didn’t need a book to tell me that shit. GET SOME!) but I will say that Tim Tebow is in good need of an ass kicking. I hate players that thank god for their abilities when it is SCIENCE that gives you the proteins and hormones you jack up with. That and the BCS being slanted to the SEC and Big-12 but that is later on.
71. Blu-Ray Porn: Let me understand this. You want me to pay $20 more for porn that shows the IMPERPECTIONS of my favorite pornstars? Hells no! I try to avoid the fact that Jasmine Byrne’s or Asa Akira’s vagina looks like it was ransacked by the Horde in Halo Wars. I don’t need it in 1080p resolution. Crazy High Definition is making my penis soft!
70. Lossless Files: Okay, I see no reason to have Yuna Ito’s “Trust You” be a 21mb file. I love that song to the end of time but I also like my hard drive space, at least until I can get a terabyte in which I will have 3 and the world of internet porn will BE IN MY HAND! Don’t worry, I washed it. Anyway, unless you are a music producer or a professional music pirate, just give it to us in 192kbs. Thanks…jackass.
That is all for today! I will be back up this week at least once to get to the 50’s and next week I may do one a day until next Sunday to have the Top 10, which I will break down into two posts. Hope to be at number one by the third week of June. Until then, stay up peeps I got one word for you: HYDRAULICS!
UNGH! Man, this song may be the greatest song to dance to since “Centipede” by Rebbie Jackson! Yeah, that’s pretty damn old school. I am out.
Chachi Out
First things first: The #1 Ladies Detective Agency is fucking awesome. Two episodes in and I am rather hooked. I mean it has:
• Africans: It is based in Botswana which oddly enough DOES look like New Mexico but it IS filmed at least mostly in Africa because aint that many Black people in Albuquerque> I’ve been…and there are six.
• Jill Scott: And yo thick, fine self. It would be like Gojira vs. Juggernaught, but man I would wreck that like Angel Grove the episode before the Power Rangers get new Zords.
Anyone remember Ninjor? HE WAS SO GAY!
• A Black Child Named Wellington: Someone at work put it best. There are some names of children that just MEANS they will grow up to be a badass. Coletrain Washington is one. Wellington is another. That kid is going to smash heads like the Hulk.
• Gay Africans: Every show needs a gay hair dresser and damn it, this one is no different. As one who has dressed hair (I’m fierce, bitches!) I must say it doesn’t MEAN you are gay but all signs point to yes. Except for me, I’m a man boy. Check out this bandana! It’s festive! I mean…yeah, festive. *Sigh* I stay straight until Zac Efron comes out. Then we can be happy. I FUCKING KID!
• Kick Ass Soundtrack: Not since the soundtrack for 90210 came out have I been this pumped up about music on a TV show:
I love that song still. Anyway, African music (Behind J-Pop, K-Pop and Indian) has been one of my global pleasures while driving. Once the soundtrack for this show comes out I will be the first person to buy it.
Add in the fact that I haven’t seen a single White person yet and you have the best show on TV! Don’t get me wrong, White people. You are the White light in my Black life and you smell like oatmeal raisin cookies and lavender. However in a show about Africans, I have no desire to see your pale asses anywhere. It is like watching “Dukes of Hazzard” or “Newhart” and seeing Black people. You know it is!
Anyway, now that I have offended all of my readership except for Asians and Guatemalans, let us wrap this up, shall we? It is time for installment five of…like….seventy of:
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
We are now in the 70’s! Get down tonight!
79. ABC: Let me get this straight, American Broadcasting Company. You cancel “Pushing Daisies” and (supposedly) “Better Off Ted” and almost drop “Scrubs” after one season yet you keep on shit like “Lost” and “Dancing With The Stars?” Really? I think this is more a reflection on the dumbification of America as a whole but man, your network fucking sucks. And get rid of “Desperate Housewives” so Eva Longoria can go somewhere and die, already! I hate that bitch.
78. Clear Heels: You know, we all know that stripper wear them, and that is cool. But the influx of women in the general population wearing them is like regular people wearing purple hats with feathers in them. Some things belong to the uniform and if you wear it then you are one. There, I said it. You wear clear heels then you are a stripper. Odds are, poorly paid compared to the real ones.
77. John Madden: I so fucking hate you. Aside from the fact that your game has been the same game for the last 15 fucking years or so but you are the most idiotic man on TV since Sinbad. I mean after “First Kid” Sinbad. That’s when he was funny. Dudes be like zombies at the mall! Priceless!
76. Twitter: No one gives a fuck about you. No one. You aren’t any more special than the homeless dude that just pissed his pants and I am sure he has better insight on the world than you do…because he is fucking nuts. You, on the other hand are a fucking douche.
75. Nick Cannon: Yeah, I thought he would be higher, too. I guess that after a while the hatred goes away. That and “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” wasn’t THAT bad. Okay, it was but with Christina Milian and Melissa Schuman in it…I’m okay with that.
74. Tony Yayo: What the fuck? This guy is garbage. It is proof that niggas are dumb and they stick together. If you like Tony Yayo you need to be shot in the balls because all you will do is make more ignorant ass niggas which means I have to hear “So Seductive” blaring out of your fucking Caprice.
73. Bunnies: Another pet that isn’t a pet. There is a reason there is a book of ways to kill the little bastards: because they are fucking worthless. I have seen freckles with more purpose than a bunny.
72. Florida Gators: You know, I think it is more that I hate Steve Spurrier than hating the Florida Gators. As a Georgia native I think it is the law to hate them (Got my handbook in 1997. Also said I have to hate Lynard Skynard because they are from Alabama but they already suck ass so I didn’t need a book to tell me that shit. GET SOME!) but I will say that Tim Tebow is in good need of an ass kicking. I hate players that thank god for their abilities when it is SCIENCE that gives you the proteins and hormones you jack up with. That and the BCS being slanted to the SEC and Big-12 but that is later on.
71. Blu-Ray Porn: Let me understand this. You want me to pay $20 more for porn that shows the IMPERPECTIONS of my favorite pornstars? Hells no! I try to avoid the fact that Jasmine Byrne’s or Asa Akira’s vagina looks like it was ransacked by the Horde in Halo Wars. I don’t need it in 1080p resolution. Crazy High Definition is making my penis soft!
70. Lossless Files: Okay, I see no reason to have Yuna Ito’s “Trust You” be a 21mb file. I love that song to the end of time but I also like my hard drive space, at least until I can get a terabyte in which I will have 3 and the world of internet porn will BE IN MY HAND! Don’t worry, I washed it. Anyway, unless you are a music producer or a professional music pirate, just give it to us in 192kbs. Thanks…jackass.
That is all for today! I will be back up this week at least once to get to the 50’s and next week I may do one a day until next Sunday to have the Top 10, which I will break down into two posts. Hope to be at number one by the third week of June. Until then, stay up peeps I got one word for you: HYDRAULICS!
UNGH! Man, this song may be the greatest song to dance to since “Centipede” by Rebbie Jackson! Yeah, that’s pretty damn old school. I am out.
Chachi Out
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