Peeps, we have a problem. For the first time in about…six years or so I think I am sick. It doesn’t happen very often so I am kind of irritated about it because I rarely get ill, let alone get all flu-like and stuff. I am still working, though. Mostly because I can’t be Ciroc Smooth Man of the Year if I let a cold get me down from being at my smoothest:
Smooth don’t take no sabbatical! Man, I wish I could float. I’d have mad honeys.
So I sexual harassment is the topic of this week as it is the beginning of the year and people are being told by their employer that they have to take it because somewhere, somehow….people STILL don’t know what sexual harassment is. Or they choose to ignore the rules and do it anyway which is both douchebaggery and awesomeness all wrapped up into one. I won’t go into all the stories I have heard and seen about sexual harassment but I must say that after being a manager twice (Once directly, once indirectly…because managing outsourced labor out of India is like Bollywood without the awesome dancing):
I would KILL for just once a dance sequence to break out at a job without people looking at you like you just gave their cat a Rusty Venture. They make the day go by faster AND they are a cheap and entertaining team building exercise. Think about your job and how much better it would be if there were spontaneous dance numbers choreographed by Debbie Allen. You think about that, I will continue on.
So on a promo for “House” he was asked by a student (I didn’t really care about the plot, something about a Career Day. Sue me, I don’t really care for the show anymore) “Isn’t that sexual harassment?” to which he responded something along the lines of “Only if the person isn’t hot.” Now this statement made me laugh because it is one of those truths that no one wants to admit but it is the EXACT REASON why sexual harassment is so prevalent: The sexual harassment you want, you don’t get. And the sexual harassment you get…you don’t want.
Okay, now that is a play on a line from The New Guy (An underrated movie, mind you) but I think that it holds true. Americans, for all their depravity, horniness and overall perversity (I’ve seen the internet, and I can’t unsee the majority of it) that we show…we are a totally repressed bunch of high schoolers when it comes to sex. Just dry-humping couches and seeing music videos that look like Caligula meets Lil’ Jon but at the same time the collective minds of the country explode into Jesus Speak when we see a nipple on TV or see two dudes kissing. It is kind of off and the awkward union of conservatism and sexual freedom has screwed up the workplace and made it so I can’t watch a Girl’s Generation video at work and not be seen as a freak:
Good, clean and wholesome fun. Oh, and Yuri is DAMN FINE. There, I said it. So today I present:
Learnin’ With Chachi Presents: What’s The Deal With Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment has been a problem for decades, mostly because there are so many different attitudes and beliefs at work. I mean the lines for what is considered complimentary, flirtatious and downright offensive varies by the individual and in some cases (I am looking at YOU women) vary by the day and or hour. Let’s look at a few reasons why sometimes sexual harassment is so difficult to decipher and differentiate from just being a social human being.
Okay, might as well go there in the beginning to get rid of all you fuckwits I will offend with this point.
Women are fucking crazy
Men are fucking stupid
Combine stupid with crazy and you get chaos
That pretty much sums up sexual harassment in a nutshell but I will go deeper for those that are like “HURDURR, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” Logic would be that as a man, the same jokes you tell to your friends about women that are offensive, wouldn’t be funny to someone that IS a woman. You know that video with the Japanese woman in the Ziploc bag with holes only in the fun zones? It’s probably not going to be found funny by ANYONE, especially a Japanese woman eating a sandwich from a goddamned Ziploc bag. Who in their right mind would send that to ANYONE, let alone someone where you work? The simple thing for men to do is know their audience.
Now this has been a touchy subject for me for a long time. As an employee I felt like you could be a card carrying member of every racist group in America on your own time and even away from me at work but come in my zone talking about “pick that cotton, niggeeeeeeeer!” and I would have to break a foot off in your ass. When I became a manager that kind of changed because you have to think of the team or company as a whole. Having one person on a team that everyone knows is a racist could bring everyone against them. Now racism and sexual harassment are not the same but follow me on this one. I am going to lead you back to the party soon and there will be punch and pie for everyone.
Men need to know their audience from this standpoint: HAVE SOME COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Think of it like this: whatever you are about to say in front of these people…would you want someone saying to your wife? Think about what MIGHT make a woman uncomfortable (Which could be anything or could be nothing. Hell, some movies I watch they just do anal sex in front of everyone and porn is truth, right?) and just don’t do it. Honestly, is it really that imperative to say that offensive thing right then and there?
Now when it comes to touching or offensive language directed to someone…just no. Now I will be the first to admit that I have no problems hugging people (I have abandonment issues) even at work as long as they are okay with it. I have also partaken in my share of offensive jokes and innuendo at work. Yes, in-your-endo. Is it right? Not really. However, at what point is grabbing someone’s body at work or telling someone “You need to be on…my face” in any way, shape or form the right thing to say? Even if the advance is wanted, doing that in the workplace is inappropriate and can only lead to drama (Get a few in me and I will tell you some stories) for everyone. Either someone is going to be like “Aw, no you didn’t” and someone gets sued or someone will be all “Hell yeah, big boy” and then everyone finds out and you are the talk of the workplace and it is your own fool fault. Either way, there are consequences and repercussions up in this bitch. SO DON’T DO IT.
Now as for women…and I am going to be as nice as possible when I say this…with great power comes great responsibility. You fought so hard to get into the workplace to be treated as equals to men…to just dress like whores and get upset when people look at you? It is like how my grandparents got hit by all them hoses and attacked by them damn dogs for me to wear cornrows and say “Dat be whack, nigga!” at work? No, I try to dress like I have some GOD DAMN SENSE AT WORK. Just because it gets you free drinks at Suite 200 doesn’t mean it is respectable attire for the workplace. I’m sorry, just because you wear clothes that are revealing DOESN’T make you a whore but it DOES make you an asshat because you goddamn well it isn’t appropriate to have your boobs hanging out in plain view because they are in PLAIN VIEW. Someone will look at them and honestly it’s like having spinning rims and getting mad because someone is looking at them spin. Now if someone is just being vulgar then by all means that person is in the wrong but if your skirt doesn’t even go past the length of a wallet, all you have will be out for the public to see. Wrong or right (95% wrong, I admit) people will look and yes it is offensive but again with great power comes great responsibility. There are dress codes for a logical reason. It isn’t to stifle your originality, it is to curb your whoredom and avoid oglers and pervasive comments. Just like the reason you cannot have all red on in the club isn’t for your fashion sense, it is because other niggas fucked it up for the rest of us and your ass might get yourself and others shot. You have the right to wear what you want, but you have the responsibility to wear something professional. In other words: DRESS LIKE YOU GOT SOME GOD DAMNED SENSE.
Lastly, the simple fact is that perception is reality. If someone believes they are being harassed, they are being harassed. The intent may not be there, but the receiver is the one that deciphers your actions (Even though the person in question may not even be a part of the situation but if they see it and feel it is harassment, its harassment) and how they see it is how it is. Long story short…don’t say or do…ANYTHING at work. Arms in, side to side. For god’s sake don’t look at them titties!
I will be back up again soon. You all stay up.
Chachi Out
