What is up, peeps?! I was hella tired yesterday so I took a small break from posting but I am back with an update! You know you missed me…and I missed you too, baby. Well, now it is time for…
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: If You Replace “Short” With “Black” in Randy Newman’s “Short People”…it is really no longer as funny:
Think about it. I mean, short people really DO have no reason to live.
Deep Thought #2: Ladies, You Are Only As Used Up As You Feel
So a few months ago on a post (Or it may have just been a discussion with a female friend of mine, but I thought I had it up as a rant) I talked about women and how some of them (Read: SOME OF THEM. Shut your fool mouths) fuck anything that moves up until they hit around 30 and then realize that they have to either settle down with someone that doesn’t care that she was rode like the Quad City DJ’s (DIG THE 90’S REFERENCE!) in an Atlanta club or continue to fuck their way to either stardom or a paid electric bill. I am one that says you gotta be you no matter who you are so if you are cool with that I am not going to judge. However, in this discussion she got hella pissed off because she felt I was talking about her (To which I just had to respond that she is 24 and doing this which makes her ahead of the game but I digress) and I sit back and I wonder here: is it really that big of a deal that you have a torrid past as a woman? Quite simply, who gives a fuck?
Suprisingly other women. Which I find SPECIAL because only in the world of womandom can a friend be your best bud in the morning and a trollopwhorebitchslut by lunch. I mean I have seen real-time women talk about other women that had sex with a guy a whore…when they fucked the same guy. You see, that is the logic that keeps who you have fucked an issue. I think men have a real simple definition of what makes a woman of so ill repute that she can never be dated or married:
1. Paris Hilton – Nothing personal, I just don’t think that men want to fuck a walking, talking insect.
2. Madonna – Yeah….no. Her vagina is like the Galgamek vagina. And it casts Ultima and Death. AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, her vagina is Hojo from FFVII.
3. Mary Magdalene – Once you fuck Jesus, there is no going anywhere else for your Jew wang. I mean, I can’t have some woman calling out another man’s name in bed! Let ALONE THE KING OF THE HEBREWS!
After this, unless you have decided it was a good idea to lay it down on Magic Johnson, you are not a whore no matter what you have done. I know women, they have done some fucked up and repugnant shit. So have men, but you never judge them for fucking that toothless stripper in Baton Rouge in the ass. Which you should but it doesn’t matter as long as you love them. Or they have money, which is a very legitimate alternative to love. It is science.
Deep Thought #3: Notoriously….Overrated?
Yes, I am saying it right here and right now. Notorious BIG is NOT THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME. Hell, he wasn’t even the best rapper in 1997. The fact he has a movie based on his life is fine because even MC Hammer had a bio-pic. I guarantee that it was better than Notorious is going to be. I mean let’s face it: he had two albums. TWO ALBUMS. You going to call Kurt Warner one of the best quarterbacks of all time for two MVP’s and two Super Bowl appearances? Fuck no. That is how I feel about Biggie. Yes he was good but to act like the man invented rap when it was obviously Rudy Ray Moore and Gil Scott Herron is just Black people being Black people. There, I said it. Hell, I can name several rappers better than Christopher “I Robbed Bill Cosby of His Sweaters And Pudding!” Wallace:
1. 2Pac (WELL DUH! The greatest of all time, fuck the world if they can’t adjust)
2. Eminem
3. Common
4. Andre 3000
5. Kanye West (Say what you will, Biggie was a product of a lot of production. KANYE IS PRODUCTION)
6. Jay-Z (Ugh…but it is true)
7. Talib Kweli
8. Snoop Dogg (You KNOW you was down with “Snoop’s Upside Yo Head!”)
9. SNOOP SNOOPY, SNOOPY!
10. Rappin 4-Tay
11. Johnny Storm
12. I FLAME ON!!
Now those are just SOME rappers that are better than Biggie. I didn’t even toss in that guy from 69 Boyz! In all seriousness, I am really just sick of people swearing up and down of the greatness of the Notorious BIG when he was good, not great. I mean, I don’t think you may have known this due to the massive orgasm of rap fans over his “legacy” but…Life After Death kind of sucked. By kind of sucked I mean did suck. I tell you it was nowhere near the classic label people seem to be putting on it I tell you THAT FOR DAMN SURE. Biggie was good but he was not the greatest. It is kind of like the whole Michael Jackson and the King of Pop ridiculousness. If you say it long enough, people will believe it.
That is all for now. Countdown on Friday and I will work on the Omnibus this weekend. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
