Okay, so I am back for a Monday update. My god, it if fricking snowing like hell outside. I can honestly say that this is utter and complete bullshit that it only snows when I drive. Seriously, it is pissing me off.
So I wanted to say a little something about the advent of these “women’s anthems” songs that are clung on to like rednecks cling on to Lynard Skynard. Understand this right now, people: Lynard Skynard has ONE GOOD SONG. “Simple Kind Of Man.” THAT IS IT. The next person to sing “Sweet Home Alabama” like it doesn’t fucking suck is getting beaten with a bat. Redneck rock was never any good unless you are downing PBR and beating your three times pregnant that year wife (You may say that aint possible but in the South, science means nothing. It’s all about Jebus) while sitting in front of your trailer trying to fix your T-top IROC. Yeah, I SO FUCKING WENT THERE. Stop banging your cousin and get some real musical taste.
Enough on my inbred honkey rant (Another day, another time). This rant is about stupid women and their stupid songs. Now I have ranted about how niggas love songs about getting money and yet they are broker than I am (Read: “I Get Money” by 50 Cent or “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits. Niggas love Dire Straits) and women that love songs about wonton acts of stupidity piss me off as well. Nowhere near as much because I expect nothing less but irrational behavior from a lot of you women out there but the trend of this has gotten disturbing dumb. Now I already mentioned how much I did not like “When He Cheats” because it was glorifying the double standard of irrational violence by women being accepted and even encouraged (By other women, but still they are people and can do stuff now) but the same actions by a man are seen as…well, illegal. Which by all means, violence against a woman is reprehensible (Except in Street Fighter II and Mario Kart because Peach is a fucking bitch!) as is menacing but is it okay for a woman to do it to a man for the same reasons? No, but you can’t tell THEM that mostly because they don’t understand logic. Although it is considered a harmless “song” I can say for a fact I know two women off top of head that have committed some form of vandalism or menacing against an ex-boyfriend or husband and in conversations with other females they NEVER say they were wrong for…well…ignoring the whole LAW thing. Yet if a man even does anything resembling a question of what she is doing or even worse directly questions an action he is vilified. Now women always say that there are some men that are violent and always use a worse case scenario to justify their actions. You know…that sounds a lot like George W. Bush tactics to me. Weapons of mass destruction, anyone? By using the extreme to justify crap you do, you are no better than Hitler. You are better than Hitler…right, ladies?
Back to these songs women love so damn much. Now when I think of a woman’s anthem, I personally think of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For The Money”:
Or even better, Queen Latifah’s “U.N.I.T.Y.”:
You know why? These songs are about EMPOWERING YOURSELF. They aren’t these whiny and trifling ass “a man aint shit if he don’t do what I say” songs I hear all the fucking time. Case in point, Beyonce’s “If I Was A Boy”:
Okay, now I posted the lyrics for a good reason. I really want you to LISTEN to this and understand why I am concerned with the direction women are taking.
If I were a boy, even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they stick up for me
Okay, this is very interesting to me because having observed married and taken (LOL!) female friends out when their husbands or boyfriends aren’t around and you know what? They do the same thing. Now replace beers with random mixed drinks and replace throwing on what they wanted (Another myth because I am rather vain according to several females I know) with taking an hour and a half do get dressed up to impress men that they shouldn’t want attention from anyway but it is the exact same. Yet when a man calls women on this he is being “sexist.” Just like when I call Black people out for being homophobes for being against Prop 8 and yet they say they understand oppression. Yeah, I so fucking went there. Let’s dig a bit deeper…
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home
To come home
Now aint this some LAWL (BTW, this will be the first and last time I use the phrase “lawl”) WORTHY SHIT?! As one that had to deal with the lie of “my cell phone is broken” I can honestly say that women do all of this, too. The most two-faced bullshit being the “make the rules as I go” lyric which is kind of a woman’s motis operandi when it comes to…well, everything. You see, the fact that songs like this are not only made but popular proves that they DO make up the rules as they go. I have seen (and been part of) waiting for someone to come home or return a call and had to hear the lies and excuses about what happened or even better the “don’t you trust me?!” bullshit line that is ironically enough in the video and played as a climax to the video which shows the “turnabout” of how it would look if a woman said that to a man about his suspicions of HER infidelity. Great for a plot device but not so much from a logical sense. You see, I am not going to give about 85% men ANY credit to even pose that question to a woman that he thinks is cheating on him. I actually give women the benefit of the doubt on this one because odds are:
1. He was already cheating. Yeah…dudes can be dicks. But, you date them so tough shit.
2. He was PLANNING on cheating. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Oddly enough, they are surprisingly smart when it comes to PLANNING the idea, just not implementing it. Just like GEORGE W. BUSH! Damn, I am AWESOME!
3. You really weren’t his girlfriend. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Sadly, you were just someone he was fucking until he found someone else. You know who you are and I TOLD YOU THAT! No one listens to me *sigh*
However, that last 15% of dudes is broken down into two segments:
• Straight men that WILL ask about infidelity
• Gay men that will ask about infidelity
Now gay men cheating is easy to tell because…well, there aren’t that many in Colorado Springs so they all kind of know each other. It’s a small world and a smaller pool so you are bound to catch the same fish twice. Now as for the straight men that will ask the question of infidelity, I am using the number that ISN’T actually already cheating. Part of that 85% usually asks out of necessity and to cover their own tracks of douchery and usually ask you in the rudest, most obviously offensive way possible to feign anger which women strangely see as being “concerned” and see it as love (WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANIE?!). If I was a woman, I would be more concerned about that dude being the numbers of a dude that will follow you to a club in his flip flops, boxers and his mom pink robe while brandishing a tire iron yelling “BITCH, WHERE YOU AT?!” (I’ve seen it and I must say the shit was HILARIOUS) and yet I’M the horrible boyfriend for asking where she went for three days off-hand? Yeah, it’s a conundrum.
Back to that 15%. A song like this either bugs them or makes them laugh because of its’ absurdity but strikes concern due to its’ popularity and ability to appeal to the lowest common denominator of women’s logic: the need of attention. Now I have said it once and I will say it again that there is nothing wrong with attention. Hell, a small part of the reason I blog is for attention. Which is odd because I have a pretty low readership (About 25-30 people a post, sometimes more if it is one I hype up or is really offensive) but still I do like to have attention. The difference is that for the majority of women (I won’t say all because I know like…three women that aren’t this way. Maybe four) don’t care whether it is negative or positive attention. Now I know I get negative attention from a lot of what I say and do but I know it is coming and I accept that. Women want the attention but don’t accept the responsibility that comes with gathering large amounts of attention. This is pretty much summed up in the penultimate lyrics of the song…
But you're just a boy
And you don't understand (yea, you don't understand, oh!)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Because you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
Does this seem to not be a bit of dramatization to you as well? Understand something: when someone isn’t listening to you, they don’t CARE THAT IT HURTS YOU. Also, can I just say that saying “everything you had got destroyed” really seems to be a little…egotistical? I mean do you not know that his heart will go on? Well, his wang will anyway because it seems that if he was just a boy, the girl that he was fucking around on you with was a tad more important. The fact that every woman always says “you will never find someone else like me!” and yet the douche is usually already WITH another woman when you finally wise up and leave him says a little something about just how much he is “destroyed” and how bad he feels about “taking you for granted.” Just saying…
Now I know this is just a song. For its merit it isn’t a BAD song it just has BAD FANS. You know, in retrospect it is kind of how I feel about Lynard Skynard, The Beatles, Nirvana and all the other bands that people latch on to and say how much they “changed their life” or “how deep they were” or “how they defined a generation” when in reality they were JUST A FUCKING BAND:
Thanks to Kasey’s sister for bringing this video to my attention because this is now my favorite song. I mean if you listen to “If I Were A Boy” and say anything other than “Hmm, catchy little ditty there” and instead say something like “YEAH! IF I WAS A BOY I WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER! The he would see how much he is missing me now…though he is fucking that other bitch” then you are a dumbass. Beyonce is no X-Japan so quit acting like she is.
Well, I am out for now as I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to make it to work at a decent hour. Until next time (Wednesday, maybe?) stay up. Oh, and here is some X-Japan:
Now THAT’S a kickass tune. oh, and stay tuned for the Passion of Chachi 700th Post Extravaganza! I will TRY (REPEAT, TRY!) to have it up on Sunday but it will be another Omnibus so shoot me your questions now! Hell, I may even give you a shout out! It will be the last Omnibus before the End Of 2009 New Year's Eve Mega-Post so make it good!
Chachi Out
