What’s up, peeps! It is time for a mid-day update! Why? Because I FUCKING CAN, that’s why! Yeah, you know it. So today is the first week of the rest of my life and I must say that I am kind of excited. Seeing as how life is too short to be doing what you aren’t comfortable with it is nice to be able to….holy shit, May J is hot. Sorry, I just can’t think when she comes on.
Anyway, what was I babbling about? Doesn’t matter. I learned something today. People are stupid. REAL stupid. Now I have done my share of dumb things and I can admit that. However, it seems that most people nowadays are more fucktard-ish than they used to be. Is that a word? Eh, it is now. People no matter what the race have become utter and complete morons lately. What makes me so bitter, especially today? Well I just heard someone call for their daughter. And her name was Cristal. Not CRYSTAL. CRISTAL. Like the fucking alcohol. I had heard that as a name for a stripper, but never as a name for a child. A real child, not one of those adopted kids like Angelina Jolie has. American kids, the ones that matter. Needless to say, I was confused and angry at the same time. So I have decided to help out the lesser knowledgeable peeps. So here is a new installment to the Passion of Chachi….
SOME TO GROW ON!!
With this I will give some info that SHOULD be common sense but obviously is NOT if I have to post about it. Some of it may be redundant to those that are readers (all five of you) but repetition is key.
1. DO NOT Name Your Kids After Liquor or Groceries.
This SHOULD be common sense. After today’s incident it obviously is NOT. So if when you have a child and you are thinking about naming the kid Alize or Dijon please just set the child down and walk the fuck away. Seriously, how do you expect for that child to ever get taken seriously by anyone not working at Scores or for G-Unit Records? I am not saying to name your child Winthrop or Janice (To show I don’t mean to name your kids white sounding names to get ahead) but seriously. IT IS A FUCKING MUSTARD! YOUR CHILD IS NAMED AFTER A CONDIMENT! These are a list of names to NOT GIVE YOUR KIDS:
Lysterine (I have seen it. I can’t make this up)
Dijon (It is mustard. Not Exotic. Deal with it)
Cristal (Or Alize or Hennessy or Crown Royal or any other alcohol. It is just fucking ignorant)
Any letter or word preceeding ‘Ron’ or ‘Von’. De’Ron, Kel’Ron, De’Von, She’Von are not names unless you are from fucking Krypton. And your ass ain’t from Krypton.
Names From The Bible. No specific reason. I am just getting tired of seeing Ezikiel and Jebediah every-fucking-where. You don’t see people naming their kids Buddha or Tao, do you?
Esquire or The Third. I am a junior and I think that shit is pretentious as hell. Refering to yourself with an ‘Esquire’ or ‘III’ is grounds for getting your ass whooped. It is just arrogant as far as I am concerned. And I am one man so if you don’t like it piss off.
Colors or Fruit. Colors are what they say they are: colors. Naming your child Blue or Apple (Gweneth Paltrow I am looking at your simple ass) is just dumb. Celebrity child or not, that kid is in for a world of hurt. Or at least drug addiction.
2. DON’T ENDORSE DOUBLE STANDARDS!
This is especially sent out to women. Men are guilty of this mindfuck, too. I will get into that later though. It seems that the rant I had in college about women not understanding that until they stop supporting degrading songs they will keep on coming in droves has fallen on deaf ears. Anyone heard our little African friend Akon lately? First off, a Lamborghini Gallardo is WASTED in America. WASTED! Secondly, when in the HELL did it okay for a guy to say they want to bend you over and ‘smack that’ all on the floor. I am going to humor this song and figure he is talking about an ass (rather than let’s say a woman’s FACE) for a minute. Is that okay just because he is rich? Is that all it takes to be able to slap a woman’s ass for no other reason in public? If a man just slapped an ass for no reason he would be thrown out. But this song comes out and every chicks inner-Jasmine Byrne comes out and they go all Backdoor Sluts 9. I would figure that slapping an ass would be great, but instead I just think it is kind of…offensive? I dunno, that act has been kind of odd to me. It reminds me more of disciple than sexy.
Oh, and the whole DANCING LIKE A STRIPPER THING?! Ladies, leave it to the strippers. You will talk shit about strippers for dancing for money, yet most women dance the SAME way and only get maybe a few free drinks, a night full of regret and maybe a crab or two. The way that women look down on strippers (and porn stars is another rant altogether) for what they do when 65%-70% of women DO THE SAME THING FOR NO CURRENCY is hypocritical and priceless. I never make fun of the dude that will act gay to hang out with females (because that dude was me by accident a few years ago because everyone thought I was gay for wearing shoes that matched my belt) so why do women have nothing positive to say about a stripper? It is just funny.
Well, that is enough for now. No update tomorrow due to me taking part in the United States judicial system. I will try to be back on Wednesday or Thursday before the Countdown. If not, I will see you Friday, peeps!
Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.
