What is up, peeps! I am back for a short (Maybe, depends on if I get on a roll) blog update and all I have to say is that this weekend was WAAAAAAAAY too short. It was hella fun though, as Denver on Saturday was fun as hell. Albeit SOMEONE that will remain nameless had to throw up on the floor at the Wynkoop which took away from it some but aside from that, I am thinking about doing it all again next Saturday. If you are down to ride, let me get a ROBBLE ROBBLE!
With that being said it is time for another installment of…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Man…this weekend was filled with them.
Random Thought #1: It Doesn’t Pay To Not Want The Herp.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs. Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being other because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me. It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
VENTURE BROTHERS SEASON THREE PREMIRE TONIGHT!!! WATCH IT!!!
Chachi Out.
