Passion of Chachi Presents: Sauciest Ladies of 2009!
First off, some ground rules. These are my personal opinions of the ladies that make my day bright and allow me to occasionally not be lulled to sleep by my screams or the sound of my tears hitting my pillow. You have your own opinions and there is a high probability that I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. The world wide web is vast so you can find something else to occupy your time. Secondly, there are some people that WILL not be on here so I don’t want any comments about “Hey, why isn’t [Insert shitty actress or shittier singers’ name here] on here?! She’s fucking hot, bro! You’re a homo!” These asshats go as follows:
Megan Fox (Mouth breathers may be hot to you, but not to me. If not liking her makes me gay then that is fine because Johnny Depp and Zac Efron are hotter any-fucking-way AND KNOW THEIR TRADE BETTER THAN THAT BITCH. Yeah, I said it.)
Katy Perry (She can’t sing. That’s kind of a prerequisite if you are a fucking singer. What she does sing is trifling and her head looks like Green Goblin’s in the first Spiderman movie.)
Nicki Minaj (Who is she and why is she rapping? And poorly at that? At least Foxy Brown had talent and Lil’ Kim…um…picked the right man to fuck. Yeah, I said it.)
Any woman from a music video (Especially that HORRIBLE Drake video for “Best I Ever Had” because…those ladies weren’t all that attractive. They just jiggled and if jiggling equals hot to you then you and I differ because I just found it to be excessive and kind of gross. Like CGI but not as good.)
Serena Williams (Yeah…restraining orders are in effect on the internet as well. Mail yourself to a tennis stare ONE TIME and they get all paranoid and shit. Gawd!)
So now that you know the ground rules, let us begin with some honorable mentions for 2009!
Honorable Mentions:
Salma Hayek (Most of it is because I NEVER SEE HER ANYWHERE. That and the whole unibrow in “Frieda” kind of…still scares the fucking shit out of me.)
Lauren London (If you have a baby by Lil’ Wayne, you can’t be on here. Section 3.1, Bylaw 56.23)
Hayden Panettiere (She can’t act. I sat through “I Love You, Beth Cooper” and being hot encompasses several things. If you can’t act and you are a jerk to people then you cannot have my heart. Damn shame, I love “Bring It On 3” when she smacks her ass.)
Chae Yeon (It was either Chae or Hyori and Hyori wins this round. Maybe next year..although I loves me some “Shake”)
Mmm…hells yeah. Now let’s get started!
20. Rachel Stevens (formerly of S Club 7)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, those of you that haven’t seen S Club 7 odds are have no idea who Rachel Stevens is. However, if you HAVE seen S Club 7 (And I have, I loved that show!) know that Rachel Stevens is the hottest thing to come out of the British Isles since…well, someone else on here later.
19. Kumi Koda
(2007 Rank: #11, 2008 Rank: #13)
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
It has been three plus years since you could hear every boy in Japan hit puberty at the same time when the “Juicy” video came out. She is still teh hawt, but her music has dropped off a bit. Well, “Lick Me” had it’s moments…but NOTHING tops Juicy:
Hells yeah.
18. Kim Yu Bin (of Wonder Girls)
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
If you haven’t heard of the Wonder Girls, I don’t blame you. “Nobody” has to be the worst English translated song since “She Bangs” but Yu Bin is one my favorite member of the group. Best dancer and her rapping…is better than Nelly’s. Oh, and she is damn fine.
17. Shakira
(2007 Rank: #2, 2008 Rank: #14)
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
I have a confession to make: I am not really a fan of Shakira all that much. Her voice is good in small doses but extended periods of her music anger me. She is VERY attractive and the accent…you know how I feel about an accent. Oh, and of course dat ass.
16. Nicole (of KARA)
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
Okay, there has to be one. Last year was Aly Michalka and this year is the seventeen year old Nicole from Kara. I didn’t really like their first few songs but it wasn’t until the live performance of “Mister” and the dance battle against Minzy and Ga In (Which both get honorable mentions except for the fact that Minzy is younger than my Sega Saturn) that I realized that GOT DAMN, NICOLE IS SAUCY:
Hells yeah.
15. Yuna Ito
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #19)
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
Now in comparison to others on this list, Yuna Ito isn’t “hawt” but my god, she has the voice of an angel. A sexy, Japanese/Korean angel. Also, as evident by the “Stuck On You” video, she isn’t a bad dancer. Not up to Kumi Koda or Son Dam Bi levels, but not bad.
14. Portia De Rossi
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
I love “Better Off Ted.” I also love a woman that looks like she may kill me in my sleep. Portia takes both of those requirements and runs with them. Much like Tina Fey two years ago, Portia is actually that stiff kind of funny that almost no woman is able to pull off effectively. Sadly, she plays with the other team. My love…will never be returned :(
13. Keri Hilson
(2007 Rank: NR 2008 Rank: NR)
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
I almost didn’t want to put her on here. As much as I think Keri is stunning (Those eyes...god damn. Like Sasuke without the crazy murder of the snake controlling pedo. YES, I even have to anime nerd out when talking about women...it's a weakness) and think her voice is rather palatable (Unlike most R&B singers out right now) I cannot understand why she would do songs with Chris Brown AND R.Kelly. What the fuck is up with that shit? Beautiful yes but respecting of common sense against fuckwits…not really.
12. Aly Michalka
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: #15)
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
Yes, I know “Phil of the Future” was no “Even Stevens” but I still love me some Aly Michalka. And she is legal now so get off my back! I will NOT take a seat over there! On another note, Aly & A.J. are tolerable. Yeah, I said it.
11. Vanessa Anne Hudgens
(2007 Rank: NR, 2008 Rank: NR)
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
I know she can’t seem to show the common sense to keep her fucking clothes on if she doesn’t want to be seen naked but…any one that can turn my attention away from Zac Efron deserves to be on here. Gabriela has my heart always…NOW PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! It’s cold out there!
Well, we have gone from number 20 to number 11! Tommorow, I will bring to you the Top Ten Sauciest Ladies of 2009! Not like any of this matters; none of them return my phone calls or letters. *Sigh* Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
