Hey, ya’ll! First things first. I’M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!:
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Okay, I got that out of my system. Needless to say, I am rather pissed off but life is life. Gotta take what it gives you sometimes. I will say this though: May 1st I am out of this bitch. Set in stone; I have had enough of this shit. Every day I am here past that date a puppy gets hit with EL BRAINBUSTA:
News at 11.
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
I know I pointed out that it is ironic that Jermaine Stewart died of AIDS but…DAMN THAT SHIT IS IRONIC.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak.
Okay, I’m over it now. May 1st can’t come soon enough. Until then, stay up and I will be back up with the Countdown tomorrow. Holy shit…new UVERworld! My sadness is fucking over! TIME TO ROCK OUT!
Chachi Out
