Good morning peeps! It is a lovely…cold Monday here in the CSP and as usual, I gotta pay the bills if you get my drift. Anyway, what is up? Did everyone enjoy Easter Weekend? Did you have EGG HUNT PARTAY?! I know I didn’t. Too damn cold for that shit.
So first off I want to thank you guys. For not seeing Grindhouse. The Tarentino/Rodriguez mindrape of a horror film finished behind Ice Cube’s Are We There Yet (a lesser of two evils, I guess) and I could not be happier. If there was EVER a man living off the popularity of old work more than Diddy, it’s Quentin. No, I didn’t fill the cup over Kill Bill 1&2 (they were okay but I didn’t need to change my pants out of pleasure like I had to do for 300) and Jackie Brown can KISS MY ASS (white people can say nigger, Quentin Tarentino cannot. New rule, he’s a prick and a racist). Aside from Pulp Fiction (which is an acquired taste I admit, but me likee) and Reservoir Dogs (which kicks ass on the Steve Buchemi factor alone), his whole fucking catalog of movies sucks ass. And don’t say From Dusk Til Dawn because that had George Clooney in it and that smug asshole cannot act. I don’t care what anyone says; he can eat a dick and die as far as I’m concerned. Yes, I know Salma Hayek strips because it’s the only part I remember not sucking.
As for Robert Rodriguez, he is living off of Frank Miller right now because of Sin City. Now of all films out there, Sin City is the most acquired taste of all. People either hated it or loved it (I for one dug it because it was relatively close to the graphic novel) and that is to be expected with comic book movies. Think about it; what had he done before? El Mariachi. Okay, that rocked. But dude, SPY KIDS?! The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl?! Yeah, cinematic genius right there, fucktard. Seriously, the work Zach and I did on Pirates vs. Ninjas was better than that. And we used Legos! Which despite their awesomeness, are unionized now which makes working with them kind of a hassle.
Quite simply, Quentin Tarentino makes movies for the same music R.Kelly pees on minors: he can get away with it because of previous work. R.Kelly has I Believe I Can Fly and Quentin has Pulp Fiction. Well let me tell you something Quentin. Steven Spielberg EARNED the right to make an A.I. and a Minority Report (both of which sucked). You know why? He gave us Goonies, Gremlins, Back To The Future, The Color Purple and Animaniacs. He earned a brainfart every now and then. You on the other hand have earned jackshit. I would rather sit through the Passion of Christ with members of Focus on the Family than watch another one of your movies. You suck. As for Robert…way to cheat on your wife of five kids. You disgust me. True or not, you still suck. People, don’t see Grindhouse. This isn’t normal math: two negatives don’t make a positive this time. AVOID!
Now, for some bad news. The weather report is saying there will be another cold front in on Friday. I am NOT MISSING ATHFCMFFT! You hear me Mother Nature?! I will go Kratos on your ass if you made it impossible for me to see this movie! I WILL ROCK YOUR FACE! Yes…we are bored. Man, I cannot WAIT to see this movie. It is going to be the polar opposite of Grindhouse: ‘Teh Awesome’.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back later on this week (Wednesday or Thursday) before the Countdown on Friday. Before I leave you, I just have one thing to say: Morning Musume. When did they get all hot on me?
Man, I used to listen to them all the time. Then Maki Goto went all Kumi Koda on me (which has its’ pros and cons because I would take her out for brunch) so I stopped listening to j-pop and got back in to hip hop for a while. Not one of my wiser decisions. Even still….damn. They’s HAWT. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
