What’s up, peeps?! I am back after two weeks or so because last week was kind of meh once again. I will say this though; it’s good to be back.
So last week I decided to try something. After being told I was too fat to use the Wii and my subsequent call with Nintendo which pretty much went:
Me: Your system is broken. Wii Fit says I am too fat to get fit. Should I just give up?
Nintendo: No, it’s just that our Fit Board® has a weight limit to it. However, once you get down to the Wii Fit’s targeted weight you are free and able to use the Wii Fit and all of its features in your fitness regimine!
Me: So…I have to lose weight to be able to use the Wii Fit…so I can lose weight.
Nintendo: Um…
Me: If I had found a way to lose the weight to get on the Wii Fit board, why would I use the Wii Fit AFTER THAT?
Nintendo: Um…
Me: Yeah, I’ll just wait for Metroid from Team Ninja.
Nintendo: Met-what-now?
(I hang up)
Now that is pretty much how it went. If Nintendo gave a shit and had a complaint line because they are too busy fucking schoolgirls on a pile of casual fan and housewife money, I mean. With that being said, Nintendo can eat a dick from now on. Until Metroid from Team Ninja:
Damn you, Team Ninja. Damn you.
So enough on my hatred of those jerkasses. Last week I decided to try a little something. I made a little bet with myself that I couldn’t give up meat for a full month. I first off never realized how easy meat-eaters have it. It is almost like being White; no matter where you go everything is great for you. Like Louis CK said:
Being a meat-eater is the same way. You can go to any restaurant and they have something that you want. Everything kicks ass for you. However, if you want to get something WITHOUT meat…you are kind of fucked. Especially if you don’t want to be one of those tree hugging, patchouli oil wearing, sun dress wearing, dreadlock having, Prius driving douchebag hippie fucks that eat all organic bullshit and think they are better off for it because “I am lean AND saving the planet!” to which I say that I will rape you with a fucking tube steak. Ass to mouth, fucker. Ass to mouth. Wow, I worked in “ass to mouth” in a blog for the fifth time this year. Dare I say…RECORD! Wait, I worked that in 17 times last year. IN DECEMBER. I need to get on the ball.
So I am on day three (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and I realized one thing in a major way: if you are going to give up meat, don’t get meat substitutes because they are not the same. Now some of you may be all like “Hey, there are some great meat alternatives that taste great!” but to that I say whoop-dee-fucking doo. That and I tried a black bean burger patty and my god…that shit was nasty. For the most part, I have no want of meat aside from the fact that it is EVERYFUCKINGWHERE! That shit is in Fruit Loops! The colors are green, yellow, blue, orange and fucking pork! I digress, though. I don’t really miss it very much, although it has only been three days so there hasn’t been much to miss. The real test is going to Korean barbeque or the karaoke bar and not having any galbi or bulgogi. That…is going to be FUCKING ROUGH. Either way it hasn’t been bad so far and giving up meat for a while gives me an excuse to eat the FUCK out of pears and I love them shits. Theys delicious. And applesauce:
I got that applesauce, bitch! So I will keep you abreast of how things go. You know, I need a kickass name for this event. I will call it…
Chachi’s 30 Days Without Meat!
Well, minus Nan Desu Kan. I have NO IDEA what will happen there because I am going to try my best to make photos the only way I remember that weekend. SLUMBER PAR-TAY! Just kidding, there is no meat in a suffering bastard or soju. BOO-YAH! News at 11, or soon. I’ll be back up later this week. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and get ready for the party of the year on September 12th. IT WILL ROCK YOUR FACE!!! Invites coming soon.
Chachi Out
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Even I Have My Secrets. Like I Use Secret Deodorant. It's Strong Enough For Me Too!
What is up, peeps?! Yes, I am back for the third straight day for the first time since April. Don’t getting used to that shit, though. So today, I thought I would try something a little bit different and level with the peeps. I am pretty open about myself and the only real guard I have up is one of rage and scathing humor because my self-esteem and pride were taken in small pieces by several women over the last 5 years or so. Rarely do I let the peeps in and see…the real me. Reason being is that inside me lies a evil that is yet to be unleashed on this world…and applesauce. I loves the applesauce. That and it is easy to have SOME kind of seperation from the persona that is Chachi and the man that is me. However, sometimes I do break the “4th Wall” and let you in to see a little bit about who I am and what makes me they way I am. There are some things I keep hidden from the world, only known by a select few people and animals. Today, I have decided to let you in and show you a little more about what makes me tick. Show you some of the things that I keep personal or hidden from you all for a myriad of reasons. Today, I break that wall down and let you know a few of…
Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!
Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”
Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…
Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee
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Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…
Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads
Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:
• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)
• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)
Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.
More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!
Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”
Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…
Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee
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Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…
Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads
Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:
• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)
• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)
Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.
More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU?! Good, That's Nice To Hear :)
My Blogger peeps have been bugging me about putting the new Countdown up and I totally spaced on it last Friday (So you three MySpace readers get a treat, I guess). I have been posting them on YouTube but I promised I would start posting it on the Passion again a few weeks ago, so here we are...I spoil you.
Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!
30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]
To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!
The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!
AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!
30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]
To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!
The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!
AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.
Chachi Out
Alcohol: The Great Stupifier
Okay, this is somewhat of a repeat from 2008, solely because I need to get back into the groove of writing posts. If you have never blogged everyday (Which I did in 2008) it is actually like another job. Only in this job I can completely kick it old school every now and then. Some of this is new, most of it is old and it is ALL OFFENSIVE. You know you love it and you love me. Now suck it up, mutha!
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.
Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!
Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:
• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)
However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.
Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.
Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!
Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!
Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!
It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.
Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!
Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:
• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)
However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.
Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.
Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!
Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!
Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!
It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Wang, Much Like The Internet...Is A Series Of Sperm Coated Tubes.
So I wanted to talk about something that I spoke about this weekend while getting my soju and galbi on. To take a step back, I saw about three minutes of “Megan Wants A Millionaire” and something I always knew was cemented and reinforced:
WOMEN ARE SELFISH
Now aint a damn thing wrong with that. It is like the way I feel about being shallow. You CAN be shallow but know that you can never complain about being unhappy if you are going to exclude people because of how they look. Now when I mentioned this show to a female friend she AUTOMATICALLY got on the defensive and pretty much put “women like that” on the fringe which to me is total bullshit but I am just a man that is scared of Bolivians so who am I to disagree, right? Really though, it really brought up a question about what it means to not only be shallow, but to be selfish.
Now the discussion got onto vasectomies versus the tying of tubes and something very interesting came about that had just hit me. Now in places I have worked and with people I have hung out with, the majority of the time I end up hanging with older women because…well, I only like college football and despise most other male oriented entertainment which pretty much puts me as a queer to other men. Which I could care less about anyway seeing as how organized sports is just acceptable homoerotic behavior as far as I am concerned. Yep, I went there. Anyway, I guess I am the male version of Oprah because people open up to me with their feelings like I get paid for it and give a shit (Usually I do, but sometimes I just want to gouge your eyes out) and always talked about personal aspects that I just kind of sat back and listened to. One that came up was the “I don’t want any more kids” discussion to which I would say “either tie your tubes or take it on the chin” which I thought was hilarious but as usual was met with the standard pointless femdom. They always said “well how come the man can’t get HIS tubes tied?!”
Well, ladies you need to understand something. When a building is condemned, do block it off from the general populace? Or do you cut off the highway LEADING TO THE BUILDING? Exactly, you block off the building. If you cut the power off, do you shut off the breaker to the building or do you cut off the power to the whole county? Exactly. Now first off, I don’t think anyone should tie their tubes ever because it is killing ants with a sledgehammer. You don’t want kids? Keep sperm from out of your fucking vagina. It isn’t FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! STOP FUCKING! OR FUCK SMARTER! OR SWALLOW! If you need to burn the crops and salt the Earth to stop something that you know how it occurs then you aren’t smart enough to be having sex.
Secondly, an important thought was brought up to me which I found on one end hilarious but on the other end painfully telling about how selfish the aspect of tying tubes is. For a man it takes about eight years for severed tubes to reconnect (Give or take, I’m no cockologist) which means that the troops are no longer marching for two Olympic years. Most marriages last between 5.7 and 7.1 years (Depending on the publications. Most Christian publications stated 10-12 years which is bullshit and liberal sites stated 2-4 years which I think is dead on but I have to be fair) which means that lets say they “decide” to have the man snip his tunnel two years in. That means if they get divorced in two years that she is free to get knocked up by some other motherfucker while he is shooting empty like a slip-n-slide with no people for the next few years. So quite simply, this is why I believe women want men to get vasectomies rather than them getting their tubes tied:
It’s not that they don’t want ANY more kids; they just don’t want to have any more of YOUR kids.
Science, peeps. I drops it. Call me Dr. Chachi. Hope you had a good laugh because I sure as hell did. I will be back another day.
Chachi Out
WOMEN ARE SELFISH
Now aint a damn thing wrong with that. It is like the way I feel about being shallow. You CAN be shallow but know that you can never complain about being unhappy if you are going to exclude people because of how they look. Now when I mentioned this show to a female friend she AUTOMATICALLY got on the defensive and pretty much put “women like that” on the fringe which to me is total bullshit but I am just a man that is scared of Bolivians so who am I to disagree, right? Really though, it really brought up a question about what it means to not only be shallow, but to be selfish.
Now the discussion got onto vasectomies versus the tying of tubes and something very interesting came about that had just hit me. Now in places I have worked and with people I have hung out with, the majority of the time I end up hanging with older women because…well, I only like college football and despise most other male oriented entertainment which pretty much puts me as a queer to other men. Which I could care less about anyway seeing as how organized sports is just acceptable homoerotic behavior as far as I am concerned. Yep, I went there. Anyway, I guess I am the male version of Oprah because people open up to me with their feelings like I get paid for it and give a shit (Usually I do, but sometimes I just want to gouge your eyes out) and always talked about personal aspects that I just kind of sat back and listened to. One that came up was the “I don’t want any more kids” discussion to which I would say “either tie your tubes or take it on the chin” which I thought was hilarious but as usual was met with the standard pointless femdom. They always said “well how come the man can’t get HIS tubes tied?!”
Well, ladies you need to understand something. When a building is condemned, do block it off from the general populace? Or do you cut off the highway LEADING TO THE BUILDING? Exactly, you block off the building. If you cut the power off, do you shut off the breaker to the building or do you cut off the power to the whole county? Exactly. Now first off, I don’t think anyone should tie their tubes ever because it is killing ants with a sledgehammer. You don’t want kids? Keep sperm from out of your fucking vagina. It isn’t FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! STOP FUCKING! OR FUCK SMARTER! OR SWALLOW! If you need to burn the crops and salt the Earth to stop something that you know how it occurs then you aren’t smart enough to be having sex.
Secondly, an important thought was brought up to me which I found on one end hilarious but on the other end painfully telling about how selfish the aspect of tying tubes is. For a man it takes about eight years for severed tubes to reconnect (Give or take, I’m no cockologist) which means that the troops are no longer marching for two Olympic years. Most marriages last between 5.7 and 7.1 years (Depending on the publications. Most Christian publications stated 10-12 years which is bullshit and liberal sites stated 2-4 years which I think is dead on but I have to be fair) which means that lets say they “decide” to have the man snip his tunnel two years in. That means if they get divorced in two years that she is free to get knocked up by some other motherfucker while he is shooting empty like a slip-n-slide with no people for the next few years. So quite simply, this is why I believe women want men to get vasectomies rather than them getting their tubes tied:
It’s not that they don’t want ANY more kids; they just don’t want to have any more of YOUR kids.
Science, peeps. I drops it. Call me Dr. Chachi. Hope you had a good laugh because I sure as hell did. I will be back another day.
Chachi Out
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Black On Black Crime: The Name Of A Gay Pornographic Movie Just WAITING TO HAPPEN.
Hey peeps. I am back with something to say. First off, YES I know this is the first time I have blogged twice in a week in a while. It happens. Anyway, something happened today that validated a previous blog in when I stated (And I am paraphrasing here) that rap will never be what it once was do the the random acts of niggatry. I keep hoping to get proved wrong…but then asshatery like THIS happens:
For those of you that don’t know, it seems that Joe Buddens (The guy that did the song…from…um…oh yeah the last dance battle in “You Got Served”) dissed Method Man (The guy from “How High” and…”Red and Meth.” Shocked that shit got cancelled) by saying he was better than him. All of a sudden the whole Wu-Tang Clan, who suck without the crazy glue that is Ol’ Dirty Bastard, got all in his ass about claiming that. To which I say so the fuck what? Arent all the members of the Wu in their god damn thirties? I think that is when someone dissing you should roll off your back because YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING MAN! Yet, a few days ago someone decided it was a good idea to go all Michael Jackson’s “Bad” on Mr. Jumpoff and confront him at a festival and then one of them hauled off and hit him in the eye for some dumbass reason. Now that you are all caught up, I have a question for you. At what point do people decide what is a dumb ass idea? The whole concept of hip-hop beef is asinine to me but even more retarded is the thought process that acting like a fucking moron is actually LOOKED HIGHLY UPON BY PEOPLE. Especially Black people in which ignorance is bliss, but more on that later. When is it okay to bring a gang of people to confront ONE PERSON because he “dissed” your GROWN ASS FRIEND? I mean seriously? Is this shit needed? At what point does one just say “Chaaaa, you know what? I just got dissed by the modern day Rob Base. I’m good” rather than act like a 13 year old schoolgirl and spout off with a “OH NO YOU DI-ENT!” and slap their hands at eachother like Friday Night Sissy Fights (Chappelle reference? Anyone?) because they arent smart enough to just get a case of the Phukits? It’s why hip hop is fucking dead. I am just waiting for the “Hambone Comin” remix of Death of Autotune. And while I am talking about his trifiling ass, since when was Jay-Z an authority on anything musical? That nigga uses more samples than clinic and is going to state when a musical trend is over? You know, I’m not even upset at the autotune factor as much as I am upset at the statement about rap becoming “soft” which is something that I have been battling with for a long time. This is a problem that is all over rap now, and it has started a trend that I really am not a fan of:
Homophobia
Now that is a word that I don’t WANT to use. However I have just noticed in the conversations I have had recently with Black people on message boards and forums that there is a level of homophobia in the Black community that needs to be addressed and it is very heavy in the hip hop community:
Now as a straight male that…has “festive tendencies” I must say that the “how ya doin” and “suspect” comments about Blacks that the community things are gay ends up being closed-minded and overall bigoted. Now I am not saying that Black people and gays should join hands and sing “I Will Survive” at every rally but at least act like you understand that there is a plight and it isnt to be ridiculed or ostricized. Yeah, I went there. With all the shit that Black people have gone through, you are some of the most intolerant motherfuckers I have ever met. The only thing seperating Blacks and White conservatives are Confederate flags. Anyone remember the Prop 9 fiasco? Now I understand if you have your beliefs about gay marriage no matter what your race, age or religion. I am saying this, and I don’t care who you are and how well you know me. This is the truth about you, no matter who you are:
If you are against gay marriage, you are intolerant and bigoted. The fact you have the UNMITIGATED NERVE to tell someone that cannot (OR SHOULD NOT) get married to someone they love makes you the kind of person that wouldn’t give a stroller to a teen mother in need (Thanks for the awesome line, Kasey!) and I despise you more than I despise the Turks.
If Jesus was such a loving Jew, he would want ANYONE to pursue their happiness as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Two homosexual people together doesn’t hurt you any more than it hurts Black people that rappers sing. See the parallel? It’s there.
Oh, and for the people saying that marriage is a religious institution and the word of “God” determines what marriage is. Let’s do this: take all the LEGAL AND FINANCIAL BENEFITS from married people. THEN we will see where the skewers meet the meat, as Master Shake would say. Oh, and for those of you that say it says that laying with a man or woman if you are of the same sex is wrong in the Bible I have a few things for you to think about from your “book”:
1. There was a talking bush in the bible
2. A snake talked in there too, I believe
3. Fundamentally says that all humans are inbred because they were born from two people. All races came from those same people, too.
4. Murder happened every 10 minutes. Which is a sin I believe. More so than two chicks scissoring on their honeymoon, that’s for damn sure.
5. A multi-headed dragon. What the fuck is this, Final Fantasy VII? At least it made more fucking sense than the bible and FINAL FANTASY VII MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! Oh, and the movie of Sephiroth was better than the movie for Jesus no matter how many religious fuckbags lined up to see it. People say Transformers 2 and Scary Movie in droves, doesn’t make them any good.
6. Jesus was a Jew.
7. Jesus was a NAPPY HEADED Jew.
8. Jesus loved a bargain. It was why he was such a successful carpenter.
9. I’m pretty sure Judas was queer. You saw how he looked at Jesus. He wanted some divinity if you know what I mean. And I mean “teh gay savior sex.”
Offended yet? Good, that is how I feel about intolerance. Now I say a lot of shit on this blog that reeks of intolerance but at the end of the day, those that know me understand that I am actually one of the (shockingly) most liberal people you will meet. Why? Because who the fuck am I to tell someone who or where they can marry? Who am I to tell someone when or not to bring a child into this world. I think some people SHOULDN’T have children but to each their own. As long as we can make it a law, do what you want as long as it aint gonna hurt nobody:
Kid-N-Play were OBVIOUSLY GAY. Didn’t hurt nobody, though. I mean unless you messed up the Kick Step which was a concussion and a torn ACL waiting to happen. Anyway, it was a round-a-bout blog but the overall message is…um…knowing is half the battle?
YO JOE! GO SEE GI JOE RIGHT NOW!!!! That’s pretty much it. I will blog later on this week about something or another. Until then, stay up and quit being douchebags.
Chachi Out
For those of you that don’t know, it seems that Joe Buddens (The guy that did the song…from…um…oh yeah the last dance battle in “You Got Served”) dissed Method Man (The guy from “How High” and…”Red and Meth.” Shocked that shit got cancelled) by saying he was better than him. All of a sudden the whole Wu-Tang Clan, who suck without the crazy glue that is Ol’ Dirty Bastard, got all in his ass about claiming that. To which I say so the fuck what? Arent all the members of the Wu in their god damn thirties? I think that is when someone dissing you should roll off your back because YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING MAN! Yet, a few days ago someone decided it was a good idea to go all Michael Jackson’s “Bad” on Mr. Jumpoff and confront him at a festival and then one of them hauled off and hit him in the eye for some dumbass reason. Now that you are all caught up, I have a question for you. At what point do people decide what is a dumb ass idea? The whole concept of hip-hop beef is asinine to me but even more retarded is the thought process that acting like a fucking moron is actually LOOKED HIGHLY UPON BY PEOPLE. Especially Black people in which ignorance is bliss, but more on that later. When is it okay to bring a gang of people to confront ONE PERSON because he “dissed” your GROWN ASS FRIEND? I mean seriously? Is this shit needed? At what point does one just say “Chaaaa, you know what? I just got dissed by the modern day Rob Base. I’m good” rather than act like a 13 year old schoolgirl and spout off with a “OH NO YOU DI-ENT!” and slap their hands at eachother like Friday Night Sissy Fights (Chappelle reference? Anyone?) because they arent smart enough to just get a case of the Phukits? It’s why hip hop is fucking dead. I am just waiting for the “Hambone Comin” remix of Death of Autotune. And while I am talking about his trifiling ass, since when was Jay-Z an authority on anything musical? That nigga uses more samples than clinic and is going to state when a musical trend is over? You know, I’m not even upset at the autotune factor as much as I am upset at the statement about rap becoming “soft” which is something that I have been battling with for a long time. This is a problem that is all over rap now, and it has started a trend that I really am not a fan of:
Homophobia
Now that is a word that I don’t WANT to use. However I have just noticed in the conversations I have had recently with Black people on message boards and forums that there is a level of homophobia in the Black community that needs to be addressed and it is very heavy in the hip hop community:
Now as a straight male that…has “festive tendencies” I must say that the “how ya doin” and “suspect” comments about Blacks that the community things are gay ends up being closed-minded and overall bigoted. Now I am not saying that Black people and gays should join hands and sing “I Will Survive” at every rally but at least act like you understand that there is a plight and it isnt to be ridiculed or ostricized. Yeah, I went there. With all the shit that Black people have gone through, you are some of the most intolerant motherfuckers I have ever met. The only thing seperating Blacks and White conservatives are Confederate flags. Anyone remember the Prop 9 fiasco? Now I understand if you have your beliefs about gay marriage no matter what your race, age or religion. I am saying this, and I don’t care who you are and how well you know me. This is the truth about you, no matter who you are:
If you are against gay marriage, you are intolerant and bigoted. The fact you have the UNMITIGATED NERVE to tell someone that cannot (OR SHOULD NOT) get married to someone they love makes you the kind of person that wouldn’t give a stroller to a teen mother in need (Thanks for the awesome line, Kasey!) and I despise you more than I despise the Turks.
If Jesus was such a loving Jew, he would want ANYONE to pursue their happiness as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Two homosexual people together doesn’t hurt you any more than it hurts Black people that rappers sing. See the parallel? It’s there.
Oh, and for the people saying that marriage is a religious institution and the word of “God” determines what marriage is. Let’s do this: take all the LEGAL AND FINANCIAL BENEFITS from married people. THEN we will see where the skewers meet the meat, as Master Shake would say. Oh, and for those of you that say it says that laying with a man or woman if you are of the same sex is wrong in the Bible I have a few things for you to think about from your “book”:
1. There was a talking bush in the bible
2. A snake talked in there too, I believe
3. Fundamentally says that all humans are inbred because they were born from two people. All races came from those same people, too.
4. Murder happened every 10 minutes. Which is a sin I believe. More so than two chicks scissoring on their honeymoon, that’s for damn sure.
5. A multi-headed dragon. What the fuck is this, Final Fantasy VII? At least it made more fucking sense than the bible and FINAL FANTASY VII MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! Oh, and the movie of Sephiroth was better than the movie for Jesus no matter how many religious fuckbags lined up to see it. People say Transformers 2 and Scary Movie in droves, doesn’t make them any good.
6. Jesus was a Jew.
7. Jesus was a NAPPY HEADED Jew.
8. Jesus loved a bargain. It was why he was such a successful carpenter.
9. I’m pretty sure Judas was queer. You saw how he looked at Jesus. He wanted some divinity if you know what I mean. And I mean “teh gay savior sex.”
Offended yet? Good, that is how I feel about intolerance. Now I say a lot of shit on this blog that reeks of intolerance but at the end of the day, those that know me understand that I am actually one of the (shockingly) most liberal people you will meet. Why? Because who the fuck am I to tell someone who or where they can marry? Who am I to tell someone when or not to bring a child into this world. I think some people SHOULDN’T have children but to each their own. As long as we can make it a law, do what you want as long as it aint gonna hurt nobody:
Kid-N-Play were OBVIOUSLY GAY. Didn’t hurt nobody, though. I mean unless you messed up the Kick Step which was a concussion and a torn ACL waiting to happen. Anyway, it was a round-a-bout blog but the overall message is…um…knowing is half the battle?
YO JOE! GO SEE GI JOE RIGHT NOW!!!! That’s pretty much it. I will blog later on this week about something or another. Until then, stay up and quit being douchebags.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
You Know...I Really Don't Like TMZ.
Guess who is back in the MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE?! With a new blog for your motherfucking mouth! Yes, I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A MONTH SINCE AN UPDATE! First off, shut the fuck up. I am going through a mid-life crisis, you cockmongers. Now I know you say “You’re 28, you are no where near a mid-life crisis” and I tell you that you have a lot of fucking nerve and seeing as how I plan on being dead at 33 like Jesus (Give or take, depending on who you ask and who gives a shit) I am well overdue for a freakout. Things are better now; things are opening up and I have my “either this shit works or I am choosing the escape option FFVII style” plan set as well. In other words…I am fucking back:
Love that song. So with that being said, with it being a month or so since I updated a lot of shit has gone down. Aside from the MJ dying thing which I got over once I realized I didn’t know him and I own all the music from him I care about, there hasn’t been much to bitch about in July, mostly because I was too busy trying to get things back in order after the mindfuck that was the last five days of June. By the way, you know you are when I say this and if you read it I am shocked but I could still care less: EAT A DICK. If I wasn’t such a fan of Heathcliff I would fuck your cat and force you to watch. Or your bastardized creation of a dog.
Anyway, July was a slow news month for me and then…August hit. It is only three five days into the month and already the world has sunken into a level of dipshittery that even I can’t stop the anger about. Let’s get started shall we with the first ever…
Chachi’s Shit That Don’t Make Right Good Sense!
Can A Nigga Eat?
So I for one was glad to see Mike Vick get out of jail. I feel his punishment was too severe for the crimes committed but it is the law and that was the punishment. You can say what you will about my views and I will say to you: eat a dick. So he gets out of jail and people have the all out NERVE to say “he should be banned from football!” to which I say…really? Understand something here; I love dogs. I have had the same dog since Kool and the Gang was running around (Not really, but Shaolin is one old dog) and I would never make him fight other dogs for money because I know he would lose. He aint the toughest dog out there. The simple fact is that Mike Vick was just a small business owner that happened to break several laws and statues in the state of Virginia in regards to taking underpriviledged and disenfranchised dogs off the street and putting them in an environment that they could earn college credit by…killing eachother. Isn’t that the American dream? That and being the greatest professional wrestler of all time?
Okay, that’s just me. Either way, he fucked up. LEGALLY. Fuck your morals and your beliefs on animal rights because they don’t mean shit to me. He broke the law, he was punished and his debt to society has been paid. THE END. It should be up to the discretion of the NFL, the players union and the Pound Puppies on whether Vick should play again. The only thing PETA should be allowed to do is die because I hate them with a passion. I with sodomize a baby seal if it makes one member cry and those are drastic measures but I don’t like fuckwits.
The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that people ignore all the shit others have done but focus on Vick like he has done something worse than others. The Hall of Fame is full of wife beaters, child piledrivers, racists and even murders and no one says shit. Didn’t Ray Lewis stab a nigga DURING SUPER BOWL WEEKEND and he was named Super Bowl MVP? Didn’t Kobe Bryant have butt sex with a White woman (Every man’s dream, don’t you dare lie. It’s great!) and he got away with it? Weren’t Brett Farve and John Daly admitted alcoholics that nearly pissed away their careers? These were things that had NOTHING to do with the game. There wasn’t nary a dog on the field during those Atlanta Falcons games. What happened to those dogs…to me PERSONALLY…wasn’t tragic or wrong. It was illegal and he went to jail for it. That should be it, his time has been served, let this man live his life and leave the decision of whether he plays up to the league.
Women + Technology = NO
You know…I don’t even know what to think anymore. How can we vote for a woman president if they don’t understand THE BASICS? Now if you have ever read ANYTHING I have blogged then you know how I feel about women and technology. I am a firm believer in that if someone violates your privacy by taking pictures of you without your knowledge then that is messed up and you have all reason to be upset. However if you take naked pictures OF YOURSELF on a medium that is easily hacked and then get upset or in an uproar about when they are leaked…well you are on your own, buddy. This proves the Zebra Theory to a fact. Let’s takethis theory to Vanessa Hudgens
A few years ago (Hell, it may have been last year) she got caught in an issue about nude photos of her that were all over the interweb. Now no one knows how they got there, but they did. And everyone was all about the violation of her privacy. To a degree I have to agree but there comes a point where one has to say “You know…people out there have gotten my pictures once so maybe I SHOULD STOP DOING THIS!” Now every female says “It should be my right to take pictures of whatever I want on my phone and not have to worry about it being hacked!” and to that I say if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon. The facts are that people DO hack cell phones and even worse if you send them to your boyfriend and you break up…what the fuck where you thinking in the first place? Seriously? Naked pictures? You really expect them not to go anywhere? Gawd, you must be fucking dense.
Chris Brown and Rihanna….You Know What? Fuck It.
I am so sick of this crap. Not those two, they are just dumb kids doing dumb things. It’s with the people saying “How can she be so stupid?!” and calling Chris Brown a monster. First off, Chris Brown is about as tough as Snagglepuss and twice as queer. Secondly, and follow me on this one because I am going to move fast on this, it is Rihanna’s fault anyway. Now before you all sit back and say “OMG! You support domestic violence?!” I first must say I support punching people in the grill piece that act a fucking fool. Now with THAT being said I am not talking about the supposed ass-whoopin Rihanna got. I am talking about the fact that she could end this bullshit quickly by saying either she is or isn’t interested. By doing that, she creates closure on the subject so everyone can move on to lusting over Megan Fox or whatever. Instead, all she does is leave the door open and does random weirdness like she wants him back. Which is fine, but do understand that people are going to call you a dumbass for trying to stay with him even though he have you the Chris Brown Stunner:
Oddly enough, I am sure this is exactly how it went down. Minus the kick ass music, odds are “Kiss, Kiss” was playing. Either way, both are doing this for the publicity and forgetting the fact that women everywhere are learning that it is okay to go back to a man that kicks your ass in public as long as he can dance. See: Bobby Brown and James Brown. And Chris Brown? What is up with dudes with the last name Brown smacking up on women? I may have just created science, fool!
Well, it’s good to be back. I will drop something else soon. Until then…keep it real.
Chachi Out
Love that song. So with that being said, with it being a month or so since I updated a lot of shit has gone down. Aside from the MJ dying thing which I got over once I realized I didn’t know him and I own all the music from him I care about, there hasn’t been much to bitch about in July, mostly because I was too busy trying to get things back in order after the mindfuck that was the last five days of June. By the way, you know you are when I say this and if you read it I am shocked but I could still care less: EAT A DICK. If I wasn’t such a fan of Heathcliff I would fuck your cat and force you to watch. Or your bastardized creation of a dog.
Anyway, July was a slow news month for me and then…August hit. It is only three five days into the month and already the world has sunken into a level of dipshittery that even I can’t stop the anger about. Let’s get started shall we with the first ever…
Chachi’s Shit That Don’t Make Right Good Sense!
Can A Nigga Eat?
So I for one was glad to see Mike Vick get out of jail. I feel his punishment was too severe for the crimes committed but it is the law and that was the punishment. You can say what you will about my views and I will say to you: eat a dick. So he gets out of jail and people have the all out NERVE to say “he should be banned from football!” to which I say…really? Understand something here; I love dogs. I have had the same dog since Kool and the Gang was running around (Not really, but Shaolin is one old dog) and I would never make him fight other dogs for money because I know he would lose. He aint the toughest dog out there. The simple fact is that Mike Vick was just a small business owner that happened to break several laws and statues in the state of Virginia in regards to taking underpriviledged and disenfranchised dogs off the street and putting them in an environment that they could earn college credit by…killing eachother. Isn’t that the American dream? That and being the greatest professional wrestler of all time?
Okay, that’s just me. Either way, he fucked up. LEGALLY. Fuck your morals and your beliefs on animal rights because they don’t mean shit to me. He broke the law, he was punished and his debt to society has been paid. THE END. It should be up to the discretion of the NFL, the players union and the Pound Puppies on whether Vick should play again. The only thing PETA should be allowed to do is die because I hate them with a passion. I with sodomize a baby seal if it makes one member cry and those are drastic measures but I don’t like fuckwits.
The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that people ignore all the shit others have done but focus on Vick like he has done something worse than others. The Hall of Fame is full of wife beaters, child piledrivers, racists and even murders and no one says shit. Didn’t Ray Lewis stab a nigga DURING SUPER BOWL WEEKEND and he was named Super Bowl MVP? Didn’t Kobe Bryant have butt sex with a White woman (Every man’s dream, don’t you dare lie. It’s great!) and he got away with it? Weren’t Brett Farve and John Daly admitted alcoholics that nearly pissed away their careers? These were things that had NOTHING to do with the game. There wasn’t nary a dog on the field during those Atlanta Falcons games. What happened to those dogs…to me PERSONALLY…wasn’t tragic or wrong. It was illegal and he went to jail for it. That should be it, his time has been served, let this man live his life and leave the decision of whether he plays up to the league.
Women + Technology = NO
You know…I don’t even know what to think anymore. How can we vote for a woman president if they don’t understand THE BASICS? Now if you have ever read ANYTHING I have blogged then you know how I feel about women and technology. I am a firm believer in that if someone violates your privacy by taking pictures of you without your knowledge then that is messed up and you have all reason to be upset. However if you take naked pictures OF YOURSELF on a medium that is easily hacked and then get upset or in an uproar about when they are leaked…well you are on your own, buddy. This proves the Zebra Theory to a fact. Let’s takethis theory to Vanessa Hudgens
A few years ago (Hell, it may have been last year) she got caught in an issue about nude photos of her that were all over the interweb. Now no one knows how they got there, but they did. And everyone was all about the violation of her privacy. To a degree I have to agree but there comes a point where one has to say “You know…people out there have gotten my pictures once so maybe I SHOULD STOP DOING THIS!” Now every female says “It should be my right to take pictures of whatever I want on my phone and not have to worry about it being hacked!” and to that I say if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon. The facts are that people DO hack cell phones and even worse if you send them to your boyfriend and you break up…what the fuck where you thinking in the first place? Seriously? Naked pictures? You really expect them not to go anywhere? Gawd, you must be fucking dense.
Chris Brown and Rihanna….You Know What? Fuck It.
I am so sick of this crap. Not those two, they are just dumb kids doing dumb things. It’s with the people saying “How can she be so stupid?!” and calling Chris Brown a monster. First off, Chris Brown is about as tough as Snagglepuss and twice as queer. Secondly, and follow me on this one because I am going to move fast on this, it is Rihanna’s fault anyway. Now before you all sit back and say “OMG! You support domestic violence?!” I first must say I support punching people in the grill piece that act a fucking fool. Now with THAT being said I am not talking about the supposed ass-whoopin Rihanna got. I am talking about the fact that she could end this bullshit quickly by saying either she is or isn’t interested. By doing that, she creates closure on the subject so everyone can move on to lusting over Megan Fox or whatever. Instead, all she does is leave the door open and does random weirdness like she wants him back. Which is fine, but do understand that people are going to call you a dumbass for trying to stay with him even though he have you the Chris Brown Stunner:
Oddly enough, I am sure this is exactly how it went down. Minus the kick ass music, odds are “Kiss, Kiss” was playing. Either way, both are doing this for the publicity and forgetting the fact that women everywhere are learning that it is okay to go back to a man that kicks your ass in public as long as he can dance. See: Bobby Brown and James Brown. And Chris Brown? What is up with dudes with the last name Brown smacking up on women? I may have just created science, fool!
Well, it’s good to be back. I will drop something else soon. Until then…keep it real.
Chachi Out
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