Hey peeps! It has been a while since I have posted anything new and life has taken quite a sharp turn toward the “Really? Well, I’ll be damned” so I am in a bit of recoil and recovery. That and over the weekend I pretty much went buck on the golf course and realized that Peppermint Schnapps is NOT a good idea. EVER. But I had fun and that is all that matters.
So I want to talk about a little something that I have really touched on in a bit. No, not Asuka Hinoi (And her fine, now legal ass) but over the last few weeks I am noticing that I have kind of calmed down on the anger tip. Sure when I am on the road I may threaten to skullfuck a feline every now and again but who doesn’t? For the most part I am have noticed that my rage is being replaced a lot by…apathy. Which at first I was rather concerned about because I felt like not caring is worse than being livid all the time but I realized something about apathy: it is as close to pure enlightenment as you can come to without actually going on a spirit journey. I mean you are literally at peace with the fact that everything is as is and all you can do is what you can…so you stop giving a shit. Which in essence is the core of being complete with yourself: knowing you and saying “fuck the world” if they can’t adjust but at the same time understanding that the world does its own thing and it is up to you to decide to integrate with it or go into the mountains and be a shutout…shut-in…shut up? Either way…
Since I have started my whole apathy thing, life has been nowhere near as bad. Or maybe it has; I have been too apathetic to care but from what I could tell it was better than the days I wanted to run my car over Sand Creek Bridge and drown in the…5 inches of water. I had one rather…odd sequence of events last month (Wait, March) that made me question whether women needed to be eradicated but that was to be expected because if my life is anything, it is cruel and ironic comedy for The Wolven. He can be a douche, but he provides me with the souls of children and puppies I need to survive on. Aside from that, everything has been a sea of B+ events. Hell, I might even be able to say the last few months have been…
Good.
Now I try not to get too excited when things go well because the last time I did that I ended up sitting on Copper’s couch with a Blue Moon wondering how in the hell I managed to fuck up again, except this time a lot faster and messier than usual. Which wasn’t BAD as much as it wasn’t where I expected to be. Now I don’t expect to be anywhere. I don’t assume I am getting anything or am going anywhere because nothing is guaranteed. Instead, I know where I want to go, what I want to do and how I want to get there so I leave nothing to chance because I know everything about the plan of action. And I don’t tell the hero my full plan before I start it, either. That’s just dumb.
So part of the process of getting to this point of indifferent enlightenment (GOD, I NEED TO WRITE A FUCKING BOOK) was acknowledging the things that pissed me off and addressing WHY they did so. Now some of them are a given. White people piss me off and that aint gonna change, as do Black people and sockpuppets. As does the word “bromance.” But most everything else I took a look at and said: is this worth getting mad about? You know what? They all were. Since that failed miserably, I decided to just accept that asshatery and fuckwitation will forever be here and to get upset rarely changes them. Then, all of a sudden I became more effective. Mostly because when you don’t care about anything you just do what you do and don’t care how people feel about it. Usually that ends up in getting arrested but with me it was the exact opposite; I DIDN’T get arrested. Things actually began to unsuck. It was rather refreshing in comparison to a lot of the things that have been happening.
So I wanted to do something I have started at work because…I like making White people feel uncomfortable. Now what we have a Black president I have to try twice as hard to put the fear of the black planet in them to boot. Since I was trying to turn over a new leaf in the anger and jaded department I decided to list what bugged me and there are still a few things that make me want to slap the shit out of a bunny. So, today is the first installment of…
101 Things That Piss Me The Hell Off!
Now I wanted to do 1,001 but I noticed that a lot of things over lap so I decided to consolidate like 85% of them but here we go. In backward order…
101. Crabapples: Only good for throwing at children in the grade below you. Although if they were called Unicornapples everyone would love them. I smell marketing campaign!
100. The New York Yankees: Or the whole state of New York. That place is a hole and the people there know it. The Yankees however are just uppity shits. Not as uppity as ANOTHER TEAM I will get into later.
99. Jell-O Shots: If you do these, you are a fuckwit. That is all, really. I just think they are stupid and Bill Cosby is ashamed of you, Vanessa! Go to your room!
98. Hangovers: I have only had one and a half hangovers (Feel free to ask me when if you must and I will try to put the pieces of the night together. Although one was the day I got laid off the first time) but man did they suck. Oh, and I don’t blame me for doing it. I blame Stolis for being the WELL VODKA EVERYWHERE! God, it taste like Communism.
97. The Verizon Network: Yeah, it’s the network. And if fucking sucks donkey dicks. I hate them with all my fiber and being. However, since I enjoy abuse and see any attention as good attention I am still with them. Even though they beat me for not having dinner ready on time. And drop my calls all the time.
96. Capri Pants: Ladies, either wear shorts or wear pants. Wearing these were cool for about 7 months in like 1998 and then they should have went away. And before you run under the notion that all that you do should be considered hot and therefore men shouldn’t give you fashion advice remember: Japan is 1 year from making Persacons. You will be obsolete soon, so you better shape the fuck up and LOSE THE FUCKING CAPRIS!
95. Dijon Mustard: Yeah, if French’s aint good enough for you then you don’t need it. On another note, I don’t want mustard on my grilled ham and cheese sandwich. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! Oh yeah…White people. More on you later.
94. Turkey (The country, not the food): It is fucking Istanbul, not Constantinople. GET IT RIGHT, YOU SWARTHY FUCKS!
93. Laser focus: I swear; people who used to work with me know how much I hate this. If I ever hear someone tell me this where I am at now someone is getting their ass whooped.
92. Panasonic 3DO: $799?! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?! I don’t care how awesome John Madden Football was (And it WAS KILLER), I aint spending enough to get liposuction on a god damn gaming system.
91. Lynard Skynard: I guess I don’t care enough about them to be pissed at them but I am pissed at their fans for the most part. Understand something: Every band from the British Invasion > Lynard Skynard. Yes, even The Beatles. AND YOU KNOW THOSE FUCKERS ARE ON HERE.
90. YMCA: I guess I should blame the Villiage People but all I know is that I could not get a good meal and I could not do whatever I felt. It was just people exercising! WHAT THE FUCK? I will say that they had the Navy dead on. Gayer than 8 men felching on Liberace’s birthday.
I will try to do about ten a day until we get to number one. And no Copper, it isn’t women, bros or niggas. I pretty much gave away numbers two through four though. IN WHAT ORDER, THOUGH?!
Be back for the Countdown…which will be up after I see Terminator: Salvation tonight. Stay up, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
