Okay, there is something that has to be said right here and right now.
Black people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU WON JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
White people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU LOST JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Asian people: Stay cool. You have been all calm during this time of racial dipshittery and I appreciate your zen-like calm. It’s why I hang out with you guys. Aside from the being punched in the nose thing which was all good.
Latin people: Um…yeah. How are things going? Haven’t heard from you in a while since Rebelde broke up. I’m sad, too. Feel free to speak the hell up, you know?!
I had to get that out because people are acting like fucktards about what is going on as a nation and I have to just tell people that maybe shutting the fuck up and doing what the hell you do is the best strategy. Just saying; you don’t like it when people critique YOUR job when you just started doing it (Either good or bad) so don’t do it to someone else especially on a grander scale. Quit being morons.
So a few things before I head in for the night:
One To Grow On #1: Schoolgirls Learning Their ABC’s…and ATM.
So I had a pretty interesting conversation last week while at work because I don’t get paid enough to do so (Kind of funny how that works) and I was asked a question that I had been asked before but never really cared to answer:
“What is it with men wanting women to dress like schoolgirls?”
First off, this conversation started from how much I despise Catholics and she went to a Catholic school and has the outfit still so do the math. What was odd is that I may be the minority in saying that women dressing up in any kind of “wannabe-loli” get up doesn’t really do much for me…and I’m lonely has hell. As far as I am concerned the whole kick of the “pigtails” and the “cheerleader” bullshit are just dudes that don’t have the balls to look Chris Hansen in the eyes and say “we’re not gonna take it!”
I can only speak for myself when I say that I don’t want some woman my age (Or older…ugh) dressing up like a schoolgirl. I want a SCHOOLGIRL DRESSING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL. Since the Party Van and the masses of this punkass country in general frown on F2T (Five to ten, check out the post) action, the only thing one can do if they really want to have a schoolgirl and not a woman trying to relive her glory(hole) days: go to Japan. Yeah, I said it. Japan knows that a woman’s value drops exponentially after the age of 14 so they hits’em young and they hits’em ROUGH. I mean damn, even I feel bad for some of these women but at the end of the day, bukkake is kind of like going into a Compton club wearing all red: things can end up really bad, or REALLY BAD. You know damn well if you are the only woman in a sea of men in Japan that you are going to get covered in baby batter or you are Cher performing at a USO show:
What can I say, gay men love Cher and the Navy is totally gay.
One To Grow On #2: Hip Hop Beef Is Stupid And No One Cares Anymore
About beef OR hip hop. You know why Lil’ Wayne is making a rock album and Kanye West channeled Roger Troutman, David Bowie and Night Ranger (Check the nigga mullet! Or the nullet as I call it!) for their last albums? One was to be different, two was to get more white women (And isn’t that what we all want, fellas? Amirite?) but three was because hip hop is dead. Every time two rappers have beef they are taking the corpse, pulling down its pants and Jodie Fostering it. Yes, I said Jodie Fostering it. If the reputation of hip hop hasn’t suffered enough from being known as materialistic (Which is true), misogynistic (Which is true but no more than some other forms of music but rap is an easy target because a lot of words rhyme with “bitch” and “hoe”) and violent (Which is also true but so is everything. Have you heard Bruce Springsteen? He’s beefing with Tom Petty now!) but now we have random and talentless asshats running around talking ridiculous because they think it will sell records. You know what, fucktards? NIGGAS DON’T BUY RECORDS! They have internet in the hood now, jerkass! Besides, anyone dumb enough to actually BUY a 50 Cent, Rick Ross, Bow Wow, Soulja Boy or Saigon record needs their ass whooped any-fucking-way. Yes, I left out Joe Buddens because I like Joey and no one buys a Joe Buddens CD anyway.
I think that rap beef should have consequences. I know it sounds messed up, but I think that if you decide to start up a rap beef then one of you has to branded with a big “JA” for Ja Rule (Or jerkass) on their forehead. That means first off that you can’t half-ass a beef. See Dr. Dre/Jermaine Dupri. Secondly, it means that you better be sure as hell you can win the thing and just don’t talk trash to get a name for yourself because no one remembers you (See: Eminem/Canibus). Rappers, much like a puppy that won’t stop pissing on the carpet, needs some tough love. Some of that thuggin’ love:
Anyway…
One To Grow On #3: People Are No Better Than PETA…And PETA Can Lick My Balls
Okay, I am shocked to see that people are still talking about the Chris Brown/Rihanna “Rumble in the Gallardo” like it means something. It was an issue between two dumbass people that ended in a way that most dumbass situations end: jokes for me. My issue isn’t with the act (Which wasn’t cool. I mean, I personally blame Lamborghini for not making a larger area for the front seats. Had they rented a Hummer or a Saturn Aura, she may have whooped his ass. I’m just saying), it is with the response of people. Just like PETA, people only care when PRETTY PEOPLE get their ass kicked.
Where was the uproar when Bobby Brown was kicking Whitney’s ass for taking the last rock? Where was the outrage when Britney was breaking chairs over Kevin Federline’s head? Why did no one call for an arrest when Lionel Ritchie’s ex-wife was kicking his ass all over a Motel 6?! I will tell you why: they all look like they were beat with an ugly stick with a nail in it. Since Rihanna is supposedly pretty (I think her head reminds me of the alien in “Kill All Humans” and she sounds like two possum fucking, but that is just me) everyone is all like “NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!” I honestly think that if you are going to get mad because Chris Brown knocked Rihanna upside her head…and face…for changing the station from Rick Astley then you have to get mad at Bobby Brown for going upside Whitney’s head for eating the last of the Rice Krispies. Crackheads love them some Rice Krispies.
That is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow. If not…I will be back when I fucking get back. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
