What is up, peeps?! I am back again real quick because…well it has been 48 hours since I have had a drink and I am running on about 5 hours of sleep over the last three days. HELLS YES!!! I give it until Wednesday until I start seeing giant blue panda bears dancing to Debbie Gibson’s “Shake Your Love”:
I am MESSED UP. No seriously, this shit aint normal. Even though I like “Lost In Your Eyes” a hell of a lot better. So I do have to say that the urge of getting back into blogging again has been really helpful. A friend of mine brought up a great point about sometimes life gets in the way of doing the things you enjoy which are simple and you take for granted until you don’t do them anymore. I must say that this has been one of them. After taking time to read my past blogs…they were scathing as hell. At least I didn’t keep that rage inside and got it out in a forum where people could say “FUCK YOU, FUCKY!” or “I FUCKING AGREE WITH YOU, FUCKY!” which was always a great thing.
Today while I sat in my cubicle wondering what I’m heading for, wishing I could take myself to the sky (LOST IN YOUR EYES, BITCHES! TWO DEBBIE GIBSON REFERENCES IN ONE BLOG EQUALS WIN!) when something hit me. It was something I must have thought about before because it has been in literature for YEARS but from a logical standpoint it is one many adults just chalk up to living in “reality” but honestly…
WHAT HAPPENS TO A DREAM DEFERRED?
Now a lot of people say “I run my own business, that’s my dream!” which is fine but that is not what I mean. When I say a dream deferred, I am talking about when you were 7 or 8 and wanted to be a ninja or a vampire hunting ballerina? Now that sounds made up, but in the 6th grade there was a girl who said she wanted to be that and god damn it I should have married that crazy ass girl because THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME DREAM EVER. I digress. I mean, when I was young I wanted to be Batman and the only thing that really kept me from being Batman is I couldn’t decide which Batman I wanted to be. The Adam West Batman or the Frank Miller “The Dark Knight Returns” Batman. I thought it would be a good idea to be both but I don’t see Adam West breaking the arms of gang leaders nor the grizzled Batman doing the Bat-tusi or having shark repellant in his utility belt. Those dreams kind of just fade away…and for what? I am sure no one wakes up at 10 and says “I want to work in a cubicle and do the minimum with my potential” but at what point are the dreams we had as kids just…dreams? Not goals that seem a little hard to achieve but just ideas the dissolve like so much Alka-Seltzer after a bad night of tequila and Guinness? Maybe a dream…is a goal without the ambition to see it through to fruition? Just some of the things I think about when I wonder how I got where I am and how I lived this long. As a lot of you know…I have kind of lived a life that has been an adventure…that should be lived BY NO ONE. That should be the name of my book.
So another thing before I go because I really need to get some fucking sleep. As many of you know it was a few friends (You know who you are YC and KC. And Griff but part of our deal as friends is that we never admit when we are wrong AND HE CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL THE TIMES HE BEAT ME AT NBA JAM. Fuck yo SNES, nigga) that have slapped some sense into me after my constant dipshittery and walking headlong into shit that was bad I should have seen a mile away. I am forever greatful, but there was a second person that got me through the last two years of ?WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” moments. That person was Christopher Titus.
Now it was tragic comedy when about 80% of his comedy specials I could go “AH HA!” and “I totally should have seen that! Specifically…her right hand” but at the end of the day there was nothing to do but…well, get over it. Oh, and quit being a wussy. No one goes through their childhood unscathed and the wounds you open as a teenager are the scars you must heal as an adult. If you can never heal those wounds, you will never get better and what holds you where you are will ultimately drown you. Whether it is ideals, motivations or people you have to jettison what doesn’t advance you and embrace what does. In other words:
Couldn’t have said it better myself: when shit hits the fan, step out of the way of the fan. The metaphor is so fucking awesome I will just let you sit and marinate on that until next time. I am tired as shit and I am checking out. I will try to be back at some point this week. It’s good to be back, peeps. It’s good to be back.
Chachi Out
