So Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo showed me an article today…and I think if my boil hadn’t ALREADY ruptured, it would have after reading this shit:
8 Things Guys Say They Hate about Women But Secretly Love
Man…I am so about to have fun with THIS SHIT.
"I hate when my girlfriend works late, but I secretly love how motivated she is and how much she cares about everything she does."
—Alex, 24
Okay, first off woman should not work! Unless work involve mouth love or cooking! Okay, I kid about that but seriously. A while back I posted a rant about this same statement except if it was a MAN staying late and working hard then either he:
1. Isn’t paying enough attention to you and you should leave his ass
2. He is spending time away to be with another woman at work and you should leave his ass
3. His job is more important to him than you so you should leave his ass
Now don’t get me wrong, all of those are valid arguments if you are an attention whore or a moron. However, the fact is that there is nothing wrong with working long hours whether you are male or a female as long as the other partner is okay with it and it doesn’t hamper the relationship. Fuck motivation, women only care about themselves as do EVERYONE ELSE. Aint nothing wrong with that, either. The only selfless person on Earth is Peter Parker and it took him losing his uncle to his own douchery to make that happen. Think about that for a moment. Anyway, this quote is obviously from a fucktard.
"I tell her I hate it when she whines, but it's actually cute. It makes me feel needed and important and manly — like I can provide for her and that will stop her whining. I should add that it's a once-in-a-while pleasure."
—Matt, 27
Um…is it just me or is that a slight BURN? I mean my providing for her will stop her whining? That could be seen as a nice thing but at the end of the day should she be whining to start off with? There is a big difference between whining and legitimate concerns. You provide resolutions for legitimate concerns. You ignore the shit out of whining. Homie needs to learn the difference or he will end up…well, like me. You don’t want that!
"I would be bummed out if she canceled her Us Weekly subscription. I hate having to see Spencer Pratt's ugly mug all the time, but it turns out to be the perfect magazine to read in the bathroom."
—Scott, 33
….FUCK NO. Personally, I either read manga or Wizard Magazine in the bathroom but that is just me. Shows my interest and my geekdom. But this dude sucks and needs to be shot because WHAT IN THE FUCK IS A SPENCER PRATT?
"I'm around a lot of women who are very worried. It seems as if everything you do is followed by a question: Why did you do that? Are you all right? You sure you're not hungry? I always talk about how I hate these incessant questions, but I know deep down if they stopped I would feel less important. It's good to know that people care about you enough to ask those questions, even though they might be annoying."
—Ben, 25
First off, women don’t care about you. They care that you THINK that they care about you. Really put that line in motion and think about it and you will understand and if you didn’t already know it will BLOW YOUR MIND. That and much like cats, they know that in some way shape or form you are their provider whether it be of food, attention or changing of the litter box (Although I am not sure women are too keen on pooping in a box because ladies don’t poop! Amirite, ladies?) so they HAVE to let you pet them or show you some attention to act like they give a shit. But in the end, a cat would sell you out for a squeak toy and some salmon if they knew it would always be there. Just like a woman will leave you if she sees a bigger and better deal. Nothing wrong with that at all; I know I would. That’s because I am a golddigger. Can’t be hanging with no broke bitches:
Oh, I say it and I’m an asshole. WHATEVA, BITCH…I needs to get paid.
"I always complain about how my girlfriend expects me to do all of the 'man stuff' around the house, like replacing light bulbs and taking out the trash, but I secretly like it."
—Mat, 25
See, this is the crap I am talking about when I say women and men are both fucking idiots. Doing things around the house isn’t “man’s work” or “wo-man’s work.” IT IS JUST FUCKING WORK. Maybe I am looking at this wrong and that is why every relationship I have had has crashed and burned like the Saudi Arabian pilots (Too soon? Naaaaaah!) but I honestly think that roles in a relationship should be done by whose qualified, not by who is gender specific. Just me, I guess.
"I would be bummed if my girlfriend stopped planning out our evenings several days in advance. It makes it easy for me because I don't have to plan anything, but it is annoying sometimes how organized a person can be."
—Brian, 24
WHAT ARE YOU, TEN?! Now I have noticed that I stopped making plans because the things I like to do (Go to the theater, museums and the whatnot) are areas of entertainment usually frequented by gay men and older women which…is why my life has become increasingly rougher from 24 until now. But thems the breaks. This guy reminds me of an old man that calls his wife “mom” and has her lay out his clothes and pills. Don’t be that man, peeps. Be Chris Brown for all I care, but DON’T BE THAT MAN.
"My girlfriend has a tendency of stating the obvious. What I mean is that she will tell me to do something that I am clearly either in the process of doing or going to do. See, you girls always assume that we are eventually going to screw up and do something stupid, so you feel obliged to remind us at every opportunity.
It drives me nuts, but I guarantee that the moment she stops paying attention to what I'm doing or to if I'm doing it the way it should be done, I start feeling like she just doesn't care! So after a grunt or two, I go and fetch her to ask her opinion. Go figure!"
—James, 25
Yeah, this will get you popped in your whore mouth! With this, I am not joking. Women screw up a hell of a lot more than men it’s just men’s screw ups are a lot more publicized. A woman screw up is being dumb enough to get knocked up by her jump off. A man’s screw up is…the Holocaust. Come on, that shit is funny!
In all seriousness, I don’t get how this can be seen as “cute” or anything other than annoying. If I ever ask anyone about their opinion about anything you know either I am drunk or on the verge of death because I could give a fuck what anyone thinks that aint my mom, my dog or David Motherfucking Bowie. Not even in that damn order. If I have learned nothing in my days on this Earth, I have learned that you ain’t trying to help Ike with all that talking. Now shut up and put some stank on it!
"I hate when my girlfriend watches shows like The Hills and The City, but recently I find myself secretly loving Monday TV nights."
—Jake, 26
Fuck you. Monday Nights are made for one thing and one thing only: RANDY MOTHERFUCKING ORTON!
If you watch anything else on Monday Night aside from Randy Orton punting a McMahon in the head a week, you are wasting your time. That is all.
Countdown up tomorrow. Then more fricking time at the doctor’s office. All worth it, though.
Chachi Out
