Since I’m on here, a few things I need to update you one. First things first: Bleach has ended the sucking a bit. The Bounto are in Soul Society and HITSUGAYA WAS KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES IN EPISODE 104!! My god, if there was anyone that could hang with Chuck Norris, it MAY be him. Emphasis on MAY, because Chuck Norris would kill my dog for saying anything more than that. Even still, Bleach is starting to get up there with Death Note in the awesome department. Oh, and by the way: DEATH NOTE IS FUCKED UP. Wow…just kick ass.
On the note of TV shows, I just got caught up on Heroes a few weeks ago and watched over the last few weeks to finalize things. That show is average. It is kind of interesting to see how comic books are still looked at as ‘kiddie mediums’ yet Heroes has obvious roots in comics like Freshman and even the younger teams like Runaways and Young Avengers. Nothing says angst like teens with superpowers. Or mecha, but we won’t see anything like THAT here because it rules to fucking much. Even still, I guess it is watchable, just not as good as The Tick. Greatest superhero show ever. The cartoon, I mean. HONK IF YOU LOVE JUSTICE!
On to something that is truly sucking. Aqua Teen Hunger Force officially is pissing me off. After a kick ass 3rd/4th season (The Gorgatron is in love! Shoot him in the head!) the new episodes I waited for SUCK IT DRY. Aside from Handbanana, the new season has been shitty. Frylock has cancer? A grill that destroys the environment? An episode about marijuana use? What the fuck is this, an after-school special?! Geez, the movie better rule all because if it doesn’t I will never watch another episode of the Aqua Teens. It hurts me to say that because that was the best show on Adult Swim.
Okay, its commentary time. I can’t really call this a rant because I’m not upset as much as I am noticing something. After the Handbanana episode of Aqua Teen, the Health Inspector episode of The Boondocks and the Bro Rape investigation circulating the internet (BROOOOOOOO!) I have noticed something. Rape is kind of funny.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT……WAIT!!
Now let me explain. Each of these episodes focus on one thing: man on man sodomy. Has it become socially acceptable to find humor in the back-door robbery of male virtue? Let me be the first to say….yeah. I myself have never been raped and don’t want to. So I cannot comment on the emotional or physical ramifications of the act of being sexually assaulted. However, I am going to say this. ANYTHING is funny as long as it is context. Now rape (no matter what the sex) is an act of violence backed by the delusion of sexual gratification and the dehumanization of the victim. Which is fucking funny if someone is being raped by a dog made of a gloves’ DNA. I am not an advocate of rape by any stretch of the imagination. I am a fan of comedy, though. So the question is, if contextually done, can rape be a punch line? Racism, murder, anti-Semitism, diseases, drug abuse and domestic violence have all been used as punch lines for decades. Is rape any different? Just food for thought, peeps.
Holy shit; there was a Miami Vice movie?! Talk about a rape of the mind. I completely blocked that out. Speaking of Colin Farrel and failed conquests, anyone seen the whole Britney Spears/Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan Triangle of Terror? Or as I like to call them, The Gullyholes (Ok…that is supposed to be a FF X-2 reference. If you didn’t play the game you kind of won’t get it…sigh I’m a nerd)? My god, only Britney Spears could follow up the best move of her career with the worst one. To go from K-Fed as a husband to Paris Hilton as anything but a walking stick (because she’s skinny…eh, fuck it) is a true step down. Fuck the woman being famous, fuck her being the only woman aside from Madonna and Angelina Jolie (YOU BROKE UP BRAD AND JEN, YOU BIG LIPPED WHORE!!!) I can call a slut and not feel bad about it. She is just worthless, and I don’t toss that phrase around lightly on people except…well, Kevin Federline. I don’t know if Britney just lives to make bad choices or if she is desperate for attention since she aint had a hit that wasn’t Bobby Brown’s in three years or so. And by the way, that was not cool to put out a reality show about being a fucked up former pop star married to a dumbass. Whitney and Bobby invented and PERFECTED IT. Anyway, its none of my business what she does but…IT’S PARIS HILTON! If Britney didn’t catch something from K-Fed, she probably got infected with the airborne virus that is the SyphilAIDSorrea by being around Paris. Eh, people are stupid. Only someone completely stupid would wear this:
You know who is REAL stupid. Hayden Panettiere. Yes, I KNOW she is only 17. Yes, I know that putting her in a box and marrying her when she turns 18 (August 21st, 2007 but who is counting) is kind of against the law. I know that her unrequited love (see, it DOES sound better than stalking!) should tell me that she is not interested. Even still, I think she is….quite nice. When I saw these pictures….I cried peeps. I cried:
Yes, my future wife (If the ‘love restriction’ imposed by Sowelu isn’t renewed. Yes, it is known to laymen as a restraining order) is shopping with Paris Hilton. Oh, but it gets worse peeps. Look if you dare at THIS!
And even worse...this:
HAYDEN, YOU ARE SMOKING?! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
My god….I’m hyperventilating…remember the good times…
OH YES YOU CAN. Yep, I’d hit that. Aaahhh, and you WONDER why I want to marry that woman, Jen?! Look at that. I mean LOOK AT HER, don’t glance her over. Ain’t nowhere to go after that but up because she can only get older! AND HAWTER! That was until I saw THIS:
Are you dancing on a pole? Okay, I know that should make me happy in pants, but it doesn’t. Not at all. Especially since Paris doesn’t know her way around a pole. I saw the movie, I’ve seen better pole work from Batman and Robin. I mean when they slid down the pole into the Batcave, get your minds out of the gutter. Hm, that didn’t sound less innuendo laden. I just…I hope she gets out of this ‘hang out with the albacore’ phase soon. You saw what it did to Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan. Or didn’t because they disappear into cracks because they don’t fucking eat anymore. Please leave her Hayden! Leave and come to me!
Well, it’s about that time. Seeing as how I have to leave for work in like…eight minutes I bid the peeps adieu. I will be back on Friday to return to the regular schedule of the Chachi Top 20 Countdown! Until then, stay up peeps.
BTW, did you know that Hayden was Kairi in Kingdom Hearts 2?
OH YES YOU CAN. Yep, I’d hit that. Aaahhh, and you WONDER why I want to marry that woman, Jen?! Look at that. I mean LOOK AT HER, don’t glance her over. Ain’t nowhere to go after that but up because she can only get older! AND HAWTER! That was until I saw THIS:
Are you dancing on a pole? Okay, I know that should make me happy in pants, but it doesn’t. Not at all. Especially since Paris doesn’t know her way around a pole. I saw the movie, I’ve seen better pole work from Batman and Robin. I mean when they slid down the pole into the Batcave, get your minds out of the gutter. Hm, that didn’t sound less innuendo laden. I just…I hope she gets out of this ‘hang out with the albacore’ phase soon. You saw what it did to Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan. Or didn’t because they disappear into cracks because they don’t fucking eat anymore. Please leave her Hayden! Leave and come to me!
Well, it’s about that time. Seeing as how I have to leave for work in like…eight minutes I bid the peeps adieu. I will be back on Friday to return to the regular schedule of the Chachi Top 20 Countdown! Until then, stay up peeps.
BTW, did you know that Hayden was Kairi in Kingdom Hearts 2?
Wow, if Hayden dressed as Kairi maybe…nah even I’m not THAT dirty. Screw that game anyway, Jiminy Cricket and his dumb ass side quest. Still haven’t completed that damn book.
Live, Laugh and Love.
Live, Laugh and Love.
