What is up, peeps? It is another Monday and all I have to say is…bleh. This last weekend was interesting to say the least. Thursday was eye opening and Friday at the Tavern was AWESOME. Love seeing white people getting injured to the Cupid Shuffle:
So I quickly wanted to talk about something that a friend of mine pointed out to me. These things are the epitome of annoyance and are some of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. As a man, these things disgust me to a point of looking for other places to frequent because these horrible inventions are there. I am talking about flushless urinals.
Now I have only had to deal with these in newer malls (Park Meadows, I am looking at YOU) and most airports I have landed at over the last few years and until I had it brought to my attention and thought about it, these things are fucking gross. Yes, I know they save the environment by using no water and blah blah blah yakkity smackity but honestly think about this. Whenever you use a urinal, no matter how awesome you are…you get splash back. It is disgusting and annoying but it is a fact of life. Usually, it’s YOUR splash back that hits you in a regular urinal. Plus some nasty ass toilet water, but it is your pee none the less. In a flushless urinal…not so much. You are pretty much R. Kellying yourself because when there is splashback in a urinal that doesn’t flush the persons pee before you is likely still in there. That shit is GROSS.
We all watched “A Convenient Truth” (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….whoo…man, Rick and I wish we could get that 30 minutes back) and we know that we need to conserve cake and paper but man, saving the environment shouldn’t mean that I get pissed on. I am just saying.
Well, I needed to get that off my chest. I will be back soon with another quick rant. Going out after work because…it seems like something odd always happens at EVERY JOB I WORK. I really need to make a sitcom out of my life. It would make things a lot more interesting. Until then, stay up peeps.
Peeps, we have a problem. For the first time in about…six years or so I think I am sick. It doesn’t happen very often so I am kind of irritated about it because I rarely get ill, let alone get all flu-like and stuff. I am still working, though. Mostly because I can’t be Ciroc Smooth Man of the Year if I let a cold get me down from being at my smoothest:
Smooth don’t take no sabbatical! Man, I wish I could float. I’d have mad honeys.
So I sexual harassment is the topic of this week as it is the beginning of the year and people are being told by their employer that they have to take it because somewhere, somehow….people STILL don’t know what sexual harassment is. Or they choose to ignore the rules and do it anyway which is both douchebaggery and awesomeness all wrapped up into one. I won’t go into all the stories I have heard and seen about sexual harassment but I must say that after being a manager twice (Once directly, once indirectly…because managing outsourced labor out of India is like Bollywood without the awesome dancing):
I would KILL for just once a dance sequence to break out at a job without people looking at you like you just gave their cat a Rusty Venture. They make the day go by faster AND they are a cheap and entertaining team building exercise. Think about your job and how much better it would be if there were spontaneous dance numbers choreographed by Debbie Allen. You think about that, I will continue on.
So on a promo for “House” he was asked by a student (I didn’t really care about the plot, something about a Career Day. Sue me, I don’t really care for the show anymore) “Isn’t that sexual harassment?” to which he responded something along the lines of “Only if the person isn’t hot.” Now this statement made me laugh because it is one of those truths that no one wants to admit but it is the EXACT REASON why sexual harassment is so prevalent: The sexual harassment you want, you don’t get. And the sexual harassment you get…you don’t want.
Okay, now that is a play on a line from The New Guy (An underrated movie, mind you) but I think that it holds true. Americans, for all their depravity, horniness and overall perversity (I’ve seen the internet, and I can’t unsee the majority of it) that we show…we are a totally repressed bunch of high schoolers when it comes to sex. Just dry-humping couches and seeing music videos that look like Caligula meets Lil’ Jon but at the same time the collective minds of the country explode into Jesus Speak when we see a nipple on TV or see two dudes kissing. It is kind of off and the awkward union of conservatism and sexual freedom has screwed up the workplace and made it so I can’t watch a Girl’s Generation video at work and not be seen as a freak:
Good, clean and wholesome fun. Oh, and Yuri is DAMN FINE. There, I said it. So today I present:
Learnin’ With Chachi Presents: What’s The Deal With Sexual Harassment? Sexual harassment has been a problem for decades, mostly because there are so many different attitudes and beliefs at work. I mean the lines for what is considered complimentary, flirtatious and downright offensive varies by the individual and in some cases (I am looking at YOU women) vary by the day and or hour. Let’s look at a few reasons why sometimes sexual harassment is so difficult to decipher and differentiate from just being a social human being.
Okay, might as well go there in the beginning to get rid of all you fuckwits I will offend with this point.
Women are fucking crazy Men are fucking stupid Combine stupid with crazy and you get chaos That pretty much sums up sexual harassment in a nutshell but I will go deeper for those that are like “HURDURR, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” Logic would be that as a man, the same jokes you tell to your friends about women that are offensive, wouldn’t be funny to someone that IS a woman. You know that video with the Japanese woman in the Ziploc bag with holes only in the fun zones? It’s probably not going to be found funny by ANYONE, especially a Japanese woman eating a sandwich from a goddamned Ziploc bag. Who in their right mind would send that to ANYONE, let alone someone where you work? The simple thing for men to do is know their audience.
Now this has been a touchy subject for me for a long time. As an employee I felt like you could be a card carrying member of every racist group in America on your own time and even away from me at work but come in my zone talking about “pick that cotton, niggeeeeeeeer!” and I would have to break a foot off in your ass. When I became a manager that kind of changed because you have to think of the team or company as a whole. Having one person on a team that everyone knows is a racist could bring everyone against them. Now racism and sexual harassment are not the same but follow me on this one. I am going to lead you back to the party soon and there will be punch and pie for everyone.
Men need to know their audience from this standpoint: HAVE SOME COMMON FUCKING SENSE. Think of it like this: whatever you are about to say in front of these people…would you want someone saying to your wife? Think about what MIGHT make a woman uncomfortable (Which could be anything or could be nothing. Hell, some movies I watch they just do anal sex in front of everyone and porn is truth, right?) and just don’t do it. Honestly, is it really that imperative to say that offensive thing right then and there?
Now when it comes to touching or offensive language directed to someone…just no. Now I will be the first to admit that I have no problems hugging people (I have abandonment issues) even at work as long as they are okay with it. I have also partaken in my share of offensive jokes and innuendo at work. Yes, in-your-endo. Is it right? Not really. However, at what point is grabbing someone’s body at work or telling someone “You need to be on…my face” in any way, shape or form the right thing to say? Even if the advance is wanted, doing that in the workplace is inappropriate and can only lead to drama (Get a few in me and I will tell you some stories) for everyone. Either someone is going to be like “Aw, no you didn’t” and someone gets sued or someone will be all “Hell yeah, big boy” and then everyone finds out and you are the talk of the workplace and it is your own fool fault. Either way, there are consequences and repercussions up in this bitch. SO DON’T DO IT.
Now as for women…and I am going to be as nice as possible when I say this…with great power comes great responsibility. You fought so hard to get into the workplace to be treated as equals to men…to just dress like whores and get upset when people look at you? It is like how my grandparents got hit by all them hoses and attacked by them damn dogs for me to wear cornrows and say “Dat be whack, nigga!” at work? No, I try to dress like I have some GOD DAMN SENSE AT WORK. Just because it gets you free drinks at Suite 200 doesn’t mean it is respectable attire for the workplace. I’m sorry, just because you wear clothes that are revealing DOESN’T make you a whore but it DOES make you an asshat because you goddamn well it isn’t appropriate to have your boobs hanging out in plain view because they are in PLAIN VIEW. Someone will look at them and honestly it’s like having spinning rims and getting mad because someone is looking at them spin. Now if someone is just being vulgar then by all means that person is in the wrong but if your skirt doesn’t even go past the length of a wallet, all you have will be out for the public to see. Wrong or right (95% wrong, I admit) people will look and yes it is offensive but again with great power comes great responsibility. There are dress codes for a logical reason. It isn’t to stifle your originality, it is to curb your whoredom and avoid oglers and pervasive comments. Just like the reason you cannot have all red on in the club isn’t for your fashion sense, it is because other niggas fucked it up for the rest of us and your ass might get yourself and others shot. You have the right to wear what you want, but you have the responsibility to wear something professional. In other words: DRESS LIKE YOU GOT SOME GOD DAMNED SENSE.
Lastly, the simple fact is that perception is reality. If someone believes they are being harassed, they are being harassed. The intent may not be there, but the receiver is the one that deciphers your actions (Even though the person in question may not even be a part of the situation but if they see it and feel it is harassment, its harassment) and how they see it is how it is. Long story short…don’t say or do…ANYTHING at work. Arms in, side to side. For god’s sake don’t look at them titties!
What is up, people! I know it has been a while since my last update and I apologize because back then things were in a lot of flux. I was at a job that for the first time ever made me want to Sprewell a motherfucker just for seeing said person breathe, the Falcons lost in the playoffs (To Aaron Rogers, of whom I have been a Stan for about 4 years now and prior to that at Cal so it wasn’t as painful but MAN THEY GOT WHOOPED ON!) and I was coming to grips with the fact that Pimp-C was really gone:
Sweet Jones, peeps. Sweet Jones. Anyway, I now have a new job that actually treats me like a human being that breathes air and can put sentences together (I got a Batman yo-yo! SCORE!) and I have FINALLY gotten the riffraff and hangers-on out of my area (For now, we all know that haters are like roaches. They can live forever and show up when you least expect or want them). You will be surprised how much relieving yourself of things that are a detriment, professionally and socially, will help you progress. See previous blogs because I am not going to quote the Eminem line again but if you know it then you understand that it’s time to rock. You don’t get a do-over in life so maximize when you get a chance to do right. Yeah, sometimes I am fucking deep.
So now that we have gotten the pleasantries out of the way, it is time to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face about it. Today, it is time for another rant on the most pointless day on the calendar aside from Martin Luther King Jr. Day because I celebrate that day all year round!
Passion of Chachi Presents: Valentine’s Day
First off, for those of you that refer to Valentine’s Day as “V-Day” understand there is only ONE V-Day, and I celebrate it every day. That is VADER DAY!
IT’S VADERTIME! On the Vader Clock, it is just twelve faces of Vader. Well, much like Vader’s White Castle of Fear, I refer to Valentine’s Day as “The Pain Game” because so much is put into a holiday…that doesn’t need to exist. Don’t get me wrong, love is a grand thing. Well, it is for other people because for me love was a plate upside the head followed by a trail of anger in [Insert her native tongue here] while I wonder if I leave will she stab me in the back with something. Yeah, it was a hell of a ride in the 2000’s.
So after the last six days or so of being asked about “Hey, are you taking out your special lady Valentine’s Day?” and the response of “Well, if the court will let me within 100 feet of her I will” not sufficing, one would think that my response to “How do you feel about Valentine’s Day would be best said by Apacolypta:
On a side note, it is interesting on how the musical tastes of your best friends and yourself overlap after a few years of knowing them. Anyway, I personally have never been AGAINST the day. Much how I don’t have an issue with Macs as much as I think their users are pretentious pricks, the same thing with Valentine’s Day. The day itself is just a day. Much like St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco De Mayo, they are days important to some but excuses to party for others. My issue comes with people that think that Valentine’s Day is anything more than just a day to spend with someone special. The people that think you HAVE to be with someone on Valentine’s Day or your life is incomplete. The people who think that if their partner doesn’t do something for them on that day then they don’t care about them at all and they are no better than a baby-punting Hitler lookalike. THOSE are what I hate about Valentine’s Day: the masses.
I think people need to understand that love isn’t something that needs a day to be expressed. Now people say all the time that people that don’t like Valentine’s Day are “bitter” and “lonely” which can be true. I look at Valentine’s Day much like I look the spirit of Christmas. The meaning of Christmas should be decided by the individuals, not by YOU. At Christmas, my family watches The Wiz and reenacts “Ease On Down The Road”:
Okay…I may have made that up. Still, if we DID do that does that make it not Christmas because we didn’t sing Jesus based Christmas songs and drink cocoa? Christmas is what you make of it whether you believe in the nonsensical story of Santa Claus…or even the slightly more nonsensical story of Jesus Christ’s birth. I mean people believe in the Immaculate Conception but don’t believe in chipmunk that sing and/or solve crimes?:
Right, next you will tell me that you don’t believe that a bear can fly a plane. If you get that reference and you are female, single, over the age of 21 and wont mace me…I love you. Back to the point. You make your own Valentine’s Day. For someone to sit back and say you have to be “in love” or “with someone” to enjoy a day for what you want it to be is like saying you can’t enjoy Black History Month pie if you aren’t Black. Yes, White people we have Black History Month pie and it is THE BOMB!
So this whole thing went on a major tangent but the end result is this:
Valentine’s Day is what you decide to make (or not make) of it. So those of you that hate Valentine’s Day and take every chance to talk about how the holiday is bullshit and just an excuse for people with someone to validate love that should be shown at all times any-fucking-way: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Quit being bitter and have some Black History Month pie. You are single for a reason so relish it before you have to end up splitting Twix bars with some woman or man while you pine for the days when you could enjoy the awesomeness of two Reese’s cups.
For those of you that think that Valentine’s Day is a day that important enough to constantly inquire about other peoples’ plans for the day and you feel the need to put in your worthless two cents about how not having someone must be “so sad” despite no one giving two shits about you or your significant other or what you do at any point EVER let alone now when you act like going to dinner is a novel concept that hasn’t been done before: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Your relationship is exactly that: yours. No one gives a fuck about your happiness and quite honestly if you have to flaunt how happy you are then odds are you aren’t truly that happy. It’s like rappers: the more you flaunt, the less you got. Subtly is a lost concept in the 2K11 but try it. If you don’t, it may be about that time. VADER TIME!:
If every day was Vader Day, there would be a lot less dipshittery. I think Vader-Bombing someone that walks to EVERY OFFICE to show the flowers and bear their boyfriend got them like they are the first person to ever receive anything ever would stop a lot of that stuff. Just saying.
Well, it is good to be back. I will be back up soon and may actually do the Omnibus I was going to do in December if there are enough questions from the readers. Until next time, stay up.
