Okay, I learned...very little this weekend. However, some good lessons came out of Easter Weekend:
1) People in Colorado cannot drive on ice. I mean, I'm not Toad or Mario but I can manage to not flip my car over by going 65 on ice. Oh, and when a car is on its side, do NOT ask 'Is everything okay?' Of course everything is okay, fucktard. Cars are always on their sides in 24 degree weather. Dont spawn, dumbass.
2) Da Ali G Show kicked ass. Here is hoping for a Bruno movie!
3) Mother nature is a biggity-bitch. I am sick of the snow and cold in the damn Springtime. Albeit it may not officially be spring, it is fucking Easter. Guess this means Jesus was crucifed in a blizzard. Would make for a lot better story, I must say.
4) God of War II shoud be the new bible. Kratos is bigger and better than Jesus. Lets see Jesus take down the Kraken (or Robert Parish in the paint. Same thing except the Kraken has a bit of an outside jumper) or a Cerebus.
5) Speaking of God of War II...BOOBIES!!! Who needs a woman when the Sisters of Fate decide a full shirt and bras are optional? AND you get to stab then in the face when you are done! Two birds, one blade. Yeah, I have issues.
6) Ninjas + Vampires = ...I dont know. It may be too awesome for the human brain to combine. Nothing really to that, I just think ninja vampires would be really fucking cool.
7) Gummi Bears Seasons 1-3 for 23 dollars is the greastest deal since the Herchel Walker trade. Since odds are only Rick and Griff (and maybe Zach) remember that trade that joke has no frame of refence but it makes sense. Gummi berry juice, fools! The original alcohol!
8) Akon is no Keith Sweat. As much as I despise Keith Sweat (oh, and I DO) he is ten times better than Akon. There you telling me no, again! Ah...story of my life.
9) Chocolate covered Nutter Butters. What kind of fat bastard must you be to say 'How could I make this fatening ass cookie even more fattening? Throw some chocolate on that bitch!' Hmm...that may work better than 'Throw Some Cheese' Man, I'm a fat dude but man....you must be a FAT FUCK to find that even slightly appetizing.
10) Applesauce is godly. Seriously, that stuff is TASTY. I prefer it not with a whole bunch of jibber jabber (strawberries, mango, berries, etc) but I can handle it.
Hope you enjoyed Easter, people! Remember, you dont have to be Catholic to enjoy the holiday.
You just have to be Catholic to give a shit.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters this Friday!
Chachi Out
