1. Colorado Springs is located in the anus of Satan’s realm. Seriously, the weather in this place bites ass. It went from being 41 degrees at the Chapel Hills Mall to fucking Tibet by Woodland Park with no one moving. This place can be “teh suck” sometimes.
2. Koreans suck. Now that is rather ironic coming from me and my love of Korean movies/K-Dramas, music and of course Bokgo but SERIOUSLY. If you don’t trust Black people then don’t put a store there. It is Colorado Springs, not South Central Los Angeles. Lay off the BET and “Menace II Society” and either be cordial to everyone that patronizes your store or get the fuck out of the area and put it around the ever wise and all knowing White man. Because that’s where the big bucks are. If you don’t like Black people in your store, just put up a sign. Or start playing Lynard Skynard.
3. Japan, same to you. Don’t think I forgot about DBZ’s Mr. PoPo:
4. The next 45 year-old woman that eyeball fucks me is getting shot. Seriously, I am no longer playing around. I am not a piece of meat and I am not hot so I have no idea why you are checking me out. Does desperation radiate off me like gay off of Bros? Speaking of gay…
5. The next gay couple that eyeball fucks me is REALLY getting shot. I don’t want one gay man, let alone TWO. I guess I was in bath & Body Works for a long time but I like my skin to be soft! That doesn’t make me gay! Using SPERM to make my skin soft after a rough round of gay sex makes me gay! And I don’t do that, mainly because the thought of being sexually intimate with someone else, male or female, just seems icky and scary to me.
6. Skittles should NOT BE CHOCOLATE!!
I like my fruity and my chocolate candies clearly defined and separate but equal shelves. I said nothing about chocolate covered cherries or orange flavored chocolate but this has gone far enough! No race mixing in candies!
7. Some women CAN take a joke. Too bad they work at grocery stores and are under the age of 19: “What’s with all the lotion?”
“Well….um….masturbation mostly.”
“Really? Why not Vaseline?”
“No moisture! Lotion is dual function. Pleasure AND soft hands!”
“Yeah, I can dig that. Nothing worse than a chaffed wang.”
Yeah, I should have hit her over the head right then and married her. Sadly, no one else found our little dialog funny. The looks on their face were priceless. *Sigh* I am destined to end up alone. Or in Japan. Either way, I’m gonna feel REAL DIRTY.
Yeah, today was the most eventful uneventful day in history. Oh yeah, Super Bowl prediction. Well, I really don’t give a rats ass about the Patriots. On the other end, Eli Manning can go to hell. Randy Moss is a fucktard and everyone else on the Patriots could get raped by polar bears for all I care. That leaves the New York Giants. The only good thing about the Giants is that they play in the Meadowlands, a stadium that has been graced by the greats of stadium rock such as:
· Forigener
· Cutting Crew
· Air Suppy
· Brian Adams
· Kansas
· Survivor
· Ladysmith Black Mambazo
So that gives them the advantage because the combined might of all those artists will have them rocking the shit out of University of Phoenix Stadium. Wait…WHAT?! UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX STADUIM?! What’s next, Arapahoe Community College Field for the Broncos?! God…I hate corporate sponsorship.
Anyway, for my legit analysis. It there is one thing that the Giants can do, it’s rush the passer. They will have to because aside from shitty ass R.W. McQuarters (ask Griff how many times I burned his ass and how many punts he fumbled that cost him against me in Madden during my 5 year undefeated streak) I don’t remember anyone in their secondary. So their front seven will have to be all over Tom Brady like his babymamma will be for child support. BURN!! As for the Giants offense vs. the Patriot defense….good luck picking that one. The Giants can run the ball (which is New England’s literal weak spot when a team can do it effectively) and that is what they will have to do because Eli is GOING TO FUCK UP. You just have to keep the result of that fuck up to result in minimal damage. In the end, albeit the Patriots are undefeated they are not unbeatable. I honestly think the Giants can win this game. You know what, though?
THEY WILL.
I am picking the upset here. Odds are incorrectly because there is NO WAY the NFL is going to let New England lose (Think the Game Six of the Lakers/Kings Western Conference Finals levels of asshatery on the refs part) but I really think that Carl said it best:
BOSTON CAN SUCK IT!
The Giants pull the upset, 33-27.
