THE DOUCHEBRAWL REGIONAL FINAL RESULTS!!!
Above are the updated brackets! First, we start with perhaps the biggest upset in Douchebrawl history….
(1) Bono 36.36%
vs.
(3) Eminem 63.64%
(3) Eminem 63.64%
Yes, you read that correctly. For the SECOND STRAIGHT YEAR Bono fails to make the Douchebrawl Final Four in a close battle! Eminem in his first year in the tournament takes his spot in the Semi-Finals by beating this year’s favorite. While not as big as least years upset of Britney Spears by Heather Graham, this is still a shocker. I really felt Bono had this wrapped up after Diddy went down but like I said, the power is yours and you chose Slim Shady! Congratulations to Mr. Mathers and a great job goes to Bono. Your douchiness is well documented and a trophy doesn’t do it justice. You truly suck ass Bono. Godspeed. Now, who will Eminem’s opponent be in the Semis? This one isn’t a shock at all….
(1) Mel Gibson 90.91%
vs.
(10) Hayden Christensen 9.09%
This was the most lopsided vote of the final match-ups. Mel Gibson gains sweet, Jesus like vindication after last year’s defeat to Tom Cruise in the Regional Final! Hayden made a strong showing making it this far but in the end, I guess killing the Star Wars franchise can’t trump crappily re-enacting the death of America’s second favorite fictional character. Number one? Underdog. He kicks the ass. So now Mel Gibson takes his stab at the Douchebrawl Championship! Now, let’s take a look at the first Douche in the second bracket!
(1) Paris Hilton 45.45%
(10) Hayden Christensen 9.09%
This was the most lopsided vote of the final match-ups. Mel Gibson gains sweet, Jesus like vindication after last year’s defeat to Tom Cruise in the Regional Final! Hayden made a strong showing making it this far but in the end, I guess killing the Star Wars franchise can’t trump crappily re-enacting the death of America’s second favorite fictional character. Number one? Underdog. He kicks the ass. So now Mel Gibson takes his stab at the Douchebrawl Championship! Now, let’s take a look at the first Douche in the second bracket!
(1) Paris Hilton 45.45%
vs.
(6) Lindsay Lohan 54.55%
Second upset, peeps! For the second year in a row, the Number One seed doesn’t make it out of Trollop Whore Region! Paris Hilton dominated the competition in the first three rounds (even shutting out Paula Abdul!) but ran into the redhead buzz saw that is Lindsay Lohan! In her second year, Lindsay avenges her Second Round loss and defeats the Queen of Skank! I was a little surprised by this result, especially since Paris jumped out to a huge lead as of Thursday. The people voted, and in a close one Lindsay Lohan takes a place in the Semi-Finals! Great job to Paris in her first year. This isn’t a reflection of your lack of whoredom as much as Lindsay really working the skank factor. Congratulations, Lindsay! Now, for the final participant in the Douchebrawl Finals…
(1) K-Fed 54.55%
(6) Lindsay Lohan 54.55%
Second upset, peeps! For the second year in a row, the Number One seed doesn’t make it out of Trollop Whore Region! Paris Hilton dominated the competition in the first three rounds (even shutting out Paula Abdul!) but ran into the redhead buzz saw that is Lindsay Lohan! In her second year, Lindsay avenges her Second Round loss and defeats the Queen of Skank! I was a little surprised by this result, especially since Paris jumped out to a huge lead as of Thursday. The people voted, and in a close one Lindsay Lohan takes a place in the Semi-Finals! Great job to Paris in her first year. This isn’t a reflection of your lack of whoredom as much as Lindsay really working the skank factor. Congratulations, Lindsay! Now, for the final participant in the Douchebrawl Finals…
(1) K-Fed 54.55%
vs.
(3) Nick Cannon 45.45%
In another close one, K-Fed edges out Nick Cannon to take up the last spot in the Douchebrawl Finals! This is the second straight entry into the Finals for K-Fed! Nick Cannon put on a great showing, actually leading K-Fed for most of the week. Then the crapitude of K-Fed kicked in and he made a MASSIVE comeback for the win via the peeps! A great first year showing but Nick came up just short from Douchebrawl greatness. So now, the Final Four has been set:
Douchebral Semi-Final #1
(3) Nick Cannon 45.45%
In another close one, K-Fed edges out Nick Cannon to take up the last spot in the Douchebrawl Finals! This is the second straight entry into the Finals for K-Fed! Nick Cannon put on a great showing, actually leading K-Fed for most of the week. Then the crapitude of K-Fed kicked in and he made a MASSIVE comeback for the win via the peeps! A great first year showing but Nick came up just short from Douchebrawl greatness. So now, the Final Four has been set:
Douchebral Semi-Final #1
George Lucas Acting Region Winner
(1) Mel Gibson
Vs.
50 Cent Musician Region Winner
(3) Emimem
Douchebrawl Semi-Final #2
Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region Winner
(6) Linday Lohan
Vs.
Andy Dick Fucktard Region Winner
(1) Kevin Federline
Peeps, on Feburary 23rd, 64 Douches were entered into the battle of all battles for supremacy. After next Sunday, two people will fall to the way side as runner-up and go home with minimal glory. But two of the four will go down in infamy. They will be a part of the grandest battle to be staged since the Battle of the Bands at the Hartford Civic Center in 1987. They will battle for the Championship of Douchebrawl! Only you can make their dreams a reality! Only YOU can crown the biggest Douche of 2007! Who will it be?! We will find out on Sunday! The polls are up now and ready for your votes! I will be back up later in the week but until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
