First things first: I Poppa freaks all the honeys:
Damn you, Griff. Now you got me doing it. Now I am sure that a lot of you are all like “WHOOO! Fourth of July! Let me celebrate the freedom of this nation by kicking the shit out of an Indian and making a nigger pick my cotton! USA! WHOOOO! SKYNARD!” and to that I say cool. If you AREN’T doing that then you are missing the reason to be proud to be an American: wanton, rampant and unapologetic douchery to those that are lesser than you. So Indians, find a Turk and smack the shit out of them for America. You earned it. US-MOTHERFUCKING-A!
Now some of you would see that statement as being unpatriotic. Well, fuck your face. The Fourth of July is just another holiday for rednecks to see reason to shoot off fireworks, get drunk of Keystone and talk about how great America is over let’s say…a train. Simpsons reference. Well, I honestly don’t give a shit about any holiday except Valentine’s Day in Japan because I like getting gifts without the bullshit of whether it is Jesus’s or Santa’s birthday and all the lame ass carols. So much like St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco De Mayo and Yom Kippur, this is another holiday to give White people a reason to do something borderline illegal and not feel like shits. Well, you know what? YOU ARE WHITE. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE SAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE AWESOMENESS OF BEING WHITE TO FALL BACK ON! Besides, it was Indepencence from the British we are celebrating, not whatever in the hell we celebrate now. So instead of honkeys shooting off fireworks at Wolven awful hours of the night yelling “WHOOOOO! USA!” we should do what our slave-raping forefathers INTENDED FOR US TO DO. And that is powerbomb the shit out of an Englishman:
BTW, that is Canada giving the clothsline to complete the Doomsday Device. If anyone knows about kicking the shit out of someone with a wrestling move, it’s the Canadians. If wars were held in steel cages or on ladder, you best believe Canada is who I want taging with us over England. Now THAT would reek of awesomeness:
Man, now Edge and Christian would make an awesome President and Vice-President. Could you imagine Kim Jong Il getting a Conchairto for being such a douche? I can and it would be the most awesome moment since the first time I saw the commercial for the Transformers train set.
Well, with that being said I hope you all enjoy your 4th of July. Odd how people are celebrating their independence from our current only ally aside from Poland. Can’t forget Poland:
I lol’d. Anyway, I have a new catchphrase for today….
Celebrate freedom. Powerbomb an Englishman.
Chachi Out
