1. Denver Is A Hellhole: Seriously, that place pisses me the fuck off. I drove three blocks and went through three different cities. All three sucked teh balls.
2. Rick Astley Rocks You Even If You Can’t See Him: So I Rickroll’d some blind students at Arapahoe Community College today….and I didn’t feel bad about it. Even the blind need to know that no one is going to let them down or desert them.
3. I Understand James Brown…But No Stevie?!: So I watched some of the Democratic National Convention (I am totally trying to score tickets for the finale. All the fly honeys are gonna be there!) and I have to say….it was liz-ame. Now I am a Democrat only in name (Mainly because all the parties suck ass but as much as I despise Democrats, Republicans can all die as far as I am concerned. Especially McCain since he is one tap on the shoulder from croaking anyway) but are you telling me that you had to get a motherfucking HOUSE BAND rather than the real artists to perform? I know John Legend kicked the bad boy off (I TOTALLY WANTED TO SEE THAT!!) but whoever they got to send off Michelle Obama (Who after tonight no longer scares me. She is better to look at than Cindy McCain…mostly because she had a stroke and looks like Botox is rejecting her face. I went there and I don’t gives a FUCK) with a rather karaoke rendition of “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder needs to be fired. Are you telling me they couldn’t have brought Stevie’s blind, Black ass to fucking Denver? What, would the lack of humidity fuck up his hair even worse? God…..pissing me off. Oh, and I will totally lose my shit if Nancy Pelosi Rickrolls Hillary. That would be the greatest moment in politics EVER.
4. We Need A New National Anthem, Brother!: I am so fucking sick of the “Star Spangled Bore-Fest!” You think that song puts fear into the hearts of the evildoers in the world? Fuck no, our national anthem might as well be Tutti-motherfucking-Frutti. We need a song that says “we are America and if you don’t like it we will totally break our foot off in your ass and drop a legdrop of truth on your bitch ass!” We need a song that takes the stars and bars, wraps it around the throats of our opponents and chokes the shit out of them! We need a song that shows what we are….REAL AMERICANS:
Aint nobody fucking with the USA if that was blaring in the Olympics. Could you see Barack Obama and Joe Biden giving Kim Jong Il a Doomsday Device?
FUCK YEAH. McCain can’t do that shit.
5. I Miss Funny As Shit Eddie Murphy:
James brown celebrity hottub
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Man, those were the days. Well before the shitty kids’ movies and even shittier dressing up as fat people movies, Eddie Murphy was arguably the funniest motherfucker on the planet. Now he is unfunny and likes tranny hookers. I mean to each their own but I prefer Mister Robinson’s neighborhood to The Nutty Professor or Norbit any day.
6. You Kissed A Girl And You Liked It…But You Are Going To HELL, Fake Lezzie!: I posted a question to a friend of mine that another person posed to me about of my blogs where I ranted on women that kiss women that aren’t gay. I made a comment a few weeks ago to a female friend about how if she was a Christian she couldn’t kiss women because homosexuality is a sin, not just in living but in act according to the word of Jebus and his asshole of a dad. Seriously, he made Joe Jackson look like Ward Cleaver. Needless to say, she got pissed about it because that is what women do when standard logic prevails their self-created rules because “just because I kiss another girl doesn’t make mean I am going to hell!” to which I responded that according to the bible, you are. Guess what? If you claim to be a Christian and you don’t follow the words of the Bible YOU ARENT A FUCKING CHRISTIAN. I personally could give a fuck what you do or what sex you fuck but in the end don’t tell me that if you are following the word of the Bible and you lay with the same sex (Yes, kissing is a form of sex to Jesus lovers. Hell, high fiving is a form of sex to Christians last I checked)…well….read for yourself
“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”
Now I don’t give a fuck what the Bible says because I am not a Christian (Or any of the denominations. I worship the Wolven and he is all for chicks kissing each other. As long as he is in the middle of that Filet O’ Fish sandwich. OH, innuendo all over your FACE!) and I am not a believer in Jesus Christ’s divinity. However, if part of being a good Christian is taking what is in the bible and applying it into your life you just can’t pick and choose which you want to do. Now I know that is a woman’s motis operandi but when it comes to the Bible, you don’t want to mess around with that. If you have children out of wedlock according to the Bible you have sinned. Period. I didn’t say it, the book did. So if you follow the book and you break it’s not really enforceable rules then you have sinned and you is going to hell, girl!
7. Only Women Can Be Bi-Curious. Bi-Curious Men Are Gay: Now I have a few female friends that “tried out” being lesbians (usually after either an argument with daddy or a bad relationship with a man….that stems from an argument with daddy. Theme, anyone?) and some found it wasn’t for them and went back to men because at the end of the day women can’t validate each other. That’s why women don’t really have female friends. When a woman tells you “Oh, she is my best friend ever!” what she is saying is “I fucking hate that bitch and when she is happy it grates on my nerves like a Jonas Brothers song!” and don’t believe anything otherwise because a woman’s bankai is lying:
But nowhere near as cool; it usually ends with me wanting to choke the shit out of them but that’s life. Back to the point, though. How many men have you met that said to a woman on a date:
“You know, for a while in college I was really interested in the cock. I mean I had never tried it, all I had was that sweet, sweet vag. So my best friend and I were wrestling….we had some scotch and were watching UFC….one thing lead to another and all of a sudden he was balls deep like two pink bouy in a brown ocean. We continued to date but after a while, I really missed titties so I went back to chicks. So I am totally straight now....boy was that FUN though! So tell me about you”
And that date got past that point? I will tell you how many times. NEVER. It is one of the double standards that I find comical (Actually, I find all double standards comical because I don’t believe in any of them but am expected to which is even MORE comical because since I’m not the norm people get pissed) but you rarely hear of a man that used to be gay going back to women….and it just be accepted. Personally I wouldn’t care and it would be great testimony for church that I never go to:
“Yo, this here is my nigga Trevor. He used to be all about that wang but now it aint his thang. He is all about the tang!”
First off, that shit is funny. Second off, you would NEVER hear that anywhere at any point in time because no one would accept a male being homosexual and going back to being straight unless you are an evangelical or Liza Minelli. Well, sometimes you gotta (barrel) roll with it, baby:
Well, I am out for now. I may be back on Thursday before Nerd Out Thursday (Which will be short a member but we will DRINK FOR TWO! Or TOO….much) before a new Countdown on Friday which may be the biggest Countdown ever. Letting you know now…..THREE DEBUT VIDEOS! Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out.
