What is up, bitches! I am back and boy does life suck! Yes…yes it does.
So I have some good news and bad news. First off….the bad news. I got laid off. The abusive wife that is my job has once again slapped me for not having dinner ready and I was pretty much shown the door. It happens, not much you can do but just roll with the punches. They kind of beat me before I had a chance to say “screw you guys, I’m going over here!” so you live and learn….again….and then a third time.
The good news is that I will get back on my feet rather quickly because I know people because….hell I get laid off every 2 years or so anyway. You meet a lot of good people that way and sometimes people are down to help you out. That’s what makes America great: poor business decisions that lead to people having to be recycled back in. God bless corporate America and their disconnect from their intended market.
However, I am currently exploring new avenues in hope of getting the hell out of Dodge (er….Colorado Springs) because this place blows ass. Luckily this moment in douchery will give me some time (give or take five months but definitely sooner) to get a plan of how in the hell to pull a great escape. Don’t worry; the blog isn’t going to suffer any. I will still be here for the peeps. Hell, getting laid off is what started this in the first place. Memories…
Well, that is the first and will be the only time you hear me reference “Cats” on this blog. Now in a way, I am, surprisingly hurt by this whole situation. I know that shit happens but at the end of the day the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. Yet, whenever I think about it the logic seems that a certain sect of people cannot afford to ball out of control with their polar bear driven chariots so no one can ball at all. When I started my new job something hit me that first morning I went in. I had spent eight years working in a corporate setting (middle management that has to justify its job by fucking with you, pointless reports and metrics that 'justify' your worth to the company, cubicles, pointless 'rah-rah' meetings where they spew rhetoric about 'believing is achieving' not knowing that Jesus actually hated salespeople and other bullshit like that) and I must say, that there is a real big disconnect between that world and the real world. You see, working in a corporate position is a lot like being in a cult. You REALLY have to suspend belief on the...rational and buy into rhetoric and spin that is just high level bullshit. Let's be real, peeps. It is all a game. Many of you reader (all six of you) have seen movies like Boiler Room, Wall Street and Glenn Gary Ross. I have seen those movies at request of two of my previous managers and I wanted to gouge out their eyes and use their skulls as spit bucket. And I dont even fucking chew. I'm not a moral or even a NICE person (ask my friends, they can vouch for that) but to be a person like some of the characters in those movies just isn't natural. I hate that fucking environment. That is a culture that breeds disloyalty among employees and asshatery among employers. You know why I think corporate American succeeds so much?
1. They have killed company loyalty. Now people argue this that have been working for a company for more than 5 years and I respect their point of view, you have been there for a while. The days of a company taking care of you for life are over. They know it; we as employees know it (and if you don't you FUCKING SHOULD) and they know that we know that they know it. Business is a machine and people are cogs. They can find a cog to replace you at any point. Whether you leave or they let you go, you are not too valuable to be replaced by someone willing to do the job cheaper. That goes for any position; I'm living proof on both sides. They decided that my work could be done better by someone external that can play both ends of the field (not in a gay way) so when it all comes down to it, with compensation driving behavior, they will go with what is easiest. Trust me, I have seen it once and I will see it again. It’s life.
2. The Drinking of the Kool-Aid. I hate this shit. If you sit in a meeting and you don't understand that you are being shoveled shit and spin then you are an idiot. Now you can choose to believe it or not (I honestly believe in nothing but it still annoys me) but like your fucking God you keep it out of my zone. If i don't want to believe I don't fucking have to. All I have to do is do my job to its description, not listen to people quote the Book of Sales and Bullshit to me verbatum. You know the people I am talking about, too. The guy that believes everything that the management team says about the money you can make or the fact it’s a numbers game. First off, the goal of a company is to pay just enough to get you to work a little bit harder. Incentives are created to behoove the company first, the employees second. So no matter how good the benefits/commissions/bonuses are, as soon as they see that is isn't beneficial for the company you better believe that shit will change. Secondly, EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING NUMBERS GAME! You know what else is a numbers game? Getting an STD. If you fuck enough people, you are bound to get a painful wart or blue flames with shoot out when you piss. Which brings me to the big one.
3. The Promise of More Money. I REALLY hate this shit. Z and I had this discussion when he was working for the man and they asked him why doesn't money motivate him. People look at you like you are fucking insane when you say money isn't your biggest motivator for taking a job. Now no one wants to work for free. There was a War that wasn't quite Civil about it. No one wants to be underpaid either. That just sucks (trust me, I have been there and that is almost worse than not being paid at-fucking-all) it dry. However, I am in the WRONG fucking line of work because money isn't why I go to work every day. As long as my bills are paid, my parents are good and my dog is fed I'm happy. I want to go to work, do something I ENJOY DOING for 8-10 hours (yeah, I will work a ten hour day if I LIKE THE FUCKING JOB) and get paid fairly for it. I also have no need to strive for more if I don't like what I do. You know, if you made 1 million dollars a year, but you had to be anally raped for 30 minutes every hour on the hour for 12 hours a day, would you be happy with your job? Is money really worth it? Hells no unless you like that kind of thing and to each their own. Not I said the cat.
I would go into the disconnect from reality that big business has, but that is more of another rant. Congratulations to Corporate America. For staying in your own reality and brainwashing your employees, you officially create a culture of distrust and cynicism.
Okay…..maybe I am a LITTLE bitter. But hey, I knew what I was getting into when I signed up so I have no one to blame but myself. I knew she was abusive and I feel for her when she bought me flowers and said she was sorry. She also got me flowers….I like flowers. Everything seemed to be going fine and WHAM! She had a bad quarter and she took it out on me. I just have to take responsibility for my mistake and know that they never change. Sing it, Tina:
Maybe after all of this I will win a Grammy and have a movie about my life starring Zac Efron. I can dream, right? I will be back up later this week. Be sure to vote in Douchebrawl, Bono is CRUSHING Tom Cruise right now! Stay up and vote!
Chachi Out.
