What is up people?! I am back on the scene after a bit of a hiatus and today is very special. Not really, but I have to make it SEEM that way because I have cleared another 100 posts and it is time for my 600th Post Celebration! I promised an Omnibus today and dammit, I am going to keep it real! So I give to the peeps the newest sensation to the Passion of Chachi….
Passion of Chachi Omnibus: People’s Choice Edition!
Today here are questions either readers (All three of you. Kevin from Milwaukee, big ups! Sorry to hear about your cat….cocaine is a hell of a drug) or friends have asked that I will address right now. These are questions based on why I say what I say because quite simply it can be offensive. But they are my peeps so of if you aren’t used to being offended by this blog then you are in the WRONG FUCKING PLACE! And awaaaaaaay we go!
Question #1: “So, What Is Your Stance On Offshore Drilling?"
Okay….you see this is why I don’t have many friends. The ones I do have ask things like this. Now first off, let it be known that I am against anything that makes John McCain happy because a happy John McCain means he isn’t biting the noses off of White House staff in a rage for messing up his coffee order. With that being said, I am all for offshore drilling. Why? Because I hate the environment. Seriously, fuck Mother Nature in her fickle ass like so many Jasmine Byrne movies. How many times has nature ever helped us? Sure you tree hugging, Bambi-fucking liberal pussy-footing cockmongers will say the Earth gives us oxygen and free room and board but seriously. Mother nature, like most women, needs a foot in her ass to learn to act right and do what we as humans say WHEN THE FUCK WE SAY IT. Now I don’t mean physically because hitting women is wrong because their brain is smaller than ours. It’s like beating up on a hamster. No matter how vindicating and deserved, it still aint cool.
The simple fact is that for the time being, we need oil. People can bitch and whine about how we should use bio-fuels (Which actually cost more and are more hurtful for the planet but hippies are stupid dipshits) and drive hybrid cars (Nigga, please. A Prius aint ballin!) but that shit aint happening so slag off. I am all for alternative forms of energy that don’t drip of dipshittery (E-85, I am looking at you) but until then we need to worry about the now. Now in my opinion offshore drilling CAN help but at the end of the day that isn’t going to drop the PRICES as much as just raise the supply…by like two fucking barrels. You see, oil companies could give a rats ass about how much oil there actually IS because they can charge whatever they want to. Not only that, they win whether we boycott or not. You want to only use bio-fuel? Well that means that land has to be scorched so that corn can be grown to make the bio-fuel that cost MORE TO MAKE. What is going to cut and refine that corn? Slave labor? As a Black man I can say “fuck you” because we have been down that road. The Chinese and Jews are with me on this one. Gotta have the Jews on your side, especially the Hebrew Hammer:
So you have to destroy land to make the corn to refine the crop to make the bio-fuel which is transported worldwide by planes and boats. Well, there aint enough corn at a Mexican family get together to power a plane for one trip so guess what they use? GAS, MOTHERFUCKER! It’s a hell of a drug. So even if we want to use alternative fuels, the cost is counter-productive to the goal of trying to alleviate the dependency on oil. So will drilling and destroying the environment help raise the supply? Probably not and even if it does it won’t be enough to create a real dent in the REAL ISSUE: not investing in the growing of Gummi Berry juice:
Look at those bears! I told you we were wasting time! Now we have roided and coked up bears hopping around beating up on goblins with swords. After they beat the goblins they are coming after America! Good job, liberals. We are going to be mauled by jumping bears. All because you want tortilla gasoline. I hope you are happy, you god damned pussies. Next question!
Question #2: “Why Are Women So Self Unaware?”
Well, I have addressed this several times but I actually have a new theory on this. You see, I used to give women too much credit about their vanity and give men no credit on their common sense. Let me explain. Women confuse being self unaware with being idealistic and free. You want to live in a world where you can bang as many men as you want in the name of “sexual discovery” without being deemed promiscuous much like I wish to be able to make jokes involving Gilbert and Sullivan without being deemed as taking it up the ass like the Los Angeles Clippers fans and front office (Although if I was Elton Brand I would have left, too. Odds are a 50 win team in the Western Conference isn’t making the playoffs while a 40 win team in the Eastern Conference gets a first round bye. Dick move but nothing move but the money, bitches) which for the plebeians means I am queer as folk. I am as gay as Zac Efron but my action will be perceived as otherwise and that is just life. I am aware of what I do and who I am and people may see me a certain way and that is just the way it is. Fuck them, I am what I am and I likes what I likes.
Now this is where I address Nolan’s question with a change from my usual stance. I honestly believe that women are self-unaware as much as men know how to keep them that way. You see, it is kind of like this dialog in South Park:
Kyle: You don’t know anything about the Christian religion, fatass!
Cartman: I know enough to exploit it.
[Silence]
I have met enough women that are smart enough about life to give them the benefit of the doubt that they know the world works in a way that is highly unbeneficial to them (Keep in mind that most of these women are over 35 but still) on a lot of fronts. The majority of men see women as solely sexual beings so when it comes to sex and getting sex their genius borders on the levels of Emil Burbank and Ozymandias. Women, have you ever wondered why that guy that you used to fuck casually but was always not ready to date you or the dude that treated you like shit was in your opinion dumb as a post? However, you stayed with him for sex or for comfort or because you were stupid (Usually all three)? Well, it was because he WAS dumb as a post on almost everything….but he was smart enough to get in your pants, knock you up and in most cases leave with very little baggage on his end. You call him an asshole that ruined men for you forever; I call him a douche genius. He may know nothing about politics, arithmetic or women as a whole….but he knew how to exploit you. Now you are broken inside and he is out doing what he did to you to a woman stupider than you were. You see, it’s not only that women are self unaware, it is that men know how to exploit it and KEEP them self unaware. Much like White people create making delicious fried chicken, shitty Black reality shows, bright jewelry and red Kool-Aid to keep Blacks too distracted to make real change (By doing things like….voting and getting real damn jobs. You can’t put “hypeman” or “Rick Rossin’ It” on your W2’s), men exploit women’s insecurities and general distain for the social norms about sexuality to get what they want and guide women into thinking they are getting what they want out of something. You would figure they learn but women usually end up making the same mistake repeatedly until they convince themselves they don’t mind being treated that way until the realize that maybe spreading like an Urban Meyer or Rich Rodriguez (LOOK IT UP! MY HUMOR GOES ACROSS ALL LINES!) offense isn’t the best idea but at that point they are emotionally used up and broken….by 27. That was a sick burn, but it’s what I do. Let’s keep this bus rolling along!
Question #3: “Why Are Men Champs At Making The Worst Decisions?”
Now this goes back to the above statement about women being self-unaware. You see, men are not necessarily SMARTER than women in a conventional aspect. Women read (WITCHES! BURN THAT BITCH AT THE STAKE! Sorry….I get all Salem sometimes) and study in my opinion on an even par with men. In college, female students were able to recite the lecture or the book a hell of a lot better than male students. However, when it came to critical thinking or logical discussion (Which a woman will turn into an argument because in my opinion arguments have no logic behind them, discussions do. Semantics, bitches!) women really struggled. Case in point, my respone to “women have done more for America than anyone else” was “name one female inventor or political figure that has done anything for ALL people, not just women.” Their response was “shut up!” so I knew that rather than say “I don’t know right now” or “none” they had no retort and got emotional saying “that is so a MAN response” to which I said “Yeah, that LOGIC will kill a senseless rebuttal point.” Now after that all but two women in the class hated me (One was dating me and got really militant after that….rightfully so) but it taught me something about women and myself: I don’t always make the best decisions, even if they are right.
Let me go back to the question. It isn’t about men making BAD decisions in relationships or life just as much as it isn’t about (contrary to what I have said but I will explain) women making bad decisions in life or relationships. It is about making UNHEALTHY decisions. Now I know damn well I have made some unhealthy decisions in the last two years (Rick? Griff? Zach? Anyone want to back that up with some testimonials of my stupidity?) so I may not be an expert on it but in the famous words of Konnan…
YO YO YO YO YO LET ME SPEAK ON DIS! VIVA LA RAZA!
Sorry, WCW moment there. BTW, I hope everything is going well with the guy. I miss him with LAX. Anyway, I believe that when it comes to a relationship most normal men (Which sadly is about 17-20% of us) will make an unhealthy decision for US to make the other person happy. Now I am familiar with your story and I can say that fits the bill. I hear most women complain about a boyfriend or husband that was a total toolkit and didn’t compromise and at first I would say “What a cad!” until I did more investigation and would realize that every once in a while he literally bent over backward to make things work despite her daddy issues, problems with previous men or just fear of being loved (I think they call that “whoredom” but I could be wrong). Now don’t get me wrong, of every ten (I knew a lot of people in college….when I was popular. Like the opposite of high school) relationships I saw in eight the dude was a total Douchebag McPhee. However, those last two the women were fucking evil, vindictive bitches and the dudes just wanted to make it work but at the same time knew it wouldn’t. Why did he stay and even bother? Because he felt compromise was the best decision.
As we have seen with our President and our football players (Dear Brett Farve. On second and four in overtime YOU RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL! I hate you) men usually just run headlong into shit and when it doesn’t work they go “fuck this, I’m invading Iran” or “we didn’t know we couldn’t do that” and run. Or just have their term end. Men (More so that women in some cases) are selfish and self serving when it comes to a relationship, that’s why most don’t get into them. That is why women expect it as well. So sometimes when a man gets into a relationship, if he is smart he has thought it out and said “this is a woman I don’t hate and can spend more than five minutes with and not plot her gruesome death.” Not….that I have thought that…ever. So when things go wrong and it looks like one partner is unhappy, he sometimes makes a decision (Or decisions) to make moves that he thinks will help the relationship at the expense of his sanity and happiness. Now it may not be a BAD decision at the time because he believes that it will please the other party (Don’t get it twisted, women do the exact same thing. However, I have seen it be for the wrong reason) but it is UNHEALTHY because you created a stop-gap solution to save something that either shouldn’t have been saved or if it had been still would have been painful for you, maybe even both parties.
So to completely answer your question, it varies between the kinds of guy. There are some guys out there that consistently fuck over women which could be seen as a bad decision out there but it is a big world out there and you can fuck over a lot of people. Same goes for women, I actually had one of my best friends in college because we got fucked over by a woman…the same woman. Long story. However, I am taking this question from the aspect of a dude that made a bad decision to fix a situation, not to justify his own means. I can tackle that later on if the peeps want (Because those asshats PISS ME THE FUCK OFF AND GIVE ME A BAD NAME) but from the perspective I think you are coming from I believe that some men make the worst decisions because they are selfish pricks and are looking to get head or over someone. I mean if that is you then be you but you will probably be shot by a crazy bitch or end up with the herp if you do that. There is a smaller sect of man that makes a bad decision to fix a larger problem that they hope in the long run will help the relationship. In retrospect and in analysis (I am such a fuckup…) that rarely works because if you have to make that big of a sacrifice (On either end, male or female) then you didn’t do your due diligence in making sure they were a fit or maybe they pulled a Chris Rock and have had their representative dating or married to you the whole time and they just aint the right fit for you:
Aaahhh, keeping up the lie. I lived this before the comedy special. Then I saw it and nearly cried in pain. In the end, men are the champions of making bad decision because if you get to the point that you have to make a decision that could be seen as bad….there really isn’t such a thing as a GOOD decision in that case. Either way, someone is going to be hurt but you gotta charge it up as a loss and charge it to the game. Okay, we have one more question left on this bus ride….
Bonus Question: “At What Point Do Girls Go From Little Angel To Fucking Bitch That Uses Men’s Feelings As Their Little Play Things?!”
Okay….this is too big for an Omnibus. Sorry Joey Joe Joe (He sent the question) but this is one that deserves its own post. So peeps, tune in on Sunday when I complete this Omnibus and answer Joey Joe Joe’s question!
Well that is all for now. It took a while (Two bottles of sojo and a Blue Moon in about….11 minutes. This will be the greatest seven minutes ever!) but I was able to get through all the questions in about an hour, give or take the trip to Safeway and liquor store. Well tomorrow is America’s Best Dance Crew and I will have another recap and the Countdown on Friday. I will be back either Saturday morning before the BYOB and YC’s or Sunday night before Venture Brothers. If any of you have any questions you want addressed on the Omnibus finale on Saturday or Sunday then let me know. I will get as many answered as I can. If not, there is always the next one! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
