First things first. I know a lot (Well….none) of you are wrestling fans but I still am. I hate Triple H with a passion and I DESPISE how they make Edge and Chris Jericho look like dumbasses (Although when Y2J Marty Jannetty’d Shawn Michaels a few weeks ago I LOST MY SHIT! IT WAS AWESOME!) but I still watch the WWE on Monday s in hopes of The Rock returning or Triple H being mauled by a bear. Oh, and I have a thing for Mickie James:
That is one sexy lady right there. Say what you will about wrestling…..BUT IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!
That’s…um….really fucking gay. Anyway, this past Monday Night Raw looked like your average boring Raw as JR (Who I have NEVER liked, even in his WCW days. I am saying it right now: Joey Styles is the best play-by-play commentator in wrestling. BRING IT, BITCHES) had his shitty ass goodbye moment ruined by Edge which I thought was going to be the best moment of the night. Then, Batista came out and kicked the holy Canadian Batshit out of Edge for about three minutes and…well…roll that beautiful mark out footage:
CM PUNK IS THE CHAMP! PUNK WINS! PUNK WINS!
Now having this happen to Edge was kind of a downer (I like the guy, he got to the top by banging someone else’s old lady. Oh, and he brought us the line “Reeks of awesomeness” which will I want put on my fucking tombstone) but dammit, CM PUNK IS THE CHAMP! Now I don’t have anything against CM Punk but I am a fan of the ROH-style of wrestling (Sometimes) as a change of pace from the kicky-punchy-big life threatening spot style the WWE has shoved down my throat since 1997-98. Odds are he won’t hold the belt long (Which is a shame because a CM Punk/Shawn Michaels or a CM Punk/Y2J feud would be awesome) but man I marked out almost as loud as I did for the greatest match of all fucking time:
What do you want from me? Macho Man + Biggest Wrestlemania ever + Ricky Steamboat at his third most awesome + me being six years old and lived for this = AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! RICKYYYYYYYY! They were the halcyon days.
With that being said, it is time for something that is pissing me off: “sports news.” All day I have had to hear about Brett Favre. I really….really could care less what that Mississippi fuck does. He said he retired. That was good enough for me to officially say “congratulations” and move on to other things. Now, about two months before the beginning of the season he wants to come back. You know what? I don’t give a fuck. If he wants to come back I don’t believe that he should be able to play in Green Bay. I am sorry, that is just my opinion. Fuck you, Pac-Man. Now normally when people change their minds about retirement I am totally cool about it (Troy Aikman, Michael Jordan, Mick Foley) but not this time. Since about….1999 Pac-Man has been saying the whole “I might hang it up” song EVERY-FUCKING-SEASON. It got to the point he kept crying “retirement” so much that I stopped (And a lot of fans stopped) giving a fuck. Either do it or get off the pot. He finally did it but now it seems he has a case of the splatter-shits because he is knocking on the door with a newspaper saying that he is about to shit his pants if Green Bay doesn’t open the door. Now as many of you know Brett Favre was on that purgatory realm for me as a football player where Tom Brady, LT and Terrell Owens reside: I don’t NOT like them but I am not going to buy their jersey or fight for them in fantasy football. However it seems like Brett’s about as trustworthy as a girlfriend at a Bi/Zac Efron cloning party (I will admit, I would turn into a total whore at one of those myself) about sticking to anything he says I have officially had enough of this. ESPN needs to stop covering this. While I am at it, I don’t care if A-Rod is fucking Madonna. He is a fucktard and she is a whore. I hope he gets AIDS from her….because we know she has that or its even more deadly cousin. I hate the news.
I am out for now. I will be back tomorrow for a blow by blow recap (Or live coverage) of ABDC. Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out.
