Yarr, only the sea loves me.

Morning, peeps. It was a rough Monday, but hopefully the rest of the week will go up. Can't get any fricking worse.

Well, I just decided to watch Domino and from what I can tell, it's not very good. I'm about 25 minutes into it and I am not amused. It's like they are trying too hard to make her a bad ass. That and Keira Knightly needs to eat something. I fucking hate skinny people.

I remember in one of my classes in college about images of race and gender in the media, my teacher Deena went on a rant about how action movies/comic book movies with strong female lead characthers dont do well. I bought the arguement that aside from Wonder Woman and Raven from the Teen Titans (no one knew who she was, so my arguement was null after that. And I mean the old school comic book Raven, not the gothy mess we have on Cartoon Network) there need to be strong female characters CREATED, rather than rehashes and half assed attempts. In a class full of women and punk ass dudes, as usual I got met with the response of men are keeping the images bad to keep these movies from being successful.

On another note, dudes in women's studies classes that play sensitve to women to get play: I will break off your lower mandible and use it as an ashtray. I don't even smoke, but I will start to prove my fucking point. You arent being sensitve, you are being a pussy. Show some backbone and speak your mind instead of saying what you think women want to hear. Women DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR HALF OF THE TIME. So quit being mark-ass tricks cuz tricks get dealt with.

Anyway, we went back and forth about this during and after class (oddly enough, some of my favorite teachers are the ones I had arguments with. I thought she was agreat debate partner because I couldnt really disagree with a lot of her points and vice versa) and I asked her to name a strong female action characters that have succeeded in cinema. She said Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. I started to laugh, but she wasnt joking. People, women especially, Tomb Raider sucked ass. The games sucked (although Tomb Raider 2 had its moments) and the movie sucked. As usual, the females and the douchey dudes in the class defended that craptacular and said I only made that comment because the lead was female.

NO, I made the comment not because she was a woman, but because she was in a shitty movie based on a shitty game and it is LAW that all video game movies will suck. Anyway, back to the arguement. No matter how right you are in a class full of women, the angry mob mentality kicks in (numbers equal right) and so you have to choose your battles. Fast forward two years and not much in cinema has changed. Movies staring female characters have bombed or been critically panned since. Don't believe me? Take a look:

Underworld: Evolution
Release Date: 1/20/2006
Starring: Kate Beckinsale
Opening Weekend: $26,857,181
Domestic Gross (as of 2/27/2006): $61,425,277

Did It Suck?: I saw it and I liked it. Although the character, even with a rather rich backstory had very little depth Although I blame it more on Kate’s acting. So it did not suck. Actually, it kinda kicked ass. Best movie this year.
Was it a Flop?: Didn’t do the expected numbers (80+ million), but it has grossed well over its budget (somewhere between 25-32 million depending on where you go) so I will say it was a success.

Bloodrayne
Release Date: 1/6/2006
Starring: Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsley (WHY BEN, WHY?), Michelle Rodriguez (Uh oh), Michael Madsen, Billy Zane (BOOOOO) and Meatloaf. Well, no need to continue on whether this sucked ass or not....

Opening Weekend: $1,550,000 (Estimate. No, that is about right.)

Domestic Gross: $2,405,420

Did It Suck?: Didn’t see it, but much like Brokeback Mountain, don’t need to see it to know it sucks ass. So yes.
Was It A Flop: Well, it cost 47 million to make and promote. And it was directed by Uwe ‘Never Met A Movie I Couldn’t Fuck Up’ Boll. Do the math, people. In respect to my Japanese readers, there will be no Hiroshima jokes.

Domino
Release Date: 10/14/2005
Starring: Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Delroy Lindo, Christopher Walken (KICK ASS!)
Opening Weekend: $4,670,120
Domestic Gross: $10,169,202

Did It Suck?: Just finished it. More fun playing real dominos. With hungry bears. Actually had a good plot, but not much to do with a model turned bounty hunter. Not like a rich white man with a Bat costume and mental problems. Now THAT'S a winner.
Was it a Flop?: Oh, yeah. Like a fish out of water.

Flightplan (Or as I call it, ‘Justification of Punching Jodie Foster in the Ribs’ movie)
Release Date: 9/23/2005
Starring: Jodie Foster (I can’t stand you), Peter Sarsgaard, Erika Christensen (or Julia Stiles 2.1)
Opening Weekend: $24,629,938
Domestic Gross: $89,705,076

Did It Suck?: By god yes. Now, I know women love this movie because of the supposed link between the mother and child and its power. But you know what? If you leave your child unattended for a long period of time in a huge ass plane you are stupid. End of story. Secondly, the bond became secondary to a shitty ass plot twist and probably the most implausible ending since Rocky III. No way Rocky beats Clubber Lang. Oh, and nice shot to Muslims on the plane. Ignorance, it’s spreading. In short, it did indeed suck.
Was It A Flop?: Depends on perspective. With reports Jodie earned 20 million for this mindrape, then yes, it was a flop. But women loved it and wanted to see it and they have the vaginas. So in a way, it wasn’t a flop. I still say yes after sitting through it.

Red Eye (I know, I’m reaching. More of a reflection on how bad the state of female action roles) Release Date: 8/19/2005
Starring: Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy (my god, those eyes….I want them)
Opening Weekend: $16,167,662
Domestic Gross: $57,891,803

Did It Suck?: Yes and no. It wasn’t HORRIBLE, but I would be okay never seeing it again. Saw it more as a favor to Zach after sitting through Honey, Sin City and Fantastic Four because of my Jessica Alba thing. I wouldn’t recommend it, though.
Was It A Flop?: Not really, but it wasn’t remarkable, either. Just below average. Which is still passing.

Elektra (Forgot about this shitfest, didn’t you ladies? Well I didn’t and I want my $7.50 back!)
Starring: Jennifer Garner and….doesn’t matter.
Opening Weekend: $12,804,793
Domestic Gross: $24,409,722

Did It Suck?: My god, did it suck balls. I can honestly say, even with Ring 2 and Alone In The Dark, this was the worst movie of 2005. Jennifer Garner and her Cro-Magnon neck needs to go back to her own time, because she is stinking up the future with her crappy acting. And she just spawned a little Afleck. Congratulations, you just gave birth to the downfall of society. Unless Katie really DID get knocked up by Tom, then may Buddha help us all.
Was It A Flop?: It cost 43 million, they made 24 million. I think Alias was cancelled (show how much I care about Ms. Giraffe) and director Rob Bowman hasn’t worked since. Oh, and she hasn’t been in a comic since. I would say it was a flop.

Tomb Raider + Tomb Raider - Cradle of Boobies…er…Life (Summers of 2001, 2003)
Starring: Angelina Jolie, padded bra which was nominated for Best Supporting (of) Actress
Opening Weekend:
Tomb Raider - $47,735,743
Tomb Raider 2 - $21,783,641
Domestic Gross:
Tomb Raider - $131,168,070
Tomb Raider 2 - $65,660,196

Did It Suck?: The first one actually had its moments (giant robots, fool!) but it had NO expectations because it was based on a video game. It was an AVERAGE movie. The second one actually had a better plot (if you could find it in its convoluted glory) but a lot worse acting. It had promise but ended up just sucking. And about the padded bra, why? I understand that was a key to the success of the video game (because it sure as HELL wasn't the gameplay) but much like Tif did in her feature debut, they toned down the clevage. Take a look:

Bouyant Tifa. And not really dressed for battle if you know what I mean. Great for cosplay and fan art, not for saving the world from Bahamut and Sepiroth. Take a gander below:

Oh, yeah. Aerodynamic, ass kicking Tifa. See the difference? Think the fight against Nooj would have been the same if she was dressed like a club dancer? It's about perspective and visuals, people. A less busty, more realistic Lara would have sold better, IMHO.
Was It A Flop?: The first one wasn’t, as I was pleasantly surprised at how well it was received. The second one, well, it didn’t even outgross Madea in its’ first week with literally 10 times the marketing. So 1 for 2.

So there you go. Eight movies, two hits, two average and four shit fests. Don't even get me started on Charlie's Angels.

So what are women to do about the crappy movies Hollyood puts out with women in the starring role? Well, you can always pray for Ultraviolet.


Looks like it has a chance to be good. Milla was also in Resident Evil (BOTH OF THEM) so I am worried about this. If she kept the talking down, she could have been the next Keanu Reeves. Great actor, as long as he isnt acting. I know that sounds stupid, but it works. If Hollywood wants to make a hot action property with a female so bad, I would go to a very simple choice. Hollywood, I will do the work for you: A Batgirl movie. A batgirl movie based after the events of Batman: The Killing Joke would be killer.

For those that haven't read the comic, here is a quick rundown. It should begin with Barbara Gordon shot and dying with the Joker standing over her taking pictures (which he uses later against her father) and as it is going on, she has a flashback on what her life used to be. Unlike Batman, since you have to establish she is Batgirl, the first 45 minutes is how she became Batgirl and her relationship with Batman and her father. Next 30 minutes or so is the aftermath after being paralyzed (with a few more flashbacks) and her coming to grips with no longer being the crime-fighting, death-defying Batgirl. The last hour could be her (in a Batman Begins like montage) become the Oracle and assisting Batman via technology to take down The Joker again. Hell, jump the gun and add Huntress or Black Canary for a sequel with the Birds of Prey (I hated the TV show btw but it did have promise). It needs a little more work, but it will be a hell of a lot better than what has been out recently. It has a tragic yet strong female character and her overcoming great odds. Just a thought.

Wow, that was quite a rant. Well, Douchebrawl 2006 Second Round ends tonight at Midnight and the Suckass Sixteen will begin tomorrow until Saturday Night! Be sure to vote! Also, as you know from the blog I have put a lot of Para Para dancing on here. Is it just me, or does the music sound like happy hardcore versions of DDR songs? Just an observation.

Anyone ever notice how DDR has two kind of users? Those that concentrate on the steps and only move their lower body:

And those that get a little to buck with it:

America, we have found the next big Olympic sports: Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para. It would mainly be USA vs. Japan, but it would be fun to watch. More fun to watch than curling or the steeple chase. A free tasty beverage to whoever can tell me what those sports are. See, I give back to the peeps. Um, Griff you are never allowed to send me links again. Ever.

Sad. Stay up, peeps. Chachi out.

Handle with care

Morning, peeps. It's another Monday morning and man, do I hate Mondays. Not as bad seeing as I don't have to work though. So, how is everyone? Doing okay, peeps? Want a soda? SOOOODA?

So Z asked me why Madea is the number one movie this weekend with 30 million dollars. Keep this in mind: Ray, Walk the Line, Crash and Munich all did about half of that in their first weeks of release. All were better movies. Why did they not succeed and the shitfest that was Madea did? Americans are stupid. Really, a lot Americans of all races, genders and religions are dipshits. Movies like Madea, When A Stranger Calls and any movie with Heath Ledger do well because they play on the stupidest of citizens:

1. Blacks (I don't wanna hear shit from ya'll. Remember Swatch watches and Malcolm X caps? We EARNED his distincion)
2. Teenagers (well, from 12-17. See MTV and you will know how stupid they can be. I swear they will watch anything. The reason Party of Five kept coming back and the WB hasnt been destroyed. See Blacks for UPN)
3. Religious Asshats (From The Passion to Chronicals of Narnia, these people go to see any movie with anything about Jesus en masse. As one who couldn't give a fuck about the guy, I like my Jesus and my movies as far away from each other as possible)

So lets add these factors up:

Famous black actors/actresses? Check. Well, about as famous as you can get without hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. And no one wants to do that. So you you have the Black audience. Dumb ass teen factor? Check. Now this one is touchy because they are targeting BLACK teens. But think about it. Who is blacker than a black teen? A WHITE teen. And what is cool to blacks becomes cool to whites at some point. So it all flows together like your oil and your gas. Ah, MC Hammer. So you have a small segment of the teen audience. Lastly, pointless discussions and links to Big J? Check and check. Tyler Perry is a devout Christian (a big reason I'm not a fan of his work, aside from the fact it sucks) and puts his love of the Baptist church in (from what I can tell) all of his works. So there is always a link to the worlds most famous carpenter, so he has a segment of the religious group. So that is three checks, and those three checks equal about 30 million dollars. I try to help.

Now, I am going to touch on something here. Some of you may be offended, but at this point if you are still reading after the shit I have talked about than this won't matter. We all have heard about Jason McElwain, a trainer for the Greece Athena basketball team that got a chance to play in a games final minutes. He went on to go all Kobe on the opponent and got 20 points in the final 3:41 of the game.



Great story about the trimph of a kid with a serious ailment that got live out his dream. I am not going to rant on that. Something needs to be said about the sportsmanship aspect, though.

History lesson. Steve Spurrier is one of the most despised coaches in sports history. A legend in Flordia Gator football, he led them to 6 SEC championshhps and a national title in 12 years. In his wake there, he left several humiliated teams and pissed off coaches. He was known for running up the scoreboard on opponents, not just to impress the polls but to embarras the opponent. People have said for years he lacks sportsmanship. I however beileve you play till the game is over (Randy Moss, anyone), and your pride means jackshit if you give up and the team scores all over you. You get what you deserve if you quit.

Now back to the game. First off, Greece Athena won 79-43. That is 36 points. That is by all definitions a blow out. When Jason came in, the opponent was ALREADY down by 20 points with 4 plus to go. In the final four minutes, Jason went 6-10 from 3-point range and according to ESPN 7-13 from the floor. Thirteen shots in 4 minutes? That seems to be a little excessive, even for an event like this. Putting him in was awesome, and when I heard that part I was happy for him. As a matter of fact, I was all for him taking a shot. When I found out he missed, I was all for giving him another one. When he his that shot, in the eyes of sportsmanship (in my opinion, just an opinion) I would have instructed him to play the game, not hurl up shots. Getting into a game is more than just scoring. It's about boxing out, passing, screens and the give and go. Yes, I know no one has played defense in the NBA since 1997, that's no reason to not learn the basics. Quite simply, the game was over. You run out the clock and celebrate. No one is taking the feelings of the opponent in to account here.

Now Grizzle asked me 'why didnt they just d him up?' Um...you can't 'd-up' a kid with autisem, I don't even think it is LEGAL. No school will EVER sign you for blocking a shot from a 'special' player. The opponent really had no choice in the matter but to let him score. And that is jacked up. If they would have tried the whole 'foul to put him on the line so we can get the ball quicker' the coach would have been called insensitve. No one calls the coach of Greece Athena insensitve about letting a player shoot more shots in 4 minutes than anyone else shot in the whole game (I'm guessing on that one, havent been able to find a box score). I'm just saying.

Myself, I thought the story was great....until I saw the score. That just has to hurt is all I am saying.

Oh, and lastly Nick Lachey was the second fiddle in his marriage, now he's second fiddle in his own FAMILY. Congratulations to Drew for winning Dancing With The Stars. You are now the most popular Lachey. Like being the most popular Baldwin, I guess.

Also, NEW SOUL'D OUT, FOOL! Well not new, but new to the blog. Urbs Communication for the peeps:

Even mo' Diggy-MO. I have never heard of this song, actually. Good stuff though:


Oh, and I'm really liking Lacey Chabert. Too right. You know, Party of Five had Lacey Chabert AND Jennifer Love Hewitt and STILL got cancelled. THREE TIMES. That's more than enough clevage to save a crappier show.

Respect.

Well, Chachi must be entertained. Cromatie High School, ahead! Stay up for now, peeps. Douchebrawl ends on Tuesday night so don't forget to vote!

Chachi out.

A sad day in Mayberry

I am sad to say that Don Knotts passed away yesterday. I wasn't even a thought in his heyday, but with the advent of sydication and TV Land, I got to see Don Knotts on The Andy Griffith Show and Three's Company (HELLS YEAH!) and several movies. I always thought he was hilarious, one of the few that still works here and there that are still funny, along with Bob Newhart. Gonna miss him.

So I am completely in love with YouTube. Ever since MTV Japan and MTV UK changed to that shitty Flash/Windows Media Player bastardized hybrid rather than standard streaming video I have been unable to see videos from J-pop artists. That and I can't go to the store and ask for it because it's not normal to ask for Hikaru Utada at the local music shop. Makes you sound like a nerd, and nerds get spanked with moonrocks. On YouTube, there are fellow j-pop fans and I fit in. Now I know how the bumblebee girl in the Blind Melon video felt. Ayumi Hamasaki is familiar to anime fans as the singer of the 3rd ending of InuYasha (I wanna say ep47-60 something, but odds are I am wrong because I didnt watch it all the much) but I remember her for j-pop ballands and being...er...cute. And doing the ending for Chobits. God, I am beginning to hate myself for being such a damned nerd. This is the video for Evolution, probably my favorite song from her. I think its from Hack series, but i never watched a single episode of that show. Never seen the video either, so here it is. I'll watch it with you:



So, last night I stayed up to watch Full Metal Achemist. Its said, its on episode 48 (Goodbye) and there are only 3 more left. I saw the episodes a LOOOOONG time ago when I first found out about fansubs. I met someone on MIRC that traded FMA and Naruto for Escaflowne and Hikaru No Go with me. I miss those days. Needless to say, I am kind of excited to see the ending again and the voice of Ed has grown on me. Here is the second opening to FMA, Ready, Steady GO! L ARC~En~Ciel, fool! WHAT! Thanks to Zach for correcting me on the spelling, which is why I couldnt find there stuff for so damn long.



Kick the ass, guys. Kick the ass. Speaking of kicking ass, here are my two favorite anime opening themes EVER. Yes, EVER. First, Chobits:



And REC. You may have heard this on the Happy Fun Time section of my website. Good stuff, although episode three won't fucking download.



Would be a great series if not for the cat tree. Yes, the cat tree. Alight its still good but a cat tree? Okay this is the last one i swear. But I had to do it. Pani Poni Dash second opening. Hell yeah. It's no Shoujo Q, but it still toe-tapping fun.



Okay so I lied.But eh, big ups ya'self. Respect. I likes me julie to hab big babalons.



You know what CSP needs? A crew. I'm gonna start a crew. We'z gonna be called the South Springs Massiv. You can apply to be in the crew at my e-mail Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com. All I ask is no mengas and no one under the age of 10, you arent covered by the insurance. The South Springs Massiv is an Equal Opportunity Employer. Except for mengas. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

(Not) Working for the weekend.

Afternoon, peeps! What it is? Well, if you look to your right, you will see the Second Round brackets are up and ready for your approval. There were a couple of upsets to make for interesting Second Round matchups. Here are the final tallys of the First Round:

Pauly Shore Region First Round

(5) Julia Roberts - 60%
(12) Jake Gyllenhall - 40%

(6) Barbra Streisand - 85.71%
(11) Sean Penn - 14.29

(2) Mel Gibson - 85.71
(15) Chris Kattan - 14.29%

(3) Tom Hanks - 71.43%
(14) Brad Pitt - 28.57%

NKOTB Region First Round

(7) White Stripes - 71.43%
(10) Oasis - 28.57 %

(1) 50 Cent - 87.5%
(16) Fred Durst - 12.5%

(6) Snoop Dogg - 71.43%
(11) Paul Wall - 28.57%

(4) Diddy - 100%
(13) Dave Matthews Band - 0%

Anna Nicole Region First Round

(7) Drew Barrymore - 66.67%
(10) Lil Kim - 33.33%

(2) Tara Reid - 80%
(15) Kirsten Dunst - 20%

(6) Jennifer Lopez - 40%
(11) Heather Graham - 60%

(5) Lindsay Lohan - 85.71%
(12) Demi Moore - 14.29%

Kato Kailen Region First Round

(3) Quentin Tarrentino - 57.14%
(14) Ashlee Simpson - 42.86%

(7) David Spade - 80%
(10) Wilmer Valderrama - 20%

(1) Kevin Federline - 100%
(16) Jon Heder - 0%

(5) Bobby & Whitney - 22.22%
(12) Jack Thompson - 77.78%

I must say, I was suprised by the vote turnout for the Jack Thompson vs. Bobby & Whitney matchup. It had the most votes and was never even really close. Video game fans unite! Bobby & Whitney were my dark horse pick to win it all. My Gonzaga, if you will. Well, here are the updated brackets:



I am really interested in the Jack Thompson/MTV VJ's mtachup. For more info on Jack Thompson, check out his nonsenseical ramblings toward the VGCats creator, whom kicks ass. He's actually more batshit insane than Tom Cruise, but Cruise believes in Xemu and spaceships. Least Jack believes in good old Jesus.

So yesterday I went to the 'Sex and So Much More' convention, and Z-Sizzle was right, it was just a vehicle to hock merchandise. The line to get autographs for Jenna Jameson was INSANE and lets face it, she's no Scarlett Johanssen or Kumi Koda. Mmmm. Now THAT'S a sandwich that don't need Miracle Whip. Oh! Anyway, innuendo aside it was okay. I got to meet Ruby, who I have seen on the internet on...newsgroups and...er...sites about Jesus and....definitly not about naked lady sites. Check her out:

She was cool. Oh, and remind me to smack the selfish ass photagrapher that got THREE PICTURES WITH HER and screwed up mine. How I LOATHE HIM. I also got to meet a legend. The man that bought us such musical genius as 'Freak of the Week' with DJ Polo and....well that was it. Hey, even Right Said Fred has one hit. I give to you the man, the myth, the icon, the showstopper, the lady popper, RON 'THE HEDGEHOG' JEREMY!!

Yes, I had NO IDEA he was that short either. Cool cat, though. I should keep him in my pocket to help he get the ladies. 'I have a hedgehog in my pocket' is an interesting icebreaker. Oh! Call me a Flipped-Over-Pacer cuz I'm on FIY-YAH!

As I said on a previous post, I completely misjudged the Para Para Dance. After the Anime Fusion Tour (and bouyed by two saucy lady dancers) I was proved wrong on my three year assumtion that it was for fatties that couldn't do DDR. Well, I'm a fatty and I can do DDR, but I mean do DDR like bears on a tricycle. You know what I mean. You pray the bear doesn't snap from the humiliation and difficulty by eating a small child. Anyway, all I can say is PARA PARA PARADISE DANCE TEAM, FOOL!



Okay, I like Hinoi Team. YES that dude is dressed like a chick and YES he is...er..singing. They did 'Ike Ike' for Ichigo 100% and Maeken is funny as hell, so that make him down with the Chachi. You got a problem with him, you gots a problem with me. And that sumo dude busting a move, and you don't wanna mess with him. Maeken isn't a member of the group if i am not mistaken (someone correct me if I'm wrong on that) but he's cool none the less. This is a cover of a Kumi Koda song, too. Double kick ass.



Speaking of 'Ike Ike'.....HELLS YEAH!



Not sure who this dude is, but he rules. Nuff respect. Like John Cho meets Breakin'. John Cho is Harold from 'Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle' btw. Still, it's great stuff.



Ah, Ron Jeremy, Turkey Jerky, Para Para and Hinoi Team. Can this day get any better? Yes. yes it can.



Ah, Turbo. Where have you gone. Man, today is a good day. Well, I am gonna head out for now. Party on, peeps. I'm trying new stuff, let me know what sticks.

Chachi out.

Not yet, peeps! Check this out!



Hell yeah.

Buenos dias, mother b*****s!

Sorry, just saw Anchorman for the first time in a while. Right in the babymaker.

This update is gonna be short. I'm gonna be streaming more themes onto the website so feel free to get your listen on. Just a note, the First Round of Douchebrawl 2006 ends tonight at midnight (or whenever I get back). The Second Round voting will start Saturday morning and will end on Monday at midnight. The Suckass Sixteen will start on Tuesday! Tell your friends and enemies! Tell your pet! Tell people in prison! Unlike the presidential elections, felons can vote for Douchebrawl, because this is AMERICA, FOOL! I will update the brackets for printouts, as well. See, I'm thinking about the peeps.

It's been a while since I graced ya'll with a J-pop song. This is probably aside from Bennie K's Oasis and Orange Range's Hana my favorite j-pop/j-rock song. This is BoA's La-La-Love Song live. I have the remix with Soul'd Out (DIGGY-MO, FOOL! WHAT!) and it's good stuff. I'll stream it for a listen on the website.



Doesnt really do it justice. The song is up for streaming on the Happy Fun Time section. One more for good measure. Heartsdales 'Angel Eyes'. If this song came out in 1984, it would be bigger than Relax by Franke Does Hollywood.



Good synth-pop action. So, did anyone watch the Olympics? Me neither. At least I didn't watch American Idol. Jesus T. Christ let it go. It wasnt good in the beginning, and only one of them is any good now. Two if you count Ruben, but he ate himself into obscurity. Kelly Clarkson isn't a GOOD SINGER as much as she is better than the rest of the mouth-breathers. That and she has a suprisingly nice...er...rumpatory.

She seems to be a nice girl, too. Good head on her shoulders, loves her momma and Jesus.

Well, that's all for now. The Chachi has some errands to run before this evening. Don't forget to vote! Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

America. Fuck Yeah.

What up, mate? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Big ups to Griff for that one. So what is going down peeps? Doing good? Hells yeah.

Now, you all know I am not a fan of rap. I don't like it and I am usually justified in my opinion by...well listen to most of it. It blows. However, like Dave Chappelle said, Blacks love percussions. That and really freak beats. The first time I heard this song, I lost my mind. I don't know what it is, but this song kicks ass. The video is suprisingly not rage inducing either. I give you one of my three hip hop vices: I Don't Like The Look of It by The Backwudz. Yes, that is how it's spelled:



That is good stuff. Now many of you know that I am from Georgia (something I am going to rant about later so get ready) and the whole influx of rappers from the South is interesting to say the least. You got your T.I. and your Young Jeezy (BOOOOOOO!), but you also got Dem Franchise Boys. I tried to fight liking these guys, I really did. It gets to the point were you have to give up and accept your fate. Sometime you just got to Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It.



Get loose wit it. Get funky wit it. Sue me, that song is tight bangin. Yes, I aint used that in a minute! Lastly is a song I just heard this week. Now this song was a song I got on accident from Limewire while looking for of all things David Hasselhoff songs. Don't ask, long story. Anyway, I burned this onto an MP3 disk and whoa, this song is the mad notes. I actually stumbled across the video yesterday after tie shopping and its not TOO bad. Has it's booty-booty-buttcheeks moments, but no worse than anything else. That and its mellow. If you dig, ask nice and there may be a way to find it. This is T.C.P. (or The Crowd Pleasers) with Gotta Girl (Uh-Huh)

Ah, been a good week. Those who have been voting for Douchebrawl 2006 I thank you. For those that hit up the website in all of its not-quite-done glory I thank you. I'm gonna be working on it now and then to get a feel for it and add more stuff.

Now some things I have to get off of my chest. For they young people reading this, you may not understand what I am talking about but hey, gotta learn sometime.

Okay, I am from the South (Georgia) as is my father (Tennessee) and both sides of my grandparents (Alabama, Mississippi and Arkansas) and for the most part I am rather proud. I am a Falcons fan, I support the Dawgs, eat Chic-Fil-A and I love peaches. However, there is a problem with that region. A problem that needs to be explained in a way that even the most ignorant person can understand.

Time for some history. On 8/7/1920, the Nazi Party officially adopted the Swastika as the symbol on the flag to represent itself as a party. Although the symbol originally was used as a sign of life and good luck by many religions, after being adopted by several German/Aryan movements in the late 1800's it got a HIGHLY negative meaning. How negative? It is illegal to own, sell or purchase memorabilia of the Nazi Party in Germany. After the defeat of Hitler and the Nazi Party (and the cowardly Italians and the Japanese, who didn't surrender as much as were going to run out of cities at the rate things were going) the flying of the Nazi flag became punishable by prison, and also is just douchey move all round. With all of the history involved with that flag such as the Holocaust (Iran is looking into it's validity like OJ is looking for Nicole's killer) and the near destruction of a whole continent its not really cool to have it out. Right? Nearly exterminating a race of people and attacking your neighbors for a crackpot theory of freedom is a great reason to ban flying a flag, right? We can all agree that flying a flag of a country that LOST THE WAR is not cool, right?

So why is it okay to fly the Confederate flag in the South? Now when I say its 'okay' I don't mean there is no opposition. I mean that no one has come up with an argument that makes it through the skulls of the 'South Will Rise Again' idiots down there. As a person born in Georgia (although I am a Colorado resident because there is no way in FUCK I was paying out of state tuition) I kept up with the battle over the state flag. This was the state flag for Georgia from 1920 to 1956


Not bad. Not bad at all. Classic state flag fare. Not too flashy but not lame like some states (California, bears are a threat to national security and you KNOW it! You are on the Chachi's list, Cali!) But for some asinine reason, someone had necro-sex with General Lee or something and came up with this brain-fart. For reasons unknown to rational people, from 1957 to 2001, this was the state flag of Georgia:


Um.....FUCK NO. That flag had to go. That is as much of a middle finger to the American flag as burning it as far as I'm concerned. For a state to blatantly have the confederate flag so prominently in its STATE flag should force them to be kicked the fuck out of the Union. Forty-nine stars would look lame, but at least there wouldn't be any traitors in MY United States of America. So after some debate (well, a lot of debate. Coloreds really don't like the rebel cross for some reason) the flag was changed to this in 2001:

Hmm. This flag was a little bit interesting to me. Look at the 4th flag and you will see the old flag is still in there, just smaller. Now I am willing to understand that the Confederate Flag is part of the American history. You know what else is part of American history? Slave labor and Pogo Balls. Just because something is part of the history doesn't mean we should put it on the flag. Especially when states tried to SECEDE FROM THE GODDAMNED UNION! I cant stress that enough. I honestly didn't mind the flag, because I think state flags are lame any-damn-way. Still people complained and they changed the flag yet again:



Just when I though Texas had the gayest flag in the United States. Still, the 'x' ain't in it and that's cool.

So why did I do this? One, I like putting pictures in Blogger. It's kewl. Secondly, because the confederate flag does not belong in three places:

1. State Flags
2. Any state/government institution (schools, federal/state buildings, libraries, etc.)
3. Any sports team. Seeing as how many of athletes in major college sports are black, wearing the confederate flag on a helmet/uniform or cheering for a rebel mascot seems....counterproductive. I dunno just seems wrong.

Here are a few more states with the confederate flag or a version of on their STATE flag:

Mississippi

Yeah, replace all the state stars with a confederate x. Good job, Mississippi that explains why the state is in the bottom three in education like Ruben Studdard. You only know one fucking state.

Here is Arkansas:

This flag is actually stylish....for 1974. Looks like the logo for 'Love Arkansas Style' which usually involves family. At least they spelled Arkansas right. Gotta give them props for THAT.

Lastly, the anus of the USA, Alabama:

No, that's not a Jpeg that won't load. It's Alabama's fucking state flag. Some would say its a reach to say it is a confederate flag style, but I just think its ugly as hell. And I don't like Alabama. It's a Georgia thing. Aint been since birth and I just hate that state. It's in me blood, like the hatred of Irish and Brits. Or Irish and everybody sober for that matter.

Time to lay it all on the line. The big reason that people give for not flying the Confederate flag is it's racist. Well, it is a symbol of a racist PERIOD in America's history, but its not like the Nazi flag and how it represents the near destruction of a continent. I can understand the feelings the flag brings up, especially when its on the state flag or being flown at a courthouse or school. That is not the reason it should be not be flown. This is the reason:

THE SOUTH LOST THE WAR.

Period. The South CANNOT rise again because of rotating National Guards (thanks for the info, Z-Money. I forgot they did that). Even if they DID rise again, they would get to MAYBE 10 miles into Virginia before their shit got handed to them. If you lose a war, flag priviledges go away end of story. Japan is a special case because they gave us the Nintendo. They EARNED the right to have their flag. When you fly the rebel flag, you are flying a flag that spits in the face of Americans, not just Blacks. You are giving the finger to the the troops (because if you believe in the ways of the Confederacy you don't believe in America, therefore you are against America and against the troops) and you are analy violating freedom. I understand America is based on freedoms and the Southerners be 'free' to fly the flag. You are right. However, you will officially have to secede from the Union again if you want to fly your own flag. Since the majority of the poorest states are in the 'Confederate South', fend for your fucking selves.

In closing, I am not against the South. I am not against whites. I'm really not against the flag. I am against people brandishing artifacts and symbols (see, Zach Communication class are effective) that are insulting to the United States as a whole. The flag isn't a part of Southern lexicon, it is a throwback to a period when the United States was almost destroyed internally. I know most people don't look at it like that, but it's rather logical when you put it into perspective. Oh, and let Dukes of Hazzard go. Nothing is more racist than a Dodge Charger with a Confederate Flag on it that has a horn that plays 'Dixie'. Now THAT is racist.

Wow, that was long. Thanks for listening. Now, back to the good stuff.

You know, I may have to ask to use this for my Samuel L. Jackson for President campaign video. If you don't want to vote for Sammy J after this, you are a commie bastard. US-frickin-A!

Just plain awesome.

That was a great way to end this post. Wait:



No, THAT'S how you end a post. What an end it is. OH! Giggidy-giggidy. Giggidy-goo. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

The Chachi has conquered...the internet.

Peeps, it has finally happened. The Duece has infiltrated the internet. Yes, that internet. The world wide web! The porn portal! Whatever you want to call it, Chachi is on it and dare I say, it's time to serve the internet. Jersey style. The site is up and check the tunage! Closing from Bleach, good stuff. Even MORE good stuff if you check out the Douchebrawl 2006 link.

The first thing you will notice is....there is nothing on it. Well, I am not as good at HTML as I used to be, so I am still getting my feet wet by adding the stuff you see on the blog onto the site. For ease, I'm just going to link to the Blogger blog for now. I am also looking for a way to have a streaming file section so people can request songs and I can give samples. Last thing I want to do is piss off the music industry, although they can collectively eat my ass. I also want to share the wealth of anime tracks I have with the peeps (that would be you guys, silly gooses). Call me 'Mr Nice Guy'.

Well, once again, the site is www.lochachi.com and it is up and ready for your approval. I gotta be up early tomorrow, so I'm about to be out. Stay up, peeps. First the internet, the the WORLD!

Chachi out.

Douche Madness!!!

Alrighty, peeps. The first half of the Douchebrawl 2006 First Round is officially completed. The results are as follows:

NKOTB Region

(8) L.L. Cool J - 82.35%
(9) Coldplay - 17.65%

(3) Bono - 100%
(14) Usher - 0%

(2) Nelly -90%
(15) Ying Yang Twinz - 10%

(5) Celine Dion - 51% (via tiebreaker)
(12) Lil Jon - 49%

Pauly Shore Region

(1) Tom Cruise - 100%
(16) Steven Segal 0%

(7) George Clooney - 14.29%
(10) Colin Ferrell - 85.17

(8) Heath Ledger - 25%
(9) Hayden Christensen - 75%

(4) Ben Affleck - 87.5%
(13) Ryan Phillipe - 12.5%

Anna Nicole Region

(8) Jessica Simpson - 66.67%
(9) Sarah Jessica Parker - 33.33%

(3) Cameron Diaz - 77.78%
(14) Katie Holmes - 22.22%

(1) Britney Spears - 100%
(16) Karrine Steffans - 0%

(4) Madonna - 70%
(13) Pam Anderson 30%

Kato Kailen Region

(8) Peyton Manning - 49%
(9) Andy Milanakis - 51% Tiebreaker

(6) Jimmy Fallon - 100%
(11) Cindy Sheehan - 0%

(4) Alec Baldwin - 26.67%
(13) MTV VJ's - 73.33%

(2) Ashton Kutcher - 75%
(15) Dr Phil - 25%

And here are the updated brackets:



Wow, I must say I was shocked to see the MTV VJ's upset Alec Baldwin. He's kind of a, uberdouche. Also, the tiebreaker is decided by The Griff, an impartial (yet anti-social) judge that doesnt like anyone equally. So it's fair. I am really digging a Ben Affleck/Tom Cruise battle for douchebag supremacy. USA! USA! I am pleased by the turnout, peeps. Keep telling yout friends and hopefully I can have 100 votes per matchup by the Douchebag Four. It is a modest dream.

So my interview went well yesterday. I also has one tomorrow from a DIFFERENT location so I am getting kind of excited. Not in the way Jessica Alba used to get me excited, but still. One will work out.

New Bleach, fool! No new episode until the 7th of March though. I say the nay-no to that. Also, Zach is right, powerless Ishida is pissing me off. He should be kicking ass and taking names. He was like Legolas, minus the mega-gay of Orlando Bloom. As a matter of fact, for my next post I will cast Bleach! Yes, I will give my personal cast picks for each (and there is a LOT of them) main character of Bleach. Except Kon, who will be voiced by Stephen Colbert. That aint even an arguable pick.

Well, my interview is in the morning tomorrow so the update tomorrow will be later in the day. Also, polls are open for the second half of the First Round until Friday at Midnight. The Suckass Sixteen begins at 10AM Monday morning!

Before I head out, here is some Jessica BIEL for you. Take that, Ms. Alba!



Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

I'm moving on up!

First off, there is a new love in my life, Jessica. I told you I will survive! Meet Kumi Koda. She has actually had my eye for about 2 years or so (FF X-2 fans know her from the Real Emotion song Yuna sings) and you know what, Jess? She's loves me for ME!



Er, the bondage has to go but other than that she is twice the stalkee you were. You know what else, Jess? YOU ARENT MY WALLPAPER ANYMORE! HA!


See, I am so over you!

Sorry about that, peeps what's proper? Sorry, trying out new lingo. First off, Douchebrawl 2006 is going off a little better than I expected. Some brackets are in double-digits (keep in mind, I think only 3 people frequent this blog and no one has double voted so that's a good sign) and so far, there are no real upsets. I expected that, but hopefully the second round will create more excitement.

Well, it seems to be a crappy start for movies in 2006. It was hard for 2005 to top 2004 and I will admit that. In 2004 we had Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, Shark Tale, Harry Potter, Meet The Fockers, Mean Girls, Bourne Supremacy and Jesus Christ's Day Off (or Passion of Christ as it is also known). But name one REAL kick ass movie for 2005? Now 2006 has promise with V For Vendetta, Pirates 2 (Johnny Depp, how you confuse me), X-Men 3, and Superman Returns. The problem is, aside from Pirates 2, all have a REAL good chance of sucking ass. I mean on par with The Hulk. However, I give you a movie that COULD be a sleeper kick ass flick: Silent Hill.



Now first off, I am sure you are saying 'Hey, all video game movies SUCK.' You would be correct in your words. From Super Mario Brothers to Street Fighter (The action's never been so Van Damm good) to BOTH Mortal Kombat flicks to the shitfest known as Bloodrayne (like Brokeback, I dont need to see it to know that it sucks) the track record is not good for video game movies. Even the tolerable ones like Doom and Resident Evil were still BAD movies compared to what they could have been. Dont even get me started on Tomb Raiders' and Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. The only great video game movie is Final Fantasy: Advent Children and that was a very insider based movie, one that the average movie goer would not like but just marvel at the pretty colors and animation. Silent Hill has a shot to actually be a good movie. If it is based on the first game (which all reports say yes) then it has a real good story to start with. They could find a way to fuck it up, but they would really have to try.

The stills look very good. It looks to have the feel of the game, but at the same time taking the look of movies like The Ring and Saw and amping it up a notch. Check it out:





Not too bad. Keep in mind that there is NOTHING scarier than little white kids. Just.....gives me the heebie-jeebies. Hell, I'm already scared.

Most importantly, there is no Uwe Boll. Look at this tool:



I remember three years ago he was linked to this movie and I was ready to finally give him the business. I mean whoop his ass like the asshat he is. Only reason I left him off the Douchebrawl 2006 was because not enough people hate this guy yet he is the ultimate of all douches. Anyway, they pulled him off of the project and dare I say, that automatically means this movie will not make me want to kill. By getting Christophe Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf) they actually got....well I don't know much about him but Britherhood was actually pretty good and he is NOT UWE BOLL! That's all that matters.

I can't say Silent Hill WON'T suck. It has a lot of potential and if done correctly (which I believe it will be) it actually could be a good movie, rather than one where you leave and don't say 'I'm not bleeding from my eyes, so it wasnt THAT bad.' Won't be better than Pirates 2, but it should be worth a watch.

Well, the first have of the bracket voting ends tonight at midnight and the second batch will be up until Friday at Midnight. The second round voting begins Saturday at whenever I wake up to update the polls. Gonna go to a convention on Friday and hopefully get an autograph from a legend. If I get enough pics I will post them up Sunday.



Oh, on a totally different note, look what Lindsay Lohan found.


Yeah....they weren't there a week ago. I am officially putting the end on the Lindsay Lovefest. Scarlett Johnansen is the new Lindsay, and she is a marginally better actress to boot (seen Eight Legged Freaks? They you know what I am talking about). See:

That's for you Zach. Don't say I never gave you nothing.

Well, I have an interview in a bit so I will be back later. Wish me luck and stay up.

Chachi out.

AND NO MORE UWE BOLL MAKING MOVIES!!


Dungeon Siege. WORST. MOVIE. EVER. At least it has Burt Reynolds.

Hells yeah.

All I can say about this? Hello Kitty, fool! What?! It's about time.



As you can tell, I'm kind of bored. And when I get bored, the peeps get entertainment. Not gonna lie, I wasnt a big fan of Ren and Stimpy but I did like this. I TOLD YOU I'D SHOOT!



More old school classic cartoon clips because...this kicked ASS. I kind of feel bad for kids because they get stuck with rehashed crap of my youth (TMNT, GI JOE, Power Rangers) or bastardized anime. I used to LOVE Animaniacs. Here are the nations of the world. Little known fact: George W. Bush learned the countries of the world with help of this song and can only sing it in cadence.



Well, thats all for now. Don't forget you have until midnight EST to vote in the first half of the brackets for Douchebrawl 2006. Stay up, peeps

Chachi out.

Yeah, its just not worth it.

So I have been trying to edit my MySpace accounts' code so I can put the Douchebrawl 2006 on there and it aint working. If anyone knows how to edit it, let me know. Also, I tried to create a facebook account because everyone says it kicks ass. All I can say is I never checked out a SINGLE book when I was in college. How in the fuck would I rememeber my college e-mail address and login? Pish-tosh.

Just a quick whats up to the peeps. Have an interview tomorrow so wish me luck. Also, if any of you buy the Kevin Federline album I will beat you. Badly. I swear on it.

Chachi out. And I'm in Korea! If anyone can translate help me out.

Lazy Sunday Blues

Well, its still cold. This is some crap. But at least I got some news for my peeps. Saves you from having to read the Sunday paper. All those words.

First off, Nick and Jessica are split and we know it would come down to this: money. Well, all I can say to Nick is get your money! Jessica should pay out solely because I was surprised he didn't beat her ass for being so goddamned stupid. Ike whooped Tina for a lot less and although I am not a fan of spousal abuse, if anyone needed to be knocked upside the head it is Jessica Simpson. Might knock some sense into her oo at least get the frustration out of being married to a woman with no ass. Look at this:


Aint nothing back there but disappointment. Unfortunately the junk is in her head and not the trunk. Oh, no I didn't!

Secondly, what is the sound of a television drama about the first female commander-in-chief being cancelled? Answer: it doesn't make a sound because no one watched. However, I don't think this show failed because it was about a woman president. I think it failed because it sucked. I watched once episode and it wasn't very good. I think it was about a tape of her or her daughter that could hurt her approval rating. Like that crap hurts Bush, everyone knows he's incompetent but we know he won't compromise national integrity by banging a pudgy intern. Although he does seem to have 'chocolate fever' over Condi Rice and don't even act like you don't see the chemistry. Laura better watch out because George wants some chocolate syrup on his vanilla cone. Ah, my sexual innuendo is impeccable.

Sadly, every TV/movie president has been better than G Dubya. Even Leslie Nielsen in 'Scary Movie 3' was better and I wish death on everyone in that movie except George Carlin. Well who do I think would run this country better? Glad you asked, peeps. I officially bring to my proposed ticket for 2008:

Samuel L. Jackson and Neil Patrick Harris!


Hail to the chief, mother-f***er!

What about the cabinet? Glad you asked!

Secretary of State. Christopher Walken!



Imagine this:

Walken: 'Mr Hussien. We need to know.....where...your weapons of mass destruction...are hidden. DO YOU KNOW....where they are....Mr. Hussein? We know...that YOU KNOW. Where they are.'
Jackson: 'WHERE ARE THE MOTHER-F***KER? WE KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! IF WE FIND THEM OURSELVES WE WILL COME DOWN WITH A HOLY F*****G VENGEANCE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!'
Harris: 'Saddam, come on. He will do it. Just....walk with me. I don't want to see you die. Seem like a nice guy. Just give us the weapons and I wont have our military leave Iraq as the crater between Iran and Africa.'

Perfect good cop/bad cop/crazy cop dynamic. Now we have worthless cop (Rice)/baby eating cop (Cheney)/slightly retarded cop (Bush).

Secretary of Defense? None other than Chuck Norris!














Terrorists have seen 'Delta Force' and 'Missing in Action'. His phrase could be 'You don't fuck....with CHUCK'. Damn skippy.

Homeland Security Director? The only choice is Djimon Hounsou.




















I know he was born in Benin but Sammy J and NPH can pull some strings. Consider the homeland secure. You wanna test this man? Hells no.

I am liking this cabinet. USA, baby. USA.

In other news, it seems that I have to make a trip to Japan. Yes, Pokeland is in full effect. You know, I have said it once and I will say it again. End the panty fetish and I will become a Japanese citizen TONIGHT. You don't see stuff like thins here. Or the karoke party time places. Just once I want to break into song and not be arrested.

Lastly, I keep on hearing rumors that Jessica Alba is secretly engaged to Cash Warren. If that is the case, then I must say this now.....if you are engaged Jessica, I am happy for you. Oh that noise? The sound OF MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT BY THE WOMAN I LOVE! How could you do this to me? Why?! WHY?! I love-did-did you, girl! Dru Hill help me sing it!



I...I guess its over. I have given up on trying to win you. This will be the last time you see her on this blog again.



*sigh*

But like Jesus, I will survive Jessica!



Minus the whole bus thing. But I will survive! Well, stay up peeps. And don't forget to vote in Douchbrawl 2006!



Chachi out. VOTE OR DIE!