First things first, I Poppa freaks all the honeys. Sorry, I had to do it. Griff, I hate you with all my being and I hope you see this because I am flipping you off as hard as I can. Anyway, I just got to The Land With No Name or whatever it's called in Kingdom Hearts II. I went there after I tried to take on Sephiroth in Hollow Bastion (I won't ruin the twist for those that want to buy it. Seeing as how Zach, Monie and Beth are the only readers of this thing it doesn't really fucking matter but I respect the peeps) and he whipped my ass. Totally sodomized me with his sword AND his one-damn-wing. How fast do you ask?
8 seconds.
You know how I know? I was on the phone with Griff when I got to him and it takes 8 seconds for the Bluetooth headset to override the handset. By that time I had been pwned like a Japanese schoolgirl outside an American Navy base. Okay, that was NOT COOL. But still, I got my ass WHOOPED ON FOURTEEN STRAIGHT TIMES! It looked a little like this:
Except FASTER and the sound of me threatening to kill everyone on the planet. I kind of hit him once, to which he went all Lo Pan on my ass and made my head explode. Not in the game, in real life because I was PISSED. Like I told Z, Sephie isn't like Weapon in the FF series as much as he used to pie-face Weapon right before he laid the pipe to its mother. Who's lovin' his momma? Sephiroth is.
Greatest song EVER. So I gave up and went to the final level, hopefully to get past level 50 (supposedly if you aren't at at LEAST level 75 Bishie-roth kills you unmercifully in front of your kids and pets) and go back and serve that fool. Oh, and don't listen to people out there. The Little Mermaid section is actually kind of fun (and first time around is suprisingly challenging) and I still like the tunes. Winnie the Pooh on the other hand is LAAAAAAAAAAAAME. I always though he was a mark-ass trick, and this did nothing to change that opinion. And put some damn pants on and find a shirt that fits! How many golden bears are there?! I honestly think he is a panda painted to fool the masses. All part of my panda terrorist theory. Get a few shots in me and I will explain how pandas are plotting to destroy the world as we know it.
So, who saw Comedy Central tuck their tail between their legs? I did and I am PISSED. I didn't want to be right about them initially (although I changed my stance after watching The Boondocks season finale) but I really thought that Viacom would take a stand on freedom of speech and let the clip show. Then I remembered that Viacom okayed an American flag being worn as a poncho (which I could have cared less about because I am not big on the symbolism of flags. I'm sorry, patriotism is in the PERSON, not the flag. Get over it) and Janet Jackson's 40+ year old titty. There was no way that was gonna fly. More of that pre-post-pre-retrospective 9/11 thinking. Congratulations, you have officially skull-raped freedom of speech, Comedy Central. You put Stella and Distraction on the air but can't show a 3 second clip of Mohammed? No one even knows what he really looks like! Same with Jesus. It would be hella funny if Jesus ended up actually looking like a character from Welcome Back Kotter rather than Jim Kavizel:
Oh my god, its the Son of God! Anyway, back to the point. Comedy Central pussed out and I give them MAYBE until the end of this season before they quit. Quite simply, there will be no 10th season of South Park IMHO. And it saddens me, because seasons 6,7, and 9 (season 8 was kind of dull) were the funniest yet. One can only take so much of being shut down before they give up.
So the last episode of Bleach kicked a lot of ass. Sadly, no new episodes until May. And to that I say BOOOOOOO! Also, the last episode of REC was last week and man I am bummed. They don't even have the damn manga over here anywhere. At least the second season of Ah! My Goddess! and the shockingly good Soul Link will keep me busy. I also downloaded the Live Concert of Ayumi Hamasaki (oh, your excitement is refreshing....not) and.....whoa. THIS is how you do a live show. Oh, and note to artists: this is how you handle a fuck up on stage:
Sweet. Anyway, imagine a Vegas show without the Vegas. I had no idea she could dance, or at least follow choreography so well. As we all know, the saddest statement is that the best performer of our generation is Usher, and I can't think of a female American artist that is even CLOSE to his showmanship package. Don't even THINK of saying Britney Spears pre-Federline because she can't actually sing and as a dude that owes me 6 bucks once said, 'those who can't sing, dance'. Even as a dancer, Christina Aguilera was still better at both, but she just turned whore too quickly. At least her whore change got her Grammys. Britney just got knocked up.
Oh, and can I just say that Britney is one Jack shot away from being on Cops? And that would kick more ass than I could stand. People have told me not to find joy in this but....fuck you I am. The shit is funny. Not the baby falling and getting Steve Young'd, I mean Britney being a shitty parent. Hell, K-Fuck has THREE kids now and he didn't know not to leave one alone with Britney? Did you see what she did to her face? I wouldn't trust her to tend to weeds.
Oh and on another note: Black women are NEVER allowed to say that there are no good Black men out there. EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN. Why? Shar Jackson had TWO kids with that man. TWO. If you are trying to say that K-Fed is better than a Black man then maybe the problem isn't us, its YOU. As rich as that man is, he is still a fucktard and there is no excuse to get knocked up by that goof TWICE. Good job, Shar. You set the movement back AND fucked up relations in the Black male/Black female dynamic. You are a trailblazer in fucking stupidity.
So Tom can scream like a ass-raped banshee but Katie can't scream during labor? Okay, some one has to say this. Tom, Scientology isn't a religion. It's not even a cult, because it gives honest cults a bad name. It's just fucking stupid. ALIENS IN 747's AND VOLCANOS?!
You wrapped up a naive, stupid little girl who had a childhood crush on you and all but ruined her career. Now Katie wasn't exactly fighting off Naomi Watts and Renee Zellwhateverhernameis for role before getting getting pregnant by SOMEONE (not Tom). But at least she was out there. Now, she is going to be barefoot and pregnant for who may just be the craziest motherfucker on the planet. Katie, Nicole got out and so can you. I can set up an Underground Railroad for you to get out of the house. Not just me, all of America wants to save you. Even some of England. Take that baby and leave that man. He didn't even have the good sense to MARRY you after all this! Your dad should have shot him in the ass with a buckshot. Cheney style. I wonder what Scientology says about babies out of wedlock? Oh wow....this baby may be the 'chosen one' like Stan was on South Park. I think its the only baby born to a Scientologist AFTER joining the cult. That baby is the next L.Ron Hubbard!! Shit, I gots to stop her from giving the baby to Tom! The fate of the world depends on it! Who's with me?!
Eh, I'm tired. You know what I need? You know what I need:
Jackie, you always make me feel better. Well, I am out for now. Stay up peeps and don't forget to vote for the Darth Vader Badass Battle! Links are to the right and at www.lochachi.com under 'Badass'!
Chachi out.
