Happy Father’s Day to all the peeps out there with children! Which is like….two of you….and you are doing an excellent job! Let’s get rid of the babymama’s out there without killing them, I mean. The father is a lost art out there, as is the mother for the same reason. People don’t understand that when you have a child you are officially starting up a business for 18 years and if you have poor business practices your business will not get off the ground. Same with children. Think about that before having sex with someone that you think won’t be a good boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone parent. The fam is important, peeps. One luv on that one. Not to be a downer, so you know what to do. Find your daddy and tell him big ups for teaching you and the whatnot.
With that being said…..
AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW IS BACK THIS THURSDAY!!
Can I get a FUCK YEAH?! The best TV show of the season is back and all I can say is IT’S ON! All reality shows can bow down to the greatness that is ABDC next week as the crews are back and ready to join the Jaba as ABDC winners! Now I have heard people out there have the utter and complete audacity to even COMPARE ABDC with a shitty little show called “So You Think You Can Dance” to which I say NIGGA PLEASE! The only thing that “So You Think You Can Dance” is better that ABDC at is sucking floppy equestrian wang. Now I will admit I have only see one episode of the show and it was the “Too Much Booty In The Pants” dance which was AWESOME but the rest of the show was not. If I wanted to see people dance pretentiously I would watch ballroom dancing on PBS. I mean, it would be cool if they kicked it Bob Fosse-style:
Since that show will NEVER do anything that kick ass it will never equal the “You Got Served” meets “Breakin II: Electric Boogaloo” awesomeness that is ABDC. However, there is something that I have to comment on. On a scale of 1-10…how GAY is J.C. Chasez? Seriously, he is the gayest gay since Gayzor the gay Dragon attack the town of Gayvania and was locked away by the gay knight in the Uber-Gay Mountains for 1,000 gay years. The man wore a fucking kerchief! How in the FUCK do you leave the house in a kerchief unless you are Hank Venture? Gawd, he freaks me out. Don’t even get me started on “Saved By The Gay” Mario Lopez:
My god that dude is as gay as Kansas City in the springtime. They really need to replace the judges. I mean what the fuck does Lil Mama know about dancing? Did you SEE the “Lip Gloss” video? That bitch is as good a dancer as LaToya Jackson. And she looks like her two with her 38 year old ass. The only thing Lil about Lil Mama is her talent. BURN, BITCH! Shane Sparks can stay because he is the only normal person on the show and JC can stay if he promises to bring a fire extinguisher to put out the gay balls of fire in his pants because his gay is fucking up my reception. That is coming from someone that loves the theater and disco, people. As for Lil Mama, she needs to fucking go. She can’t even speak English for shits sake! That bitch is worthless and gives no insight whatsoever! I mean you already have a chick in JC (Who is gay enough to be two chicks, a gay man and a talking hamster named Mr. Fluffles) so if you need to replace her with a female bring one with dancing talent. Maybe give me some Ciara or…be still my beating heart..BoA:
Lil Mama WISHES she could dance like that. I still say they keep Shane, replace Lil Mama with another more talented female artist (Maybe Kumi Koda? She has been working on her English and doesn’t sound bad at all) and either add a fourth or replace JC with the ultimate dance. The one…the only…
MC HAMMER!
I said it here first: you cannot have a dance show with THE HAMMAH!! Proper. This year’s crop of crews isn’t as top heavy as last year because it pretty much was:
1. Jabawockeez (Yes, they were already in “Step Up 2: The Streets” but they KILLED IT. Literally. I call them “Phil Spektor” from this point forward.)
2. Status Quo (I place them above Kaba Modern because they made the finals and they got better as the contest went on. Jaba was already better than everyone and Kaba never really changed while Stat Quo got better and cleaner every week and showed pure growth.)
3. Kaba Modern (Actually “2A” but they really just didn’t SURPRISE anyone as much as they did what they did very well. SLIGHTLY behind Status Quo because they did very little stunt work and didn’t really add to their routines. Even still, they and SQ are interchangeable. And I love Yuri. Don’t cry, I still love you!!)
4. Live In Color (THEY WERE FUCKING ROBBED! Their performance to “Bombs Over Baghdad” was the best performance of the season OF ANY CREW and the judges know it. Politics or whatever, I believe that we were robbed of a KICK ASS final four matchup because that would have made my head explode.)
5. Everyone Else (Yes, you all fell down here. Not a BAD thing but please understand: last year’s ABDC was like the NFC in the 90’s. You had three great teams (49ers, Cowboys, Packers) and one team that sometimes brought it’s A game (Varied). The rest battled for the Wildcard spots. Especially Fysh ‘N Chicks and BreakSk8. You both robbed Live In Color IMHO, but that is why democracy doesn’t fucking work.)
This season everything is rather even. A few West Coast crews have the edge and Distorted X looks to be a good dark horse pick. Fanny Pak needs to NOT FUCKING BE THERE as they are the William Hung of ABDC. Yeah, I said it. I personally liked Full Effect because big people are representin, mofos! It was not to be, though. Xtreme Dance Force is actually VERY good but look too bro’d out for my taste (Can’t call a do-over because of too much scotch and bro rape the night before) while Supreme Soul looks to be the winner of this thing so MTV can have a “You Got Served” type rematch between the supposed rivals. You don’t see Ruben and Clay matching up in a sing-off, do you? Although I would pay to see the Gelfling face off against the Velvet Teddy Bear. If the Boogie Bots (GREATEST. NAME. EVER.) step up and stop being Kaba Modern V.2 then we could be in business. I just don’t want SassX7 to get farther than the second week. Shhh! was better by far but since MTV needs to get that elusive drunken whore audience (Which I thought was on lockdown with Tila Tequila and The Hills but I guess whores actually watch more shows than that when they aren’t drinking or swallowing) guarantee that SassX7 gets past them. Oh, and no handi-capables so if A.S.I.I.D wins then I will fucking revolt. Oh, and I am officially pulling a Barack Obama NOT backing my candidate yet. However I will say I am a fan of SoReal Crew. But I say nothing yet. You will know my pick before the premier! Stay tuned!!
Well, that is all for now. Watching the repeat of the ABDC Casting Special (Can you tell?!) but I will be back tomorrow. Until then, stay up. And happy father’s day!
Chachi Out.
